Ok folks, here's another very heavy chapter, but I promise you the meld is the subject of it, (you expected me to make it easy? XD lol) This also explains Thon's odd behaviour at last too. Thanks for sticking with me and thank you to those of you who have added to their alert or faves list, I really appreciate it. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! On we go!

Chapter 10

"Talla has been sent to the clone's cell, the clone can… reassure her while we figure out how to get the memories back." Tholos said as he sat down in his chair in the meeting room. He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair before suddenly pulling his hand away as if he was self-conscious of the movement. Keval regarded him carefully and then looked away. Thon tapped his temple thoughtfully. "He is so like him." Tholos murmured to himself.

"But he isn't him, and we all have to face that. Even he does." said Keval softly. "It would be so wonderful if he was him and he was untouched but we have to face the reality that that is highly unlikely."

"Do you really think he might have memories about where he came from? Maybe even where the real Shran is?" Archer asked.

"Well it's impossible to know, but we need to be sure." Archer sighed and stood up and began to pace around the room, across one side of it, between the chairs and the window. He could feel Thon's eyes on him, watching him carefully but he tried to ignore it. There was something about the man that still unnerved him.

"But how can we know if he doesn't remember?" Malcolm asked, folding his arms. "How do we get those memories out of him?" the three Andorians sighed and as one they rubbed their brows, skimming their index fingers over their ridges.

"I have a suggestion." said T'Pol softly, clearly hesitant. Keval, Thon and Tholos all looked at her suspiciously. "Perhaps I could attempt to retrieve the information from him with a mind meld." Archer halted his pacing and stared at her in surprise. Thon jumped to his feet alarmingly, his eyes wide.

"Why did you stop!" he demanded, gazing at Archer wide eyed. "Why did you stop!"

"Wha-"

"Why did you stop? Why did you break it? Why did you ruin it? WHY!" Thon screamed, his eyes wide. Tholos stood up and stepped closer to Thon, put his hand on his shoulder and rubbed it soothingly.

"Easy Thon. Calm down."

"He broke the pattern! He broke it."

"It's alright, I know he did." Tholos reached out and gently turned Thon's face to his and stared at him intently. Thon stared back in a seeming fury and then he seemed to melt and he closed his eyes and visibly shook. "It's alright Thon. It's alright."

"No it isn't. It's always wrong. Nothings right without him!"

"No it isn't but we're going to get him back. I mean it."

"Don't make promises you can't keep Thol."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Thon opened his eyes and they were shiny with tears.

"I miss him." he whispered. Tholos cupped his face and carefully caught the tears on the pads of his thumbs just as they spilt out over Thon's eyelashes.

"I know. Me too." Tholos whispered, bring his own face close enough for their brows to touch. "I miss him too."

"I want him back. I want him to sit beside me and let me rest my head in his lap as he sings to me. Do you remember the way he'd sing us to sleep if we couldn't fall away into dreams?"

"I do. I remember how he could hit the notes in a way that was so unique and so beautiful."

"Thol I miss his voice most of all, I mean I miss him completely, but more than his hugs and his laughter and his caring, I miss his voice. I always liked his voice."

"We'll hear it again from him. Soon." Tholos promised, his voice cracking slightly. Archer couldn't help but be touched, and struck by just how they must feel. He thought of Trip and then tried to imagine what it would be like to be still searching for him five years from now. He'd have lost all hope, he knew it. But these three hadn't and yet Archer saw that they were like parts of a jigsaw that was missing pieces. Shran made them complete. He was a part of them and they needed him. Archer wondered how they'd become this foursome of friendship and brotherhood that was so passionate it nearly made him blush at its intensity.

Thon seemed to have calmed and slowly he sat back down, shaking very slightly, his antennas lifeless and drooping. Tholos sat down too, his hand on Thon's arm, rubbing it slightly. Archer shifted in his seat briefly and then, unable to contain his curiosity, he asked the question,

"Could you please explain what just happened?" Tholos and Keval looked at him and then at Thon who drew in a deep breath and looked up at him carefully.

"Alright Captain. You may as well know since I'll probably do that again and other things that would confuse you if you don't know." He seemed to be squaring himself up and he seemed terribly embarrassed, or rather, ashamed. "I have a condition, or rather a personality disorder. It causes me to be obsessed by things, particularly patterns and rituals. I believe you would call it Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I've had it my whole life and can often handle it, but it is harder to control my feelings because of… of the stress that has been going on. I apologise for my behaviour, I just…" Thon bit his lip and tapped his fingers in the same rhythm on the table as he tapped on his temples.

"Please don't apologise. There's no need." Archer felt embarrassed about having made him admit this, something he was obviously humiliated about. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." Thon nodded,

"Thank you captain." he muttered, but his fingers still tapped the table, repeating the same beat over and over. Keval watched him, frowning. Then his face cleared.

"Still Standing." he muttered. They all looked at him, "That's what you're tapping out. I can hear it now. I was never sure when you tapped your temple. But now I'm sure. You keep tapping out the chorus of Still Standing." Thon smiled sadly and nodded,

"That's right." And then he said in time with the beat "Can't you stop the lies, falling from the skies Down on me, I'm still standing, Can't you roll the dice, I might be surprised, Conscience clear, I'm still standing here."

"It's appropriate." Tholos said, smiling sorrowfully, "So many lies, so many surprises… and we're still standing." He gave a brief, bitter, chuckle, "Barely, but we are still standing." Thon nodded,

"I always have it in my head when I'm worrying about this whole mess." He shook his head, "This whole mess is so big that I can't even see anything in it anymore."

"Well we'll just have to clear away some of the clutter." Keval said with a small smile. "And you said you had an idea of how to do that Commander T'Pol. I'm afraid I've forgotten what your idea was now."

"I suggested that I meld with the clone and try to locate memories that could aid us." stated T'Pol. Tholos' antennas stiffed and he pulled a strange face.

"Oh he'll love that idea." muttered Keval, shaking his head. Thon grimaced and began tapping his temples. "Why don't we just ask him to castrate himself, he'd be more willing to do that than meld!"

"Look I know Shran was never comfortable with Vulcans, but I'm sure he'll agree if we explain that this is the only way."

"Well first off I'd wish you good luck with explaining it to him and second, how do you know that it's the only way?" Tholos said sardonically.

"Have you got any other ideas?" Tholos stared at Archer hard and then growled angrily.

"No." he admitted, "But the clone will never agree to this."

"Why not?" Keval cleared his throat and smiled without humour.

"Oh who'll get to tell that tale of fun and games?" he asked sarcastically. Archer felt an on coming headache. Tholos sighed,

"I guess I will. Alright. We're going to tell you the truth, but I must first ask that you not interrupt and second I want you to know that this is the complete truth, I'm not exaggerating anything, no matter how bad a light it may since on… some people." Here he threw T'Pol a very nasty look. He squared his shoulders. And began to tell the story.

It happened approximately 30 years ago. We were all young men, fresh out of the Imperial Guard School, although we did not know each other, at least not beyond polite brief exchanges in school. Keval was two years ahead of Thy'lek, he was a year ahead of me and I was ahead of Thon by another year. When a Guardsman graduates he's assigned a mission and the four of us were assigned to combat ships that were to engage in any enemies that might come our way. Mainly Vulcans, but also Tellerites, or Orions, or Klingons or Tholians. I'm sure there were more but I can't be bothered recalling them all. Anyway. Each of us, although through slightly different circumstances, ended up serving on ships that were destroyed by Vulcan attack forces. Each of us managed to get to escape pods. Each of our pods was captured. Each of us was sent to Senai.

I'm sure you've heard of it Commander T'Pol, but let me explain what it is to those who haven't. It's a Vulcan prison camp, for Andorian prisoners of war. Senai was the worst of the prisons, everyone knew it. No Andorian ever held there had come home. We were all sent there after interrogations. Keval arrived first, then two years later Thy'lek did, I arrived a year after and Thon being brought a year later completed our little mutinous group. We had cells next to each other and when Thy'lek arrived Keval explained the rules of the prison. When I arrived they both took care of me and we three did the same for Thon. We had another friend in that prison; his name was Jelk'ley. We called him Jelk. So we were five. Five young adults, in our early twenties. And we were in hell.

Andorian theology tells of hell being a never-ending sea with different forms, from calm to chaotic. You drown forever in it. But we experienced hell first hand. The Vulcan guards had procured Klingon pain sticks-

"That is not possible." T'Pol interrupted, "The High Command disallowed the use of such weapons." Keval glared at her and got to his feet. He pulled at his tight shirt and rolled it up enough to expose his rib cage. Archer winced. The man's skin was covered with round marks, like someone had held a hot poker to the skin. Thon stood up and showed his own marks of the same kind.

"Some of the guards were a little more forceful with the use of those things." Keval spat. "And you agreed not to interrupt." T'Pol was silent. They sat down again and Tholos continued;

The rules were simply stated but not easy to follow in Senai. We weren't allowed to touch our food with our hands- ever. Not even if we dropped it. We had to use the utensils to pick it up. If we picked it up with our hands then the guards hit our hands with the sticks, until we got the message and didn't touch the food. As you can imagine, the quicker you learned the easy it was on you so you made a point to learn fast. The harder rule to follow was that we had to show no emotion. We weren't allowed to smile (although we had very little reason to) or cry or get angry or anything. We were eventually told we couldn't flinch when we experienced pain. For us it wasn't easy to not show our emotions, but we learned, we had to to avoid those sticks. Of course the guards weren't around all the time so we used that time to get any emotions out of the way, to vent our anger or tears. But even so…

Anyway about a year after Thon arrived Thy'lek, who was more stubborn and seemed to enjoy provoking the guards a lot more, decided that none of us were as rebellious as we ought. So he began to stir things up, and he began harassing the guards, causing trouble in general. The guards beat him and punished him in a variety of ways but he wasn't beaten. The man who controlled the camp eventually called him to 'speak' with him personally. Apparently Thy'lek… well from what he told us, he lost his temper and attacked the Vulcan. He was restrained and taken to the room.

He's described this room only once or twice to us, he said it was completely devoid of light, circular, with only a door as the way in or out. He was brought into it and one of the guards injected him with something that caused him to be completely paralysed. He's told us that he couldn't move, he couldn't speak, could barely blink. The Vulcan ordered for them to be left alone. Once they were the Vulcan-

Tholos' voice cracked and he swallowed hard. It was clear that this was not easy for him and Archer wished there was a way to tell them without it hurting the man so much. Finally, Tholos' spoke again,

-the Vulcan forced Thy'lek into a mind meld. Thy'lek refused to tell us what it was like. I don't think he's ever told anyone. All he's ever said was that it hurt and he cried. That's all. The Vulcan tore into his mind and saw everything about him, even though he tried so hard to fight back. But he couldn't even push him away. I'm not sure how long the meld lasted, but when he was done Thy'lek wasn't able to move much yet and all he did was curl up and cry. The Vulcan had him dragged to the exercise area where we were all gathered…

(Flashback)

Tholos turned around at the bang of a door opening. The Vulcan emerged from within the compound, and behind him two Vulcan guards dragged a limp figure. Tholos felt his blood freeze in his veins. The Vulcan stopped but the guards continued on into the centre of the exercise area, and Tholos could hear the figure crying. Thon's fingers dug into his arm, holding him back as the guards threw Thy'lek forward so he landed on the ground, hard. Thy'lek struggled to his hands and knees, his whole form shaking with sobs, his tears staining the sand of the ground, his antennas lifeless. He was a complete mess.

"Bear witness to this!" called the Vulcan. "Before you is the rebellious prisoner 38721. Now you see him as nothing but a broken child." He stepped into the area, the prisoners staring at him motionless, horrified and afraid. "He did not adhere to the rules, regardless of discipline and now he suffers the consequences. And this shall not be the last time. For, from this day forth, should any of you break a rule, he shall suffer for it."

"NO!" screamed Thy'lek twisting around in terror and falling onto his back. He sat up and pushed himself away as best he could, but he seemed to be having trouble moving.

"For any misdemeanour your fellow prisoners commit, they shall be punished as is due, but you shall also go through this again, and again, and again until all of you see that you have no choice. The Andorian people will fall and be eradicated, but if you give in to us now, all the better for you." He raised a straight eyebrow at Thy'lek who was trembling, and tears were flowing down his face. "And you'd better control yourself Andorian, lest you find yourself in that room again today." Thy'lek's face crumpled and he shook his head. "You have five minutes." The Vulcan then walked away, hands folded before him, his face blank. Tholos waited for the door to shut, and then he bolted to Thy'lek and knelt before him and cradled him in his arms. Thy'lek looked up at him and he whimpered, clutching onto his shirt like a child would.

"Don't let him get me Thol. Please don't let him get me."

(End Flashback)

We took him back to his cell and tried to calm him down but he was hysterical, screaming about how the Vulcan had seen inside him, how he'd seen things that no one else knew. It was only when a Vulcan guard came along and struck him across the shoulders and knocked him out that he stopped. He was catatonic for the next few days, but then we managed to coax him out and he talked to us again, but he didn't tell us about what happened. Understand, we were barely out of our childhoods, and we never knew what happened to him for a long time after.

The prisoners were all good people, they pledged their lives to Andoria and its people. So they tried to protect Thy'lek. But someone made a mistake and they were punished and so was Thy'lek. It was late at night when this one happened and we were all locked in our cells when he was taken.

(Flashback)

"NO! PLEASE! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Thy'lek screamed, thrashing in the guards grip, crying out in pain as one of them hit him with the stick. Tholos lay on his bunk, trying to block out the noise. He couldn't stand the noise and he couldn't watch them take him away. "NO! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! PLEASE!"

(End Flashback)

"They broke him completely, that Vulcan nearly drove him insane. It's ironic that because of that near insanity we were able to escape. At the expense of Jelk." Keval said, his voice catching in his throat. Thon was rubbing his face frantically as Tholos stood up and walked over to the window. "He was taken again and again and each time seemed worse than before. And we were helpless to stop it."

"But you escaped. And he recovered, didn't he?"

"He did but it took a long time, for all of us to recover from it." Tholos said softly, staring at the stars, his arms hugging himself. "Didn't you ever wonder why he always thought the worst of Vulcans Captain?"

"I'll admit it did cross my mind but I never thought…" Archer swallowed, feeling extremely sick. "Did all the prisoners escape?" At their looks he knew that was the wrong question to ask.

"We got out, but it took us two years to get home. When we did we mounted an attack force, but when we got there… Nothing."

"Nothing?" T'Pol asked, looking extremely pale.

"They were all gone. There was no sign of them."

"They were transferred to another prison?" Thon laughed bitterly, ironically.

"Oh if only! It's actually rather funny when you think about it considering everything." He jumped to his feet and paced around the table rapidly. "We were able to find out what happened because that son of an ice witch left us a note telling us that they'd been sold to the Orions as slaves. We never found them." He laughed again, but it changed halfway to a sob. "That's really funny, the universe is laugh its ass of at us isn't it? Why does it keep doing this to us!?"

"I don't know but if I did, I'd do something about it."

"We must be entertaining for it." Keval spat standing up too. Archer stood as well.

"Look, I've no idea what you three are going through, but going to pieces isn't going to help. So the three of you should just sit down and breath." T'Pol stood as well,

"I believe we should focus on the task at hand. We can save Shran if we act quickly."

"Haven't you been listening? The clone will never agree to melding with you."

"Maybe not, then again we haven't asked." Archer pointed out. Slowly the three men returned to their seats, quiet and deflated. "Look, we have less that forty eight hours to get the clone's memories and put them to good use. So we should get started on doing that now. We'll give him the option of the meld, explain why we need it. If he agrees it shouldn't be painful or dangerous at all. T'Pol can do it, and I can assure you, she knows well that she has to be gentle." T'Pol shot Archer a look but said nothing, only nodded in agreement. "Let's go ask him."

Ok let me say first, I know next to nothing about OCD, and if anyone knows anything about it, please send me a PM and I'll try to get Thon's behaviour right, but if I don't then just attribute it to his being an alien so his type of OCD is different from humans. Second, I'm sure everyone's getting sick of me putting Shran through so much, but I promise that I don't have any plans to make him suffer much more… at least not for a while anyway, lol.

As always, reviews are appreciated!

Night's Darkness