Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

A/N: Thanks to Kathy for beta-ing this.

To twilightlover: As far as AH J/A stories go, I would recommend reading the ones by StruckUponAStar, Realynn8, MDealsWithIt, kem722, Simone and Marie and Inthemadhouse.

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Carlisle POV

Alice lasted ten minutes before she asked about Jasper.

Esme had warned me, but I still hadn't decided how I felt about it. It's none of my business, I suppose, as long as neither of them get hurt. Esme is convinced Alice and Jasper like each other as more than friends. I told her I hadn't seen any evidence of that. My wife then responded with, "Just wait until Alice gets back from New York. Things are going to change, Carlisle, and it's going to happen fast."

I know a father is supposed to be protective of his little girl; maybe try and intimidate the boyfriend. I had certainly seen it between Chief Swan and my own son, and had found it slightly amusing. But I've never had to adopt that persona because Alice has never really dated anyone.

Alice has gone out on dates, of course, but never anything serious. She would joke and say Emmett scared them away, or that she was looking for someone as good as me. I had wondered if it was because of her childhood trauma, the trauma she didn't remember, but Esme and I had decided it was best if Esme would handle it. Esme told me once that maybe Alice was waiting for her Prince Charming; she hadn't thought it had anything to do with Alice's past. And Alice always seemed so happy, so I hadn't worried.

Now I wasn't sure if I should fret. If I did, was it because Alice might replace me as being the most important man in her life? Or was it because it was Jasper who finally made my daughter feel like this? Surely that wouldn't be fair. I'm not sure if Jasper likes me, but I like him. He's closed-off, yes, and reserved. But he doesn't lie. He doesn't say or do something if he doesn't mean it. I find it refreshing. Who am I to judge someone because he keeps his thoughts and feelings to himself? People are different. Some are open and friendly, others are more introverted. It's a bit extreme in Jasper's case, but I do think he will open up a bit more as he becomes more comfortable with us.

I glanced at Alice, who kept her eyes straight ahead. I had picked her up from the airport and was driving her back to the house. Esme wanted to make Alice dinner before she went back to her own apartment and unpacked. "Jasper's doing well," I answered Alice's question.

It was more or less true. He was attending his therapy sessions – the group, personal, and physical ones. He had decided to stay in Seattle and attend college. I had already started gathering literature from surrounding schools and talked to the Army liaison about the GI Bill so that when Jasper asked, and I hoped he would, I could help him. I knew I had put him on the spot with that one when I asked him about going to school in front of Rosalie, but I also knew it was a good decision for him. I reassured myself that if he really hadn't wanted to take university classes, he wouldn't. Jasper wasn't a man easily pressured.

I hesitated before adding, "Although, his mood has been a little bit off."

Alice's eyes whipped to mine. "What do you mean? Depressed? Do you think he's thinking about pills too much?"

It was a possibility I had pondered. Jasper's physical therapy was progressing well, according to the doctor. Of course, this also meant he was in increased pain every day. Normally a therapist would prescribe painkillers. If a patient had addiction problems, they sometimes still received medication – it was just less potent and carefully monitored. The equivalent to popping a simple Advil when one has a migraine. It doesn't help that much, but when you're in pain, some sort of alleviation is better than nothing.

Jasper had refused to take any pills. This could be a good sign, that he is taking the clean life so seriously. Or it could be bad, because it could mean he's thinking about and wanting pills so much that he's afraid if he has one he won't be able to control himself.

"Not depressed," I mused aloud. "I would say, irritable. I don't know if it's because he's thinking about pills. Maybe he's annoyed he's still at Horizon, maybe he doesn't like one of his therapists. It could be anything."

Alice considered my words for a moment. "How long has this been going on? I didn't notice anything the last time I saw him."

I signaled, moving into the right lane, as I thought about Alice's question. "Jasper has been like this for a week or two, I suppose," I replied.

Alice crossed her arms, which she always did when she was concerned, and looked out the window. She appeared to be deep in thought. I left her to it as I continued to drive.

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Jasper POV

I was sitting in my room and reading when someone shoved my door open. I looked up, prepared to snarl at whoever it was to fuck off, when I saw it was Alice standing in my doorway. "Hi," she said, beaming at me.

Suddenly the whole room seemed brighter. I stood as she approached and, though my eyes were on Alice as I eagerly drank her in for the first time in fifteen days, I didn't realize she was stepping forward to hug me. I stood in surprise for a second, but then my arms came around her as she squeezed me, and I lowered my head to silently breathe her in. I felt lighter, somehow; calm and peaceful. Kinda the same way I feel after that first drag, I thought, my lips quirking upwards as I realized I was comparing Alice to a nicotine high.

Alice pulled back, looking at me. "Jasper," she said, a smile playing around her mouth and her eyes teasing. "Are you smiling?"

My smile turned into a smirk. "Don't tell anyone."

Alice laughed. "It'll be our secret."

Her eyes ran over my form so quickly, I wondered if I imagined it. "Sit down," she said. "Want to hear about New York?"

I don't know what I expected her to say or do, but Alice kept surprising me. Anyone else would have asked me how I was doing – or worse, feeling. I was glad Alice somehow seemed to realize that I didn't want to think about myself, my past or my problems. I was desperate for distractions. "Was there a lot of tall buildin's?" I asked, thickening my Southern accent as I sat back down in my chair.

Alice giggled. "Why yes there were."

She started digging around in her purse. "I've been to New York before, but I still couldn't help taking some pictures. I'll always act like a tourist, I guess. I have some on my phone, too, if I can just find – here it is!" she finished triumphantly, waving her phone around.

Alice stood next to my chair for a moment, fiddling with her phone, then looked down at me. "Move your arm," she ordered.

Once again, I didn't realize what she was doing until after it happened. I lifted my arm automatically at her command, and she sat on the now-vacant armrest of my chair. "Okay, ready to look through the pictures?" she asked.

I'm sure there's something better we could do, with you practically sitting on top of me. "Okay," was all I said, aloud.

There was really nowhere for me to put my arm, unless I put it around her waist. So I did. I casually placed my arm around her, careful not to apply any pressure as if I were actually holding her. Alice didn't seem to notice or care, and kept up a steady stream of chatter. "And I know, I'm really not that great of a photographer, but at least I'm not terrible. Okay so, this is Rockefeller Center, which I've never seen during the non-holiday season, so I just had to take a picture to show my mom…"

Alice narrated as she showed me all of the photos on her phone. I paid attention, more or less. It's not my fault she's pretty and soft and happy and smells good and is sitting so close to me.

"And that's all I have," she finished.

She slid her phone closed, dropping it onto her large purse resting on the floor. Alice turned her head to look at me, our faces close together. "So did you miss me?" she asked.

I raised an eyebrow and didn't answer. Alice didn't seem bothered by my non-response. She brought her hand to my face, her fingertips touching the skin under my eyes. "You have bags under your eyes," she said, her voice softer and more serious than before.

I tried to remember to breathe normally as she continued with, "Are you sleeping okay?"

Her eyes were locked on mine, and I couldn't look away. What was this effect she had on me? "No," I answered her question honestly and without thinking.

But my response reminded me of the nightmares that ensured I didn't get much sleep. The nightmares that were rooted in reality. I had done those things. I was the monster in the dream. I didn't deserve to be happy to see Alice, to have her smile at me.

I had to make her understand. Alice seems to like me, and I didn't deserve it. I wanted her. I liked her, and the way she made me feel. I'm too much of an asshole, and too weak, to do the right thing and stay away from her. But I can tell her the truth about me, at least, and I won't stop her when she leaves. "I don't get a lot of sleep, Alice, because I have nightmares."

Her eyes turned sympathetic, and she reached down to hold my hand. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

Damn it. I was not supposed to be feeling comforted by a tiny woman whose happiness was so bright it could power a fucking Christmas tree. "Sure," I said.

I couldn't stop the bitterness from creeping into my tone. "I've killed people, Alice."

Why does she still have that sympathetic look? "Jasper, you were a soldier," she reminded me.

I started to get angry. Why was she making me spell it out for her? I couldn't look at her as I spoke. "Alice, you don't understand. I've killed people. Not always hostiles. Civilians, sometimes. Anyone who got in the way. People died around me all the time."

Her hand was still holding mine, and I rubbed my forefinger against her palm. "There's a callus on my trigger finger, Alice," I said quietly. "Do you know how many times you have to repeat a motion before that happens? And I'm very accurate."

I paused before saying, "Do you remember what I told you, and Bella and Edward? I said I used to find weak spots and get in."

My gaze cut to Alice. Her eyes were wide on my face, and she nodded. Just as quickly, I looked away again. I focused my gaze on the wall. "I would hunt people down, I would get to them, and I would kill them. And I was good at it. I ended up leading a fucking team of people like me."

I stopped, blinking once. There was no need to get into all of that. "But you can't always know who the bad guy is. Maybe I'll have orders to kill a guy. So I'll find him, I'll figure out a good time to get him, and I'll do it. But maybe his brother is with him. What would you do if someone killed your brother in front of you? You'd want revenge, wouldn't you? So then I have to kill him, too. Maybe I find a hide-out and kill every fucking person in the room. It's unnatural to look around an enclosed area, see ten or twenty or however many – because after awhile, you lose track – corpses on the ground and know that you did all that."

I didn't add that while I might not know the exact number of people I killed, I sure as hell remembered their faces. Their last expressions. My emotions dark, I looked at Alice. Why didn't she look horrified? Why was she still holding my hand?

I ripped my hand away from hers and ran it over my hair, frustrated. Why didn't she look scared of me? "Do you want to hear about one of the ones I dream about the most, Alice?"

Her eyes were steady on mine. "If you want to tell me."

I let out an agitated breath. "That's a shrink line, Alice, you know that?" I said harshly.

She just shrugged. She shrugged. Why is she still sitting so close to me? "This one time we were in the truck. I was driving. We had to be somewhere by a certain time. Then we see this kid in the road. A little girl. She's right in the middle of the road, just standing there. I didn't slow down. She's staring at me. At the last second she dove out of the way, and I punched it. We don't ever stop on the road because of the bomb possibility, and this girl had been acting strange. So as I'm driving away I turned around and looked at her, and she's looking right at me, and then she explodes."

I felt Alice flinch. Finally. She's starting to get it. But it didn't make me feel any better that I was finally getting my point across. "It was a shitty little bomb, wouldn't have really hurt us in the armored truck anyway if she'd stayed in the road and blown it like she was supposed to, but she didn't. I kept driving, because I knew if she had a bomb there were men watching in the shadows of the buildings, and I was right. They came out, chasing us, but they were on foot and didn't stand a chance. One of them held a remote detonator in the air as he gestured wildly, shouting and running after us. He was the one that blew her up. He stood there and watched as a little girl died, and it didn't even matter. It didn't matter to him and it didn't matter to us, because her bomb didn't hurt us. Bits of her body were just splattered on the side of the road and no one cared."

I let out a humorless chuckle. "And she knew it would happen. She looked at me, right before it happened, and I could see the look in her eyes. She knew it, I knew it. And I kept driving."

I couldn't bring myself to look at Alice. She stood and, though I had expected her to leave, it still hurt a little. Then Alice surprised me for the fourth time today. She sat back down – on my lap. She turned her body sideways, her weight mostly on my good leg, and looked at me. I didn't know what she was doing. "Alice, you don't understand," I said, fumbling a little.

Alice took one of my hands and rested it on her hip. "I understand, Jasper," she said.

There was such confidence in her voice that I could only stare at her. Alice looked sad, but she didn't seem disappointed or appalled. "I understand that death haunts you. I understand you feel guilty about some of them – but not all, which makes you feel even guiltier. I understand that you think the things you've done make you a monster."

Alice shook her head. She looked so sad. I would say she was about to cry, but her eyes were clear; clear and sure. "But Jasper, do you think a monster would be haunted by death? Do you think a bad person would feel such regret, such guilt, such self-loathing? You must have seen the evil in this world by now, Jasper. Do you think they give the people they kill a second thought?"

All I could do was gape at her. Who was this woman? I'm sure there are a million reasons why she's wrong, but I couldn't think of any. I couldn't think of anything, actually. My mind had blanked, and my heart was swelling. I wanted her to be right, so badly. I wanted to believe her. I wanted all this weight I've been carrying to lift from my shoulders.

Alice shifted. She laid her head on my shoulder and placed the palm of her hand over my heart. I lowered my head to hers and breathed her in. Whether deservedly or not, I felt lighter. It was then I knew what I wanted most of all: Alice.

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Bella POV

I wanted to get this guy. Anyone who hurts children deserved to be in jail. I felt frustrated. I hadn't made any headway in the case yet. Glancing at the clock on my computer, I saw it was after five. Sighing, I began packing up my things. I was just about to leave when something started coming through the fax machine.

I walked over and found some documents I had been waiting for. It looked like the phone records from one of Laurent's throwaways. I had been trying to get these so I could track down his associates. I picked up the documents and decided to take them home with me so I could look through them later tonight. Still, with the way my luck had been lately, I doubted I would find anything. "Hey Bella," Irina greeted me as I approached the elevator.

"Hi Irina," I said, trying to sound friendly.

It wasn't her fault I was in a bad mood. Irina worked with me at BlackListed. She and I were the only ones who worked for the company and weren't related to the Black family in some way. For those reasons, I had always felt a certain kinship with her. Plus, the Denali family is friends with the Cullen's. "Long day?" Irina asked, giving me a sympathetic look.

I smiled ruefully. "I look that bad, huh?"

"No, no, you just seem distracted."

Jacob walked up. "Hello ladies," he said.

The three of us stood together, waiting for the elevator. "How's the case coming, Bella?" Jacob asked.

I sighed. "I don't want to talk about it."

We all stepped onto the elevator and Irina pressed the Lobby button. "Oh right, the pedophile case, right?" she asked.

"Has Laurent been bothering you anymore?" Jacob asked before I could answer Irina.

"No," I said to Jacob.

The elevator door slid open and we stepped out. "Edward!" I said in surprise when I saw him waiting in the lobby.

He smiled, walking over to me. "Hi," he said, giving me a quick kiss. "I thought we could get some dinner."

Then Edward spotted Jacob and Irina behind me. "Jacob," he greeted him with a terse nod.

Jacob responded in kind. "Edward."

Then he turned to Irina and I. "See you tomorrow," he said, and quickly walked away.

"I thought you and Tanya had class right now," Irina said, her brow slightly furrowed as she and Edward hugged.

"The professor had an emergency, so it was cancelled."

"Oh. Okay, we'll see you at the barbeque this weekend, right? Carmen's really excited; she has some new recipe she's dying to tell Esme about or something."

Edward laughed. "We'll be there. See you then."

"'Bye Irina," I added.

Irina walked off, and Edward and I got into his car. "Where do you want to go for dinner?" Edward asked.

"Wherever you want to go is fine," I said.

I put my stack of papers in the backseat. "I have to work after dinner, though, okay?"

"That's fine," Edward said, pulling out into traffic. "I have study group at the university library tonight."

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I had started reading over the documents after dinner. An hour later, I could feel my excitement growing. Finally! Finally I was starting to learn more. I looked up at the sound of the door, and Alice entered the apartment. "Alice, I've finally had a break-through!" I exclaimed.

Alice dropped her purse on the table, putting her arms in the air and stretching a little. "Oh, really? That's great."

I was too excited not to share what I'd pieced together. "Laurent talks to this one woman a lot. Victoria. I think she's a messenger, maybe, a conduit between him and the organization. He's definitely involved in a trafficking ring, Alice. And now I can investigate that connection, and research Victoria, and – "

I stopped talking as it became clear to me that Alice wasn't paying attention. "Alice?"

Alice blinked, her eyes going to mine. "What?"

I frowned slightly. It wasn't like Alice to zone out while someone was speaking to her. "Are you okay?"

Alice sat down next to me on the couch. "Yes."

I cocked my head. "Where were you, anyway? It's kinda late to just be getting home from work."

"I stopped at Horizon."

My confusion grew. I knew Alice had wanted to see Jasper. When she got home from New York last night, she had been all excited to visit him the next day. "Did you see Jasper?" I asked.

Alice nodded, her lips forming a slight pout. "He likes me, Bella, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I do," I said, turning to face Alice and crossing my legs. "I told you, I think he missed you when you were in New York."

Alice crossed her arms, her pout growing more pronounced. "I know. I know he did. He was happy to see me when I walked in, too, I could tell. And then it was like – it was like he realized we were both happy to see each other, and so he tried to push me away."

My brow furrowed as I tried to follow what Alice was saying. "What did he say?"

Alice waved a hand. "That doesn't matter," she said dismissively.

I bit my lip, trying to quell my naturally inquisitive nature. Clearly Alice wasn't going to share what Jasper had told her. "Maybe he's scared because he likes you so much."

Alice's expression cleared at my words, and she smiled a little. She leaned forward and gave me a hug. "You're a good friend, Bella."

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Jasper POV

Today was normally Alice's volunteer day.

I was sitting in the lounge, trying to read, but I couldn't concentrate on my book. I tried to think about Carlisle's visit yesterday. I had asked him about choosing a school, and the next thing I knew he was opening his briefcase and whipping out brochures and packets and a bunch of other papers on schools and how to choose one and how to pay for it. It was nice of him to find all this stuff for me, I guess, though I had no idea why he seemed to put so much effort into it.

It was a lot to think about, but I couldn't concentrate on that either. All I had been thinking about was the same thing for two days now: I had told Alice about some of the horrible things I'd done, and she hadn't run away. She hadn't even blamed me. Maybe it wasn't just her memory that had been affected when she was a kid, but her whole brain.

Then Alice walked in, and I felt that same light feeling throughout my body I had come to associate with her. She smiled when she saw me and headed in my direction. I stood automatically. I watched her face carefully as she approached, looking for any fear or censure, but she looked the same as she always did. "Hi," she said, giving me a hug.

Usually I didn't like getting hugged all the time, but I found I didn't mind when it was Alice. "I'm going to talk with some of the others and then I'll come back, okay?" she said when she pulled away.

"Okay."

Who would ever disagree with Alice? She beamed at me and then, to my shock, kissed me on the cheek. With a slight giggle, she rushed away.

I glanced around furtively to determine if anyone had been watching us. No one seemed to be looking at me – except Dora. When we made eye contact, she winked at me. I quickly averted my eyes.

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A little while later, Alice came over to me and grabbed my hand. "Come on," she said, tugging it.

I got up and followed her to my room. "What's all this?" she asked, seeing the papers from Carlisle scattered all over my bed.

I took a step forward to straighten them, but Alice waved me away. "Sit down," she said.

I sat in my chair, and she gathered the brochures and booklets. "Your father gave them to me yesterday," I explained. "It's information about colleges and, you know, all that stuff."

I didn't want to bore her. I was sure she and all her friends already went through the pick-a-college deal years ago, and know all about it. But I could never predict what Alice was going to do. Papers in hand, she moved over and settled herself in my lap again. My arm came around her waist to hold her in place. "So have you decided anything?" Alice asked; her tone casual as if we sat like this all the time.

I tried to focus on the words coming out of her mouth and not the way her lips were moving. Her face was so close to mine. "Uh, no. I don't know."

My hand came down over hers. I ran my thumb over the inside of her wrist, then snagged one of the brochures out of the stack she was holding. "I was thinking of going here," I said, watching her carefully.

Alice looked at the brochure in my hand. "The University of Washington-Seattle," she read.

Alice looked up at me, her eyes lighting up. "Really?"

I couldn't help but smile at her. "I want to stay here. In Seattle. I don't know, Rosalie and Emmett seemed to think it was a good idea. What do you think?"

Alice dropped all the other papers on the floor. "I think it's a great idea," she said definitively.

She laced the fingers of one of her hands through mine and laid her head on my shoulder. "Tell me what you're thinking of studying."

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Rosalie POV

"I see you don't bother cleaning when you know guests are coming," I said when Esme and I walked into Jasper's room.

It was Visitors' Day at Horizon. Jasper was lying in bed, reading, and there were papers scattered all over his room. "Rosalie," Esme admonished.

"Fuck off," Jasper suggested at the same time Esme spoke.

"Language, Jasper," I said with a smirk.

He looked at Esme, who was glaring at him, and apologized sheepishly. "Emmett's busy coaching today," I said to Jasper, explaining Emmett's absence even though Jasper hadn't asked.

Esme placed the cookies she brought him on the nightstand and bent over to start gathering papers. "Esme, you don't have to do that," Jasper said, getting off his lazy ass and out of bed.

"Jasper, it's fine," Esme said as he made to bend over and help. "Don't strain your knee."

Jasper stood helplessly for a moment, then glared at me and gestured towards Esme. I rolled my eyes dramatically, but crouched down to help her clean up his mess. "What is all this, anyway?" I asked.

I looked up as Jasper hesitated before saying, "College brochures."

"Oh good," Esme said. "I know Carlisle's been gathering information for you so you could make an informed decision when you're ready. How is it going so far?"

"You're really going to do it?" I couldn't help blurting out.

Jasper's expression shuttered. "You said I could stay if I wanted."

I hadn't dared hope he actually would. "I know," I said defensively.

There was a moment of silence that I refused to break. Esme finally said something. "So do any schools look better to you than the others?"

"Um, I'm thinking of the University of Washington-Seattle," Jasper replied.

I couldn't believe my eyes and ears. Jasper looked almost nervous, and he sounded unsure of himself. I wasn't used to him displaying any sort of emotion – unless sarcasm counted. "Where are you going to live? When you get out of here, I mean," I said.

Jasper shrugged. "Excuse me for a minute," Esme said, leaving the room.

I sat in the chair, crossing my legs. "You could stay with me and Emmett, but there's only one bedroom."

I grinned at my brother. "And we need it."

Jasper looked disgusted. "No way. I don't need to be around you two having sex all the time."

I laughed, but didn't deny it. I had known Jasper would refuse to move in with us, otherwise, I wouldn't have offered. "Really, though, where are you going to live?"

"I don't know," Jasper said, as Esme and Carlisle re-entered the room. "I'll find my own place when I get out."

"And when might that be?" I asked.

I glanced over at Carlisle. Carlisle looked from me to Jasper. "It depends on Jasper and the therapists, but I would say, sometime in the next two weeks," he answered.

"I'll help you look for an apartment then," I offered, feeling magnanimous.

Esme glanced at Carlisle pointedly at my words, and they exchanged a look. "Actually," Esme said. "I had a suggestion."

She looked at Jasper. "You could stay with us."

I smirked at the panicked look in Jasper's eyes. He was absolutely speechless. "We would love to have you," Esme continued. "And your therapists might be more willing to sign you out of Horizon if they knew you would be living with a doctor."

Carlisle chuckled at Esme's words. "We're not trying to bribe you. But, on a more serious note, my being a doctor could help you get out of here sooner. I would be right there if any medical problems arose. And you could look for an apartment while living with us, of course, but you wouldn't have to rush. You could take your time and find the perfect place for you."

My amusement faded slightly when I realized Carlisle and Esme were serious. They weren't just offering out of the blue. Clearly they had already thought about this, and had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to bring it up. "What about Edward?" I asked.

Carlisle and Esme have plenty of room in the house, especially since Emmett and Alice moved out, but Edward still lives there. And I didn't need that arrogant snob around my brother all the time. I was the only one who was allowed to make Jasper feel bad about himself. "We have plenty of room," Esme said.

"Edward's not around that much anyway," Carlisle added.

Oh, they're really serious. There's no way Jasper will get out of this one. I tried not to laugh as I pictured Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper sitting down to a meal together. Alice came in, distracting me from mental images of Jasper wearing an apron and helping Esme cook dinner. "What's going on?" Alice asked.

Her question seemed to be directed at everyone, but her eyes were on my brother. Jasper sent her a look of desperation as Esme answered Alice's question. "Jasper will need a place to live when he leaves Horizon, and your father and I were just saying how he should move in with us. We have the room."

Alice grinned at Jasper, and his eyes closed briefly in defeat at her expression. "I think that's a great idea," she said cheerfully.

I pressed my lips together to suppress a giggle as Alice, Esme, and Carlisle all looked at Jasper expectantly. "I guess that could work," Jasper said in reluctant agreement.

I couldn't wait to tell Emmett.