Love the reviews guys, you're all awesome! We're getting closer to the events from the beginning and so much more. i have to say this is probably my favorite chapter so far and you'll see why. ENJOY! 7500 word count for this one so I worked my butt off for this one.
I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.
Chapter 9
I receded into my shell after giving Jace my all prom night. I poured everything I had into him: pain, betrayal, want, need. I let him have it all, but with that moment passed I was made to deal with the leftovers. Simon and Izzy did their best to shield me but they couldn't hide everything or keep it all away. Jordan cornered me after lunch on Monday and it made me sick to even look at him.
"Clary, can we talk?" I shook my head and attempted to push by him. "Would you please just let me explain?"
"I don't need you to explain, Jordan," I hissed, trying to get around him. His hands gripped my shoulders and he pushed me into a corner.
"I need you to understand…" he pleaded. I looked away and caught sight of Jace watching us down the hall. He stiffly shook his head with his arms crossed. I just wanted to go back to Friday night, in his room. I was safe there with him, just us in our own bubble. I pulled my eyes back to Jordan and he turned to figure out what I'd been so caught up with, Jace had gone already. "Listen, Clary…"
"No!" I let my eyes burn into him and set my jaw before walking away. I couldn't be a hypocrite since I'd done it first but, I didn't carry on for months and I wasn't sleeping with him at the same time. I made it to my locker with Jace on my right and his eyes questioned me. "I'm good." He cocked his head in disbelief. "Really, I'm fine. Have you talked to Maia?" He shook his head. "Are you…"
"Fine," he gave me a closed mouth smiled and shut his locker. It bothered him more than he would let on, even to me and I knew better. We didn't have to pretend with one another but we still did. It was a different atmosphere at school than when we were alone. Sebastian sauntered up to me now, and I saw the flash of warning in Jace's eyes.
"Clary," he greeted sweetly. I nodded and glanced over at Jace before turning to him. "I heard about what happened. Jordan's a prick." I couldn't agree more. "Anyway, I just wanted to see if you needed anything, like a laugh or a baseball bat…" Jace sniffed and out of the corner of my eye I saw him shake his head. "Someone to talk to…"
"I'm fine, Sebastian. Thanks though." I smiled and I knew it was cheesy but I really didn't want to deal with anymore boys right at the moment.
"Well, let me know if you change your mind." I bit my lip and nodded before turning away. Izzy stood before me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. She eyed Sebastian viciously before leading me down the hall.
"You good?"
"Yeah."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Izzy. I'm fine." She looked at me apologetically. I hated when she did that. I wasn't a charity case. I would get through this. I just needed a little time. After school I locked myself in my room and fussed over more drawings Magnus requested.
"Clare-Bear?" Jon peeked his head in.
"Yeah?" I didn't look up. I was working on Magnus' nose. I still hadn't perfected it. You'd think after countless drawings I'd have it perfected by now.
"Can I come in?"
"Sure." I heard the door shut behind him and his exhale when he hit my bed.
"You wanna tell me what's going on?" I swiveled in my chair and looked at him curiously. "Don't look at me in that tone of voice. I'm not stupid. I can tell when things are bothering you. So spill your guts. Do I need to maim someone?" His over-protectiveness was a force to be reckoned with.
"I'm fine," I laughed.
"I'm fine,' is universal for girl meaning, 'fuck with me and I'll end your world.' I pity the fool who screws with you." I rolled my eyes. I loved my brother and his subtle way of explaining things. Sometimes I was sure Jon was from a different time or planet even. "Come on, I'm offering a free bitch session. It's completely confidential and free of charge." Somehow I liked Jace's forms of therapy better.
"Jordan cheated on me," I mumbled and fidgeted in my lap. His eyes grew wide and his jaw fell until he reset his face and it was murderous.
"With?"
"Maia Roberts."
"Jace's Maia?" Jon's voice went up an octave when he said it. I shook my head.
"Not anymore."
"O.K. cheated on you how? Like…He shot the magic stick off in the house under the hill?" What the hell did he just say? "Or she slobbed his knob? The punishment must fit the crime. I need to know how severe this is."
"They've been sleeping together for a few months."
"That bad, huh? So he needs his two bits and tackle removed." I had to appreciate the euphemisms. At least he was making me laugh.
"No, leave his parts alone." They were no good anyway.
"I'm just saying. If you need me to take care of it…" I shook my head. As much as I liked to entertain the idea, I rather preferred having my brother around.
"It's alright. I'm not going to play the wounded victim. I'm just going to pick myself up, wipe the dust off, and keep walking."
"That's the Clary I know and love. Come here, let's hug it out." He stood and pulled me from the chair into a tight bear hug.
"Jon…Clary…dinner." My mother's voice drifted into my room. Jon and I barreled down the steps, excited that mom was home for a change and cooking dinner. She made our favorite, Tator-tot hotdish. She even went all the way and made fried sugar doughnuts. Dad was home early from the bookstore and for the first time since Jon's accident, we sat at the dining room table and had a family meal.
"How's the shop, Dad?" I asked with a mouth full.
"Oh, it's great. With Jon's help I got all the book re-catalogued and sales are picking up." I nodded, pleased with the stores progress.
"Mom, how about the new exhibit?" Jon asked before I could. This was the answer I really wanted to hear because I'd helped her put some of it together.
"It's amazing!" she gushed. "Jia has it set up right at the entrance so, it's the first thing you see before everything else and the last before you leave. I also think I'm going to start putting some of my stuff in the shop to see if it will sell."
"That's a great idea, Mom," I beamed. I loved her work and I couldn't imagine anyone else not feeling the same way I did.
"Maybe we'll put some of yours out too," she said.
"I'd like that."
"Listen." My mom suddenly became serious and she clasped her hands in front of her mouth. She looked over at my father and he gave her an encouraging smile. I didn't like where this was going. I knew that look on both their faces and it never meant anything good. I looked at Jon and he at me, both of us wide eyed. I think my heart stopped and my breathing ceased. Ironically, Jace's voice sounded in my head saying, 'Don't hold your breath.'
"What is it, Mom?" Jon asked while I sat with hands folded in my lap.
"Well," she sighed. "No reason beating around the bush…" I zeroed in on her but took a few furtive glances at Jon and dad. "I have cancer." I closed my eyes tight and the tears rolled. My heart did stop this time, I just knew it. My father took my mother's hand and kissed it lightly, like she was more fragile than glass.
"What kind?" Jon asked darkly. His eyes were rimmed red and his hands were in fists atop the table.
"Leukemia."
At her answer, the room went silent except for the buzz from the light hanging over the table. How was it that I never noticed this was going on? My mom can't die! She's too young, so beautiful and has so much to give the world yet. She makes life more interesting by finding little ways to alter things without compromising originality. She sees that everything has the ability to be beautiful and I wish I could do that the way she does.
"I start chemo and radiation next week and I wanted to tell you beforehand. I want to prepare you for what's to come." She stood from her chair and came around the table to scoop me up in her arms. There was no place I felt more secure than in her embrace, with maybe one exception, but even now it wasn't enough to silence the sobs from clawing their way out of me. "It's going to be alright," she soothed, pulling her fingers through my curls.
Jon climbed the steps slowly while I fought what felt like a losing battle to breathe. That night I lay awake in my bed staring up at the ceiling. I prayed and cried and prayed some more, but I knew there was no overnight cure for this. It was going to be a huge family test. All I cared was that my mother came out of this with a smile on her face and a story to tell her grandchildren. I had to tell myself that she'd be there…to see her grandchildren, to see me graduate, to help me plan my wedding, and to dance with Jon at his. I couldn't cut her out of those things because if I did, she was already good as gone.
Dad took mom to her chemo appointments at first and Jon ran the store. For the first six months everything seemed to be going well, despite how hard the treatments were on her. She put a smile on her face and never showed us her pain. I secluded myself even more, often times even pushing Simon and Izzy away for the sheer fact that I didn't want to relive every painful moment two times over, but they still remained supportive and let me know they were there when I was ready to open up. Sebastian though, he didn't let me get away with pushing him to the side. He walked me to my classes, carried my lunch tray and made me smile when it seemed no one could.
I finally caved and let him take me to a movie one night. My mother forced me out of the house telling me, "I don't need a babysitter, Clarissa. Go out and have fun." Dates became a Saturday night ritual since Friday's were technically dedicated to Simon. He took my mind off of things. He never pushed me about my mom but was willing to listen when I did vent about it. Surprisingly he didn't push the sex issue either. HE turned me down. I debated on whether it had anything to do with Jace because since Jordan was a duech, he and Jace spent a lot of time together.
Senior year came and I was no longer seen as the girl Jordan cheated on but, the girl whose mother was deathly ill. Everyone around me walked on eggshells for fear I may break down at any moment, but I didn't do that. Magnus and Sebastian were my godsend. Magnus kept me busy with drawings and would randomly surprise me with glitter showers just to make me smile and Sebastian was the perfect boyfriend. Jace took on new pet projects, namely Kealie and Aline. I never thought he'd stoop to that level but I guess after what happened with Maia he decided that relationships weren't worth it, not that I blame him.
When winter rolled around we all held our breath knowing that if my mother so much as caught a cold, it could kill her. I brought extra clothes to school and kept hand sanitizer on me at all times to ensure I didn't bring anything home to her. Jon moved into his own place stating, "It's too hard to see her like that." Little did he know that his absence didn't help matters. It only made her worry for him and packed on added stress that she didn't need.
The hardest day for her was when she started losing her hair. I remember that morning perfectly. It was the first time I'd seen her breakdown over any of this since she'd told us. Dad had left for the day and I was in my room combing my hair. I heard a noise from the bathroom and hurried in to see what was going on. I found my mother slumped on the floor staring wildly at her hands, a chunk of hair in each one. I picked it off her fingers and pulled her in, repeatedly telling her, "Its O.K. It's just hair. It will grow back."
Who was I kidding? My mother's long red locks were what made her unique, classically beautiful. It was because of hers that I was so proud of my own. It only continued to get worse. She eventually lost all of her hair and her skin lost its glow. Her eyes didn't light up like they used to and she became a shadow of her former self. Her weight dropped to less than a hundred pounds and her cheek bones protruded on her face. Her eyes were rimmed black and sunken in. I no longer recognized my mother.
She did come to my graduation, something I begged her not to do but, she shook her head and bony finger at me while saying, "I wouldn't miss it for the world. No sickness will keep me away on your day." It lit me up on the inside knowing she'd be there. Robert and Maryse offered for Izzy, Jace and I to have a joint graduation party. My mother protested at first but finally dad and I talked her into it. We couldn't risk having that many people in and out of our house. I could have cared less if I had a party or not.
The day we all dreaded came when she had to be hooked up to a morphine drip after the chemo and radiation failed her. The worst feeling in the world was knowing that I could come down the stairs one morning and she would be gone. That summer dad and I took turns at the store, one of us always home. I think the store was the only thing keeping either of us sane. When I was with her she'd ask me to paint for her. My easel found a permanent spot in the living room. It was therapeutic for both of us. I learned a lot from her that summer and those last moments with her were ones I will always treasure.
She died a week before my birthday. It rained the day we buried her and after the funeral Jon, Dad and I sat in the dining room reliving our best 'Mom Moments.' That night Sebastian stayed at my house and held me while I slept. There were no tears. She wouldn't have wanted that. I was just glad she wasn't in pain anymore. Jon became a loose cannon after that. He started drinking heavily and arguing with dad to the point he was no longer welcome in the house.
I made out a schedule to keep myself on track. Mondays were breakfast with dad. Tuesdays were lunch with Jon. On Wednesday I met with Simon and Izzy for dinner. I had class Thursday nights. Friday I switched of between Simon and Izzy and Saturdays were dedicated to Sebastian. Sundays were my days with mom. I took over her studio since that was her place. There I'd paint and talk to her. I told her about my week and all the gossip I received from Iz. Dad put my Sunday paintings on display at the store and in only a few short weeks he had people coming in requesting them.
My first year of college was the hardest. Sebastian was gone for homecoming and Izzy dragged me to a frat party for our Friday night out. I wore a little black dress and got lost among people I didn't know who fed me alcohol. I'd never been so low and I was at my breaking point. Music blared all around me along with people doing keg stands and randomly throwing their clothes around. With a few drinks in me I gained enough confidence to dance with strangers and be wild. There was one guy who stuck by me all night. His name was Caleb. He was shorter than Sebastian and had sandy brown hair. His eyes were blue and he had a lean muscular build.
Usher belted out 'My Way,' and Caleb sat down in a chair while straddled his lap and danced. A few other guys crowded around for the show and cheered me on. I was on a high that I never wanted to come down from. His hands rested on my hips while he smiled up at me. He licked his lips and sat erect guiding his hands up my back. I let my head fall and my eyes close, still moving to the beat of the song while he kissed my neck.
~oOo~
Another frat party, it seemed to me that college was just one big party. Not that I cared. I liked to have fun just as much as anyone else, but I could see this getting old…fast. I didn't really have a choice since I lived here. I found a blond girl to occupy my time with and let the beer slide down my throat. That warm tingly sensation you get from drinking is awesome. I was perched on the kitchen counter with this chick between my legs when I heard chanting in the other room. I got curious and moved her out of my way to find out what the deal was. I shoved my hand in my pocket, bottle in the other, and sauntered into the dining hall. I couldn't see much around the small crowd so I closed in and nearly choked at the sight.
Red curly hair, and a tiny body wrapped in black grinding on some idiot and everyone around decided to make a show of it, like lap dances never happened in this house…pfft, right! But this one wasn't! I set my drink on the nearest flat surface and pushed my way through. I wrapped an arm around Clary's waist and yanked her off the dick heads lap, earning me a death glare from him. "Whoa, Dude! What the fuck? The lady was dancing for me." He held his hands up and I looked down at Clary. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to wiggle out of my grip.
"Let me go, Jonathan," she seethed. Not a chance, I don't care if she used my full name or not.
"This one's taken," I said with a curt smile and tossed her over my shoulder. She was going to hate me for this but someone had to save her from herself. I marched her up the stairs, she protested with every step I took but I ignored her. Once in my room, I shut the door behind me and set her down in front of it.
"What the fuck, Jace?" Her arms crossed over her chest as she yelled at me.
"What the fuck, Jace? How about…What the fuck, Clary?" I rested my hands on my hips and stared at her like a disapproving parent. Probably not the best approach but I was in shock. I'd never seen Clary like that in public. "What were you thinking? You don't even know who he is!" My hands waved frantically in the air while I yelled at her. Her only response was rolling her eyes and huffing. "When did you decide to start soliciting yourself at frat parties? I never saw you as the slutty type but tonight you seem to fit the bill to a 'T.'
I heard it before I felt it. A loud crack seemed to echo in the room and I was no longer looking at Clary but at the wall to my right. The sharp sting followed shortly after and I felt the blood well up as it started to throb. I closed my eyes and flexed my jaw before slowly facing her. She took a breath in and let it out in one big gust. I could smell the hint of alcohol in it and it only fueled my anger at the situation. I pressed my palms to the door on either side of her head and leaned in. "Does the truth hurt, Clarissa?"
"Maybe you should take a good look in the mirror before accusing someone else of acting like a whore."
"Really, You're gonna turn the tables on me to make yourself look better? You don't get to act like this because of what happened to your mom." Clary gritted her teeth and we stared angrily at one another as I pushed the words out. "You think your mom wanted some stranger to fuck you like a dirty whore, because that's what would have happened." I wasn't prepared for what came out of her mouth next.
"Oh? What was it that you did?" There was no waiver in her voice but it was filled with malice. I stepped back, deflated, defeated and entirely in shock. My mind scrambled to remember every tiny detail in each circumstance she was referring to. The first time I was gentle, slow and even careful, hoping to do as little damage possible. The second could arguably have been a fuck but the only difference between that and the last time was that it happened in my car. I never treated Clary like a whore. In fact, I was always more worried about her enjoying it than myself. When I touched her it wasn't to please myself, but her. If I'd fucked her it would have been solely and entirely for me. I'd done it before, just not with her.
After I hit a moment of composure I set my hot gaze back on Clary, still leaning against my door and looking out the window. Her hands clasped behind her back and the strap of her dress hung off her shoulder. In my ears I could hear the blood coursing through me like a steam engine, and it made my head feel like it was about to burst. I stalked forward and took her jaw in my hand, forcing her head back so her eyes met mine. There was a soft thud on the door when her head met the wood but it was too soft a sound to have hurt her. Her lips set in a thin line and she stared back at me with those emerald eyes, fire blazing just behind them.
"I never…fucked you." With my mouth a mere centimeters from hers, I did the best I could to sound controlled. Her eyes danced back and forth between mine. The fire raging before it dwindled. We stared on another down before she finally blinked, lips parted and her hot breath washed over my face. Captain Morgan, the sweet scent of the spiced rum hit me in waves. Why couldn't Jose have been her wing man tonight? At least that would have suppressed what seemed like an undying thirst I had for her and I didn't know why. It appeared like I was the only one to notice when she was teetering on a precipice, the only one able to reach out and grab her before she tipped over it.
My mother always said, "People are put in your life for a reason." It felt as though I was put in Clary's to catch her before she fell. I was about to close the distance and appease my hunger when her palms slammed into my chest and shoved me back. It wasn't far, maybe half a step, but it was more distance than I wanted. She gripped the handle, twisted the lock and pulled but before she could turn to make her escape, I lurched forward pressing my hands into the door and slamming it shut. Our chests rose and fell, nearly touching and the heat between our bodies was evident. I reached forward and took her nape in my hand, making her gasp and giving me enough space to plunge my tongue inside her mouth and coax hers out.
We played a game of dominance, pushing one another into submission, but neither of us gave the other an inch. She sucked on my bottom lip and pulled it between her teeth. A sharp pain shot through me. I stepped back only slightly and ran my tongue over the sore spot. The salty, metallic taste had me smiling at the challenge. Clary stared back at me from under heavy lidded lashes, her chest still rising and falling as quickly as mine. Her hair fell heavily on her shoulders and one side of her mouth turned up in a mischievous grin. The light pink tinge in her cheeks and swollen, just-kissed lips only fueled the burn for her.
Clary stepped forward, took my face between her hands and held me still while she licked the blood from my lip. I froze, goose bumps prickled on my arms as she moaned. I set my hands on her hips and rolled them around her backside with a vicious smile of my own. I bent at the knees, gripped the back of her thighs and hauled her up against me with her legs wrapped around my waist. Her eyes never left mine, not even when I twisted the lace of her thong around my hands and let the tattered fabric that remained fall to the floor next to my bed.
Her hands feel from where she held my neck and she leaned herself back slightly, my hold on her never faltering as she found the button of my jeans. I put her down and my mouth found hers, leaning her back into the mattress as I slid down the zipper of her dress. I stood and pulled my t-shirt over my head then tossed it at her. Clary pulled it over her face to reveal her biting her lip and smiling. "Quit biting you lip," I rasped.
"Why?" She cocked her head a smiled sweetly at me.
"Because you're only making it harder for yourself," I said as I dropped to my knees.
"To what?" She sat bolt upright and I pulled her to the edge of the bed, lifted her knees over my shoulders and smiled.
"To walk in the morning." Her jaw fell and eyes widened. I could only chuckle at her response to my insinuation. I leaned forward and set my gaze heard on her. "Lie back," I ordered. Her mouth snapped shut and she fell back with a whimper. I could feel her legs quiver before I'd even touched her the way I intended to. She would be Jell-O before anything else happened. My tongue went to work, licking, dipping, caressing…teasing until I had her wriggling and panting madly. Her legs tensed and hands fisted in my hair as she called out my name. Her body shook but relaxed, twitching with each movement I made. I knew she was done…but I wasn't.
Clary panted out something between her moans but it was nowhere near audible or understandable. Her body grew stiff again, much quicker the second time, but she was too far gone to get my name out this time. I would accept moans of pleasure as well. I gave her a short break to lick my lips and enjoy the sight of my handiwork. She attempted to close her legs, still panting, but I caught her knees and slid my hands up her thighs parting her again. "One more," I whispered.
"NO!...I can't." she shook her head. "Too sensitive." She swallowed and her hands fell to my cheeks.
"You can and you will." I let my breath fan over her and her legs twitched. If only I had chocolate syrup now, she mixed well with it. Her fingers tightened, digging into my skin trying to pull me up but she was too weak to do it. I went back to work making her wiggle and twist on the bed, her body did exactly as I commanded it to.
"Ah! God! What have women done to you since last time?" She panted. Her legs went rigid and fingers knotted in my hair, pulling, but all she could get out were whimpers this last time. Before her body went limp, I stood and finished what she started with my pants then, yanked her dress down. I pushed her up and settled on top of her, still able to feel her muscles clench inside. I released a tentative breath, moving slowly as I'd forgotten just how good she felt.
I took a handful of her hair and pulled it back exposing her neck and ran my lips along her shoulder and up to her ear. Her head jerked in my direction and I smiled remembering how I found that sensitive spot but, it was another spot I was pushing for. Her heels dug into my butt urging me forward and her hands cupped my face while she thrust her tongue in my mouth to the same rhythm I moved. Clary's nails dug in and I tugged her wrists, laced our fingers and pulled them above her head.
I swiveled and rocked my hips, digging them almost painfully into hers. She was close but I wanted it to build. I wanted the last one to rake though her body like a life altering earth quake. I rolled her over knowing I'd get no resistance after the three orgasms and propped her hips up to work from behind. This way served two purposes: 1) she couldn't claw the skin off my back and 2) It was deeper. Clary's hands fisted the blanket as I eased in. A few deep thrusts had us both panting and groaning. I nibbled at the space connecting her should and neck making her whimper and her muscles spasm. I had to cover her mouth, regrettably, as her orgasm rolled into two. If there weren't people in every crevice of this place, I wouldn't have cared. I would have loved it actually, but there was.
We collapsed on the bed body's slick with sweat, hearts pounding, and chests heaving. Her vanilla scent slammed into me, familiar and intoxicating. I buried my nose in the back of her neck and she tucked her hands under her chest. My hand ran the length of her body from her shoulder to her hip. She shuddered and pulled in a slow unsteady breath before releasing it. "Are we ever going to address the fact that whenever we're alone, we always fall into bed?" Her voice was husky and low.
I leaned back and pulled her hair aside. "We have," I whispered, letting my lips graze her ear. "Therapy remember?"
"No, Jace. This isn't therapy," she said shaking her head. "This is raw, primal, needy, mind blowing, I hate your fucking guts but I want more…sex." I thought about her rant for a moment before I rolled her over and held myself above her with my hands at either side of her head.
"More?" I smirked, completely blowing off everything else she said. I had her naked in my bed, I was going to take full advantage. What the hell was there to talk about? Sex with her was everything she said it was but it didn't need to be more. It didn't need to be shrouded in a confusing, 'What are we? What is this?' situation. I was content. She rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. "Clarissa," she turned her head and I came down on my elbows, moving ever so slowly between her legs to remind her of what the actual purpose this present situation held. She swallowed and parted her lips. "Never try and have a serious conversation with someone who is balls deep inside you. The only thing on my mind is the many ways to make you scream my name," I whispered against her lips.
Clary's back arched with a whimper. "What happened to being sensitive?" She was already breathless and wanting.
"Practice makes perfect, and I've gotten plenty of practice." My voice was muffled as I spoke into her neck making her arch more and cock her head. I liked that spot. Then again, I liked all her spots. Why couldn't every relationship I'd ever had be like this? Completely unattached, no holds barred, unrelenting sex with no particular reason why it was this way. Every other girl wanted more, an emotional connection to go along with it. I didn't want one, Clary didn't need one…so why an explanation?
I woke the next morning with a slight headache and a crazy high. My body felt light and heavy at the same time. Clary's hand rested on my chest but the rest of her was so far away. I found myself wanting to pull her in just to smell her. I realized then that the alcohol was the headache and Clary was the high…or she was both. I'd fed my addiction; maybe I was coming off my high and rolling straight into withdrawal. I decided to test my theory. I placed my hand atop hers and rolled to my side facing her. I searched her sleeping face trying to find something, anything…that would make me turn away. I'd never had a problem finding a reason with anyone else. I never even had to search for one.
I ran my free hand through her hair gently, so not to wake her, even though I really did want her to open her eyes so I could get lost in the perfect emerald depths. I scooted closer and pressed my nose to the top of her head and sucked her in: vanilla, sweat, sex and…me. Separately they all smelled good on her but together they smelled even better. Clary's fingers twitched beneath mine and she hummed in her sleep. She drew closer to me burying her face in my shoulder and scissoring her legs with mine. I released her hand and moved to run my fingers down her spine, noting that my headache was gone.
Hi, my name is Jace Herondale, and I'm addicted to Clary.
Fuuuuuck!
And this is why I avoided her question. I couldn't give her answers to something I was clueless about. I wanted it to be exactly what it was; just sex, no strings. I wanted to go about my everyday life without having to wonder what she thought or felt. I wanted to not care if it would ever happen again or if I would see her stripped down and bear like this. Why was I now trying to explain it to myself? I had to quickly move my hand before she rolled over on it with an exasperated sigh. I was grateful for the distraction pulling me from my inner monologue because what you want and what you get are two very different things.
"So close but, so far away," the voice in my head chanted. That's it! This wasn't going to fuck with my head. Shaking all those thoughts away I set my mind back to where it should be; to a naked girl in my bed. There was only one purpose for a naked girl in my bed. I reached forward and yanked her back toward me, gentle enough not to hurt her but with enough force to wake her. She groaned in protest and pulled the blanked over her head and mine. I settled my arm between her breasts and ran my thumb along her jaw while nibbling on her ear. She didn't object, but whether it was because she was too tired or too exhausted, I didn't know. Her body was still pliable from last night's adventure so I was leaning toward exhausted.
I could feel her quickened heartbeat under my lips and her labored breathing under my hand as I ran it down the center of her body. She arched into my hand but stopped it at her navel. She looked back and I questioned her with my eyes. "I couldn't spread my legs if my life depended on it right now."
"I can fix that." I smiled and turned her over. I moved my hand down her leg until my fingers rested behind her knee and pulled it up. With her knee resting in the crook of my arm I travelled back up to her inner thigh where I could feel the muscle tremble beneath her skin. Her scent was even more potent trapped underneath the blanket and it fucked with my head. "You weren't kidding," I joked squeezing her leg lightly to get a better feel on the effect our night had on her. I moved over her so I was eye level with her chest and her leg fell immediately at the loss of my arm. "Oh Clary, what am I going to do with you?" I asked ghosting my lips over her already hot skin. I kept going lower, throwing my tongue in the mix with a few nips and sucks.
"Help me find the nearest shower," she said throwing the blanket back. Her chest and cheeks were flushed and her hair a perfect mess. I shook my head while my tongue rimmed her belly button and my fingers kneaded her hips. "Come on, Jace," she whined. "Everything hurts."
"Everything?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Everything!"
"Are you whining right now?"
"No…I'm just stating a fact. I'm sore and exhausted and can't take anymore."
"Really? Because the flush in your cheeks and chest say otherwise and I'm sure…" I was silenced by a single finger over my lips. I took her hand and pressed it into the mattress while with my free hand I glided a finger between her legs. If I hadn't been paying close attention, I would have missed the almost inaudible moan. "Your body deceives you, Clarissa. Those lips don't lie." She sat up on her elbows and smiled. She bit her bottom lip while shaking her head. "Don't bite your lip. I can only pat attention to one set at a time."
"You're a fiend," she murmured.
"Me? You're wet." I pointed out the obvious while rising on my palms. Her eyebrow rose and she smirked then leaned forward until our lips were nearly close enough for me to taste her.
"Really?" she breathed. Clary's hand fell between us and slid down my chest and over my torso until she found exactly what she'd been searching for. "It seems your body deceives you as well."
"Your fault for being wet."
"And you weren't hard before that discovery?"
"Half mast," I shrugged. She bit her lip and giggled. "Don't bite your lip," I growled, taking it between mine and sucking on it as we lowered back to the mattress. I rolled, taking her with me so she was on top and she didn't miss a beat, mounting me and moving to her own rhythm; slow but deep. She held my wrists above my head, which for some reason, didn't sit well, so I laced our fingers. I could feel her muscles clench but I also knew she was too tired to push for it. So, I steadied her hips and moved beneath her at the same pace but pushed so deep that our pelvic bones smashed together. "Don't hold your breath," I hissed. "Come for me." I heard a sharp intake of air and felt her spasm around me, then quickly captured her lips to keep us both from waking the rest of the house.
We must've fallen back asleep after the last round because I woke to Clary's hands pressed into my chest as she pushed herself upright. "What time is it?" she gasped. I opened one eye and pointed to the alarm clock on the nightstand. "Shit, shit, shit," she hissed. I felt more pressure in my chest and the warmth of her disappear then she rolled to the other side of the bed and sat at the edge. She didn't move and I saw her scrub her palms over her face.
"What are you doing?"
She looked back and sighed, "Trying to decide if I should stand up or not. There is a risk of falling flat on my ass." I laughed and reached over to find my boxers as well as throw my t-shirt at her. I scratched my head and pushed off the bed then drug my feet over to where she sat. My shirt was way too big on her but it still looked good.
"Come on," I held my hands out and she stared at me warily. "I've got you, come on." I flexed my finger back and she placed her hands in mine, so small and delicate, they felt so easily breakable. When she stood I wrapped an arm around her waist and led her to the bathroom where I sat her down on the toilet and ran some bath water. "Did you drive or ride with Izzy?" She sat back against the tank and smacked her palm against her forehead. Her legs shook from the stress in her muscles and she sighed.
"I rode with Iz."
"Nice! Have fun explaining your disappearing act." I tested the water to make sure it wasn't too hot.
"It wasn't so much a disappearing act, more like I was held hostage." I stood and reached for the hem of the t-shirt while I scoffed.
"Not against your will," I said, pulling it over her head.
"That's debatable, I did try to leave." I rolled my eyes and helped her into the tub.
"A regrettable turn of events having to spend your night reveling in multiple orgasms. Scoot up," I ordered pulling my boxers down. She did as I said but stared at me skeptically while I got in behind her. I situated her between my legs and placed my hands on her thighs to rub the tension away. It took her a minute to relax but she did, resting her hands on my knees and drawing circles into my skin while leaning against me.
"You never answered my question last night." My hands stopped for a split second and I turned my head toward her, meeting those demanding green eyes. Clary may be able to be controlled, somewhat, within the confines of a bed but outside it was clearly a different story.
"What question?" I turned back to my task trying to play down what she was saying.
"What are we doing, Jace?"
"We are sitting in a bathtub trying to coax your legs into working order again." Clary made an irritated noise and pulled my hands from her thighs. She turned around throwing her legs over mine, sloshing water over the edge and pointed a wet, pruning finger in my face.
"That's not what I meant and you know it." I held her gaze for a while before turning away. I still didn't have an answer and given that she asked the question, she didn't either. Clary struggled to get up on her knees but she managed it and straddled my thighs. Her hands cupped my face and she turned my gaze back to her. I saw the question torment her, just like it did me and she leaned forward, ghosted her lips over mine, then my jaw and my ear. "Why does everything you do drive me crazy? Why do I feel like there's something just below the surface and every time your close it claws at me, trying to get out?" Her tongue ran along the outside shell of my ear making me release the breath I'd been holding. My fingers dug into her hips urging her forward, feeling the same thing clawing at me, driving me crazy. "Why does it still feel like a feral beast is raging inside me?" Her voice shook. "And why wasn't last night enough, why haven't any of them been enough?"
I urged her forward but she didn't budge. I leaned my head back to look at her and I saw a mess of confusion. Her cheeks and chest were glossed with sweat and held the same pink color from earlier. I held her cheeks in my hands and pulled her lips to mine. She allowed that but pulled away breathless, "It's not enough." She stood and left me there to sulk and when I came out, she was gone.
Again sorry for the mistakes, still have a vacant sign on that beta position. So...what's the verdict? They both know there's something going on but can't explain it and are too stubborn to want to figure it out...
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75 reviews for the next one... I don't have another day off until the Saturday before Christmas so I'll do what i can to get the chapter out before weeks end.
XOXO LivyBug