Devotion.
Jasper stared to the ocean for longer than necessary. 8 hours or so. Ticking past another 15 minutes in her head, she gave one more look back to her Diamond, and grunted with muted annoyance.
Her Diamond had yet to awake, for the 8th hour since Jasper had taken her first vigil in centuries.
She had patience for her Diamond.
(…)
Strength.
Jasper's first sortie was finished quickly. Her Diamond and the Crystal Gems had struggled against a corrupted Emerald for some daft reason. Jasper saw through it's movement and patterns, recognising the royal Gem beneath, and struck.
Her Diamond ordered her to not shatter the corrupted Gem. Jasper dared not question her, for she was shown the same mercy only weeks before.
(…)
Confusion.
Jasper was ordered to "rest", soon after another sortie. Though she had refused to learn human customs, she was keen to follow her Diamonds orders – so she "rested". Her Diamond also told her to not follow the orders without question. Her Diamond encouraged the idea of a "forum", and discussion.
Perhaps that was why her and the Crystal Gems were so wildly inefficient at their first fight together.
(…)
Sadness.
She stared to the ocean again, and to the relocated Barn, feeling nothing but… Sadness. Her Diamond described it as a horrible feeling – a burden of the human condition. She didn't know why she felt it, and couldn't place it's origin. It just appeared, out of nowhere.
Jasper learnt to hate it.
(…)
Trust.
Her Diamond asked for the trust of the Crystal Gems, as she attempted to heal the corrupted Emerald. Jasper felt it again – Pink's beautiful, calming aura, that let her know everything was right.
The healing failed. As the Emerald became corrupted again, another fight began. It had it out for Jasper – coming for her to start, before being poofed immediately by her Diamond.
(…)
Anger.
Jasper was asked not to refer to her Diamond as "her Diamond". She asked to be called Steven again.
Jasper didn't know why her face lit up then, didn't know why anger bubbled to her skin, flaring her muscles. She apologised to her Diamond, and left her temporarily, to clear her mind.
(...)
Friendship.
The runt Amethyst was the first to find Jasper. She found her on the outskirts of town, incidentally, and made her partake in some human activities.
Jasper questioned why. Questioned the point of "enjoying" herself. Questioned Amethyst's motives.
Amethyst was not quick to answer. She said that "we don't need a reason to have fun," "you should let loose every once in a while", and "we missed you".
(…)
Love.
Jasper returned after a week of absence, threw herself at her Diamond's feet, and begged forgiveness for leaving her side. Her Diamond simply stood her up, and hugged her.
A beautiful feeling. Something she didn't deserve. Didn't ever want to ask for.
(…)
Birds chirped too happily as Garnet, Amethyst, and Jasper trekked through their assigned mission. It was through mountainous woods, transitioning back to Spring, oh-so-slowly. The sun was high in the air as Amethyst sneered at it, whining all the while.
"Remind me – her wording was vague… What are our Diamond's orders again?" Jasper asked, eyes keen on the horizon.
"Same thing we always do. Find angry Gem. Poof it. Bubble it," Amethyst chuckled, poking her tongue out at the perfect Jasper. With a slightly slower scan, Jasper cracked a tiny smile to the runt Amethyst.
"Steven's mission," Garnet began, pushing her visor up the bridge of her nose, "is for us to investigate possible sightings of a corrupted fusion."
Amethyst visibly tensed at the words, but continued onward, blissfully unaware of the connotations of such a thing. Jasper nodded, thinking back to her Diamond's words.
"She could've just said it outright."
"Steven was uncomfortable with bringing it up. I'm hoping it's a same-Gem fusion, but we should be prepared for anything," Garnet clarified, putting a gentle hand on the Jasper's shoulder. It was shrugged off, carefully, and ignored.
"Any notes on colouration, faceting, or body type? Anything at all?" Jasper asked, growing agitated.
"It's big," Amethyst huffed, poking Jasper in her ribs.
"Steven mentioned, going by the local reports, that it's most likely an Amethyst and a Topaz. Hairy and scaly, covered in purple and orange spots everywhere," Garnet intoned, darting a daring gaze behind herself, before staring back.
"Sounds strong," Jasper grunted, cracking a grin at the chance to fight.
"Mm…" Garnet pondered, Sapphire and Ruby's thoughts wandering to the corrupted fusion – how and why did they fuse? Was it simply a matter of necessity, the two brutish Gems needing to survive among the rest, or did they fuse prior to fusion?
Did they find a way, past their wild souls, to trust the light of themselves with another?
Or was it two scared, frightened souls, merging at the final moments of the war?
Bittersweet as it might've been, Garnet recollected her thoughts and kept her focus on the mission ahead. No doubt, if Steven could purify the corruption in these two, she'd be asking them plenty of questions.
Amethyst swallowed an errant lump in her throat, staring quickly to Jasper, before snapping her gaze straight. She kept her body limber, ready to dodge or strike anything that looked at them funny. She couldn't help but also tense at every twig snapped, every leaf shuffling on the forest's floor, taunting her.
She repeated a phrase to herself that Connie had ingrained in her. The words looped in her mind until her mind calmed, focusing her senses on the hunt. She wanted this to be over as quickly as possible. Back in her room within 2 hours, tops. Hopefully also without an emotional revelation that would leave her a mess.
Jasper noticed the two – read their faces with a trained ease. She grunted with agitation as winds ceased to blow, and as the critters of the forest began to scatter.
"It's near," She bellowed, conjuring her crash helmet instantly. Amethyst and Garnet nodded to Jasper, and sheathed their weapons as well, backs each other as they scanned their vectors.
Jasper's annoyances quickly faded as her prey came barrelling towards them – a hulking, six-limbed, wolf-like Gem-creature. She grinned as it charged down, intent on gobbling the trio down in it's snarling maw.
"On my command, we leap out of the way of this thing. I'll crush it's head with mine!" roared Jasper, psyching herself up for the headbutt of the century. Garnet's brow creased in concentration as she nodded, eyes still darting around the woods.
"NOW!"
Amethyst spun away from the corrupted beast, ready to strike-and-run if needed, noticing Garnet's growing worry. Jasper chuckled as she brought her helmet down upon the Gem's head, throwing her full force into the attack.
The Amethyst-Topaz fusion squealed with hurt, reeling back from the forces, but shook the pain away quickly, roaring into the air. Jasper backed away from the creature, shocked, and regrouped with her two squadmates.
"Garnet! What's wrong?" Amethyst asked, holding the fusion by her shoulders.
"It's much stronger than we thought!" Jasper barked.
"And it's got friends..."
(Some time later…)
Fighting against a duo of corrupted Amethysts, Jasper found herself fatigued, outnumbered, and, not for the first time in her life, beat. The corrupted fusion was the leader of their horrid pack, and had assembled a rowdy group of former foot-soldiers into a prowling horde of tainted Gems.
Garnet and Amethyst, now fused into Sugilite, took on the main contender. Sugilite was being hounded on all sides by the smaller Gems, and was separated quickly from Jasper.
Between them, they had poofed what, maybe 3, out of a total of ten?
Jasper's teeth strained together as she struggled to pin down and poof the dodging, shifty Amethyst pair. She would rush at one, get swiped or clawed at by the other, lose her grip, return to the centre of their circle, and repeat the whole process again.
They had counters, tactics, and even crude strategies they employed, despite their corruption!
She saw them stop, and took the pause to leap away, before being dog-piled by both. One tried to gnaw on her arms as the other chomped around her hard-light legs. Fighting through the pain, she attempted to swipe or punch the snout of the one chewing on her arms.
Despite her best efforts, she had failed her Diamond again. It was enough to fill her with sorrow, to remain motionless as the Amethysts tried their best to snap at her. For what was the point of trying?
The two corrupted Amethysts halted themselves as a brilliant flash of pink shone across the battlefield, zipping and poofing the nibbling quartz soldiers on Sugilite's back.
"Thanks, baby! We're gonna teach this one a thing or two!" She roared, going fully against the corrupted fusion, holding nothing back.
"Wh-what..." Jasper muttered, idly kicking one Amethyst in her face.
Before her appeared her Diamond, clad in her freshly conjured, glowing-pink armour. It was fashioned with a lion's head on one pauldron, and exuded an air of authority only Jasper could truly understand.
With two unbelievably quick strikes, the Amethysts were finished before they could even drop Jasper from their mouths. Her Diamond quickly scanned her Gem for any nicks, scars, or cracks, and helped her up.
"Jasper! Are you okay?" Steven asked her, face etched with a worry unfitting someone of his status. Jasper stood on her feet, and groaned with exertion, attempting to stand straight for her Diamond.
"I'm… F- I'm…" She couldn't even utter the words, her mind blurred with the pain of the battle, muddied by the sorrow of failing her Diamond. She was quickly wrapped in another hug, her chin resting on her Diamond's shoulders.
"Just… Just rest! I've got you, you're okay..." Steven uttered, stroking her back.
Jasper could only shake her head as she poofed away, leaving her Gem behind. Steven snatched her Gem out of the air, and sighed, clutching it close to his chest.
"Damn it."
(Some time later…)
It was on another rainy night that Jasper reappeared. Swirls of ferocious, beautiful orange whipped around her Gem, and soon, she found herself remade – senses fully returning. She took a deep breath, and calmed herself as she analysed her surroundings.
'Temple. Diamond's home. Safe.'
She felt a hand on her lap, and almost leapt backwards in shock, until she traced it's source. Lying, face fraught with worry, her Diamond slept on his bed, Amethyst resting in the crook of his other arm.
"My Diamond..." She uttered, swallowing past her shame as the rain beat down upon the Temple's exterior. It was on a night like this she first reformed herself, as a corrupted Gem – rain pouring, purifying the lands it touched.
She stroked her Diamond's hand, daring not to stare at her as she slept.
"I failed you," Jasper uttered, berating herself. She rose from the corner of Steven's bed to leave, but lingered on the touch of his hand. She traced his features in her mind, from his long, luscious curls to his clearly masculine face – the body frame that was nothing like Roses, or Pink's…
She spent the longest time analysing the young man. His actions, his own ferocity in battle, and his budding leadership methods, drawing analogues to her Diamond.
For he… She was still her Diamond, right?
If not, then what?
Jasper had retained her duties – but deep down she knew that Pink was gone. Rose was gone. Her fellow Quartz soldiers had long since been corrupted or shattered due to the war. She knew the man who held her hand cared for her, loved her, but for what reason?
If he wasn't Pink, then why should he care for her?
Amethyst shifted herself awake, wiping away an errant streak of drool from her chin. Jasper locked up as the runt-Gem sat up, yawning deeply. Amethyst chuckled as quiet tears welled in Jasper's eyes. The perfect Gem growled at the runt, yet Amethyst remained unfazed.
"Don't worry, sis, I won't tell. We all cry sometimes..." Amethyst drawled gently, laying a hand on Steven's gem. Jasper wiped the tears from her eyes indignantly, and huffed, turning her gaze away from Amethyst.
"I cry a lot, actually," Amethyst poked at herself, smiling still.
"I… Wasn't..."
"I understand. I've been where you are before, Jas…"
There was a moment where it sunk into Jasper – Amethyst truly did understand, didn't she? She wasn't with the Crystal Gems at the start – she was no soldier to Rose Quartz, so obviously, Rose Quartz had no reason to take her under her wing, right?
Inherently they both still lived with Homeworld's shame over their backs – mocking their original purposes, living like humans. They both followed… Him.
"He's got a lot of love in him... It's his biggest weakness, actually," Amethyst joked, a quiet tear or two falling from her eyes. Steven snored deeply, caring not about the woken world, watching his dreams fly by.
"Rose… Pink, whatever you want to call her, she did too. They just loved the world around them, and everything in it – to them, nothing was… Is beyond care."
"I-I… I don't wish to be cared for," Jasper grunted out, removing her hand from Steven's, sitting up from the bed's edge. She turned back to Amethyst, her Gem glowing a fierce orange in the dark of the night.
"No one's saying that. I'm just saying he'll do it anyway. You can't stop him," Amethyst chuckled, smiling to Jasper. Jasper then sighed, staring back to Steven, stare lingering on his face.
"Him..." She uttered, daring to taste the heresy on her lips. When the words didn't bite her back, a sense of calm washed over her.
She felt free. Weightless. And yet, at the same time, burdened with the sorrow of losing her Diamond.
"Pink… She's…"
"Pink's gone, sis," Amethyst finished for her, voice low and sombre. Jasper could only nod, sighing again.
"But Steven's here for ya. I am, too. And we won't abandon you if you fall. We'll pick you up, and we'll try harder next time. We always do!"
Jasper felt the Amethyst's arms wrap around her torso, and idly traced down her conjured suit, noticing it's newly etched star. She let a bittersweet chuckle escape her throat as Amethyst gently rocked her.
Pink might've been gone, but that was fine. She had come to terms with the grief she felt for her Diamond centuries ago.
Yes, she may have been beaten, but she didn't mind that – how else could she test her strength and improve herself?
And Jasper may have lost her purpose in life, but she was okay with that. She would adapt, and find a new one. Or, like Amethyst, a lack of one.