I don't think I've ever worked harder on a chapter to get it absolutely perfect... and my word have I learnt plenty (Youtube... I've seen things, man). Childbirth is fricken brutal, yo. Major kudos to all the mamas out there, you guys are champions. Again, many thanks to Kel and Ky for sharing war stories and providing me with the best contraception ever that will work for a very, very long time.
Many thanks to Annie for her love and support and to Tad for beta-ing and telling me not to nitpick. You girls rock.
Esposito had gone pale and needed to sit down when he saw the puddle surrounding Kate. Ryan had immediately gotten on the phone to Castle as Kate called Dr Swinton, who had advised that Kate go home, take a shower and get her things before coming into the hospital. Ryan, in his infinite wisdom, had volunteered to take Kate home.
Castle was waiting anxiously in the lobby for her. "How do you feel?" He asked, looping an arm around her as he guided her to the elevator.
Kate grimaced, biting her lip at the crest of a contraction. "Ooh," she muttered.
"How far apart are they?"
Kate fought the urge to roll her eyes. She should have known that Castle was going to want to know every little detail of the labour. "Umm, when I was in interrogation they were about every fifteen minutes, but I wasn't really paying too much attention." She gave him a sheepish look. "You can kick my ass about that after I've given birth," she promised him.
"You're having the baby right now," Castle marvelled.
"We're going to meet the Minion," Kate grinned.
Castle was all but bouncing in his seat as he drove to the hospital, ready to be bellowed at and to let her break his fingers as she squeezed through her delivery. So far, Kate was calm, strapped into the passenger's seat, checking her watch when a contraction hit. She wasn't overly chatty, but that didn't surprise Castle. He could tell her excitement at meeting the baby was slowly dwindling, as her contractions got more intense.
Dr Swinton had advised that Kate not give birth in a conventional hospital if she wanted to avoid an epidural and a C-section because the head of Obstetrics was paranoid about being sued. Given that Dr Swinton had started her career as a doula slash midwife and was a huge supporter of natural childbirth, Kate had agreed that a birthing centre was her best option. Castle parked as close as he could to the doors of the Roosevelt Birthing Centre. Grabbing the baby bag out of the car, he quickly ducked around to Kate's side and helped her out. "Where are we at?" He asked her.
"Feeling good right now," Kate replied. "I think we're at about six minutes apart," she answered. She allowed him to loop an arm around her as he guided her towards the entrance. As they arrived at the desk, Kate abruptly leaned forward, sharply sucking in a breath as the most painful contraction yet hit. He ran his hand down her spine, desperately trying to soothe her. A clipboard was flung into his hands and he began to scrawl down Kate's medical information as quickly as he could so that she could get admitted and they could find out what was going on. Kate paced as he scribbled, rocking her hips in a circle in the hopes of helping the Minion move through her pelvis.
"How much do you hate me right now?" Castle asked her.
"I don't…" Kate paused, biting her lip until it turned white. "I don't hate you," she finally gasped. "Let's just get this kid out of me," she murmured.
The midwife Dr Swinton had chosen to assist Kate (the good doctor was in delivery with another patient, but handpicked the nurse to assist) was chirpy, bubbly and had hot pink hair, which instantly put Castle on edge.
"Okay, chickie babe, talk to me. Have your waters broken?"
Kate blushed, "All over the floor of my workplace."
The nurse nodded and made a note. "Great, and you've had contractions since then?"
Kate nodded, "They're about every five minutes now."
The nurse placed her hands on Kate's belly, waiting for the next contraction. She grinned at Kate and then made a note.
"Okay, so I'm going to need some pee, blood and to take a look downstairs," she announced, handing Kate a cup. Kate waddled obediently to the bathroom, returning sans leggings, clad only in one of Castle's old button downs. She accepted his help to get herself back up into the bed.
"Now, I'm a firm believer that if I'm taking a trip to Lady Town, we should be on a first name basis. So please, call me Lucy."
Kate grinned. She appreciated that Lucy was going to treat her like a normal person and not like she was made out of glass. "I'm Kate," she replied.
"Alrighty then," Lucy responded, before beginning the exam.
"I should call Alexis. She'll want to be here for this," Castle said quietly.
"Richard Castle, don't you dare!" Kate growled. "If Alexis turns up and sees me like this you'll turn her off sex for life."
His eyes lit up. Kate raised an eyebrow. "So help me, Castle, I want grandbabies someday and I am not waiting another thirty years for them," she growled threateningly. She felt the beginnings of a contraction, so she clamped her mouth shut and forced herself to breathe through the pain.
"I am pleased to announce that you are in active labour, Kate. We have four whole centimetres of action," Lucy announced, cheerfully ignoring the argument happening around her.
"Great," Kate agreed. "So when can I start walking around?" She asked.
"Here's the thing," Lucy began. "I know you want to start moving around and squatting and all the stuff that they told you at your pre natal class, but because your water has already broken, that might be difficult because you're likely to keep gushing amniotic fluid all over the place," Lucy squeezed Kate's knee. "So don't worry about the mess, but you may not feel comfortable. My advice is that you stand, absolutely, but try walking in here before you go anywhere down the hall. If you're lucky, the little lady's head will block most of the flow. The best thing I can tell you is to just do what feels natural to you, okay?"
Kate nodded. She silently endured the blood pressure test and looked away when Lucy expertly drew blood. She extended her hands to Castle, "Help me up?" she requested.
"What can I do?" he asked.
Kate shrugged, waddling to seat herself of a birthing ball. "There's not much you can do," she replied. "You can't have the baby for me," she pointed out as she gently began to bounce up and down on the ball, cringing at the dribble she felt. She froze when a contraction hit.
Castle could see her holding her breath. He knelt down in front of her. "Kate, look at me," he ordered gently. "You need to breathe." Placing his hands on her shoulders, he maintained eye contact and gently breathed out on her face, the way they'd learnt in class. Kate quickly picked up his rhythm, unclenching her teeth and breathing along with him.
"That helped," she whispered. "Next time I have a contraction, I want you to press down on my back," she asked him, moving his hand to where she wanted it.
Castle nodded seriously, desperate to be able to do anything to help Kate along, moving so that he was behind her. "Is it bad that I'm still excited?" he asked.
Kate couldn't help her smile. "Not at all," she murmured, leaning back to rest her head against his shoulder. She felt the warning tingle that a contraction was coming, "okay, now," she ordered, forcing herself to breathe as she felt the wave of pain hit. His hand was warm and solid against her back; gently massaging against the onslaught of pain.
"Did that help?" He asked. Kate nodded, swiping at the sweat that was forming on her brow.
"You're doing so well," he whispered, brushing a kiss against her cheek.
Kate carefully stood up, hobbling over to the squat bar at the end of the bed. "Let's try and use gravity so we can meet this girl," she suggested.
Kate was leaning against Castle, balancing on one knee, her hands gripping his shoulders. They'd been at the hospital for eight hours already and Kate was fast becoming frustrated at her lack of control over the situation. "Tell me about Alexis," she requested.
"What about her?" he asked, puzzled by such a question.
"Anything," Kate begged. "Give me a light at the end of the tunnel."
Castle smiled, "When Alexis was about four, she had this one dress she loved," he began. He felt Kate lean her head against his shoulder, so he trailed his nails up and down her spine as he spoke. "She called it the favourite dress and she wore it every day. She looked adorable," he recalled fondly. "But she had a growth spurt. It didn't matter that the favourite dress didn't fit her. She insisted that she didn't care it was tight. Wore a cardigan over it so she could have it slightly unzipped at the back. Even then, she was a stubborn little thing." He ignored the uncomfortable pricks of Kate's nails digging into his back as she was in the throes of pain. "She cried when I told her she couldn't wear it any more. I couldn't bear part with it. I actually still have it in storage."
"We'll have to get it out again when this one is big enough," Kate commented hoarsely.
"She'll look adorable in it," Castle agreed.
"Keep talking," Kate requested, struggling to stand and moving to settle astride on a chair.
Castle ruminated over several different memories, before settling on one. "Alexis was about seven when I read her a novel for the very first time. We used to curl up in her bed every night and read a chapter a night."
"What book?" Kate asked, gently rocking her hips back and forward.
"The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe," He answered fondly. "I still remember her arguing til she was blue in the face that I'd read it wrong and that Aslan was not dead. She was devastated when she tore the book out of my hands and read it for herself."
Kate looked over at him. "I think we should start with Harry Potter."
"What do you mean, I'm only seven centimetres?" She demanded, looking up to stare incredulously at Lucy "It's been fifteen hours!" Kate had been hesitant to agree to an examination after her water had broken (she had read way too much about possible infection) but was desperate for an update on how she was going.
Kate's outburst was more than Castle had been able to get out of her in the last four hours. The more intense her contractions got, the less talkative Kate became. Her face was an impassive mask, eyes squeezing shut, barely making a sound as wave after wave of pain came.
"Kate, we have good signs here," Lucy reassured her. "You're almost totally effaced and be grateful you haven't had the urge to bear down."
Kate leaned forward, pressing her head against the bed as she had a contraction. Castle heard a tiny whimper of pain escape her lips. His beautiful, stoic wife hadn't so much as squeaked so far and he had never felt so helpless in his life. "Maybe it's time we talked about pain relief options," he suggested lightly.
"No!" Kate interjected vehemently. "Absolutely not."
"We have another option," Lucy interjected politely. "There's a birthing tub available at the moment."
"Will that help?" Kate asked.
"It can," Lucy agreed. "Part of the pain you're feeling is the pressure of the baby moving through your pelvis. The water can take some of the weight, which will help. It can also speed things up. It can't hurt to try."
Kate looked over at Castle, trying to gauge his reaction. He simply shrugged. "You're the one doing the work here," he said quietly.
"Let's try it," Kate agreed.
Kate stripped down to the simple black cotton bra she was wearing and sank into the warm water. The result was instant. She felt less ungainly and huge and she was able to move with a surprising amount of grace.
"Now, there's one thing to keep in mind, babe," Lucy said warningly. "You're in transition now. This is usually when women start threatening to kill me if I don't give them an epi. Everything is going to start getting a whole lot more intense. You're going to have less time to rest. The good thing is that your baby is almost here."
Kate nodded, wisely catching onto Lucy's euphemism (she was well aware that more intense was simply a polite way of saying more painful). A chill wracked her body and she leaned over the edge of the tub. A low keening escaped her lips when the longest and most intense contraction yet ripped through her midsection. She couldn't even imagine what it would have been like outside of the water. She'd been in less pain when she was shot in the chest.
Castle was nearly beside himself with anxiety. He'd never felt so useless. "Kate," he said quietly, cupping her cheek with his palm. "Kate, please," he begged. "What can I do?"
"It hurts," she whimpered. She let out a moan of pain. "Castle, I'm scared."
That was it. Her confession completely did him in. Castle stood up and began to strip off his clothes.
"Castle, what are you doing?" Kate asked weakly, relishing in the period between her body attacking her.
Clad only in his boxers, Castle stepped into the tub. "We're in this together, remember? Partners."
Despite the absolute agony she was in, feeling cold and hot all at once, his words pierced her heart. She knew that she'd been internalising all of her pain, shouldering the burden alone, but she didn't have to. She had a good man who was determined to be by her side the entire time. Kate was determined to prove how tough she was, gritting her teeth and staying silent through the pain. There was no point feeling trapped by the weight of her stupidity. She propped herself on her knees, one of the jets of the tub hitting her square in the back. When the next contraction hit, Kate squeezed Castle's hands, not fighting to contain the low moan that resonated in her chest.
Kate looked up at Castle, suddenly anxious. "What if I poop?"
Castle smiled at her, daring to brush a kiss on her forehead. "Then I will politely look the other way and block it from my memory, lest it destroy our sex life forever."
"Oh, we are never having sex again."
Dr Swinton made her way into the room, pale blonde hair glowing in the dimmed light. "How's everything going?"
"I've been told we're never having sex again, she's threatened to cut off the family jewels and I got sent to the other end of the tub," Castle informed her.
"Sounds about right. Kate, how are you feeling?" Dr Swinton asked.
Kate was kneeling in the tub, one hand on her stomach and a frown on her face. "I think…" she paused, trying to find the words to explain the colossal pressure on her pubic bone. "I think I want to push," She decided.
"Well alright then," Dr Swinton chirped, pulling on a pair of elbow length gloves. "Just settle back into the water and let me check that we're on track." She performed a quick pelvic examination. "Here's how this works, Kate. I want you to find a position you feel comfortable in. When your next contraction comes, I want you to breathe through it as you push. Try and get three breaths per contraction, but I want you to do what feels right for you. Don't be scared to move around if you need to."
Kate nodded. This was it. There was one more hurdle before her beautiful little girl was in her arms. She slid down the edge of the tub, looking intently at Castle. "Are you ready?" She asked him.
He gave her a roguish grin, "Always."
Kate moved so that she was seated in front of him, his hands bracing her knees, hips on a slightly downward slope.
Dr Swinton planted herself on one side of the tub, Lucy on the other. "Okay, now when the contraction comes, I want you to curl forward and push," Dr Swinton advised.
"Try and relax your lower half as much as you can," Lucy advised. "The less tension there is, the quicker you can meet the munchkin."
Kate nodded. After the months of growing, weeks spent petrified as she was glued to the couch and hours of agony, she finally felt a tiny bit of control. She was born to do this. Her body was taking over and she was going to join the ranks of the millions of women who had done this around the world. Feeling the starts of a contraction, she drew in a deep breath and pushed. She was still in a world of hurt, but she finally felt like she was working with the hurt, not against it. Her groans echoed throughout the room and she slumped back against Castle as the contraction stopped.
"You're Superwoman," he murmured in her ear. She let out a half-hearted chuckle.
Lucy held out a bottle of water with a straw for Kate to sip on. "That was a big one," she commented, her cheerfulness and spunk unaffected by the noise in the room. "You're doing great. Your body totally knows what to do."
"Are you ready to do it again?" Dr Swinton asked.
Kate nodded, preparing herself for the next contraction.
The pattern continued. Kate would bear down as a contraction hit, pushing as hard as she could. In between pushing, Kate was infinitely grateful she'd agreed to labour in a tub, the warm water supporting her weight and giving her the buoyancy to be able to completely relax, content in the knowledge that Castle was right there behind her. The water triggered her muscle memory; she'd instantly felt calmer from the second she'd entered the tub. "She keeps moving back," Kate gasped, her desperation to have her baby in her arms overwhelming her. "I've been pushing for an hour and she keeps slipping back."
"This is how it works, Kate," Dr Swinton reassured her. "Your baby slips back a tiny bit with each contraction because you need to stretch internally. If she didn't you'd be torn to shreds. But each time you have a contraction, she moves just a little bit further forward. I promise."
Kate nodded. She moved so that she was on her hands and knees, desperately hoping that a change of position would aid her baby's descent. Her next contraction came and she pushed, dimly aware that someone was pouring warm water on her back. The contraction stopped, but Kate didn't. She was determined to get this baby the hell out of her and she cursed loudly as she kept pushing.
"Whoa, Kate, are you still having a contraction?" Lucy asked urgently. Kate barely managed to shake her head, sucking in a breath and continuing to try to bear down. "Kate, stop!" Lucy ordered.
"I just want her out of me," Kate whimpered, staring at Lucy desperately.
"Oh, babe, I know you do," Lucy soothed her. "This is just how it works. Mama Nature is giving you a break between pushing to get your shit together. You gotta trust her. Pushing when you don't need to will just going to wear you out faster. I know it sucks, but just roll with the punches."
Kate nodded, biting her lip and bracing herself. She knew there was no point being stubborn. The next contraction came and she obeyed the commands of her doctor and her body, stopping at the end of the wave. "There is so much stretching happening down there," Kate gasped. She was shocked by her ability to articulate what was happening through the birth. She had honestly expected to just feel agony, not to be aware of what was happening as her daughter made her way into the world.
"That's awesome," Lucy marvelled.
"It is?" Castle asked. He'd been mostly silent during the birth, doing his best to be a pillar of support for Kate, sensing that his voice added to the mix would only distract her.
"Yes. It means that you're close."
"Oh thank God," Kate sighed. She moved back to her modified perch on Castle's lap. "I want you near me," she murmured.
He kissed her sweaty brow, "You amaze me. Nikki Heat has nothing on you."
Kate placed his hands on her knees, resting her palms over his hands. "Talk to me through this, okay?" She requested.
Through her next contraction, she was aware of Castle murmuring encouragements to her as she pushed. "I swear I can feel her head right there," Kate marvelled in the breaks between pushing.
"You're so close now, Kate," Dr Swinton urged her. "One more push and you'll be able to feel her head."
The contraction came and Kate didn't fight, she just dumbly went along with it. She was operating entirely on instinct, her actions as natural as breathing.
"Reach down Kate," Lucy suggested. It was real. A rush of adrenaline hit Kate square in the chest. She reached down and touched the soft downy hair of her little girl, gently guiding Castle's hand to do the same.
"There she is," Castle sighed.
"Now Kate, I know you want to just push and get her out, but that is the worst thing for you to do right now. I need you to fight those instincts and pant for just a little while," Dr Swinton advised.
There was no "ring of fire" that Kate had read about as the baby was crowning. There was a hell of a lot of stretching (like trying to pull the corners of your lips away from each other) and tonne of pressure. Lucy quietly explained that the water had softened her perineum, allowing it to stretch better as the widest part of the baby's head passed through her vagina.
Kate concentrated on her breathing, imagining blowing out the candles on her daughter's first birthday cake as she desperately fought the urge to push.
"How does the baby breathe?" Castle asked Lucy urgently, a sudden wave of panic gripping him as he stared into the face of the cerise haired midwife.
"Don't panic, Mr C. Your girl has been floating in amniotic fluid for nine months. She's got what's called a dive reflex. She won't take a breath until air hits her face. Until then, the placenta provides her oxygen."
Castle nodded, totally relieved.
Kate scooted forward, squatting against her heels in the tub as Dr Swinton guided her through the delivery of the baby's shoulders. Acting completely on instinct, Kate placed her hands in the water. With one final push, Kate felt her baby slide out of her and she intuitively reached forward to catch her.
Time stood still as Kate lifted her little girl from the water. Her perfect little head was covered in a thick cap of dark hair, doe eyes wide and inquiring. Ten perfect little fingers and toes. Castle moved behind Kate, his chin resting on her shoulder as he took in the sight of his baby.
"Oh my god, she's perfect," he sighed.
Kate was still struck dumb, but she instinctively moved her daughter against her chest, rubbing her back until the calm little girl let out a perfect cry.
"Oh, we did it," Castle whispered, in complete awe, completely unashamed as a few tears leaked down his cheeks.
"She's here," Kate sighed. "She's finally here." She couldn't take her eyes off her little girl. Lucy assisted Kate through the delivery of her placenta and then helped her out of the tub and into bed, delaying the clamping of the cord for a good ten minutes. Kate numbly followed instructions, staring at the tiny human in her arms.
"Castle," Kate whispered. "Castle, help me take this off," she requested, leaning forward so that Castle could unclasp her soaked bra and help her slip it off. Kate lay back on the bed, a warm blanket draped across her and the baby.
"Kate, you birth like a champion," Dr Swinton commented as she performed a post natal examination. "Only a few grazes. You won't need a stitch." Dr Swinton was used to being ignored at this point. She started at the happy family. "I'll leave you," She murmured. "Hit the call button if you need anything."
Kate's hand rested gently on the baby, keeping her safely positioned on her chest. "Castle, we made her."
"What do you think?" Castle asked quietly. "Did we get the name right?"
Kate looked down at her daughter, her wide blue eyes piercing her soul. "Olive Johanna Castle," Kate tested out loud. "I love it. And I love her. And God, Castle. I love you," Kate sighed earnestly. "Thank you."
Castle brushed a hand over Kate's matted hair. "Don't thank me. You did all the work."
He looked down at Olive, her little hands stretching, exploring Kate's chest. "What's she doing?" He asked, watching as her little head squirmed towards Kate's chest.
Kate looked down in awe. "I read about this," Kate told him. "Babies have an instinctive urge to breastfeed. If you leave them alone, they'll eventually latch on and begin to feed on their own."
"That's incredible," Castle sighed.
They were transfixed. Olive slowly wiggled, her rosebud mouth open, slowly making her way towards Kate's breast, exploring with her fingers, her little tongue sticking out. The warm, gentle weight of her daughter was overwhelming and Kate didn't bother fighting the tears that fell down her cheeks. She leaned forward to press her lips against her daughter's downy head, inhaling the intoxicating smell of baby. She didn't bother fighting the bubble of joy that escaped her, giggling when Olive finally attached herself and began to feed.
"She's already a genius," Castle sighed.
"She takes after her mom," Kate joked.
Castle gently tilted the bed up, before planting himself next to Kate, watching his daughter feed. She drank her fill and Kate carefully detached her, placing her in Castle's waiting arms. "Oh, Daddy," Kate sighed. Olive was a tiny little thing and Castle's thick arms enveloped her. "I told you fatherhood was sexy on you," Kate sighed, leaning back against the pillows.
And there we have it... the Minion has a name.
For the record, via the magic of YouTube you can watch both a water birth and a breast crawl (I have). I know I went slightly left of centre here, but I'd love to hear your thoughts. I don't think I've ever been prouder of something I've written.
One more chapter to go ;)