They each sat on opposite sides of the hallway, backs pressed into one wall, feet on the other side. And finally, Grimmjow told Ichigo the truth.

"I lived on the streets when I was a kid."

"I thought you lived in an apartment like this."

"Until my step dad threw me to the curb."

"Oh."

"Aizen just picked me up one day. I was naïve. Barely sixteen. He never asked my age, or my name. He just said he had a deal for me, one that could change my life."

"He wanted you to sleep with him."

"Of course. I didn't figure it out until I was in his bedroom. But I…I don't know. It seems so long ago now. And that became natural. That became my life—it is my life."

"Even now?"

"Yeah."

"So all those things you said were lies?"

"Yeah. He sent me to watch Urahara. He won't tell me the details. He's never done anything like this before. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, what he's planning. I just wanted to go home, go back to my life, but now…"

Ichigo didn't interrupt. He had to hear Grimmjow say this without prompting.

"I fuckin' met you. And then I kept thinking about you. And I kept thinking maybe I didn't want to be with AIzen anymore…"

Still, Ichigo couldn't say anything. He'd wanted Grimmjow all this time but now when he heard him say it out loud he wasn't filled with joy but pain.

"I don't know what I want," Grimmjow admitted. "I don't know how to live without him. But then today…he's playing games with me. He's messing with my fuckin' head. He made me feel like shit and he does shit to me I can't even say out loud. And I don't want that anymore! I don't want to be used anymore!"

He realized he was screaming. He covered his mouth with one hand, as if he couldn't control himself otherwise. Then slowly he lowered it.

"I don't know who I fucking am anymore."

He said nothing more. Ichigo didn't either, but slowly, he rose enough to move, so that he could sit next to Grimmjow. He carefully reached out and closed his hand over the bruises at Grimmjow's wrist.

"He's abusive."

"He's just strict."

"Strict? He's not your father, you said that. He's your lover. He shouldn't hurt you."

"It's just how he handles things."

"You just told me you don't want to be used anymore. You know I'm right."

"I don't know what to do."

"I don't know either." But his grip shifted from his wrist to his hand. "But I know I'll do whatever I can to help you."

Grimmjow looked up at him. "If there was a way, would you want to be with me?"

"Yes," he said bluntly.

Grimmjow nodded. "I never meant to jerk you around like this."

"I know. I just wish you'd told me from the start."

"What do we do now?"

"I think you should talk to Urahara." Grimmjow sighed but nodded. "Good. Tomorrow then. I'll go with you."

"I'm glad you decided to come." Urahara greeted as both Grimmjow and Ichigo were given a pat down. "Though I think it would be best if I spoke to you alone."

"No," Grimmjow said at once.

"Fine." Urahara didn't bother arguing. They went inside his office but the four grey suits went in with them. Grimmjow was very wary of them but he took the seat he was offered.

"So tell me you want," Grimmjow began.

"Like I said, to help you."

"Could you be more specific?"

"Aizen won't let you go, will he? He let you come here, but he's been grabbing you off the streets and fuckin' you ever chance he gets, right?"

Grimmjow glanced sideways at Ichigo. Maybe it wasn't the best idea for him to hear this conversations.

"Excuse my language." Urahara caught the look. "But the point is, he'll never let you go, Grimmjow. And when he thinks he might actually lose you—in other words, when you make eyes at someone else—he'll lock you up for good and he'll probably end up fucking you to death."

Grimmjow went rigid.

"The hell do you get off making up scenarios like that?"

"It's not made-up. It's history. You're young Grimmjow. You don't think Aizen had a pet before you?"

"I ain't his fuckin' pet!" He made to stand. Heavy hands shoved him back down. He struggled. They gripped tighter until the two men pulled his arms behind his back.

"Grimmjow!"

"Don't," Urahra warned Ichigo. "He needs to hear this. We won't hurt him, but I can't let him storm out of here before he hears the truth."

Ichigo relented. Grimmjow was pissed but he had no choice to remain in the seat.

"Gin Ichimaru was his toy before you. They were closer in age and they were together for years. And I got the poor bastard killed. Ichimaru wanted out. I gave him an opportunity, but before either of us could make our escape, Aizen caught on. He 'punished' Ichimaru so severely he didn't stop bleeding. I think it was an accident, but he killed him in a fit of rage."

Grimmjow was frozen on the chair. His eyes wide. He was at a loss for words. Ichigo was similarly affected but he managed to ask a question.

"And who were you to Aizen? Why were you also trying to escape?"

"I was his partner—his business partner. I was in it for the science, the research grants and money he provided. But over the years I learned what he was doing with products I created. And I watched him take a young man and turn him into his toy. Ichimaru was the only one close enough to get the proof I needed of Aizen's illegal dealings. I had a deal with the government. If I could get the info to them, they would get us both out."

"You got out though. How?"

"We were found out, but I secured proof that Aizen murdered Gin Ichimaru. It wasn't what the government was after, though, they wanted more, so I only used it to blackmail Aizen and save my own life. Cowardly, I know, but by that point, I had run out of options."

"So what?" Grimmjow finally asked. "You're going to try again, with me? You're going to make me the same deal that got that other guy killed?"

"It's all I can do. It's all either of us can do to end this."

"Bullshit. I'm not fuckin' turning rat."

"Why not? Grimmjow we've been watching Aizen ever since that day. Within a month of killing Ichimaru he found you. I've watched him do exactly the same thing to you—broken bones, bruises, hospitalizations. But you never knew better because you were just a hungry kid and you convinced yourself it was normal. You made a life for yourself outside the bedroom and you were good at it. But it never changed how he took you every night."

"Shut up, I'm done with this!'

"No, Grimmjow, you need to wake up! Think about everything that's happened to you. Think about Oda."

"YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"You were kidnapped and raped for two weeks straight when you were just seventeen years old!"

"ARGH!" Grimmjow managed to get half way up and knock over his chair before the men restrained him again, shoving him face-down on the floor.

"Don't you dare say another word," Grimmjow growled.

"And he was just one of many who managed to use you against Aizen over the years, right Grimmjow? How many others beat or tortured you to get at Aizen? And how is what Aizen does to you any better when what they did?"

"Stop," Ichigo finally said. Grimmjow was beyond speaking now. "That's enough, please."

"Fine," Urahara nodded and his men let go of Grimmjow's arms. The deviant remained where he was, panting from the exertion, but also clearly distraught.

"Ichigo," Urahara addressed him. "I hope you've understood something of this story. Grimmjow needs out, or one of these days, either Aizen or an enemy of his will go too far and Grimmjow won't survive. I'll give him time to process my request, but perhaps you can help him see what's best."

"Just, will you let us go now?"

"Of course."

The men backed off. Ichigo hurried to Grimmjow's side. He got to his knees, raw emotion burning in blue eyes, but he stood.

"You can fucking go to Hell." He stabbed a finger in the air at Urahara. Then he turned to Ichigo. "Let's get the fuck out of here."

They stormed away—or rather, Grimmjow did and Ichigo tried to keep up with him. They were well off of campus before Ichigo dared ask where they were going.

"Anywhere." Grimmjow half yelled. His hands were shaking. He stood on the sidewalk looking around the city, as if some solution to all of this would pop out at him. Ichigo took his arm.

"Come on."

Ichio led him down two streets before Grimmjow realized where they were going.

"I don't want to see your friends right now."

"They are our friends, and frankly, Grimmjow, I think we need their help."

Grimmjow came to a standstill. He wasn't going an inch further and that was clear from his stance but by chance, Keigo and Mizuiro were coming home from somewhere and came up behind them while Grimmjow and Ichigo were having a silent stare-down.

"Whoa, guys, what's up?" Mizuiro asked. Grimmjow shot him a glare.

Ichigo raised an apologetic hand. "Can we please go up to your place?"

"Of course."

Mizuiro let them in. Grimmjow still seemed reluctant but Ichigo tugged on his arm all the way. "Come in here," he instructed, taking him to the bathroom and shutting the door behind them. Grimmjow stood still, in shock maybe or even denial. He stared forward, seeing nothing until Ichigo moved before him.

"Okay, so this is bad," he started.

"I'm fine," but Grimmjow's voice was barely a whisper.

"You're freaking out."

"I'm not freaking out!" he shouted. "I'm just…I just need a fucking minute to process this shit."

"Okay…sorry, Grimmjow. I'll be outside."

He left him in the bathroom. Ichigo never knew that Grimmjow then sank to the floor, trying to keep his breath from growing too short or his heart from pounding out of his chest.

"So what is going on?" Keigo asked from his perch on the couch arm.

"I don't even know where to start." Ichigo sat heavily. Mizuiro came over with a beer. Ichigo cracked open it with his thanks. "Grimmjow's in big trouble. And I…sorry, I can't really get into it. I just really didn't know where to go."

"You can always come here," Mizuiro assured. "But it would help if we knew what was going on."

"We can't tell you." They were startled by Grimmjow's voice behind them. "I have to go."

"What?" Ichigo stood. "Where?"

"You know where. I need answers. I'm sure he knew Urahara would tell me all this. He's probably expecting me."

"No, Grimmjow you heard what Urahra said. You can't go back to him, not now!"

"Sorry, Kurosaki."

He opened the door. Ichigo caught it before Grimmjow could shut it again.

"Don't go."

"How can I just sit here and do nothing? Besides, there's nothing to worry about. I've lived with him for years. He's not going to do anything to me now."

"Grimmjow—"

"I'll see you later."

Grimmjow had to force the door shut. Inside the apartment, Ichigo was still holding onto the handle. He stared at the shut door for a long time before Keigo's hand came up to his shoulder.

"Ichigo. This sounds bad."

"It is."

"What do you need us to do?"

"Don't follow me." With that he rushed out of the apartment. He chased down the stairs after Grimmjow but when he hit the street he saw no sign of him. Busy people shoved past him. The streets were thick with cars. He searched wildly but in vain.

Grimmjow was already gone.

Grimmjow's foot heel tapped anxiously against the floor of the car. Stark put a hand on it to stop him.

"Calm down, Grimmjow."

"I am calm," he bit out. "Just tell me what you know about all this shit."

He had spilled it all to Stark the moment he'd picked him up. They were in the back seat of a sedan, Grimmjow didn't know who was driving them but it didn't matter, the glass between them and the driver kept it completely private.

"It's not for me to say."

"Don't give me that. You've been with Aizen for years."

"I only came in two years before he found you, Grimmjow. I was just a kid myself back then, and low in the ranks. Trust me, I don't know much."

"But you must know who this Ichimaru guy was."

"I barely even met him."

"Well, tell me what you know then."

Stark sighed. "He was nothing like you. And the two of them were…a little more like minded about some things that went on behind closed doors."

Bondage, probably, or some other kinky shit. Grimmjow got the impression Ichimaru was perhaps only interested in that side of his relationship with Aizen.

This made Grimmjow feel better—but he didn't know why.

"So did Aizen kill him?"

"I can't answer that. I honestly don't know and if I did, I wouldn't tell you. You'll have to ask him yourself."

"I will."

"Grimmjow."

"What?"

"Be very careful—please." Grimmjow met Stark's eyes. He looked strained.

"You're worried about me."

"Of course I am. All this shit—you going undercover—it's beyond me. I don't know why Aizen condoned it. I don't know why he sent you to Urahara knowing you'd learn all of this. I just don't know much of anything anymore except that if you lose your cool, it could go very badly for you."

"I ain't afraid of him."

"You should be! Grimmjow look at yourself! You only just got that cast off. Please…just think before you act, okay?"

"Fine." They pulled in. Grimmjow opened the door before the car even stopped completely. "Later, Stark."

He ran up the front steps. The guards opened the doors for him. Someone wordlessly pointed to the kitchen and he hurried that way.

"Aizen." He pushed through the main doors. Aizen was sipping wine, reading the paper as something came to a boil on the stove. He was an excellent cook and often found time to make his own meals. Now though, he set his glass down and pushed the pot to a different burner so it wouldn't overflow. Then he opened his arms up to the young man shooting his way.

Grimmjow breathed in his scent, holding him back hard. Why was he doing this? He'd come here desperate for answers and suddenly he felt desperate for it to all go away, for Aizen to be his only truth, his only desire.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into Aizen's collar, not even sure why he was saying the word. "I had to see you."

"It's alright. I am aware Urahara has been in contact with you."

"Yeah."

"Tell me."

He guided Grimmjow into a chair. They sat facing one another as Grimmjow recounted everything Urahara had said to him. He said nothing of Ichigo, not even that he'd been present in the room with him.

"It's alright," Aizen assured him again. "I expected as much."

"You what? Why didn't you tell me then?" He saw a frown pass through Aizen's features and realized he'd spoken out of turn. "I just mean…could you tell me what's the truth?"

Aizen relaxed and nodded. "Of course. Yes, Gin Ichimaru did work for me. He and I enjoyed many nights together, but I never loved him, nor he me."

Grimmjow nodded, relief filling him. But why? He shouldn't care, it was ancient history and besides, he didn't want Aizen anymore did he?

"He betrayed not only me but the entire organization. There was only one thing I could do."

"I understand," Grimmjow blurted at once. Many people had come and gone over the years that Grimmjow had been there, though never anyone in the inner circle.

"I'm glad you do. But you still have doubts."

"No," Grimmjow denied at once.

"I see it in your eyes."

"I…Urahara just made it sound different. He made it sound like I was just Ichimaru's replacement. And that…"

"That I would do it all to you as well, right?"

Grimmjow hesitated to confirm the answer but Aizen nodded. "Of course he did. He's trying to scare you into working with him."

"I told him to fuck off."

"I'm sure you did, but when you go back, you're going to tell him you've reconsidered."

"What?"

"You're going to promise him the information he wants. I will tell you what to give him. Slowly, we'll lay the trap, and eventually, Urahara will have to leave his protection. When that happens, I will take care of him and all of this will be over."

Grimmjow stared at him in disbelief. He was processing this, putting the pieces together. Aizen knew Urahara would be drawn to Grimmjow out of guilt over Ichimaru. He knew he would offer him the very same deal and therefore Aizen could use Grimmjow as a double agent. But with that realization came another—Aizen had to have a lot of confidence all of this would work, in other words, a lot of confidence that Urahara felt extremely guilty over Ichimaru. Aizen had painted Ichimaru as a casual sex toy, but Urahara's picture had been much clearer, much more sympathetic. Why would Urahara feel guilt over a criminal having sex with Aizen? He'd only feel guilty if Ichimaru had in fact, be much like Grimmjow, innocent at first, and eventually, trapped in the lifestyle.

"Grimmjow."

He cursed himself. His thoughts were probably all over his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a bit shocked by it all."

"No, you doubt me, don't you?"

"What? No of course not." But Aizen caught his wrist and drew him to the front of his chair so they were just inches apart.

"You're a terrible liar, Grimmjow."

"Aizen, I was just thinking it over."

"No you weren't. You're thinking about what Urahara said."

"HOW COULD I NOT?" He grabbed his wrist back from Aizen and took several steps away. Shit. He'd done exactly what Stark had told him not to. "Just—why can't you give me a second to process all this?"

"There's nothing to process! You either trust me or you don't!"

"I trust you! I've always trusted you!"

"Then why are you recoiling from me?" Grimmjow's back hit the patio door that opened onto a courtyard where they sometimes ate on nice nights. It shuddered in a low rumble behind him. He remained frozen there, as Aizen made his way toward him.

"I trusted you, Grimmjow, to carry out this mission. I trusted that when it came time for Urahara to tell you his story, you would never take it as the truth! I trusted that you loved me enough you would never let a stranger turn you against me!"

He stopped right before him, but made no move just yet. They were both breathing hard, though Grimmjow's was edging on panic. He remained rigidly against the door while Aizen beheld him.

"There. I gave you a second. Have you processed everything yet?"

"Aizen, I swear I trust you."

"You're a fucking liar."

Aizen's hand clenched over his throat but he didn't try to strangle him. Instead the next thing Grmimjow knew what he was flying toward one of the tables. He cracked his hip off the side and crashed into a chair that topped with him. He rolled away from it but Aizen was already on him, fist in his hair, dragging him up.

"After everything, you don't trust me."

"I do!" he screamed again when his back hit the counter's edge. He double in pain and fell to his knees.

"Do you? Then get up." His hand was under Grimmjow's chin, giving him no choice. "Give me your fucking hand."

"What are you doing?" Grimmjow tried to pull back when Aizen shoved him toward the stove where the pasta had been cooking. He held Grimmjow's wrist tight, aiming his hand for the burner. "Aizen don't!"

Aizen stopped just before his skin made contact. The rippling heat still hurt him, but not like it would have if it had touched metal. Aizen let him go after a second and turned back to him.

"See."

"See what?" Grimmjow was inspecting his hand—it was hot but unharmed.

"If you trusted me, you would never have thought I'd actually put your hand on that burner."

Grimmjow swallowed. There was no way out of this one. Aizen was determined to see him suffer.

"Why do you continue to hurt me?" Aizen went on. "That night at the box yard…was that the beginning of it?"

Yes, it was, but never in a million years would Grimmjow admit it.

"That's in the past. I don't know what came over me that night."

"It must have been this. It must have been you starting to slip away from me. Do you want to hurt me, Grimmjow? Is that what this is about?"

"No…"

"I don't believe you."

He collapsed back into the counter with the next strike. His eye went black for several seconds then he felt the back of his knee kicked out. His knee smashed into a drawer and he cried out as he hit the kitchen tile. Aizen came down on him again and Grimmjow felt stunned, his ears ringing. He felt several more hits to his core and gagged when he was winded.

Aizen was lost to his rage. He knocked over something on the counter and kitchen cutlery fell everywhere. Grimmjow watched him still, looking over the different instruments now on the floor: spatulas, whisks, ladles, wooden spoons… Grimmjow shook his head, seeing the look in Aizen's eyes.

"Yes, Grimmjow. Here is your test of loyalty, of trust. You take what I give you. You don't fight me. Trust that won't take it too far."

Grimmjow lay on his back, more afraid than he had been in years.

"Don't speak, unless it's to say I trust you," Aizen instructed further, snapping Grimmjow's belt and hauling his pants down, boots flying off with them.

"I…trust you." He gasped up.

"Then show me." Aizen fished out a spatula and put it up to Grimmjow's mouth. "Bite down on this."

Grimmjow looked at it, then to Aizen.

"DO IT!"

He did. His teeth clenched over the wood and he felt a tear trickle from his eye. He wanted to run. He wanted to fight. But neither were an option, and when he saw Aizen pick up a whisk next, more tears escaped him.

"Don't. If you cry, it means you think I'm going to hurt you. It means you don't trust me! I guess I just have to live up to your low expectations of me!"

Grimmjow's whole body went rigid and he screamed when the bulbous end of the whisk was pushed past his entrance. It was far too big, though the thin wire collapsed in somewhat. Aizen pinned his chest with one hand and continued to force the kitchen tool inside of him while he screamed over and over. His hands came up around Aizen's arm but he couldn't force him off, he didn't even try because he knew the consequences would be worse. He gagged and screamed again, losing the spatula. Now nothing muffled his cries.

Aizen determinedly kept pushing, no matter how much Grimmjow screamed. When it was finally all the way in, he paused and just stared down on Grimmjow.

Grimmjow panted in disbelief. It couldn't be worse than the time Aizen fisted him, but it felt like it at the moment.

Then Aizen took hold of the handle and began to move it back out.

Stark stood beyond the door, face set, Yammy staring right back at him. He hadn't heard screams like this for a very long time.

He bowed his head and walked away.

Next time: Grimmjow turns to Ichigo to help him get past Aizen's latest abuse.

Thanks for your reviews!

~ZQ