Chapter 10:

Wind

The trail back to camp seemed longer. Edward walked quickly with me hot on his heels. I was ready to face the wrong things I had done. Mostly, I was just glad to get it all out in the open. I was relieved that Riley found us, and thankful that he did when he did before I could finish my last sentence to Edward.

At camp, Riley was rummaging through our tent hastily, and mumbling underneath his breath. I stood by the campfire in the center of camp, and found that I couldn't speak. Should I start defending myself, or start apologizing? Edward stood by his tent, watching Riley closely. My husband rarely got angry, but when he did, it could be frightening. I never knew what he was going to do next. Of course, I've never seen him this mad at me before. Riley held everything in when it came to anger until he exploded.

He began throwing my things out of our tent.

I sighed. "Riley-"

"Shut up," Riley warned. I flinched.

"You need to calm down," Edward warned. Riley huffed and stepped out of the tent.

"Calm down? You asshole!" Riley cried, his arms flailing around him. "You broke the rules. I didn't do shit, so don't tell me to calm down."

Suddenly, Kate groggily made her way from her tent. She rubbed her eyes and frowned. She wasn't wearing any pants beneath one of Edward's t-shirts. Even now, something like that was able to fill me with jealousy.

"What the fuck are you all yelling about?" She yawned.

Edward and I glanced at each other, then looked away just as quickly.

"Oh, Kate," Riley said. "Good, you're up. These two," he pointed between us, "Cheaters, have been going behind our backs!"

I studied Kate's face, watching her emotions flash through her. She frowned, smirked, then saw how furious Riley was, and became furious too. It confused me. She turned to Edward.

"What?" She scoffed.

"Yeah, I heard Bella leave the tent, so I followed her. I knew something was going on."

"It's true," Edward stated simply. "I've been seeing Bella without you knowing, Kate." My confusion deepened when I couldn't see any remorse on my lovers face. Riley rolled his eyes and came up to me. I could feel his body heat radiating off of him.

"Why, Bella?!" He yelled. "Why did you do this? Was what we arranged not enough?"

I shrugged, and looked to the ground. I didn't know where to begin, and Riley wasn't in the right place to hear me out.

"I can't believe you would do this to me," he spat. "How many others?" I frowned, and looked up.

"Others?" I squeaked.

Riley nodded. I noticed a thin sheen of sweat forming on his forehead. "Yeah, how many other men?"

"None," I blurted immediately. "None!"

He laughed, throwing his head back. "Oh, right. Just Edward, huh?" My fists clenched at my sides. He had no right to call me what he was not so subtly calling me.

Anger finally boiled within me, and I couldn't contain myself. "How dare you! You've been cheating on me for God knows how long."

Riley scoffed. "No, sweetheart," he said sourly. "I haven't. Those nights I'm out late, are me down at the sports bar dreading coming home."

My heart twisted painfully. "None of this would have happened at all had you just gone to counseling again!" I screamed. Riley flinched, but composed himself quickly.

"Oh, it's my fault?" He asked in disbelief, pointing to his chest. I nodded briskly.

"You just had to suggest swingers," I said, my hands in the air. "Who does that, Riley? What husband openly tells his wife that he wants to start fucking other women? This started with you!" I shouted. Riley took a step away from me. "As soon as you opened that door into our marriage, our life," I cried, tears hot on my cheeks, "I gave up."

Riley finally backed down, and let his shoulders drop. "I told you at the benefit that I wanted to talk, but you wouldn't listen."

"Listen to what," I snapped. I folded my arms across my chest.

"I wanted to stop all this," he admitted quietly. "I wanted my wife back."

My heart softened, but not only because of his admission. My marriage was finally becoming honest. I swallowed tears.

"Now that you got to fuck Kate, in more ways than you have ever fucked me, you wanted to call it quits? Just like that, huh? You had enough of someone else, and thought you could just, what, Riley? Get me back as if nothing ever happened?"

Riley raised his head, his eyes lighter, but with anger still behind them. "You betrayed me."

I didn't cower. "I did, just as you did," I replied. My husband shrugged, and walked away. He shoved his belongings into his bag, and slung it over in the dirt as he began breaking down our tent.

"I'm leaving. I'll take the cabin by the lake. You can have the house because of the horses until we..." He cut off, and didn't finish. What did he want to say? Until we worked it out? Until we filed for divorce? Those were the only two options we had left.

"I'm with Riley," Kate snapped. My stomach turned sour when I realized that her and Edward were still here and had heard my argument with Riley.

"Edward, this is the perfect time to tell you," she said. "I'm leaving."

Edward frowned and uncrossed his arms. He appeared angry, but still not ashamed. "Why?"

Kate hesitated before answering. "It just isn't working out," she finally said. "You betrayed me!" I wasn't able to contain my laugh since she stole Riley's line. Kate's blue eyes shot over to me, and I stopped. "You can have the slut," Kate snapped.

My anger began to boil again, and I took a step closer to her, but before I could speak, Riley stepped in between us.

"You can come with me," he said softly. Kate smiled warmly, then went into her tent.

"But Lucy!" Edward yelled, turning to look in the tent. "How could you do this after all I have given you, Kate? After all the shit you do, the shit I put up with for Lucy, you go and do this? Just take off? You have responsibilities!"

"No one said I was leaving Lucy!" Kate fought back.

My heart was heavy with sadness. This was the climax of our tragic love story. I stood alone, between Edward and Riley, watching as Edward fought with and possibly for his wife, and hearing Riley's silent whispers of hatred towards me.

Kate emerged from the tent with her bag and walked over to Riley. I wanted to physically vomit when I saw her place her head on his shoulder. She played the victim well, but I could see through her facade. She took Riley's bag as he held the folded tent, and turned to walk away.

"What about Rosalie?" Edward cried. When I looked over to him, my heart broke. It wouldn't break for me and my marriage, but it could break for Edward.

Kate stopped walking, but didn't turn around. "Rosalie is dead, Edward."

Riley turned and started walking away with Kate right next to him, and they disappeared into the trees.

...

I was in a dark place for what felt like a lifetime, because everything went into a dense fog. My mind saw my future, only it wasn't bright and happy. I sat alone on a hillside with a horse tethered to a nearby fence. There was a swing attached to a large oak tree that swayed in the wind: back and forth, back and forth. The squeaking sound of the old weathered rope that swayed, began to annoy me. I got up, hoping to stop the swing, but it was too high up. The wind picked up and pushed the swing even higher, and faster. I wasn't able to stop it. I was dizzy from its swaying when I realized that I was sitting on the swing.

I was a swing in my life, swaying to Edward and then to Riley, never stopping at just one of them. Neither of them could catch me to stop me from my swinging. I used to swing towards Riley and then back to no one until Edward came into my life. I realized that he was the tester instead of the hero. Could I withstand his beauty, my sexual desires, and my heart, or would I surrender to them, to him, leaving Riley alone? I swung faster and faster, with no sound but the wind as it was much louder than my fractured rope. It wouldn't hold me forever.

.X.

I woke with a jolt. My eyes adjusted to my surroundings quickly. I rubbed my neck as a shooting pain spread through it from sleeping against a passenger door. I was still riding with Edward in his dark SUV. The day was dark now, too. Rain had come, washing away the dust and pollen that East Tennessee had accumulated.

Edward drove slowly along the narrow road with the radio playing low. I noticed that he had taken one of my cigars and was smoking it.

"Hi," he said when he noticed my stirring.

"Hey," I squeaked. My throat was dry and tears were crusted to my face. I grabbed my Nalgene bottle and took down a big swig of water.

"Hey," I said again, but more clearly.

Edward smiled softly and offered me the burning the cigar. I took it hastily, and smoked it. Thick smoke filled my mouth, and I inhaled it. I lowered my window slightly and released the smoke, watching it shoot out through the window. Rain drops dripped in, splashing onto my hot skin.

"I'm sorry," Edward suddenly said. I frowned, unsure of his meaning.

"You didn't do anything," I countered. He ran a hand through his untamed hair and pulled at the ends.

"Everything is a mess. I'm sorry for that. I don't know what to do about anything."

I smoked more, then passed it back to Edward. I laid my head on the seat and sighed.

"I don't know what to do either," I admitted sheepishly. "Fuck, I don't even know what I want," I said exasperated.

"I do, I'm just not sure how to get it," Edward said quietly. I cocked my head to the side.

"Tell me."

Edward sighed. "I want Lucy, but I'm afraid of Kate putting up a fight for her. I want you, but your heart belongs to someone else, and I don't have one at all."

My face frowned, because he did have a heart. Then, I smiled involuntarily, and that told me a lot about what I wanted. "I want you, Edward," I whispered. "I don't know how or if it will ever happen, but I do want you."

"What about Riley?"

Now I sighed. "I love Riley. He's been with me through a lot, and will always have a piece of me, but it's not what it was supposed to be."

"What do you mean?"

"I had this vision of our life, a vision I had for years and years, but after we got married, the vision changed. We had great years, but over time, it faded into something else. We became two people who loved each other, but who weren't ever meant to be together forever." I shrugged. "Maybe that's how it always was, I just didn't want to see it that way."

"When did you realize all of this?" Edward asked quietly.

"A couple years ago. I didn't know how to accept it, though. Riley still hasn't, and I don't know how to make him see the truth. He'll fight the good fight until there's nothing left. It will break us completely instead of doing the right thing!" I said, not noticing that my voice had raised. I was frustrated now. "He won't end things amicably to where we don't have to be two broken people. We can stay friends who will alway be there for one another, but he's the type of person who wants it all or nothing."

I shook my head, unsure if what I said made any sense at all.

"Well, maybe what made you realize the truth, can help him to also," he suggested.

I swallowed hard and shook my head. If today was the start of speaking nothing but the truth, I wasn't about to stop now.

"You made me realize," I whispered. Edward looked over to me with soft eyes, but raised eyebrows. I knew that I would have to elaborate further.

"I was in a rut before I met you. I'm just swinging on a hill all alone with no one to stop me to save me from my dizziness. In fact, the day before you came to me with Lucy, I had planned to leave Riley. I would just leave, and not give him the chance to fight, because it would be for nothing. We've been through separate counseling and then married counseling, and then no counseling. Nothing worked, because it wasn't supposed to. When I saw you," I broke off to swallow again. Tears threatened me but I suppressed them. "I felt something that I feared for years of never feeling again. I finally wanted something again...and it was you."

Edward sighed heavily. My chest filled with hope. "I thought it was fate that you were at that club. I mean, what were the odds?" He finished, chuckling lightly.

We both fell silent for a couple minutes as we finished smoking. "So, what happens now?" I asked.

"There is a lot to overcome. We take one day at a time," he replied carefully.

"I can handle that," I whispered. I wanted to talk more, but I was tired of speaking at all. I knew we would discuss everything again and again later, but for now, it was nice to be quiet. Edward reached for my hand and squeezed it.

As I had done the day before, I turned the radio up and listened to the song playing. We drove into the city limits of our home as new people. I closed my eyes and saw my swing. It was still swinging, but I couldn't hear it. Maybe the start of stopping me, was Edward ending that annoying sound that pounded into my ears for years. It was trying to tell me something, and I was finally listening.

We can never go home

We no longer have one

I'll help you carry the load

I'll carry you in my arms

Help me to carry the fire

We will keep it alight together

Help me to carry the fire

It will light our way forever

Song-No Sound but the Wind by The Editors (Yes, from the New Moon soundtrack. FLOVE that song!)

At least everything is out in the open now, huh? Now time to fix things ;)

Y'all hate Riley. That's okay. But, he's actually gonna straighten his ass out soon. And Kate? Well...she just sucks.