I apologize for the days between updates! We had our baby, but then had an NICU stay as well as another trip back to the NICU for another problem. But as I get time, I'll wrap up this story. I have 15 total chapters outlined, so five more are left.
Another week went by, leaving Grace shaking her head. It was amazing how quickly time flew by in Pegasus. When she first thought about making the journey to Atlantis, she wondered if living where she worked would make life boring. Quite the contrary, she was quickly figuring out.
John and Grace continued their late night conversations. Sometimes they stuck to a group and other times they managed to find a few hours on their own. Each day they grew closer. Both of them were learning to open up about each other's pasts, yet Grace still held some secrets back from John. She knew she'd tell him, eventually, about everything.
Grace smiled when she thought of her brother's relationship with Jennifer. Now that she was getting to know her brother more, the couple made sense together. They still managed to keep things a secret from most of the expedition members. Grace knew that it bothered them, in a way, to deceive people they cared about. But in the end, the pair just wanted more time together without the scrutiny of others watching or making predictions on how long it would last.
Jennifer and Grace continued their runs together. A few times when John was on a mission, they'd have a late night coffee together and talk dirt on the workings of the city. Grace found herself not only liking Jennifer for who she was to her brother, but also as a close friend.
Ronon also proved to be someone she could count on to amuse her, from his frequent hopeful visits to the kitchen to "taste test" anything to his continual ongoing training. She appreciated the fact that he pushed her to her limits, forcing her to learn to defend herself in ways she never thought possible.
The only person she was unsure of was Evan. Since they'd returned from the mission, they both continued the friendship and grew closer each day. At times, Grace suspected that Evan felt similar feelings toward her but made no mention or attempt at anything more than friendship.
And she was okay with that. For right now, it was about all she could handle. But sometimes, late at night as she looked out the window into the evening sky, she wished she could share the moment with him, snuggled in his arms again.
It was finally his first day off in over a week. With injuries and illnesses plaguing a few teams, Evan had picked up shifts to make sure Atlantis maintained full coverage on security rounds and missions.
His body was sore. Not to mention he had the need to completely erase his mind for a few hours on anything besides Wraith threats, keeping McKay and Zelenka from killing each other in the lab, and training the last group of scientists who'd come with Grace on the ship.
As he lugged his painting supplies through the hallway, he headed to his favorite balcony. Evan knew he could count on not being bothered there since no one else seemed to frequent that area of the city.
So he was surprised, to say the last, to find a figure huddled on the ground gazing out across the city when the doors opened.
"Grace?" he asked, confirming it was her as she turned around.
"Hey," she said, turning to face him from her seat on the floor. Eying his load of paint supplies, Grace began to stand up. "I was just taking a break and getting fresh air. I'll go so you can be alone."
"No," Evan said, setting down the supplies and setting up a chair. "Stay. I mean, if you can."
Grace, uncertain whether she should go or stay, ended up settling back down. "Are you sure? I don't want to ruin the only night off you've had in over a week."
Pleased that she'd noticed his absence from dinner and get togethers, he gave her a smile. "You could never ruin a night off. Besides, I'd like the company. Sometimes I get bored or sidetracked when I paint."
"If you're sure…" she said, turning so that she faced away from the city again to give him privacy. She picked up the journaling paper she'd brought, along with a pen, and stared down at it.
"Writers block?" he asked in amusement.
Without looking back at him, Grace shook her head. "I wish. No, I've been putting off writing a letter to back home."
He frowned. Obviously, it was someone who was important in her life. She'd never mentioned her family or friends. In fact, Grace had a way of avoiding talking about her life before Atlantis, other than a few stories about college and when she first began studying culinary arts.
Evan wondered, briefly, if the letter was to a man back home… Sheppard hadn't mentioned Grace was in a relationship- serious or not.
"You haven't had the time?" Evan asked, hoping she'd shed light on whatever she was debating in her head. "Or just didn't want to write it."
Grace frowned. "A little of both. But mostly procrastination."
As Evan unloaded all of his supplies, he waited for her to elaborate. To his surprise, she did.
"It's to my mom," she sighed. "We haven't spoke much since I left home."
"Since coming to Atlantis?" Evan asked.
She shook her head. "Graduation. High school, to be specific."
Evan was surprised. Growing up, family had been the most important thing in his life. It still was. Both of his parents were still living and he often emailed them back home and visited every chance he had. One of the reasons he'd pushed Sheppard into getting to know Grace better was that he also had a great relationship with his sister.
"So I take it you're not close to your family," Evan prodded, even though he knew he was pushing his luck.
She gave a dry laugh. "No. Not at all. John's about it." Grace paused. "Surprised?"
Struggling to find the right words, he finally just went with his gut. "No. It's not too hard to believe that every family isn't like mine."
"You're very lucky, Evan," she said quietly. "And very blessed."
He began to sketch out the scene in front of him in his book. "If you don't mind me asking, why the sudden urge to send a letter home?"
Grace brought her knees up to her chest. "Guilt, for one. I didn't even tell her I was leaving for a few years. That, and it was time. Long past time."
She paused before looking back at him with a serious expression. "Have you ever waited years to forgive someone?" Grace didn't wait for his response. "It eats away at you. Day after day."
He stopped sketching. Instead, he placed down his pencil and quietly got up to sit next to her. Evan gave her one long look before looking away.
"Grace, there's something you should know," he quietly said. "Ronon and I… well, we saw… that night in the cave, he helped me with something and he saw the scars."
It surprised him when she didn't get angry, nor acted surprised. "I know," she said. "I wondered if you had since that day. Ever since, you've acted strange toward me. And Ronon… he hasn't exactly let me slide on much during training, but there are times I sense he knows something more about my past and he'll back away."
Evan nodded. "So this is the point of the conversation where I ask what happened to you… and who hurt you. But I can already guess that you'll be telling me to mind my own business."
Grace leaned into him. Instead of pushing him away, physically and emotionally, she shocked him by doing the opposite.
"It was a long time ago," she said quietly. "And it's something I should work on forgetting. But like the scars… the memories just won't go away."
"Tell me," he murmured, loosely placing his arm around her.
"It was my stepfather," she began. "My mom… well, she worried that being a single parent wouldn't be enough for me, so she dated after leaving John's father. Long story short… she married a man. And he tricked her, for a long time. Paul was a man who wanted the best. So he made sure my mother always looked and acted in a way that positively reflected on himself. Paul was a lawyer, hoping to become partner in his firm."
The sun began to set. Feeling chilled, Grace tucked herself more into Evan's body. "It didn't happen often. And I know he never beat my mom. But a few times a year, he'd go into a rage. Suddenly, he'd get something in the mail and immediately Paul would begin demanding that I get my grades up. I was already a straight A student, but Paul wanted more. He always wanted more. So if I didn't get the perfect marks, he'd find a reason for my mom to leave the house and then 'teach me a lesson.'"
Evan felt himself tense. Wanting nothing more to inflict pain on the man who'd placed the marks on her body, he forced himself to remain quiet.
"Then he'd warn me… if I told my mom, he'd beat her too. So I kept quiet. For five years, he continued to find fault in something I did. Well, the day after graduation, Paul was on a angry that I should've made valevictorian. You see, the entire time, he knew about my mom's affair with John's father. So he kept tabs on him and got quarterly reports on him and his family. John, even though he wasn't the most well-behaved son, was a genius. And his brother wasn't far behind. So Paul got it in his head that I had to be better than both of them. Somehow, it would right the wrong my mother did by having an affair with a married man."
She got quiet for a time. Evan couldn't resist asking.
"So your mom… she never found out?"
Grace shook her head sadly. "Yes. She found out. In fact, she knew about the beatings a few years before I left. And that's where I have a hard time forgiving her. My mother stood by, knowing that Paul was abusing me."
Heartbroken for the woman in his arms, he gathered her close and kissed the side of her head. "I'm sorry, Grace. Family is meant to take care of one another… your mom let you down. And as for your stepfather…"
"Yeah, well. Fate took care of that," Grace said sadly. "Paul was a victim of a robbery one night. He was in another city with a client, made a stop at a gas station, and was beat to death over a few twenties in his wallet."
He felt guilty, but her words gave him comfort knowing that the man was dead. Because if he wasn't…
Evan was surprised, even at himself. Ronon would feel this way. But Evan always stuck to the rules. The law would take care of those who deserved to be punished. He'd never think of taking the law into his own hands. But if that man wasn't dead, he couldn't guarantee he'd allow the man to get away with what he did to Grace.
"Sheppard doesn't know," Evan said, not posing the statement as a question.
She shook her head. "It's in my file. But you know John…"
Evan gave off a small smile. "Yeah. I know John. One day, he's going to regret all that skimming he does."
Grace nodded. "In this case, he must've done a whole lot of flipping. The night I left home, there was a scene. Cops were involved. It wasn't pretty."
"I'm glad you made it out of the situation," Evan said. "You didn't let it dictate the rest of your life. You made something of yourself. It seems like many victims let it haunt them. It consumes them to the point where there dreams are no longer achievable since the anger and hurt prevent them from obtaining their goals."
"That's the thing," Grace said. "It may have not consumed me… and believe me, I went through a lot of counseling sessions to get to where I am now… but I've never forgiven my mother. And that's something I live with daily."
"So do it," Evan pushed her. "Write to her. Tell her how you feel. You may find yourself forgiving her because you've moved on with your life. It doesn't make it less wrong with what she did. But at least you can give yourself comfort knowing you're not going to stay angry for the rest of your life. Putting the words onto the paper may help you forgive her."
"You're right," she sighed and then stood. "Okay. I'm going back to my room and finishing this."
Evan stood, not backing away. Their bodies were so close. One move forward and she'd be forced to grab hold of him for balance. But Evan drew back, instead leaning forward and gently kissed the top of her head.
"Thank you," he said sincerely. "For trusting me with your past. I know it's hard for you to talk about it."
"It's not," she said, turning to the door. "Not with you."
Evan pondered her words as she left. He was sad for her… Grace didn't have other family to lean on during the time she was victimized by her step father. And now that she did have flesh and blood family, it was still hard for her to open up and trust. He knew since family had hurt her before, she closely guarded her secrets and trust.
But not with him. Did it mean that Grace felt the same about him? He instantly felt guilty. Again, she had enough on her plate… now and from the demons of her past… that she didn't have time to feel that way toward him.