To My Reviewers:
frontman17: Really? Thanks. I always think that I make Jackson too mature for his age.
Wesker888: Alright, if you have any ideas, just tell them.
axel100: LOL. Cool.
Kittykatgurl21: Well, when chapter sixty one comes up, you will find that out.
lovelyhearts: Thanks for your review. I'm glad that you can relate with the characters. That is what makes them all the more real. It's reviews like yours that I love to read.
trainwreck17: I know how you feel. I am a die-hard Seddie fan, but Vreddie is so essential and sweet. Don't worry, this story is no where near over yet.
BoxOfTrinkets: I know! Poor Jackson will be scarred for life! XD I'm mean.
supercrazy: ^^ It made my day to read that "little evil elf" in the review. I was actually watching that episode while I checked my reviews. XD Perfect timing. Thanks a lot for the review.
XxXDukeofAwesomenessXxX: I put up another chapter in the first part so they would know. I hope that means I'll be getting my fanbase back. XD
LiveLoveDanceLaugh: Ah! I knew you would be coming back. It's great to see your reviews again.
animelord91: Don't worry. Seddie will live on.
Blazer.4123: Wow, that's the same idea I was thinking of. Excellent idea.
Chapter Sixty: The Sixth Circle
"From these two, art and nature, it is fitting,
if you recall how Genesis begins,
for men to make their way, to gain their living;
and since the usurer prefers another
pathway, he scorns both nature in herself
and art her follower; his hope is elsewhere."
~The Sixth Circle Of Hell: Heresy
Dear Diary, June 11, 2010
You know…there are some things than should be said and done, yet we do neither. I'm not sure if I can explain what I mean as it should be. It was this incident that happened today.
It was the four of us hanging out in the living room. Me, Sam, Freddie, and Seth. We were just watching TV. We were joking and talking like a couple of teenagers. Everything was perfect.
Why did fate have to come in and screw it up?
It all started with Freddie's phone. It would buzz every couple of minutes. It was a text. He would open his phone, smile, respond, and wait for the next text. It happened at least ten times before Sam noticed. I could see that she was trying to keep her composure. I prayed that she wouldn't do anything.
By the fortieth text, Sam had grabbed his arm and dragged him up the stairs. Seth had watched them curiously before he looked back to the TV. I tried to pay attention to the TV, but it's kind of hard not to.
I heard Sam accuse Freddie, "Who the hell is so damn important that you have to text them every few minutes?"
Freddie said, with nervousness in his voice, "It's no one. Just a friend."
I then heard the slap.
Sam asked, "Do you think I'm stupid? Huh? Answer me. Do you think I'm stupid?"
Freddie responded, "No, Sam. I don't think that."
Sam said, "Good. Now tell me who it was."
"No one. Just a friend," Freddie said, sincerely.
I heard another slap. "Stop lying to me!" Sam had yelled. I then heard a struggle and the electronic beeps of Freddie's cell phone.
I heard Sam, "Valerie. You've been texting Valerie? Why in the world are you texting your ex-girlfriend?"
Freddie explained, quickly, "Her dad is dating my mom. We're catching up."
Sam just laughed, "Do you think I would believe that? Do you think that I don't know that you would whore yourself out to any girl that would give you the time of day?"
I then heard the blows. One after one. I heard her punch and hit Freddie. I heard Freddie as he cried out and begged for Sam to stop. I heard things upstairs being turned over and crashed to the floor.
All I could think, in my selfish mind, is that "I hope they aren't in my room."
I sat there, I heard them, and I did nothing. Seth had his eyes glued to the screen of the TV. His mouth was turned into a frown and if they got loud, he would just turn the TV up.
I remember that we had looked at each other and Seth had looked away from me. He mumbled, "I'm sure there's two sides to this…"
I then heard that the punches were stopping. I then heard Freddie, "I'm sorry Sam." There was strain in his voice.
I then heard Sam's cold voice, "For what?"
"For texting Valerie," Freddie offered.
There was a pause before Sam said, "Say you're sorry for being a whore."
I remember thinking to myself "please, don't do that to him"
It took a long time before Freddie had said, "Sam, I'm sorry…for…being…a-a whore…"
I never heard someone sound so broken before. It made me angry.
I didn't hear anything afterwards.
I turned to Seth who looked at me. He frowned before he commented, "Don't worry about it. I'm sure he's fine."
He's not fine. I don't think that Freddie's been fine for a long time.
Yet I don't know who was worse. Sam, who had hurt him. Or me and Seth, who had done nothing to stop it.
Sam and Freddie finally came down. Freddie had bruises forming on his face and arms. I'm sure there was some on his stomach and legs, but his clothes hid them.
"See you later, Carly," Sam told me as she took Freddie's hand and dragged him out of the apartment.
I couldn't even look at them as they left.
After Seth left, I went upstairs to find the room where they had their fight. It was in the iCarly studio. There were overturned props everywhere. I spent the rest of the night picking them up and trying to ignore the self-loathing feeling in my body.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, June 13, 2010
I hate my life…I hate myself and I hate my life. Seth broke up with me. I lost my virginity to him last week and he broke up with me. And the reason why was so stupid.
He came over to my place and told me that it was better if we went back to being friends. I thought he was joking. But he wasn't. He said that I was too tempting and that he was scared. I asked him what he was scared of. He told me that he was scared of getting me pregnant. I said that it was silly and that I could get on the pill.
He then snapped and said, "That's what Wendy told me." I wondered what Wendy had to do with this.
He then asked me, "Do you remember when Wendy was out of school for a few months during eighth grade?" I nodded.
Seth closed his eyes and said, "That was because she was having my child. Tyler isn't my little brother. He's my son."
I could feel my heart stop at this. I had no idea.
Seth then said, "I trusted her. But she lied to me. She didn't take the pill because it made her gain weight. So, she got pregnant. She didn't want him. My parents took him in. I have to work every day to pay for his keep."
I grabbed his hands and I told him, "You can trust me, Seth."
He pulled his hands away, "No. I can't. I have a hard time trusting people. I can love. I can love with all my heart and soul. But I can't trust." It was then that he just stood up and walked out of the apartment.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, June 15, 2010
Tomorrow we leave to go to the beach house. Bright and early tomorrow morning. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to make it through this summer. I've never been more upset about something in my entire life. I cared about Seth. I thought I loved him.
I called Sam and told her the story. She threatened to cut off his manhood, but I declined the offer. Even though I know what she did, she still makes me laugh. She is a source of fun and happiness. I can't do anything without her. She's my best friend.
I haven't seen Freddie since last week. I tried to call him, but he won't answer the phone. He's probably embarrassed about his bruises.
Jonah called me earlier. He told me that he didn't get the part. I felt so bad for him. But he did give me some good news. His girlfriend, Nikki, had gone to auditions for this show on NBC. She got the part. It's a guest star role, but it is on national television. It's going to get her noticed. But she has to go out to California for rehearsals and filming. He was so proud of her.
I'm thinking about leaving my diary here over the summer. If I'm lucky, I'll drown in the ocean.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, July 18, 2010
It's been a month since my last entry. I guess it's because I'm so tired all the time. Everyday is a great day and it takes a lot out of you. Mornings are spent on talking and breakfast. Afternoons are spent in the ocean, no matter the weather. The nights are spent on the beach, roasting marshmallows and laughing. Everything is so much better here. No school, no stupid boyfriends, no secrets.
I think the best part is the fact that Sam has been so nice to Freddie. She hasn't hit him once. She teases him about his appearance, but that's Sam for you. She would never let him have an ego, whether she was his girlfriend or not.
Yesterday was their one-year anniversary. I never seen them so in love with each other. Freddie is the most romantic guy you've ever seen. They say that you'll never find a guy like that. But he's real. Sam's lucky to have him. I hope she understands that.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, July 31, 2010
You know, I can hear them. Right now as I lie in bed, I can hear them. It's around three o'clock in the morning. They pretend to be asleep, but I can hear their whispers and giggles.
"Did you see Carly in her swimsuit today?"
"Oh my God, she looked like a beached whale."
"I want to say something, but I'm scared she might sit on me."
I see a thin girl in the mirror, but I know it has to be lies. Lies. Dirty, dirty lies. I promise that I will never hear those words again.
Oh, Seth, please come back to me.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, August 15, 2010
I'm sorry that I haven't written. There's not a lot to write. Nothing is happening. My life is boring and pointless. Over the past two weeks I'm starting to eat less and less.
School has started again. Seth and I hadn't seen each other since June. It's so awkward now. We have the same lunch and he sits by my lunch table. I can hear him whispering, too.
You must think I'm crazy to hear these whispers. But I hear them. Well, I don't really hear them, I sense them. You can just look at a person and you can hear what they are thinking about you.
Jonah and I have American history together. He's been quiet lately. I guess he's just nervous about auditions for his next play. They're doing Pride & Prejudice. If you asked me, Jonah could get Mr. Darcy. I don't hear whispers from Jonah.
By the way, remember about Jonah's girlfriend's guest star role? Well, the episode aired yesterday. He invited himself over to my place to watch it with me. He was so into it that it made me laugh. And he actually stood up and clapped when it was over.
I wonder if Seth ever stood up for me and clapped when he watched iCarly.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, August 20, 2010
Jonah called me today. He said that he and Nikki were breaking up. I asked what happened.
"These talent agents saw Nikki on the show. They want to put her in a movie. They say that she's "real" or something like that. Anyway, she's going to be in California for the next several months…It wouldn't work out…"
"I thought you loved her."
"I do. I always loved her. Ever since our first show. But I would be holding her back if she stayed with me. She has a chance to shine. She's going to make it. I'm not. And I'm not going to get in her way."
We hung up afterwards. I got to tell you that I have no idea what kind of guy Jonah is.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, August 25, 2010
So, get this. I met a friend of Jonah's. His name is Chip Balance. He was hanging at the school to drive Jonah to rehearsal. Jonah was spray painting the gym with his "buddies" so Chip and me talked for a few minutes.
Chip asked me to look out for Jonah. He said that he's concerned. He wouldn't give me a lot of details, but he just said that he didn't want Jonah to have a relapse. I asked why he would relapse. Chip just smiled in a sad way and told me, "Jonah is one of the most outgoing, funniest, talented guys I ever met, but he has to be one of the saddest people I've ever seen." And before I could ask what relapse was he talking about, Jonah came out.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, September 2, 2010
You know, I think I'm beginning to have a crush on Jonah of all people. It's silly, but every time I look at him, I blush and look away. He has to be one of the only people that can make me feel this way.
But if anything does develop between us, I want to make sure that we don't have secrets between us like Seth and I did. That's it. Tomorrow, I'm going to find out what really happened between him and Sam.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, September 3, 2010
Jonah and I were studying in the library and I asked him about why he cheated on Sam.
He looked up from his book and sighed, "I figured you would ask that."
Jonah looked around to make sure no one was listening, "First off, you have to learn a little bit about my life and where I came from. When I was five years old, my mother married this older rich guy. My mother then started to spend all her time trying to make me a star. Three a.m. auditions, constant coaching. By the time I was eight, I had four plastic surgeries. And my hell was just getting started. It wasn't long after my ninth birthday that my stepfather began hitting me. My mother didn't care as long as he didn't hit my "nice face". So, that's why I started being a bit of a bad boy. More time out defacing public property, less time at home. And then, around the time I was finishing up "Beauty And The Beast", I found out that my mother was sexing it up with the gardener. She could have left my stepfather, but she didn't. Instead she was giving the bastard head while my stepfather was using me as a punching bag."
He looked so angry and so trapped. I just reached over and touched his hand. Jonah calmed down at that and smiled at me. I had no idea that this was going on in his life..
He took a deep breath and explained, "I fell in love with Sam the first moment I saw her. She wasn't like any girl I ever met. She wasn't a delicate flower and she wasn't a selfish diva. She was fun and tough. I spent every waking second texting her or being with her or thinking about her. Everything was great until your friend Freddie told me about how she was cheating on me."
I was going to interrupt him, but he kept on going.
"I got so angry. She reminded me of my mother at that point. So I decided to get back at her. So I came on to you. I knew that you would tell Sam and she would be as hurt as I was. I'm sorry that I involved you," Jonah said.
"Wait," I told him as I tried to think, "Sam wasn't cheating on you. I would have known. Why would Freddie tell you that she was cheating on you?"
Jonah shrugged and said, "He was my friend. He was an honest goody goody. I thought that what he said meant something." He frowned before asking, "You mean, she wasn't?"
We had to leave afterwards. I've been trying to get up with Sam and Freddie, but both their phones were busy. I won't be able to see them until tomorrow.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, September 4, 2010
I can't believe that people can be this devious. Especially Freddie. He was always so sweet and nice and sincere. To think that he could do this is almost inconceivable.
He came over to the apartment today and I questioned him about Jonah. Freddie admitted that he lied to Jonah. When asked why, he told this to me.
"Carly, I may not have always been in love with Sam, but I've always been protective of her. I never wanted her to be with another boy. At first, I never knew why. I refused to think of it as jealousy. But the thought of another boy loving her made me angry. Even angrier than the anger I felt from the idea of you with another boy. So I told Jonah that she was cheating on him. Besides, didn't you want them to be apart?"
I told him, "That's not the point. You lied to Jonah. You broke them up. Tell Sam the truth or I will."
He just smirked, "She won't believe you. She'll just think that you're trying to ruin our relationship."
I then snapped, "Well maybe your relationship does need to be ruined. Maybe you haven't notice, but every single thing you two do together is grounds to be on the Jerry Springer Show."
Freddie snapped back at me, "For your information, we haven't had an argument since June. We have been the perfect couple. I love her."
I then asked him, accused him, "Are there more? How many of Sam's relationships have you destroyed?"
Freddie just threw up his hands and walked out. It's just like Freddie to walk out like that when things get too tough. He hates confrontation.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, September 13, 2010
So, I've found out two interesting things today. Both dealing with romance. Freddie's mom and Lewbert, my mean doorman, are dating. AGAIN. Not only that, but Valerie is Lewbert's daughter. She's living in the apartment building now. Her mother died a few weeks ago.
As for the other romance thing, Spencer has invited this lady over a few times. She's this tall woman with curly red hair and bright green eyes. She's a painter and she comes over almost every afternoon to work with Spencer. He says that she's just a friend, but I know better. I see the look in his eyes whenever he looks at her. It's the look of him being in love. She seems like a nice woman, but there's something about her that I don't trust. She has a sultry voice. You can never trust a woman with a voice like that. Not to mention that she has a wedding ring. I hope Spencer's smart enough not to mess around with a married woman.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, September 27, 2010
So get this. Jonah asked me out. He asked me out! Well, not out as in "out out", more of "Hey, you want to go to this Mexican restaurant with me this weekend?" The point is that he wanted to spend his evening with me. Of course, Sam cannot find out about this. If she does, she'll think I'm betraying her. I'm not. It's not like he was sleazy or anything like that. He was a really fun guy.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, October 1, 2010
So, I blew it. I can't believe that I blew it.
I went out with Jonah this evening. It was going good at first. But then, I couldn't get my mind off of devouring my meal. I hadn't eaten a lot this month and my stomach was begging me to give into the temptations. So I made a total pig out of myself in front of him. He giggled and told me that he thought it was cute, but I could tell how disgusted he was with me.
He offered to drive me home, but I told him that I was going to walk. He offered to walk with me, but I told him I wanted to be alone. He sounded disappointed as we went our separate ways, but I knew that he was happy to get rid of me.
As soon as I got home, I started throwing away everything in the fridge that is fatty or sugary. Spencer walked in on me during and demanded to know what I was doing with his beloved fruit punch and banana cream pie. I just yelled at him and he left me alone with the open refrigerator and a trash bag.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Dear Diary, October 13, 2010
Jonah asked me out again. I have no idea why, but he wants me to be his date at this thing. He didn't tell me what it was about, but he said he wanted me to wear something formal. I hope I won't mess it up this time.
Freddie came over late tonight. It was around eleven o'clock when I opened the door and saw him standing there. He was wearing his hoodie and his eyes were red. He had a few newly formed bruises on his face. His mouth barely opened before I slammed the door in his face. I didn't want to help him if all he was going to do was cry and then go running back to Sam.
But after a few minutes I felt guilty so I went to the fire escape to see if he was there. He was sitting down, listening to music. He was staring out at the sky. He then stood up and walked over to the railing. He looked down at the ground and he grabbed the railing tightly. He let out a sob before he screwed his eyes shut and started to bend over the railing.
When I finally realized that he was trying to fall off the fire escape, I ran over to him and pulled him away. I asked him what the hell was he trying to do and he just said, "Doing everyone a favor." I took him back to the apartment and I calmed him down.
We sat down on the couch and he just leaned against me. He looked so alone and so sad and so needy. I gave him a shoulder to cry on. I gave him a few kisses to calm him down. I don't think he wanted to be kissed, but it was the only way to keep him quiet. He's asleep on my couch now.
I want this to end. I want this to never happen again.
Love,
Miss Carly Shay
Okay, guys, I've read your reviews and I have two ideas for the whole anniversary special chapters thingy. Yay me! ^^
One is going to be a Shannon chapter. It's going to be her point of view of her onesided relationship with Freddie and how she was thrown into the whole Alto L'Amore Thing.
Another is an Angela chapter. It's going to detail how she and Socko had their affiar.
Anymore ideas would be appreciated. This is for you, guys. If it weren't for you, this wouldn't be here. So idea away.