When I thought back to it, there was a point when I wanted to die. When everyone gave me the cold shoulder, I thought they hated me, that I meant nothing to them. That made me feel worthless, it felt like I didn't have anything left to live for. Things changed.

It wasn't my friends' faults. Not this time. I just lost motivation to live. Not for any particular reason, I was just bored. So fucking sick and tired of waking up. I didn't want to have to face another day, to have my eyes open another time while I was on this planet. But who was I to think that? It wasn't like I was willing to do anything to take action.

So I found myself curled up in my bed, refusing to get up. I was sure the viewers wouldn't mind much if I took the day off, right? I could pass off as sick, considering I felt anything but well. I was starving and fighting the temptation to pick up those mirror shards. That made me scared to get up.

After thinking about it for ten minutes, I reached towards my bedside table and grabbed my phone. Another ten minutes of thinking and I decided to tweet out that I wouldn't be able to get any videos out for the day. I felt horrible for not doing the simple task of getting up and recording just because I didn't feel like it.

So that was how I spent the next hour: laying in bed.

My phone's ringtone almost caused me to fall off the bed. It was dead silent in the room until then. And no one called my phone to start with, so my first thought was that I was getting a call saying that a family member had died. It calmed down a bit once I read the caller ID and found out it was Preston.

"Hello?" I asked in a scratchy voice. I hadn't talked since the night before.

"Lachlan! I thought we were doing a parkour map! I'm exhausted, are we going to record or not?" Preston shouted. His raised voice startled me.

"Oh, sorry, man. I feel like shit right now," I apologized.

"What's up? Something wrong?" he asked, suddenly very concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just feel a bit sick," I answered.

"What have you eaten recently? That might be why you feel sick," he suggested. I couldn't make up anything. What had I eaten recently?

"Nothing. I haven't really had food the past few days..." I muttered.

"Why?!"

"I don't ever feel hungry..." That was partially a lie. I usually didn't feel hungry, but sometimes I was.

"What does that even mean? Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine…" I sighed.

"Please be honest, Lachlan," he begged.

"I am being honest. I think I'm fine," I insisted.

"Well, I don't think you're fine," he countered.

"You haven't seen me in real life for a year. I think I'm fine," I snapped.

"Lachlan, I care-" he started.

"Well, stop caring! I think I'm fine!" I shouted.

"I'm not going to stop caring just because-" he argued.

"You should. I'm not worth caring for," I deadpanned.

"Don't say that! Why would you ever think you're not worth it?!" he asked.

"Never mind, forget-" I said, regretting bringing anything up.

"No, I'm not going to forget. Explain to me why you're not worth it," he demanded.

"I didn't mean that-" I lied.

"It sounded like you did," he said.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Just drop it," I continued.

"Lachlan. Listen to me. I'm your best friend." He paused. He was my best friend, but I definitely wasn't his. Rob always came first. "I really want to know if something's wrong. You say there's nothing wrong, but you're saying things about not eating and being worthless. I'm worried for you."

Sure you are.

"Preston, just drop it-" I mumbled.

"Stop acting like I'm so fudging clueless!" he suddenly shouted.

"Well you are! You are actually so fucking oblivious to everything around you! You seriously haven't noticed anything until now?" I snapped. Shit. I just told him that there was other stuff going on.

"Why what else has been going on?" he countered, still with a raised voice.

"Nothing that concerns you," I said, suddenly timid.

"Then what does it concern?" he asked.

"Oh my god, Preston, just get off my case," I sighed.

"You know, I'm only doing this because I care," he stated, calming down.

"Sure you do." Then I hung up and got out of bed. I gave into the temptation. But not for those damned mirror shards.

I rummaged through my desk drawers while my phone was endlessly ringing. I had a screwdriver but I seriously didn't have a pencil sharpener or something? That was really weird. But I did find one in my brother's room. I unscrewed the pencil sharpener's blade from the plastic part as quick as I could.

Relapse, here I come.

The moment I got into my room, I slid down my pants to reveal my stick-thin thighs. A glare formed on my face as I placed the small blade on the skin of my right thigh. Press. Drag. Repeat. I eventually zoned out. When I started paying attention again, I saw more than sixteen cuts on my right leg. It stung a lot more than the mirror shard. But something about that was comforting. There was a small amount of blood from each cut, and when I wiped the blood away with a tissue, it didn't continue bleeding. A smirk made its way to my face as I pulled my pants back up. Satisfaction settled in as I walked to my office chair and felt a faint soreness in my leg. Man, it would sting the next morning when I took a shower. That made me feel even better. Did that make me insane? Was I insane? Probably.

My phone was still going off like crazy. I had twenty five missed phone calls from different members of the Pack and sixty three text messages from Preston.

From: Preston Arsement

im sorry

i was being really annoying

pls be alright

dont do anything stupid

you can tell me anything

is this because of Rob?

he didnt do anythign

*anyhting

*anything

i know you think i put him before you but thats not true

is that not it?

please lachlan

did i do something else?

Then I got distracted. A new message popped up.

From: Rob Latsky

Seriously Lachlan?

Preston told me you're not answering

I know this is mean, but you're acting really immature

To: Rob Latsky

So?

Is this you calling me an attention whore again?

From: Rob Latsky

Respond to Preston, not me

To: Rob Latsky

Wait.

I want to know. Yes or no?

From: Rob Latsky

Just talk to Preston. We'll talk about this later.