Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews! It's just amazing! I'm sorry this chapter has taken some time to get out, I just couldn't get the first part the way I wanted it. I'm still not 100 happy with it, so don't kill me, ok?
I've already started the writing the next chapter, hopefully I will have that out tomorrow sometime.
Love you guys! Please read & review - and make my day :)
Chapter 10
The silky feel of his hair underneath her fingers, she can't believe how much she has missed that. Angela carefully put her arms around him, pulling him closer to her. "Jordan, please, is there something I can do?" "I'm fine…" Jordan manages to get out through gritted teeth. "You are not fine! You shouldn't even be here, you're sick, Jordan, you idiot, you should be like home in bed!" Angela is scared, and that makes her angry. It's obvious that Jordan doesn't take very good care of himself, allowing himself to get in this bad a shape. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" She says sadly, hugging him, holding him tight, waiting for the coughing to ease off.
Jordan wishes that Angela would stop talking and just hold him, make him forget everything like she used to do, but she is obviously angry, and his feverish brain can't seem to figure out why. "What are you doing here?" His hoarse voice makes her lean back enough to look him in the eyes. Angela gently strokes the hair away from his face, gasping at the sight of the bruises. "What happened?" He shrugs. "It's a long story, I'm fine now." Jordan doesn't know why he's lying, this is Angela, the only person that matters. Why should he go on saying he's fine when he's far from it? Then again, why the hell should Angela really care about him, after the way he's been treating her. He promised himself he would never ever lie to her, and even if he hasn't told a direct lie, not telling her the whole truth about the Rayanne-incident and the letter, can't be too far from actually lying to her face. Jordan knows in his heart he would have major problems forgiving a thing like that. He wants Angela in his life, he needs her, but he doesn't deserve her, he's just as bad as his father said, he's a disgrace. No wonder why nobody can manage to really love him, and why the one who maybe has been the closest to ever do it, turned away. He should have left the party, he needs to be alone. He deserves to be alone.
Jordan keeps insisting that he's fine, but there's no way she's buying it. He seems like he might pass out any second. He's trying to sit up straight, but even that seems to be too much for him right now. It bothers her that all the time he seems to avoid looking her in the eyes. "I'm worried about you, Jordan!" There she said it. There's so many things she wants to say to him, how much it hurts her to see him like this and how difficult it is to move on when she still loves him, but he is even more distant than ever. The moment of closeness from when she held him seems like ages ago, he's slipping away again, locking himself up somewhere inside.
He sits up, releasing himself from her embrace, trying to create some distance between them, trying to gather enough strength to make her think he doesn't care. It's for the best. He'll only end up hurting her all over again…. God! He's so tired. "Angela I…" He doesn't want her to be worried about him, he wants her to love him! Words come out of his mouth that he certainly never intended to say. "I….miss you!" Shit! That was his heart taking control. "I know I have no right, and that you probably don't care, but…" Good one, Jordan! Make it worse by babbling away. He sighs. It's like fighting a battle of one, even if you win, you have still lost. Jordan doesn't dare looking at Angela, she'll read him like an open book in a split second, she always does, and the fact that she doesn't say anything pretty much says it all.
Angela doesn't know what to say. Jordan still doesn't look at her. She wants to tell him that she misses him too, but something holds her back, she needs to know that he isn't just playing tricks with her again. Angela is so through being made a fool of, actually just the thought of it makes her a bit angry. Trust is such a big part of a relationship, and Jordan really needs to earn her trust all over again, if it is at all possible. They sit in silence, side by side, both making sure not to touch the other. It feels strange. The crackling sound of his strained breathing is the only thing to be heard. His head is in his hands. She can't help staring at him, and feel like… Like she has to save him, or something… Right! Jordan Catalano needs to be saved, like from himself. Angela shakes her head and looks away, "Brilliant thought, Angela!" She thinks ironically. "You're afraid of him playing tricks with your mind, and yet you manage that very well all by yourself."
The silence is awkward. Jordan is fighting to keep up his appearance and Angela is fighting herself not to throw all cautions aside. She puts her hand on his arm, squeezing it lightly. "I know about the letter…." Jordan holds his breath. "I know…." It's like a whisper, it's all he can find the energy to. "I just don't know if I can, like, trust you again… You like, lied to me." The sadness and hurt in her voice almost kills him.
Angela is half waiting for him to defend himself, but he doesn't. He just sits there with his face still buried in his hands, breathing raggedly like he's been out running or something. "I'm sorry…." He whispers. "I…." The door opens, and he is cut off by Rickie storming into the room. "Angela! There you are! I've been searching for you like everywhere! You need to come, Brian Krakow's in trouble!" Rickie looks from Angela to Jordan, like he suddenly senses that he might have interrupted something. Jordan raises his head slightly, but keeps his eyes locked on the table in front of him. "Go… Brain needs you!" Rickie wonders if Angela notices that the last words are spoken out like it hurts him physically to say them.
She looks at Jordan, and realizes that her hand is still on his arm. Slowly she removes it. "I guess I have to…." He nods. Angela allows Rickie to drag her off the couch and towards the door, before she turns to look back. Jordans whole appearance tells her that there is something wrong, she really doesn't want to leave him. No matter what he did or didn't do to her, she cares. "Angela!" Rickie pulls her hand. "Brian, remember?" "Uhm, yeah…Brian…" As she walks away she decides to go back and check on Jordan as soon as she has found out what kind of trouble Brian has gotten himself into. She suddenly stops, and as she still is holding Rickies hand she almost makes him loose his balance in the process. "Wait a second! Brian Krakow is here? Like at the party?" Angela kind of remembers him shouting something like that to her as she got into her fathers car earlier that day, but she didn't pay much attention to it. Brian never goes to parties like this, or to put it correctly: Brian never goes to any party at all. "What is he doing here? And why is he like, in trouble?"
Rickie starts walking again, dragging her through the crowd towards the terrace. "Brian is drunk, and he got himself into a fight. And…." He turns to face Angela, has to see the expression on her face when he says this. "….he's obviously here with Rayanne, they seem like they are like a couple or something." Angelas eyes widen in shock. "What??" "Don't ask, I know nothing about it. I like litterally stumbled over them earlier tonight. They are both quite drunk, though…."
The scene on the terrace is nothing but surreal. Brian is sitting on a chair with a paper towel under his nose. He has blood stains on his shirt. Rayanne is standing, or rather swaying, next to him, stroking his back gently. On the other side of the terrace, a few guys Angela doesn't know the names of, seem to be holding back a quite upset Tino. She looks at Rickie in total confusion, more than happy to let him do the talking. "What happened Brian? Sharon told me to get Angela and come out here, she told me that you were like, in trouble?" Brian raises his head, and starts talking. He's snuffling. "Well, that jerk over there…" Pointing to Tino. "…started insulting Rayanne. I had to teach him a lesson!" Tinos voice sounds from across the terrace. "Teach me a lesson? Yeah, right little boy! I would have done much more than give you a nose bleed if these guys hadn't stopped me, but I guess they're right, you're just not worth it. Neither of you are!" He gets up and walks back inside, slamming the door behind him.
Angela closes her eyes for a second, she can't believe it; Brian Krakow drunk, and fighting to defend Rayanne Graffs honour. The disbelief in her eyes must have been very obvious, because Rayanne shoots her a look, before putting her arms around Brian, sort of demonstrating. "You were so brave, Bri! Nobody has ever done anything like that for me before! It's so nice to have someone who like, cares!"
Sharon and Kyle joins them outside. "How are you doing, Brian?" Sharon looks at him with worried eyes. "I thought maybe Brian could catch a lift with you back home." She turns to Angela. "You thought what?" Angela shakes her head. "I'm not going yet, and I'm sure Brian can get home on his own." She has seen enough, the looks Rayanne is sending her and the fact that Brian hasn't either spoken to her nor looked at her since she came out is a clear indication that they don't exactly want her there.
Brian looks up at Rayanne, then at Angelas back as she walks back inside. He's kind of dizzy from the drinking and his nose hurts a bit. Being around Angela suddenly becomes too much, he will not allow her to spoil the fun he has had with Rayanne today. Brian gets up and takes Rayannes hand. "Come on, I have money, we'll grab a cab back to my place!" Rayanne giggles childishly and lets him lead her in through the living room and out through the front door. "My parents are away for the weekend." He doesn't know exactly why he said that, or what he thinks might happen, but he just knows this is his chance to experience something he'd only dreamed about before.
Jordan leans back on the couch, now that Angela is gone, he doesn't have to pretend like he's ok anymore, he's freezing and his head feels like it's twice its normal size. Of course it had to be Krakow again, whenever he needs Angela she's there for him. Jordan can't believe it, Brian lied to her about the letter too. He's just as guilty, but that jerk Krakow might have managed to push all guilt over to Jordan in his process of getting Angela for himself. He has to try and find her, make her at least listen to his side of the story, even if it doesn't make a difference, he has to tell her, explain to her how he never ever intended to hurt her. Getting up from the couch makes him dizzy, and the mere exertion of just standing makes him start coughing again. Jordan pulls down his sleeve and tries to muffle the noise with his hand. The stabbing pains in his chest makes tears roll down his cheeks. Slowly he manages to calm his breath, he wipes his face with his hand and walks out to find Angela.
Shane is worried. He's been looking for Jordan without any luck, and as Red is still parked in front of the house, he's quite sure that he must still be somewhere in the house. Moving across the living room through the dancing crowd, Shane bumps into someone, making the person fall over. "Sorry!" He turns to help, and looks right down at that red-haired girl Jordan likes so much, Angela or something. "Hey! It's you!" He says giving her his hand to help her stand up. "Are you ok?" She nods, and turns to walk a way. "Angela?" At the sound of the tone in Shanes voice, she turns around. "Yes?" "I…uhm…can I talk to you for a second? I'm Shane, by the way, Jordans friend." He holds out his hand once more. Angela smiles and takes his hand, shaking it. "I know who you are. Why do you like want to talk to me?" She seems a bit shy, yet curious and surprised that he wants to talk to her, and Shane feels a bit guilty for not treating her very well, or rather ignoring her very existence when he ever came across her and Jordan.
Angela looks at Shane, he's actually being quite nice to her. "It's about Jordan. Have you seen him?" The worry in his eyes, makes her forget her shyness, it's obvious she's not the only one concerned. "I talked to him about 10 minutes ago, I don't think he's very well. What happened to him, Shane?" He shrugs. "That's just it, I don't know. We usually tell each other stuff, if you know what I mean…." Shane grins at her, and Angela blushes. "….but not this time. He's been acting weird all week, and tonight he had an argument with his father just before we came here. He even gave me the keys to Red….." Somebody turns the music up, and the rest of his sentence drowns in the pumping bass line. "What?" Shane leans down, puts his arm around her shoulder and talk with his lips just next to her ear. "I just said he never ever allows anyone to drive Red, if it's not a very good reason for it. I'm worried about him Angela, there's something wrong. Will you help me find out what's going on?" Shane pulls back. "Yeah, definitely! I'm worried about him too…." He leans down again, giving her a hug. "I'm starting to see what Catalano sees in you!" He says with a little laugh. "Now, let's go find him!" They start moving towards the door, Shanes arm still around her shoulders.
A few feet away from the door something makes Angela look up, she looks straight into Jordans eyes, and stops. Shane crashes into her back, making her take another step forward to regain her balance. The look in Jordans eyes is like nothing she has ever seen, it's a chaos of disbelief, pain, sorrow, anger and something else she can't seem to catch. His eyes have always been very expressive, but now he doesn't have to say a word, his pain is so strong it feels like it's inside of her as well. Jordan opens his mouth as if he's about to say something, then he closes it and turns, walking rapidly towards the front door. "Jordan!" Angela and Shane yells, rushing after him.
Seeing Angela in Shanes arms caused him more pain than anything else he had ever been trough, it's like someone has ripped his heart out of his chest and thrown it to the floor. Jordan tries not to stare, but he can't take his eyes off them. Tears sting his eyes, as Shane leans down to kiss Angela on the cheek, then pull her into an embrace. He can hardly support the weight of his own body, his legs are shaking uncontrollably, he grabs hold of the doorframe so hard his knuckles whiten. Thousands of chaotic thoughts run through his mind, then suddenly they start moving towards him. Jordan knows he should get away from there, but he can't make his numb body move. It's just a matter of time now before they have to notice him. They stop, crash into each other. He can't not see where Shanes hands end up. This is not supposed to happen! Shane is like his best friend, and Angela, Jordan looks into her in the eyes pouring all of his emotions out, watching her react to it, Angela is the only girl he has ever really loved. His eyes shift to Shane, anger in them, best friends doesn't do this to each other! Jordan is about to say something, but the words kind of get stuck in his throat. He manages to rip loose his fingers and turns away.