Chapter 10

FLYING CHANGES

DIANA

Her face was red with anger and humiliation as she threw her leather jacket onto her bed and moved to the window of her bedroom to gaze out into the darkness. By all means, she knew what Amanda's issue was. The girl still thought that Diana had something to do with whatever childish antics happened between her and Hannah, even though Diana had asserted numerous times that she didn't even know about it. But, no, apparently Diana had "said something" or "did something" (Amanda couldn't decide which) to make whatever the situation was (because Diana had still never been privy to it!) go to absolute hell, and couldn't be convinced otherwise.

"You're just mad about Chloe and you don't want anybody to be happy," Amanda had said the day she'd told her she was quitting the Hunt Team entirely. "I know you said something to her. You've never liked me and you've made that completely obvious."

Well, yes, she had been upset about Chloe, but that certainly hadn't meant she didn't wish happiness for anybody else. And, yes, she didn't really like Amanda all that much—the girl was crude and brass and had very little respect for others—but Chloe had been her own personal issue, one that she had been dealing with independently. Her feelings about her own break-up and dislike for Amanda were for Diana's mind only.

And neither of those things had anything to do with Amanda and Hannah and the tension that had flared between them in the last months of the previous semester.

It had been half a year since whatever happened between Amanda and Hannah... well, happened. None of it justified Amanda's actions or the how the other girl continually found ways to get under her skin. And, yet, there they were, six months later with Amanda still doing exactly that.

"Hey there, Gayvendish," Amanda had droned as she slid up next to where she was standing and smacked the empty pitcher against the bar. "So what brings you out tonight?"

Diana knew from the moment Amanda started talking to her that nothing good would come of it. She cleared her throat and looked straight ahead. "Akko told you. She invited me."

Amanda had hummed and taken a moment to motion the proprietor for a new pitcher of lager before turning her attention back to Diana. "So what's going on with you and Akko, then?"

"I hardly understand why Akko inviting me out means that something is going on," Diana had replied, keeping her tone mellow and neutral. The American wanted a rise—that was always the end goal—and Diana was hard pressed to oblige.

"So you're saying that Akko managed to pull you out on a Friday night, nights that I know you can't stand because of the crowds—hold your tongue, I know you better than you think—to hang out with a bunch of people who you've never gotten along with, by yourself, with neither of your teammates along for the ride?" Amanda leveled her with a stare, emerald eyes flickering with amusement. "And there's nothing going on?"

Diana rolled her jaw and looked away. "I hardly deign to think Akko would ever think of me in any way you're suggesting," she said. "Though I also don't think there's anything wrong with making a friend and finding them... attractive." She had blushed when she said it and focused her gaze on where the bartender was pouring her drink. Please hurry.

"So you like her."

"Amanda, I hardly know her."

The redhead huffed. "You're avoiding the question."

"I said I thought she was attractive," Diana hissed through grit teeth, struggling to keep her voice low. "Is that such a horrible thing?"

"How do you know she's even... nevermind, forget that question, she lights up every bell and whistle on even the shittiest gaydar." Amanda chuckled at herself, shooting a glance over her shoulder at Akko, who was talking to the other girls at the table, then brought her voice back to its challenging tone. "Alright, then. So you're saying you came out with no other intentions. Just to hang out with a friend. A very cute friend. Is that right?"

Diana didn't answer. She pursed her lips and stared at her fidgeting hands.

"Then I suppose I'm just here to hang out with a cute friend, too," Amanda said after a moment's pause. "If that's all it is."

Her drink had come. Finally. Diana had grabbed it and started to walk back to the table, but not before Amanda called out, "Let's see how Akko feels."

It had all been to get under Diana's skin. Every movement, every comment, every sideways glance and mischievous smirk. And Diana was loathe to admit that it had worked. She didn't want to sit there and watch Amanda hang all over Akko. She didn't want to spend her Friday night dealing with Amanda O'Neill. She had gone to spend time with Akko, to hopefully get to know her better, to maybe enjoy herself the way she had the other night when Akko sat down and talked to her. It had been eight bloody months since she last felt anything that made her stir—she just wanted to feel it again.

She brought her palm to her face and squeezed at her temples. She shouldn't have left. She should have just ignored Amanda and her childish comments or maybe pulled her aside and said something to her. Or, hell, she should have just let Amanda take shots at her and roll with the punches.

But she didn't, because the universe had already made it very clear it didn't want Diana to be happy. Her father, her mother, Chloe.

So why should she expect the world to suddenly shift beneath her feet?

Her mobile was blinking. She clenched her teeth and picked it up. Akko had messaged her quite some time before.

Akko 20:57

are you ok?

Akko 21:13

diana?

Akko 21:16

if I did something i'm sorry

Diana felt her eyes glazing over as she stared down at the phone. She wanted to say something back. She wanted to message Akko and tell her that it wasn't her fault, that she had done nothing wrong, that she was sorry she left like that and maybe they could do something together again sometime, alone-

but she did none of that, because she was weak and angry and wasn't quite sure if she even liked the way Akko was making her feel vulnerable. Chloe had done that, once, and she had only ended up on her knees in the same dark place that she'd made her home after her parents died.

And so she dropped her phone on her desk and instead put herself to bed, crawling beneath the warm cocoon of her blankets where nothing but her own thoughts could cause her harm.

Akko didn't send her another message, and Diana left the last few unanswered. She had wanted to reply, but maybe it was for the best that she didn't. And, the longer that went by, the more awkward she felt about trying to explain herself or offer any kind of redemption.

Hannah and Barbara had come back from the show in Birmingham with very tired horses but a slew of honors and ribbons to boot. Hannah had taken Champion in the 100cm division against 16 other horses and riders, along with 1st in Overall Equitation for the entire show, and Barbara had landed a Reserve in a modestly sized Green Horse under saddle and over fences division. The long haul had been a success for Luna Nova, and Diana seriously regretted not packing on a schooling horse for the simple fact that she could have avoided Friday evening.

"How was your weekend?" Barbara asked when the two had finally dropped their bags in the main entrance of their flat before collapsing on the couch. She let out a heavy sigh and kicked her legs up, still clad in dirty breeches and knee-high socks littered with hay and cedar. It was raining, and both of their clothes were wet from unloading gear and horses in the inclement weather. Diana didn't have the energy to make a fuss over it, so she simply sank deeper into her father's leather armchair and let the novel she was reading drift to her lap. A bit of fiction had been a nice distraction from everything that was going on.

"Fine," Diana mumbled, hooking her thumb into the book to keep her place. She eyed her two roommates from behind her thin reading lenses. It was getting late, nearly nine, and Diana really hadn't been lying when she said she had a Pharmacology exam.

Hannah threw herself onto the floor with a dramatic sigh and wrapped her arms around one knee to stretch it to her chest. "What'd you do? Besides miss us?"

Diana looked at the tea she'd barely touched and pursed her lips. "Nothing. Studied. Spent time with Bea."

"Fascinating. You lead a life worth envy," Hannah mumbled. She switched to her other leg and turned her head on the floor to eye Diana through the legs of the coffee table. "Why are you acting like somebody shaved your mum's cat?"

Diana blinked, white-blonde eyebrows stitching together as she stared at her roommate. "Pardon?"

"Hannah, I told you to stop saying that," Barbara scolded from where she was still collapsed on the sofa. "It's super awkward and also can be taken very out of context." She tucked her hands behind her head and lifted it to look at Diana, mouth spreading in a wide yawn before saying, "She means you seem peeved."

"Just tired, I suppose," Diana said. She kicked her calves down to lower the leg rest and leaned forward on her knees, pulling her readers off and setting them on the side table next to her very full and very cold tea. "Long weekend."

Hannah hummed, eyebrows narrowing as she clambered up to sit cross-legged on the rug in front of the coffee table. "Did something happen?"

"I don't know why you would make that assumption," Diana muttered, inspecting her fingernails. They needed a trim, they were over the skin.

"Maybe because you're acting like someone shaved your mum's cat."

"Hannah, nobody says that, and besides, how is that an indicator that somebody would be upset? I knew that drive was too long when you started making this stuff up," Barbara moaned.

"Look, I would be very upset if somebody shaved my mum's cat. Rochester won first prize in the York Cat Show last year in the Persian division because of his coat-"

"Please shut up, Hannah, you sound barmy." Barbara finally kicked her legs off the couch and sat up, lifting her hands over her head in a long stretch. "But she's right, Diana, you do seem upset. Last week you were dancing in your room and now you... look like someone shaved your mum's cat." She shot a glare at Hannah. "What's up?"

Diana frowned, flicking her thumb against her middle finger. She took a deep breath before finally answering. "I went out with the Games Team on Friday night," she grumbled.

"Ew, why?"

"Hannah."

"Pardon me. I mean, what on earth would possibly make you want to do that?"

"Hannah."

"Girls." Diana lifted a palm in the air before bringing it to her face and pinching the bridge of her nose. The last thing she wanted to do was listen to her roommates bicker and act like a couple of gossip girls. "Akko invited me, and so I went."

"Akko?" Hannah cocked her head to the side and squinted her eyes at Diana. "I didn't know you two were friends."

"Yes, we are," Diana said quickly, before adding, "Well... we were. I don't know." She groaned and pinched a little harder. "I thought we were starting to be friends, anyway, but then Amanda-"

"Of course it was Amanda!" Hannah moaned. "What did that bitch do this time?"

Diana lowered her hand and shrugged. "I should really get some sleep. I've got an exam in the morning-"

"If you want to be friends with Akko," Barbara started delicately, chewing at her bottom lip, "Then what does Amanda have to do with it? Just ignore her. That's what you've always told us to do when she's being cheeky."

Diana opened her mouth to speak-

"Say it," Hannah dared from the floor.

She let her mouth fall back shut and crinkled her lip, glaring at the auburn-haired girl who was smirking back at her.

"Go on."

"Fine. It's hard." Diana tossed her hands in the air and stood, slumping her way over to their kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"She finally knows how I feel!" Hannah yelled, fist pumping the air and letting herself fall back down against the rug.

"She gets under my skin and she knows it," Diana mumbled as she uncapped the bottle and took a swig. "She was just trying to make me jealous—you know what, I should really get to bed." She was blushing before she could stop herself.

"Jealous?"

"... jealous?"

Diana clenched her teeth together, rolling her jaw as she leaned against the marble countertop and turned the bottle in her hand. Why did she feel silly for admitting such a thing to her two best friends? They'd seen her fall from grace a million times before and would see her do it a million times again, so what was her hesitation about a simple attraction?

"You like Akko?" Barbara asked slowly.

Diana sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth and brought blue eyes to meet the inquiring stares of her roommates. "I don't... I don't not like her, but I wouldn't go as far as to say that I... like her. I don't know her well enough. Though I find her very endearing."

"You like Akko." Barbara was grinning. She jumped to her feet and stalked over their open kitchen, throwing herself into one of leather cushioned bar stools. "That's so sweet."

The tips of her ears were burning. "That's not what I-"

"If you're interested in Akko," Hannah climbed to her feet and joined Barbara, brown eyes settling on her blushing roommate, "why don't you just spend some time with her and see how it goes?"

"I tried."

Barbara shook her head. "Going out with her group of friends in a setting that opens everything to outside manipulation-and by outside manipulation I mean specifically Amanda-is not trying, Diana. I understand it's been, like, three years since you've had to figure out dating, but even you should know that. Of course Amanda is going to mess with you if she sees you taking an interest in something. It's what she does." Hannah nodded an affirmation as she watched her black-haired roommate speak. "If you want to get to know Akko, get to know Akko. But... alone, you know?"

"So." Diana hesitated, running her index finger around the ridged top of the water bottle and crinkling the plastic in her fist. "You mean... ask her out on a date? Of sorts?"

"Well, it doesn't have to be a date," Hannah said, glancing at her friend. "You could just... get tea, or a pint, or, you know, whatever." She twirled the end of a messy french braid in her finger, unable to suppress the smile that was edging at the corner of her mouth. "Just make sure it's just the two of you."

Diana nodded, straightening her posture and leveling the two girls with a resolute stare. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips and she said, "Alright. Yes. Okay. I can do that. Thank you."

As she dismissed herself and walked off down the hall to her room, she could very clearly hear Hannah whisper-shriek, "That's so cute, Diana's got a crush!" and Barbara's, "Oh my godddd, Hannah!"

Akko still hadn't messaged her back.

She had checked her mobile periodically throughout the day to see if the other girl had sent her anything. After her shower in the morning, after her Pharmacology exam, after her Nutrition class, every few steps as she walked across campus between classes. Radio silence.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Diana 22:19

Hi, Akko.

How was your weekend?

Diana gave her quiet mobile one more quick glance as she slid the reins over Beatrix's head. Still nothing. She likely blew any chance she had of even being friends with the girl—Akko didn't even want to talk to her. With a sigh, she tossed the mobile onto her tack trunk and walked through the dreary, golden light of the aisles.

It had been raining non-stop for the duration and, as such, the schooling session had been canceled for the day. Though, exercise was still an option with the indoor, and Diana was itching to ride after nearly an entire week out of the saddle, so she still paid her visit to the barn and tacked the mare in her dressage saddle and bridle to get a little bit of riding in.

Diana could see the sky outside through the back stall windows, dark with clouds and sheets of relentless rain, and sighed. She had been looking forward to a lesson, and the indoor was cramped and a little small for comfortable riding, barely the size of a large dressage arena, but it would have to do. She swung into the saddle and adjusted her stirrups, bending down to stroke Beatrix's sleek neck and give her an affectionate pat. The mare had shown no signs of further colic during the remainder of the week—Diana would have known, as she scrutinized her mare accordingly—and so she felt confident that there would be no further issues and there was be no harm in riding as usual.

She urged her mare forward with the dip of her seat and a squeeze of her calves, sighing into the saddle and letting a small smile flit across her lips. If there was anything to get her mind off the world outside and the confusion in her mind, it was Beatrix and the sensation of smooth power beneath her. The floating lull of her trot, the easy sway of her canter—there was nothing that compared, not even on the best of days.

Diana was halfway through her ride. Her inside hand* had dropped to her thigh, seat relaxing into the saddle as her mare moved forward at a slow, upward canter in a 20 meter circle at one end of the indoor arena. There was no one else there. The only other girl, a Jumper who was only lunging her gelding at the other end of the arena earlier on in the ride, had left a little while ago. Diana was alone. She had the indoor to herself.

Beatrix felt like air beneath her. The rise and fall of her forehand carrying her forward in a smooth, rocking canter made Diana almost forget about the necessary use of her natural aids. She hardly had to correct the mare aside from a few gentle nudges of her heels. Beatrix flexed through her poll and back, large brown eyes focused, snorts rolling from her nostrils as she kept up the perfect circle that was being asked.

If Diana had to guess, she would say her mare missed being ridden, too. The mare had seemed bored and out of place without a job for the week. The short stride of the canter Diana was asking was demanding, but Beatrix delivered with the ease of a trained athlete.

She didn't even realize that there were others until the gate leading to the outdoor lane creaked on its rusty hinges, swaying open to let the entire Games team walk through. Diana brought her gaze up as she continued on in the canter, bringing Beatrix across the diagonal and asking for a smooth flying change as she switched up to the right.

Jasminka was holding the gate open as the riders and ponies filtered through. They all looked absolutely miserable, covered in mud and soaked from the rain, as they slipped through the middle of the arena and toward the aisle of the barn. Diana tried not to pay too much attention and instead focus on Beatrix, but she couldn't help but let her eyes fall on Akko, who was most certainly looking her way.

She watched as the other girl turned to the rest of her team, said something, and started walking toward the center of the arena. Chariot's bridle was already off and slung over Akko's shoulder. The equally dirty and miserable looking mare plodded after her owner with the trust and obedience of a blind best friend. The smaller girl came to a stop, Chariot along with her, and leveled a gaze at Diana, offering a weak smile when their eyes finally met.

Diana lifted Beatrix's front end, bringing her to a flowing trot. She could feel the muscular hind legs flexing beneath her, the long, blocked black tail swaying with the movement. She sat deep and brought her mare to a walk, letting the reins slide through soft fingers so Beatrix could stretch her neck out and catch a breath of air as she strode over to where Akko stood.

"Hey!" Akko said. Her voice was cheerful and, well, normal. She rocked back on her heels, throwing one arm around her pony's neck. Chariot lifted her head and regarded her owner with a fond expression before stretching her nose out to the larger bay mare.

"Hello, Akko." Diana sat back and, with a squeeze of her thighs, brought Beatrix to a square halt. The mare dipped her neck and chewed at the bit.

Akko looked like she had been through the mill. There was hardly a spot on her that wasn't covered in mud or wet sand. Her tan breeches were soaked and streaked, raindrops trailing in rivers down her black jacket. One side of her, including her helmet, was absolutely covered in mud as though she'd been dragged through the dirt and, Diana thought, maybe she had. After all, it wouldn't surprise her. The side of her face was flecked with dark smears and dots, her long brunette ponytail was drenched across her shoulder, and her cheeks were red from the cold and rain.

"You look like you had a good time," Diana said. As if to answer, Chariot let out a loud snort that sounded akin to a groan and shook her entire body.

Akko frowned, fingers tracing underneath her pony's jugular—the only dry spot on the mare-as she stared up at the blonde. The small Japanese girl seemed even smaller from so high up and it was rather awkward, so Diana dropped her stirrups and slid from her mare's back, landing gently at shoulder.

"Miss Nelson makes us practice in the rain," Akko muttered, rolling her eyes. When she noticed Diana's eyes tracing the very muddy left side of her, she clarified with, "I missed a vault. Well, okay, I missed everything, actually. Except the ground. Which is very cold. And wet. In case you were wondering."

Diana chuckled. She shifted awkwardly next to Beatrix, who leaned forward and touched muzzles with Chariot. Diana started to pull them away—she didn't really want Beatrix to squeal, she wasn't always friendly with other mares—but at the last moment she decided not to. The horse crept forward, inhaling Chariot's scent and nipping at the side of her cheek playfully. Chariot stood her ground.

After a long pause,

"I texted you-"

"I texted you-"

Both of them said the same thing at the same time. Diana looked down and dug the toe of her boot into the sand, flexing her fingers against her braided reins.

The silence grew again, awkward and uncomfortably loud, until Akko finally said, "I... uh, right, well, I texted you Friday night after you left, but I don't know if you ever responded because I kind of lost my phone. It fell out of my pocket or something and I didn't notice for a while and I went back but I wasn't able to find it and..." she trailed off, laughing nervously as she shoved wet and dirty hands into the pockets of her jacket, shivering into it. "I wasn't able to get a new one until earlier today when the shops opened."

Diana brought her gaze back up, scanning Akko's face. The other girl had a bunch of sand clinging to her upper lip and the outside of her mouth.

"Oh," she said at last.

So that's why Akko had never responded.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Akko said. Her fingers were tracing a pattern against Chariot's neck, tugging unconsciously at the ends of the stringy copper mane. "I know Amanda was being a real jerk, I didn't know she would act like that. I should have stopped her, but I didn't know what to-" The other girl hesitated, her teeth rolling over her bottom lip before she made a face and swiped her mouth with her sleeve—then made another face and spat. "Guh, sand," she muttered. "Anyway." Her red eyes found Diana's. "I'm really sorry."

Diana nodded. A gloved thumb massaged the V of a braid in the reins. "I apologize as well," she replied. "It was-" she thought for a moment, lips pursing together. "It was rude of me to leave abruptly like I did."

"No, it's okay. I understand. I get if you don' t really want to hang out with us anymore." Akko smiled sadly, lowering her eyes. "Or me."

"That's absurd." She was blushing and she dipped her head down, hoping the bill of her helmet would hide the red of her face as she kicked the sand into a pile. "I was actually wondering if you might want to go out one night this week. For... drinks, or dinner, or... whatever." She licked her lips and looked back up, steeling herself with a deep breath of air. "You know, just us. I kind of... wouldn't mind getting to know you a little better. If that's okay." Akko was just blinking at her with this incredulous look on her face, so Diana felt the need to continue. "I mean, if you'd like to, of course, it's just that I-"

"Yes," Akko said quickly. She brought her sleeve to her face once more, swiping across her cheek and adding more dirt than was there originally. "I'd love to. I mean, that would be great. Yes. Okay. Good." The other girl took a shaky breath and was making sure to look anywhere but Diana. "Sorry, I just kind of thought you would hate me after-"

"Takes a bit more than that," Diana said, letting a nervous laugh pass from behind her teeth.

"Well, I, uh, have my new phone," Akko said. She pulled it out from where she'd had it tucked in her half-chaps-

"Seriously, Akko?" Diana's eyebrows shot up as she stared at the other girl. "You literally just lost a mobile and you take the brand new one out in the pouring rain while you're riding?"

"Well, I, uh-" Akko chuckled nervously, bringing one hand up to scratch at her dirty neck. "I thought you might text or something, so I-"

Diana brought her hand to her face and swiped the leather of her glove against her nose, inhaling deeply and shaking her head. "Baffling," she muttered. When she finally let her hand drop, she found Akko staring at her. The mobile—smeared with dirt already—was clutched in one hand. "Anyway, there's a great bar downtown I figured we could go to," she said. "If—er, is Wednesday okay?"

"Oh." Akko frowned, a hard shiver passing through her body as she pressed into her wet pony's neck. "I have late practices on Wednesdays sometimes."

"Oh."

Beatrix stomped a hoof, ears flicking back and forth as she stared straight ahead, content to relax.

"And I have to go to Scotland this weekend," Akko said. "First competition and all. I leave Friday so I should probably pack Thursday. I can... tomorrow? If you're free?"

"Tomorrow. Okay." Diana nodded. She was supposed to do gridwork the next night but she figured she could get Meridies to swing it to Wednesday. All she had to do was say that she wanted to give Beatrix another day of flatwork before getting into something as strenuous as grids. Hannah and Barbara wouldn't mind, they hated the exercises their coach put them through when it came to the woman's trademark bounces with no stirrups or hands. "I can do tomorrow."

"Okay," Akko echoed.

They stood there for another moment, both awkward and fidgety next to their very content and relaxed horses, before Akko finally said:

"Well, I'm going to go untack and... well, shower, hopefully. Eventually. I, uh-" she lifted her mobile, wagging it a little with a half-smile. "Same number. Different phone. Okay. Bye, Diana." She turned and walked off across the arena. Chariot hung back for a moment before she realized the brunette was gone and snapped to attention, turning to find her owner and follow at a very slow, lazy walk.

Diana watched her go, waiting for her to disappear through the gate to the barn and into the aisle, before turning and burying her face into her mare's sweaty neck to shield the grin that she couldn't hold back any longer.

Author's Notes

hello i don't think i need to do horse & rider profiles anymore unless you care about andrew which i certainly don't tbh.

thank you all for reading and your feedback this far. i am having a blast writing this and i hope it's not too confusing with the horse terms and all. i kind of forgot to stop defining them so i suppose i will now a little?

dressage: french for "training". this is the foundation of riding and encourages the natural movement and carriage of the horse. this discipline was used to train war horses and is now a competitive sport in the equestrian world.

lunging: this is a training and/or exercise method for when you don't want to ride. the horse is on a 20 meter circle held by a rope and commanded by the rider on the ground. a good basis for a young horse or a horse that needs to work out energy before a ride.

inside hand: all basis for right and left is lost when you're riding and instead judged on where the rail is. the inside would be the side closest to the middle of the arena, the outside would be the rail. so for diana to use her inside hand, if she was moving in a circle to the left, it would be her left hand.

poll: between the horse's ears. this is a flexion point on the horse and has the ability to relax or tense based on the horse's carriage. a relaxed poll is obviously better.

flying change: at the canter and gallop, a horse has what is called a 'lead'. at all times, one front leg will go a little further than the other. for a horse to be on the 'correct' lead, the leg to the inside would be reaching further. a flying change is when a horse does a 'skip' with its legs to switch momentum from one side of the body to the other.

square halt: a halt is a stop. a square halt is when the horse's legs line up evenly with no hoof left behind.