John returned the enthusiastic hug, holding the slight woman tight in his arms.

Letting go, he pulled back to gaze at his older sister. Like him, she showed signs of a far from easy life on her face, but there was a sense of peace and happiness in her eyes. He felt the knot of worry he always had about her ease somewhat.

Her gaze back did show concern about him, however, a turnabout that made him chuckle a little as she led him to a small sitting room and served him tea.

"OK, you know I love seeing you, but usually you give me some warning when you visit. What brings you down here?" She sat back on her chair, clearly waiting for a good explanation.

John sighed, looking around the room as he tried to think where to start. It was a good sized, comfortable house, and it was a relief to see Harriet living well.

"You know my life has changed so much in the past year, and I like where I live now, the work I do, even though it's unusual." John started.

She smiled, encouraging him to continue. "But..."

Biting his lip, John knew he had to be open and ask the hard questions. That was why he had hopped on the first train to Brighton when he woke up, grateful he had a couple days off.

"Harriet, when did you know that you were different? That you liked women?"

Her eyebrows rose, clearly not expecting such a question from her brother. "May I ask why you are asking?"

John nodded. "Um, well, lately... I have felt attracted to a man I work with."

"Oh, I see." Her hazel eyes warmed, and she reached over to squeeze his hand. "Well, it's very confusing, isn't it? It must be even harder for you, since you have only been with women before this, right?"

John shook his head. "Right."

"Does he return your feelings?" She took a scone, spreading jam over it slowly.

Taking a sip of his tea, John looked out the window as he thought about it. "Um...I don't really know. We are friends, I guess. But he's also my boss, officially. That's another thing about this whole mess that scares me. What if I approach him, and he's not interested? It could damage our friendship, and I could even lose my job."

Harriet nodded, thinking. She knew how hard John's life had been since he came back to England, had felt bad for not being able to help him more. "Are your feelings so strong you would risk all that? Have you felt like this a long time?"

John thought back over the past few months. "It all grew gradually, as I've gotten to know him better. It's only lately that it's been more...um..."

She grinned a bit wickedly, chuckling at his discomfort. "Carnal?"

Laughing along, John was sure he was blushing a little. "I can't stop thinking about him. I can hardly sleep, hardly think..."

"You got it bad, John." Harriet stood up, motioning for him to follow. "Come on, it looks pretty sunny outside. Let's walk along the beach and talk more about this."

With her urging, he took off his suit jacket and vest, wearing just his dress shirt and tie with his tweed trousers. It was nice feeling the sun on his skin, the English sunlight mild compared to what he had gotten used to. The waves were calm, a soothing background noise as they wandered along the quiet beach, talking it out.

"John, the last year or so, you have gone through so much. Your shoulder, not finding much work, struggling to pay rent. You have been so much happier since you moved to Kebar St. You have work you like, have made friends, saved up money. I like seeing you like this." Harriet dug her bare feet into the sand, looking out across the waves.

"But..." John added, bracing himself for what she might say.

She turned, looking into John's eyes. He could see the slight yellowing of her's, a result of all her years of drinking. "I can tell you really like and admire Sherlock as a friend, but I wonder if that has spilled over into an infatuation. You said yourself that you only recently started to feel attracted to him. My opinion, which you are free to disregard, is that you should wait a while to act in these feelings. Make sure they are true feelings, before you risk your friendship and even your place there. Give it some time. See if he shares your feelings."

John nodded, knowing what she said was the most sensible way to go. "But how do I deal with thinking about him all the time, and all that?"

She sighed, leaning against his side. He wrapped an arm around her back, sitting a bit closer on the bench. "Don't avoid him, but balance your life out. Spend time with other people, pursue your other interests, maybe even go on some dates with other people. Get some perspective on it all. A little distance. If you still have those feelings after a month or two, hopefully you'll know by then if he shares them."

John nodded, knowing she was right. It was sensible, sane. But it fought against every part of himself that urged him to leave now and go right to Sherlock, grab his head with both hands, and kiss him hard. For a few days. Push the tall berk flat on that big sofa in from of the fire, undress him slowly and kiss everywhere. That would probably take a few more days, at least.

"You're thinking about him right now, aren't you?" Harriet nudged his shoulder with hers, and he flashed her a guilty look. "You got it so bad. I haven't seen you like this since Bianca Jenkins!"

John grinned, remembering. "Oh yes... she was so lovely, all that long blond hair."

"Too bad all the other boys liked her too. You hardly relaxed around her, growling at any man who looked her way." Harriet teased.

John nodded, thinking back on one of his first girlfriends, back when he was fourteen or so. It had been so sweet and innocent, never more than holding hands and a few quick kisses. She had been very pretty and was quite the flirt. John's acts of jealousy seemed to delight her, and he soon tired of it.

"I didn't feel very secure with her. Everyone wanted her, and she knew it. I kept wondering why she was with me." John shook his head, running his hand through his hair.

Harriet took his other hand, giving it a squeeze. "You sell yourself short, I think. You are a good man, John. Smart, funny, caring and tough."

"I noticed you didn't mention anything about my looks. Are you saying I'm ugly, but have a good personality?" John joked.

She rolled her eyes, looking like she did as a girl, the big sister who he had taken delight in bugging. "You have gorgeous deep blue eyes, an easy smile, and for someone of your advanced years, you are still fairly fit. I bet I have a friend or two around here who would be very happy to meet you."

"Hmmmm really?" John pondered the idea. Maybe going out and meeting some different people would be fun. Flirt and joke around a bit.

Harriet stood up, pulling John off the bench. "Come on, let's go back. Clara is probably back by now and we'll have supper soon. Maybe we can go out to the pub later, and you can meet some of our friends."

John gave Clara and Harriet an unimpressed glare, trying to ignore their giggles. "This is a pub for sodomites!" His whisper was harsh.

Harriet looked pointedly at the female couples around the room. "Everyone here?"

Rolling his eyes as his deliberately provoking sister, John didn't join in on their chuckles. "And...and...," he struggled to find the word, "Sapphists...Sapphic..."

Clara seemed to enjoy his fumbling. "Please, Doctor, I'm a happily married woman!" Her hazel eyes were wide with feigned affront.

"Who shares a bedroom with her 'Companion'." John shot back, getting his own in.

Harriet put a hand over her girlfriend's. "You can't expect her to sleep with her husband. He is so ill, and it would disturb the little sleep he manages to get."

"Yes, and I get awfully cold and lonely in my own big bed." Clara said warmly to Harriet.

John couldn't help but smile watching them together. Clara was so sweet with his sister. Fate had surely played a part in getting them together. Harriet had applied for the job as a live-in companion for Clara, the young wife of an old, sickly man. They gave him wonderful care, but were able to spend much of the day together when he rested.

It was much better than Harriet's previous relationships; usually living with men she had met in bars, usually both alcoholics. She had only worked as a seamstress occasionally over the years.

Clara lived simply, in a comfortable house with a housemaid and a cook. They kept the house 'dry', to keep Harriet away from temptation. Her husband was on too many medications to drink alcohol.

"Who is your friend, Clara?" A short man with straight dark hair sidled up to her, eying John with blatant interest.

She wrapped her arm around him casually, obviously comfortable with him. "Richard, this is Harriet's brother, John. Just visiting from London."

Holding his hand out across the table, John had no choice but to shake it, nodding at the friendly man.

Another man, this one with greying hair and very bright blue eyes, sat on Clara's other side. "Harriet's brother, did you say?"

Clara laughed, glancing his way. "Thomas, meet John. I think you heard the rest."

John shook the other man's hand as well, and everyone chatted easily. Clara had lived in Brighton many years, and the men were old friends of hers. Everyone was drinking, except Harriet, who had a sarsaparilla. It eased into relaxed joking around.

"So, why did you bring John to this pub, Harriet?" Thomas asked.

She glanced at John, giving him a mischievous look. "John is considering joining our little club."

The comment was received with interest by both men, looking over John with speculation.

John shook his head, shocked Harriet brought such a private thing up. "I just privately talked with my sister about some concerns I had."

"He's concerned about getting all hot and bothered around a guy he knows." She quipped, nudging him with her elbow.

John gave a pained sigh.

Richard leaned forward. "Well, if you have any questions or need any help, I'm available. Very available."

"It's probably better if I help you with that, John. I'm older, more experienced." Thomas joked, glancing Richard's way.

Harriet laughed, holding up her hands. "Down, boys, down. You are going to scare him away. He's very new to all of this."

"How new?" Clara smiled, enjoying John's slight blush of discomfort.

John shrugged, taking a sip of his beer. "I just like a bloke, OK?"

She reached over the table, giving his forearm a squeeze. "I'm just wondering how far down the rabbit hole you've gone into our Wonderland. Have you been in bed with him? Rolled around naked?"

John didn't think sharing a sofa fully clothed counted for much. He shook his head.

"Kissed him? Grabbed his butt?" Clara joked, trying to lighten this up.

John smirked, and then shook his head. He'd certainly thought about doing all those things though.

Richard was nodding. "Oh, you are really new to all this, then."

"So, what's holding you back? Religious beliefs? Disapproving families?" Thomas asked.

John shook his head slowly. He wasn't particularly religious and doubted Sherlock was either. John's only family was Harriet now, and he knew she only wanted him to be happy.

"He's a friend, but I don't know that much about his past." John mumbled.

Harriet put an arm around his shoulders. "But he's a member of the club already?" John hadn't told her much about Sherlock's job, just that they worked together.

John scoffed at the question. "Yeah, I'd say he's a very active participant. Tall, gorgeous, very sought after. Probably way out of my league."

"They work together and are friends. I told John he should wait a little before doing anything. He doesn't want to jeopardize what he has already." Harriet said to her friends.

There was nodding at that, a pause in the conversation.

"Well, if you want any practice in the meantime..." Thomas drawled, giving John a saucy grin that had everyone chuckling.

"...you know where to find me." Richard chimed in.

The joking and playful innuendos continued, John giving as good as he got. After being in the army, and now working in a brothel, there wasn't much he hadn't heard before and he didn't embarrass easily.

At the end of the evening, he walked back to the house with Clara and Harriet. It was a mild summer night, the stars big and bright in the sky.

He was glad he had followed his impulse and come down here. It was good to talk things out with Harriet. They had a rocky relationship in the past, but since he'd been back in England, they had visited a few times and wrote letters often. They were both a bit more settled and happy, maybe more mature as well. Harriet was still battling her alcoholism, but was doing well with it lately.

Talking to her about Sherlock had really helped put it all into perspective. There were feelings there, but it was risky to act in them. As much as he wanted to make a big romantic gesture, just be impulsive and follow his urges, he needed to be smart about this.

Being at the pub had been good too. Just being around people who knew who they were, accepted each other, supported each other. It was also a boost to his self-esteem to have the two men flirting with him like that. They were attractive, smart and funny, but he didn't feel the spark, the chemistry, like he did around Sherlock. But the undeniable interest he saw in the way they looked at him still felt good.

John woke early, and had a simple breakfast of tea and toast. He wandered along the beach, letting the waves lap at his ankles, his trousers rolled up to his knees.

The ocean was beautiful, and he soaked it in. What would it be like to come down here with Sherlock, as a couple? Stay in a hotel, eat out, walk in the beach, go for a swim? Stretch out on the sand under a beach umbrella, just relaxing and reading the afternoon away. Spending time with Clara and Harriet, showing off his smart, gorgeous boyfriend.

Then again, what was stopping him from asking Sherlock on a trip here, just as a friend? Couldn't they spend time together as friends outside of the house, like the night they went to that play?

John sighed, breaking out of his fantasies. He had to face up to the fact that he was romantically, sexually interested in Sherlock. He needed to follow Harriet's advice. Limit contact with Sherlock for a while. Stop all the obsessive thoughts. Go back to a life that didn't orbit around Sherlock. Get his perspective back.

He sat on the beach, staring out at the water, for a long time. It was relaxing and hypnotic. He could feel the tension inside unwinding, his breathing coming easier. The craziness the past few weeks had been hard on him. Last night had been his first good sleep in a long time.

"Ah, there you are." Harriet dropped onto the sand beside him, her arms coming around him for a hug. She smiled at him, her eyes searching his. "How are you doing out here?"

John smiled back. "I feel good. Just thinking. So, how are things going for you these days?"

Harriet brushed some strands of hair that had escaped her bun behind her ears. She sighed. "Good, most days. I'm still working on it."

"Really? What are you struggling with?" John asked, taking her hand in his. He had thought she was doing really well.

She gave a tight smile, shrugging. "Life. It's a lot harder trying to do it sober."

John gave her an understanding look. "I am really proud of you, you know."

Lifting a hand, she brushed at a tear welling in one eye, clearly touched by his comment. "Thanks. So, did I tell you that I'm apprenticing with a milliner?"

"Really? Doesn't that interfere with your 'companion' position?" John teased.

It was good to see her laugh at that. "Fortunately, I can do that evenings and weekends. Clara knows I need something of my own, a skill I can earn my own money with."

John was impressed. He had rarely heard Harriet think long term like this. "Well, I live in a house full of women. If you ever want to visit, bring up your hat samples and maybe you will get some clients."

"Hmmmm…a whole house full of women, and you end up obsessed with a man? This isn't the John I know!" Harriet pulled her hand away and got up. "Come on, let's go back for some lunch."

John got to London in the early evening, and took his time unpacking his bag. It had been a good break, a chance to reset. Rethink his whole life.

He would try reducing his time in the lab to just Tuesdays and Thursdays again, and see how it went. He was determined to just treat Sherlock like a friend, like he had before. No more obsessing over him, no more sneaking around the house. No more allowing inappropriate thoughts about him.

"So, are there a lot of potential clients here tonight, Sally?" John sipped his wine as he surveyed the crowded room. The ballroom was crowded as it always was for the monthly ball.

She looked lovely tonight, in a dress of dark brown, getting her fair share of admiring glances.

"Four only." She replied, giving John a smile. She pointed the men out to him.

John nodded. "So, after Sherlock screens them, approves them, how are they matched with a consort? Is it based on availability or your assessment of who may be compatible?"

Sally chuckled. "A combination of things. Sherlock is very good at reading people, and he will pull me aside to discuss the men. For the ones he approves, he will already have the names of a couple consorts that would suit the client best. I introduce the client to them, and check in with everyone later. There is usually mutual interest between the client and one of the consorts."

"He's that good at reading them?" John asked.

Sally grinned. "It's amazing, isn't it? He rarely gets it wrong. Most initial pairings last the whole time the client comes to visit us. They find the other consorts attractive, but the consort they are with fits their needs so well, they rarely request a different one."

John chuckled. "Maybe he should set up a match-maker business as well. He could find me a wife."

Looking him up and down, assessing, Sally chuckled. "I didn't realize you were looking, Doctor."

John shrugged. "I'm getting older, and I'm not running around other countries anymore, thank God. It's something that I think about occasionally. Don't you?"

Her eyes crinkled up mischievously. "Is that a proposal, Doctor? Do you think we would get on?"

John couldn't deny she was attractive and he liked her intelligence and humor. "Frankly, no. We both have strong personalities, and I think we would battle each other a lot. You'd probably be the victor, and I'd be a weak, hen-pecked husband. Saying 'Yes, dear' and holding your pocketbook for you."

Sally burst out laughing at that. "You're probably right." She gave him a fond look. "So, you prefer a sweet, innocent woman who won't fight with you constantly? How about Molly? You seem to get along quite well."

They both looked over at the woman, looking pretty in an aqua dress. "We are great friends, but her heart is already taken, I think."

Sally followed Molly's admiring gaze, chuckling when she saw it was on Sherlock. "Ah, I see what you mean. Yes, that man does have a pile of hearts at his feet, doesn't he? I can't tell you the amount of correspondence I go through daily about him."

"That bad?" John asked the young woman.

She rolled her eyes. "They send me letters, begging for me for an appointment with him. They send him love letters, ranging from sweet to steamy. Gifts, flowers, chocolates, clothing, jewels, you name it. Even marriage proposals. Promises of travel and fine houses, as if he couldn't afford to do that himself, if he wanted."

John nodded, his stomach sinking. Sherlock could have anyone. Rich, attractive, perfect people. Everyone wanted him. It was nothing novel to him.

Sherlock knew it too. He worked the crowd, flirting and being charming, making everyone want him even more. Seeing how much he was desired just made them all want him more. John shuddered to think how much his clients paid for an appointment. It must be hundreds of pounds a night. Maybe even thousands.

Coming back from the washroom, John got another glass of wine. He hung back, watching the crowd, avoiding looking at Sherlock anymore. Cutting back his contact with him hadn't killed his ridiculous feelings about him. Maybe he needed to do more.

"Hi there." A woman stepped closer to John. She was around his height, with blond hair and dark eyes.

John returned her greeting. "I'm John Watson."

"Mary Morstan." She replied. John liked her confidence, and her intelligent eyes.

"So, what brings you here tonight?" John asked. Strange women weren't that common in the house. Sally had already pointed out the potential clients, so she wasn't one of those.

Mary chuckled. "Someone I work with was coming and invited me along. It's a good party to meet many influential people."

John's eyebrows rose a little. "What kind of work do you do, Miss Morstan?"

Her smile tilted up on one side. "Hmmm...I get the feeling you have a military background, is that correct, Mr. Watson?"

John chuckled. Had he just met the female version of Sherlock? Was she going to read him as easily? "Um, yes. I was an army doctor."

"So, Dr. Watson, I'm sure you can understand there are military maneuvers that are better handled on a small scale, than marching a huge army in." Her gaze was direct.

His eyebrows rose again. "Yes, of course."

"Let's just say I work in that area. I travel a lot." Mary said coyly.

John smiled. She was quite an interesting woman. "That must get lonely at times."

She nodded, taking a sip of her drink. "Quite. It is good to be back in England, even if it will only be for a week or two."

"You'll have to savor the familiar things while you are here. I missed the fish and chips so badly when I was away. Ate it every day for weeks when I got back." John chuckled.

They chatted easily, John finding her quite interesting. When she suggested a walk in the garden for some air, he readily agreed. A quick kiss behind the gazebo grew heated very quickly.

"Mary, I live here, you know. My room isn't far away..." John pulled back to say, hoping he wasn't being too forward.

Mary kissed him hard in response. "Let's go."

After that first night, he went to see her at her hotel. The night of a ball was always busy, so things might not be noticed as much. But to have her back in the house again would draw attention.

John was glad to get out of the house more, as well. He moved his appointments to earlier in the day, and was often done before 2 pm. He spent the afternoons with Mary, in her hotel room bed, and then eating dinner out. He rushed to get back in time for evening check ups.

He had sent Sherlock a note, a vague one. Simply said that a friend was in town for a short while, so he wouldn't be coming to the lab. He got no reply, and hadn't seen Sherlock since the ball. It reminded John of his first weeks in the house, when he never saw Sherlock.

He still saw Sherlock's client every night, but he was no longer torturing himself, imaging Sherlock with that person. He didn't go back to his room and touch himself for hours, imaging what Sherlock was doing.

John found he was pleasantly tired instead, and slept well. Maybe that entire previous sexual obsession had just been pent up sexual need. Being with Mary was satisfying it.

It was a pity she would be leaving soon. They both agreed to see each other, next time she was in town. John had no illusions about her. She wasn't interested in settling down.

Really, wasn't it all just a sign that John should get married? He was settled enough now that he wanted a stable relationship. Companionship, regular sex, sharing their lives. Someone to build a good life with, grow old with.

-Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-A/N: John is a bit confused by his feelings. It may take a little while for him to figure things out.

-Brighton: It is generally agreed to be the unofficial "gay capital" of the UK, and records LGBT history in the city since the 19th century. Brighton Pride is the largest Pride event in the UK, celebrated at the start of August and attracting around 160,000 people every year. In a 2014 estimate, 11–15% of the city's population aged 16 or over is thought to be lesbian, gay or bisexual.

-Sodomites/ Sapphists / Sapphic: Terms for LGBTQ people has evolved a lot over the years. In the 1860s, the terms homosexual, lesbian and gay were not commonly used yet. The word lesbian is derived from the name of the Greek island of Lesbos, home to the 6th-century BCE poet Sappho, who wrote about the beauty of women and proclaimed her love for girls. Before the term 'lesbian' came out around 1875 or so, they were sometimes called Sapphic (derived from Sappho). Sodomy can refer to many 'unnatural acts' done by men or women, but 'sodomite' usually referred to homosexual male. It is from the biblical tale of Sodom and Gomorrah.

-Sarsaparilla: This is a soft drink from the 19th century, mostly popular in the US. It was available in the UK after 1844, often a non-alcoholic drink choice. It was featured as an alternative beverage in the temperance movement, that grew from the 1820 in both the US and UK. There was a push for prohibition in many countries, but only the US had it in place from 1920-1933.

-Wonderland: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (1865) by Lewis Carroll was popular from it's first run. Amongst it's avid first readers were Queen Victoria and the young Oscar Wilde. It has never been out of print, and has been translated into over 174 languages.

-Milliner: Hats were a mandatory accessory for hundreds of years, and often denoted social status. The term 'milliner' comes from the Italian city of Milan, where the best quality hats were made in the 18th century. It was traditionally a woman's occupation, with the milliner not only creating hats and bonnets but also choosing lace, trimmings and accessories to complete an outfit. Over the 19th century, the hat styles grew in style types and became very elaborate. Hats still play a part in the horse racing events like at the Royal Ascot in Britian and the Kentucky Derby in the US.