Only Lightheads

The feeling of Richard's fingers on her cheek, the way he caressed it alongside his warm breath on her skin, send a warm shiver through Emily, dozens of them, over and over again, and without prompting it, she felt how her body moved closer to his. Every part of her prickled with excitement, waiting for him to finally lay his lips on hers and despite she enjoyed this unknown and new feeling, it scared her at the same time that she apparently was loosing control over her acting and thinking, but everything was buried by a thick and warm mist.

"I'm sorry", Emily suddenly heard Richard whisper and he let her go, throwing her back to reality.

"What…", she murmured confused and water entered her mouth and caused her to cough, while she hastily reached for the edge of the basin to do not sink as his body wasn't carrying hers over the surface anymore. After she had adjusted, she turned around, but only to realize that Richard was gone. With a whiff of panic she swam to the other end of the pool and left it. His clothes were still there, Emily realized relieved, her heart still beating wildly, not of excitement anymore, but anger.

"Here", he reappeared after some seconds, a towel wrapped around his waist and handed her another one.

"Thank you", was all Emily was able to utter, taking it without looking into his eyes.

"Take as much time as you need," he took his clothes, the coldness in his voice confused and angered her even more. "I'll be waiting in the car for you."

Just to annoy him Emily would've taken herself lots of time, but when she risked a look into her pocket mirror after she had dressed, she realized that she probably would need an eternity to look at least a little acceptable again. The towel had smudged her make-up while she had dried her face and her former artfully arranged hair looked like a mess. With a sigh she submerged an end of the towel into the water and removed the remainings of her make-up, redoing it with extraordinary diligence. Afterwards she picked the numerous hairpins out of her wet hair and dried it as good as it was possible without hairdryer but an already damp towel only. Eventually Emily combed it provisional with her fingers and tied it up to a loose ponytail. "As good as it can get", she mumbled unhappy when she checked the final outcome in the mirror and put it into her purse again, grabbed Richards's wet shirt and the towel and finally headed outside after almost forty minutes.

The drive back to Smith was a silent one, only accompanied by the low sounds of a symphony that was played in radio. Dramatic, Emily thought caustically while staring at the passing landscape outside, even Douglas Sirk couldn't have staged it better. The only thing missing was a lost doe running into the car, his life saved by Richard, who had no idea that the innocent little thing would canker him with rabies while he did mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

The picture caused Emily to laugh, quietly first, but when she felt Richard's confused look resting on her, she wasn't able to pull herself together anymore.

"What…?", he asked her and Emily managed it to utter a giggled "I'm sorry" as her efforts to stop laughing made it even worse and she eventually felt tears running down her cheeks. "It's just –", she added after a while with another burst. "Could you just change the station, please?"

"What's so funny about Bach?", Richard asked her, obviously offended, still doing what she had asked him to.

"Nothing", she answered after she had been able to win back her countenance some seconds and tones of Sweet Dreams by Patsy Cline later. "She just died in a plane crash", Emily concentrated on something different, wiping the tears out of her face.

"I can't tell that I'm engaged in country music", he said after a short reluctance. It was no use to start a conversation; every word seemed to be too much. Every word was a risk that she'd wrap him up again and he'd possibly fall seriously in love with her. Something he simply couldn't do. He couldn't do that to Pennilyn.

"You must've read it in the papers. It was a big headline."

"Not in the Financial Times."

Emily nodded briefly and looked out of the window again. She was the last one to force him to have a conversation, actually she wasn't eager to talk about something else but the occurrence in the pool and she hardly could ask him why he hadn't kissed her. Manners forbid that, her sense of shame and pride did it and hence the radio and the engine became the only source of sounds in the car again until they were back at her apartment.

All gentleman, Richard helped her out of the car and escorted her to the door. Emily would've given a fortune for his thoughts and when all he did while taking his leave, not even a kiss on the hand or a thank you for the nice evening, was saying "Goodbye", she wasn't able to put a bridle on her tongue anymore.

"Why did you say you're sorry?", she cat-called at him and he stopped.

"I beg your pardon?", he turned around.

"Why did you say you're sorry?", Emily recurred with held breath.

"Because I was sorry", feeling uncomfortable, Richard shrugged his shoulders. "I am sorry, Emily, good night", he bid her farewell and turned around again.

"You can't just say good night and walk away in the middle of a conversation!", she stated angry. "Richard!", she almost shouted. "Richard, please!"

When he even didn't take the effort to slow down his steps or look over his shoulders, she blasted and before she could stop herself, she wheezed an "Oh!" and her purse flew through the night air, hit his back unerringly and fell onto the floor while Richard eventually stopped and faced her again.

"What the –", he exclaimed flabbergasted and first looked at her then at her purse and its contents, which were stud on the ground. "You could've hurt me seriously!"

"It's a purse, not an anvil", she hissed to cover shame and shock and walked towards him, kneeling down and starting to collect her belongings.

"Emily", he said calmly and got down to help her, handing her a lipstick.

"I don't need your help", she took it surly and chucked it into her purse. "Weren't you just about to leave anyways?"

"You see", he tried to explain helplessly, handing her another lipstick with whom she recurred the chucking. "That's why I'm sorry. I obviously gave you a wrong impression."

"What kind of impression would that be?", she rather asked the powder tin in her hand than him.

"That I'm having a serious interest", he explained, trying to lend as much credence to his words as possible. Even if it meant hurting her, he had no alternative but to make a hard and fast cut.

Emily frowned. "This was a date, Richard", she stated without stopping to collect her belongings of the ground. "You don't date someone, if you don't have serious intentions. Dating is a serious business."

"I'm sorry, if it appealed like a date to you."

"What else should it have been, good Lord?", for the first time she looked at him. "You called me and asked me out for dinner. You sent me flowers and chocolate and the last time I checked the specification for this was date."

"I just wanted to have a nice evening, Emily, some distraction."

"I hope you had your fun."

Richard closed his eyes for a second. "If I had known that your feelings are of a romantic –", he told her, knowing that he was risking his neck with his words, every sympathy she might have for him for good.

Emily interrupted him. "This is not about my feelings", she denied and grabbed her keys, clutching them tight. "And I assure you that they couldn't be further from romantic."

"What is it about then?", he asked her surprised.

"About principles", Emily closed her purse energetically. "You simply don't date someone twice or even more often, if you don't have serious intentions."

"But as you're apparently not having any kind of romantic feeling for me", he was unable to held his thought back. "Why did you date me a second and a third time then?"

"Dating isn't about romantic feelings either", she got up and gave him a proud and barred look.

"That's all what it is about", he disagreed and jumped up, too.

"Romance is short-lived, Richard. Which person would want to build up its future on something perishable and unseizable? Only a lightheaded would do that and I'm most certainly not. And now excuse me please, my hair needs a decent wash, if I don't want to ruin it enduring, not to talk of the fact that I smell like a pool boy."

"You can't tell me, it doesn't matter to you who you're going to spend the rest of your life with", he exclaimed surprised, unsuccessfully searching her face for signs of lying.

"Of course it matters that he has good breeding and reputation, that he'll care for me and our family. But if it is you or Robert, Victor or drop-a-name, it doesn't make the slightest difference to me, believe me."

"I never would've thought that you're such a cold and calculating person", he said low.

"Maybe you should've taken a closer look into your crystal ball then, Richard", she answered coldly and left him standing.

Emily closed the door behind her and pressed her forehead against the cold wood, inhaling deeply for a few times while she tried to win control over her shaking hands and weak knees again and to ignore the burning and prickling on her palatine, the knot in her throat.

"Emily?", Melinda's voice sounded and she startled.

"Hey Sweetie", she chirped and put on a smile. "How was your evening?"

"What happened?", she ignored Emily's question and eyeballed her worried from bottom to top, not only noticing her deranged and wet hair, but a suspicious glittering in her eyes as well.

"Well, we had dinner."

"In an underwater restaurant?"

"Melinda", Emily pouted. "Will you just –"

"Alright", she agreed, guessing the only way to find out at least a grain, was granting Emily her own way. "But sit down first, I'll get us a drink", she called on her nevertheless.

Despite Emily wasn't in the mood to sit down and have a drink, well, a drink maybe, in the bathtub however, she did how she was told.

"So?", Melinda encouraged her to go on and handed her a glass of gin tonic.

"So we had dinner", she continued and nipped at the drink. "In a French restaurant in Chicopee. And it went well. Very well. I don't think, I ever –", she stopped and hastily took another sip. "Whatever", she laughed nervously. "In the end it didn't go well anymore and that's it."

"That's it?"

"Yes", Emily nodded. "That's it. Case Richard Gilmore closed."

"Emily", Melinda laid a hand on hers. "Maybe he just –"

"No. There's no just. No just", she said and the way she did made it unmistakable that she wouldn't say more. "Don't be mad, Sweetie, but I desperately need a hot bath", she got up.

Melinda nodded. "I'm in my room."

"Thank you", Emily answered and managed it to smile a weak but real smile at last.

The warm water felt good, it was good to get rid of the smell of the pool water, the smell his shirt had left on her skin, the smells of the evening - still it didn't make her feel better. Although Emily was alone now, she didn't allow herself to give in the need to cry however. It wouldn't change a thing after all. Besides, she had no idea why she felt the way she did and she always had hated it to do things without a tangible reason.

Robert Tadman beamed like a child on Christmas Eve and Emily couldn't help to smile as well upon his excitement, although she still had no idea where their trip was going to. But he looked happy, therefore she was happy, too. She was happy about his happiness as it salved her bad conscience, a bad conscience she had since the last evening with Richard. Ridiculous, she felt, as nothing had happened and the whole Richard issue history anyway. Hence the unfounded remorse annoyed her a lot - though not as much as the fact that she couldn't stop agonising over last night.

"Here we are", Robert announced with a bright grin, while he parked the car in a parking lot in the business district of Albany.

"May I ask what we're doing here?", grateful for the distraction, Emily curiously looked around. "This area of Albany isn't exactly known for its wide range of leisure facilities. I even doubt that there's a restaurant or café within a radius of a mile and I can't tell I worship canteen food."

"Did you ever eat in a canteen?"

"No", she confessed with a smile. "Still I heard enough of it to know that I don't want to find out the truth - and end this beautiful day by being admitted to hospital with salmonella poisoning due to old fish, stale eggs and lumpy pudding cooked with sour milk."

Robert laughed, not only because of her adroit response, but her openness proved once more that their relationship had entered a serious, even intimate base, which eased him and would make it easier to go ahead with his plans for the day - and further. "I reassure you that our day's schedule does not include a single meeting with canteens and salmonellas."

"Good", she nodded, raised a brow and gave him an intense look. "What are we doing here then?", she tried to find out once more.

"Patience, darling, patience", Robert jumped out of the car and hurried around it to open Emily the door.

"Thank you", she took the hand he reached her and got out of the car as well. After he had locked the doors of his Mustang, Robert offered Emily his arm and led her into a side street, finally stopping in front of an imposing building that was graced with huge ormolu letters forming the words Johnson Trade Inc.

"Robert?", she murmured puzzled. "Would you finally tell me the reason for this trip, please?"

"Not yet", he stated and Emily couldn't help to feel slightly uncomfortable while they entered the building. She never had been here nor did she have a clue what she was supposed to do here. After all she had nothing to do with the family business. Despite her confusion, she didn't say a thing, but left it to Robert to enlighten her – which he did as soon as they entered a quiet impressing corner office.

"Now you may ask me again, what we're doing here."

"Alright", she almost had force herself to smile. "What are we doing here?"

"We're inspecting my future office. Well, I know it already, but I thought you might want to know where I'm going to work."

"You're going to work here?"

"A quiet impressing office for a starter, isn't it?"

"I'm not talking about the office, Robert. I'm talking about the company. You never even told me you made an application for it."

Robert shrugged his shoulders and his grin grew even bigger, revealing the proud and contentment he felt. "I didn't. They got in touch with me some days ago and I simply couldn't knock back their offer. It's better than anything I've hoped for", he took her hands. "And as I won't start until Monday in two weeks, I thought we'll use the time to drive to Boston and visit my parents. I told them so much about you already and they're just dying to meet you."

Emily opened her mouth just to close it again as she was unable to utter a word.

"I know, this is fast", Robert continued nervous. "You must be taken by surprise, I know that as well - after all we haven't had a serious talk about this yet. But our relationship became very close during the last months and I don't see why we shouldn't take the next step", he paused, feeling his heart in his boots. "But I won't blame you, if you need time to think about it first and I-"

"No", she interrupted him hastily. "I'd love to meet your parents. I really would, Robert. I was just very surprised. Positively surprised. Very positive."

"You are?", he asked charily.

"Yes", she stated and laid a hand on his check, kissing him softly to underline her words. "Of course", she added, realizing appalled that she wasn't only trying to convince him but herself as well, although she had been waiting for this moment desperately. Therefore she murmured another "Of course" and kissed Robert again, kissed him with the highest level of passion she ever had allowed him to go to. Yet, there was no mist.

To be continued

ATN: Thanks for the great reviews – I'm really glad you didn't lose interest in the story, although there was no update for so long. Moreover, I hope you like this chapter as well, although you might not like the fact that there was no you-know-what ;)
Special thanks to Mel for being such a patient Beta!