The silence was palpable, neither one able to voice the swirling maelstrom of emotions. They had both been dreaming of this day for the last six months, but now that it was here they were at a loss. Jackson was terrified that Aaron would run away, he had hesitated outside for what seemed like ages. He was surprised when he did enter, something mirrored in Aaron's face. The expression would have been laughable had it not been for the tension between them.

He had so many things he wanted to say, but now, faced with Aaron and those blues eyes that shone with hurt, he'd lost his bottle. He swallowed past the lump in his throat, trying in vain to gather some courage to tell him how sorry he was. He wanted to tell him he loves him, but those eyes...always betraying Aaron's tough persona. All he could see in them was anger, sadness, pain, regret. He no longer saw the love that usually captivated him. All at once the consequences of his actions hit him, escaping in heart wrenching cries.

He had hoped Aaron would come to him, comfort him, but he stood rooted to the spot. He composed himself slightly, daring to look at his broken lover again. He was stony faced and avoiding his gaze.

"You were right," Aaron finally spoke. "That day in the field when we spread Clyde's ashes, when you took me back. You said we were a disaster."

Jackson stared silently, never taking his eyes off Aaron as his tears fell freely. He'd come to end things, he knew that now.

"At the time I was only concerned for my wants and needs, not yours. I should have listened to you. I could have spared us a lot of hurt. I should have let you walk away but I didn't. I needed you so much. I felt like part of me was missing."

Jackson braced himself, knowing the next words out of Aaron's mouth would mean the end of their relationship. He knew it was a possibility, but had convinced himself that they could overcome everything. Now he'd lost his fight. He wanted Aaron to be happy and if that meant moving on with his life then he would let him.

"So much happened that I never thought possible. I was happy, truly happy for the first time in my life. I fell in love and had someone love me back. I never thought that would happen. I know I can take most, well all of the blame for our problems and fights. I'm a head wrecker and I hurt everything I touch. I never meant to hurt you."

Jackson was staring at him, confusion marring his face. Part of him wanted to yell at him, tell him to stop prolonging the inevitable. If he was going to end things he wanted him to do it and go, then he could break down.

"That day on the bridge I was so lost. I know you don't blame me for the accident, but I do. I always will. That guilt had been eating away at me since October, then you started talking about sui...suicide and I couldn't take it. After your mum and dad brought you here I lost it even more. I lashed out at everyone, tried to fight anyone who looked at me wrong, started hurting myself. My mum and Paddy forced me to see a counsellor. For the first time I talked about everything that has happened in my life and she didn't judge me or hate me for it. So I kept going and after every session I let go of a little more of the anger. It took a while before I could talk about you, then I did...I let go of all the anger and sadness, even some of the guilt. I told her about the pain I felt when I watched your video diary, when you started talking about you know, and she told me the only reason I would feel it so deeply was because I was so in love. She said I needed to let go of that love in order to heal."

Here it comes, Jackson thought to himself. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he looked Aaron in the eye. He needed to see the finality there.

"She told me a love like ours was unhealthy. I told her to get stuffed." Aaron walked over to Jackson's chair, kneeling down in front of him. He reached out slowly, feeling the silky smooth skin of Jackson's hand before interlacing their fingers. "We were a disaster Jackson, but we were a beautiful disaster. I'm still in love with you and I will be until the day I die."

"That's it!" Chas shouted as she stood up from the dining table.

Paddy heaved an exasperated sigh as he grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her back in her chair.

"Paddy, I know you're only trying to help, but I will make sure you are never able to have children if you don't let me go."

"As painful as that sounds, I can't let you go. Sorry Chas, but you're stuck here."

Chas shot him a glare worthy of Aaron. "Used to that, I did live with the master of the scowl after all."

"He's been gone for ages!" She all but shouted.

"Yes, but he had to go to London. It's not like he popped into Hotten for the evening. Leave him be. I mean it Chas, he needs this."

"I know," she sighed, "but he doesn't need Jackson in his life. He's got us!"

Paddy had nothing to say, he agreed with her. After that day on the bridge he wanted Aaron as far away from Jackson as possible. In the end, and countless talks with Aaron's counsellor, he knew that the decision was not up to him. It had to be Aaron's choice to stay away.

"Listen," he said as he sat in the chair next to Chas. "He's listened to his counsellor about everything else, so maybe he will end things like she suggested."

"Paddy?" Rhona called from the stairs. "Has Aaron done a mass washing?"

"No," He sniggered. "Why?"

"Most of his clothes are gone," she said as she made her way into the kitchen with Leo cradled in her arms. "I went to put away some things and his wardrobe has been emptied out."

"He didn't have anything with him when he left...you don't think..."

"What?" Chas demanded.

"He kept going to his car last night, must've made three trips at least." Paddy stood from his chair and started pacing the kitchen. He ran his hand worriedly over his shaven head. "He's runaway!"