A/N: Sorry it's been so long... I've been busy and I've started my senior year (at least the guard/band part of it) and I'm trying to finish summer assignments for AP (still haven't finished Les Mis, muchless started Wuthering Heights, so...) Enough excuses. I'm terrible, I know. I'm sorry. The next chapter will be the fairytale ending. I think. Either way, it's the last for sure. There's only so long a song fic can be. Haha
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You may not be excited for this one... It kinda sucks. I'm sorry. Haha. But I figured that if anyone would get the nerve, it'd be Macey. She's always seemed stronger than everyone in that sense, just like Zach. I think they seem to share that one thing that only the other understands. That they understand one another in that sense better than anyone else. If that makes any sense. Haha
Aww! :) thanks! Glad you had a great day!
Macey and Zach have always seemed a lot alike to me. (See the paragraph before the one before this) It's always seemed to me that they have something mentally on the same page that makes them more alike than any of the other characters. Maybe it's their frankness or the way they understand much while talking little a lot of the time. But I figured she would be the one that Zach would connect to. She would be the one to be the most like Zach, because she seems to think like him. So naturally, in my mind, I guess I came to the conclusion that she needed to act the same way as Zach to deal with her issues. To try to drown them out instead of listening to them. So that's why she did what she did when Preston died. And that's also why she was the one to confront Zach. Because she's Macey. And she really, truly understood what he was going through.
Thank you SO MUCH! You made my day! :) I'm flattered. And I love the word "glorious." Stay awesome! :)
Why thank you! :) the whole past/future intermixed thing is something I've been doing for a while now in my actual non-fanfic writing, and I've been dying to do something like that here. It just happened that I stumbled across this song and idea and here we are! Haha. This will be the last past one for this story at least because next chapter is the ending (which will MAKE Zach confront some things). But I'm sure it'll happen in the future in other stories I write. I'm not going to say the s-word because I'm probably going to be too busy with school from now on to bother writing one, but if that DOES happen, it'll probably have more past.
SOOOO...
So I've rewritten this chapter four times. I really hope it's alright.
At this point, I highly recommend you look up the song that this entire story is based off of. It's called "Love's to Blame" by forKing&Country, and it's amazing and it makes me cry. And I don't cry. So.
Um... The next chapter's the last, just in case you didn't read the horribly long A/N. Happy reading.
~~~"Maybe time will heal our hearts, and maybe after time you'll understand I said goodbye but I love you...~~~
Istanbul was hot. Too hot.
Of all the times he'd been to Turkey, he'd never felt it quite that miserable.
So maybe that was the reason why Zach wasn't exactly thinking clearly.
Maybe the humidity in the atmosphere was causing his brain to over-process his thoughts and feelings; maybe it was the air of the romantic city that made every part of him ache with loss in a way that he hadn't felt since rejoining the Circle. Or maybe it was the sight of a certain senator's daughter clinging to some random guy's arm and walking into the hotel Zach was walking out of. Maybe THAT was what had him thinking of Cammie even more than usual.
It was the first of Cammie's friends he'd seen since their breakup, and it threw him for a loop. So much so that later that day, halfway though his evening run, Zachary Goode was begging his mind to let himself cave in and call her or see her— begging himself to allow his feet to carry him back to the hotel to find Macey and then get her to tell him where Cam was so that he could fly straight to her.
He was trying to lose his own self control for once in his life. But no matter the amount of yearning and torture he put himself through by trying to imagine her voice, her laugh, her sweet kisses, Zach's mind was much, much smarter than that. He wasn't getting anywhere. And that frustrated him.
He couldn't shut the part of him up that wanted to just throw all cares out the window and be happy for once in his life. But he couldn't let it lead him either. It was a miserable existence.
Wallowing in his thoughts, burrowed deep in his own world of despair, he wasn't exactly paying attention to where his feet were carrying him. His head was down and he was wet with sweat, pushing himself to the edge in hopes that he would fall off so that he could get some temporary relief from his worries.
But right as he was starting to feel the black edging up in his vision, he heard the one voice that he hated most in the world speak. "Back off, Zachary. Can't have you getting taken to the hospital, now can we?"
His mother. The one person he'd lived years trying to avoid as much as possible, even if she WAS technically his boss. He froze mid-stride and turned slowly to face the fiery redheaded woman standing in the street behind him, smirking. He fought the urge to growl out a nasty comment.
"I don't plan on showing up at any hospitals anytime soon," he grumbled instead.
She laughed, and he wondered why on earth she was there. So he asked.
"Oh, can't a proud mother travel to see her favorite son these days?" She smiled with a fake, sickening sweetness.
"You're MY mother, so no. What is it you're really here for?" He already had a sickening feeling building in his gut. Normally, as long as he showed up for the quarterly meetings and completed his jobs, he never had to see any other Circle members. They would slip him his jobs under the door of his apartment and he would do them. That was it. He preferred it that way; just barely in enough to be considered in and trustworthy, but out enough to still maintain personal freedoms without nosiness from the the other members. So his mother taking the liberty to visit?
Something important must have happened.
She cleared her throat. "Joe Solomon is alive," she said, eyeing him suspiciously, waiting for his reaction to gauge. To see if he let onto any knowledge.
"What are you talking about?" He snapped, not giving her anything.
"He just showed up on the grid a few days ago. We don't know why, but we want him gone."
It was all starting to fall into place by then, and Zach was ready shaking his head no. This just made Catherine smile.
"I'm going to be one extremely proud mother. Who else gets to say that their son took down one of the greatest CIA operatives of all time?"
Zach fought the urge to snap a 'not you,' but he bit his tongue instead and just turned around. There was no way he would do this. Not this.
"I wouldn't advise that, Zachary." Even her laugh was demented. And he hated her more than ever as he spun slowly on his heel.
"And why the hell not?" He ground out between his teeth. All he wanted to do was go find Joe and warn him. Ask him why he had put himself back in the Circle's line of fire, and then pull him back out of it.
Just moments before, he'd been daydreaming about Cammie, but his mind was sent spiraling in a furious frenzy at his mom's words, which made him feel out of control of things. And if there was one thing Zachary Goode needed to have, it was control of as many situations as possible. He had to go.
"Because I have four snipers trained on you right now," she sneered, and for the first time, Zach noticed the comms unit in her ear, mostly obscured by her hair. "Don't think I didn't know that you would do this. You always do. You always leave."
Of all of the things that she could have said to Zach without affecting him, she chose the one that she knew would be a complete kick in the gut. And she smiled when she saw that she'd calculated the right dig.
"What's the matter, Zach? Missing that little Morgan girl? What was her name?" She snarled, and Zach clinched his jaw, determined to not give her the reaction she was wanting. "Oh yes. Cameron. Cammie. I wonder how she's doing now that she's all alone. I heard a rumor the other day that her last mission didn't go so smooth—"
Zach's hand connected with her jaw, and she laughed. "For such a deadly assassin, you really are weak. You aught to know better than to wear your heart on your sleeve."
"Don't talk about her. Don't so much as say her name. You have no right," Zach snarled between clinched teeth, every muscle in his body on edge. He wasn't in any state to talk about Cammie. Especially with his mother, of all people.
"Oh, and you do?" She laughed again.
"I'm not doing this," Zach spit out, fuming. "I'm not doing your dirty work for you. I won't touch one hair on Joe's head. You've already killed Cam's father and my father. I'm not helping you kill the man that's adopted both of us. Find someone else," he began walking away again, shaking his head and managing as much self control as possible.
"I'm not so sure that the Circle will be happy hearing about you turning your back on them yet again," Catherine called, and once again, Zach stopped. "They don't like people leaving once, Zachary. They won't allow someone to leave twice. Not even you. You'll pay if you do."
Zach actually laughed. He was exhausted; he'd just killed the leader of Istanbul's most notorious drug ring, paving the way for the next in line—a younger, even more horrible Circle member—to become leader. He'd taken a father of seven, a husband, a son. And he'd seen Macey McHenry, which had made him see Cammie everywhere for the rest of the day. "Let them kill me if they want to. It's not like I have anyone or anything left here regardless."
"Oh no, no, no," Catherine tsked, enjoying the situation immensely. "Killing you wouldn't make you pay. You might as well be suicidal. You've already let us know that when you first returned. No... I'm sure they'll have something MUCH nicer planned. After all, Cameron hasn't been able to bring herself to move out of that dreadfully charming little house you shared two years ago."
There it was again; with those few simple words, Zach was sent spiraling back into a world of love and heartache. He didn't have it left in him to force himself to think that his mom was most likely lying. All he could think about was Cammie Cammie Cammie. And her safety.
"You won't touch one hair on her head or so help me God, I will—"
"Then you'll be needing this," Catherine handed him a small packet of papers, smiling. "You'll receive more after you conclude your job in New York in a few months. I suggest you do your research and do this one right, son. One little misstep, and..." She trailed off and shook her head, making a slitting gesture across her throat.
And Zach knew that it wasn't for him.
Maybe Cammie would understand. After time, if he ever got the chance to explain, maybe she would understand that everything he did was to protect her. To keep her safe. To love her in the only way he knew how.
So Joe Solomon would have to die. The only father Zach had ever known would be killed by his adopted son's own hand.
This one was it. If he couldn't come up with a way to get around killing Joe, after this one, Zach would snap his mother's neck. Or send a bullet through it, one.
Her days were just as numbered as Joe's. Hopefully she had less than he did. And with that small little victory in his head, Zach was able to make himself at least move. He didn't feel any less horrified or terrified or lost, but he did know one thing.
If Joe Solomon was going down, Zach was going down too. And he was pulling the whole Circle down with him.
Once again, sorry for the wait. And the super long A/N at the beginning.
Review please? Pretty please? :)
~Inez