Pray You Now, Forget and Forgive

The morning is the same as before, he does not kiss me awake and I know it is not out of tenderness that he leaves me asleep. When I turn over, blink my eyes open and see the other side of the bed is empty, I sigh and then run my hand through my hair. I get up, still feeling a little tender from last night. I get dressed and pull on my travel cloak, the head downstairs to the Great Hall to break my fast with the others and the families gathered. The tables are back to their original places, families gathered in huddles, some speaking with others. There are occasional cries of laughter and murmured talking, Master Stump is speaking rapidly with another wizard, but he raises his hand to me and smiles in greeting. I bid them all good morning, but say I will let them finish their breakfast before talking properly.

It is rare to sit at the Great Table, we saw no point in doing so, conversing with each other was difficult when found sitting next to one another, instead of opposite. The round table we used was considered more informal and friendly than the long, rectangular table stretching from one side of the Hall to the other. But we had come to realise, should we need more teachers, it would be beneficial to have it. As my table was between Ravenclaw and Slytherin, so I took my place between Rowena and Salazar at the table. Rowena smiled at me, Salazar remained fixated on a letter he was reading, I recognised the hand of his father.

"Where's Godric?" I asked.
"He already ate and took some of the families who wished to go to his father's land by portkey." Rowena said, she poured me a cup of mint tea and then passed a basket of rolls to me.
"He's coming back for the rest and Maxence is going to arrive shortly with his own portkey." she said. I nodded and took a sip of the sweet, warm liquid, the soft smell of mint making me sigh with pleasure.
"How are you getting to Caerleon?" Salazar put down his letter and looked up at me.
"Side-long apparition." I said, "There will only be five of us, it is easier that way."
"There will be no trouble?" he asked.
"Wales does not take such offense to witches and wizards, as England does."
"Nor Scotland." smiled Rowena, Salazar snickered.
"The Scots are practically bedding the French, and when it comes to witches the French are even keener on burning."
Rowena glared at Salazar vehemently, he raised his hands and his smile grew wider, "You married the French scum!"
I knew he had been teasing her, not meaning anything by it, but he had pushed his luck. Rowena slammed her knife down and marched from the table. Several people looked up nervously as she passed them; I swallowed my bread roll quickly and took off my napkin.

"Helga," he called to me, as I got up.
"No, that was cruel. I'll not defend you on this account."
He leaned back in his chair and watched me leave the hall, following Rowena. It took me but a little time, I first thought she would be in her study, but when I looked out of the window on my way up I spotted her in the grounds. I made my way back down again and went out through the entrance hall. She was sat on the hill side, sitting on a low lying rock, watching several ravens circling over the forest.
"What do you think they have found?" she asked, hearing my footsteps. She turned to me, her cheeks dirtied with tears and I embraced her at once.
"Tis best to ignore him, Salazar sometimes says foolish things without thinking." I soothed her. She put her arm in mine and we made our way down to the edge of the forest, along the path.
"You are mistaken there, Helga. Salazar always thinks about what he says, he always thinks about what will cause more pain or benefit his rise. Sometimes I can't understand why Godric likes him."
"Godric appreciates those who can voice their opinion, even if it's an unwelcome one."
She scowled and pulled her hand away from mine, "I cannot believe you find it so easy to forgive Salazar."
"I'm not forgiving him; I told him it was cruel…"
"For Gods' sake, Helga!" I was surprised by her sudden turn on me and the anger in her eyes, "Why do you always forgive everyone? You always have something good to say about Salazar, the muggles who kill our fellows, even the Pope gets your blessing! Why?"
I cautiously toyed with my sleeve again and bit my lip, Rowena gave a sigh of irritation but before she could speak again I looked up to her, "Because no matter what happens I have to believe there is some good in everyone, that there is a chance for the least likely to do good–"

"Then you are a fool." she snapped and continued walking down the path, towards the lake.
"I'd rather be a fool, than live in hate." I said, but too quietly for Rowena to hear. "I will send Godric to you, when he gets back." I called to her, Rowena made no response. I was unsure whether to follow her or go back up to the Hall, I did not relish facing Rowena with her sharp comments and her still burning anger. I lifted my skirts and made my way back up to the castle, Salazar had resumed his post against the door, watching me as I climbed up the path.
"That was unkind, Salazar." I said reproachfully. He gave a shrug, I expected nothing less.
"Please go and apologise to her, I will not have strife in this household. Not when so many of our fellows die daily and we are safe here."

He sighed irritably and looked down to his boots, "I only meant it in jest."
"Be that as it may, Rowena's relations with her husband are not as they once were. She does not find it easy to return to him and your humour makes things no better."
I attempted to pass him and go inside, but he grabbed hold of my elbow, "Helga," he began.
"No, I will not speak another word to either of you, until you apologise."
His cold eyes narrowed, "Did she insult you?"
"It does not matter either way." I said, pulling my elbow free and continuing back into the Hall.

I was relieved when Godric returned; he seemed in higher spirits and greeted everyone cheerfully. All the children seemed very fond of him and it saddened me that I would have to break that jovial smile with news of a fight between Rowena and Salazar.
"And here is the rose of the sun," he called out to me, "How are you Helga?"
"Well enough, Godric. I am glad to see you looking so cheerful. But…" he came closer on seeing my worried expression, "Salazar and Rowena have argued this morning, it was a stupid comment Salazar made about the French, but Rowena is very cross."
Godric frowned and then nodded, "I will speak to Rowena, little quarrels like this are foolish right now."

He grabbed an apple, then turned about and marched down the Great Hall. I saw Salazar appear in the doorway and Godric stopped to talk to him. Salazar scowled and after a few heated words at least looked a little shame faced. Once Godric was gone, Salazar nodded his head to me and beckoned. I got up from my seat and followed him as he left the Hall. Once we were in the Entrance Hall he took my hand without a word and I followed him down to the dungeons, where his study and room was. I expected us to go to his study, but we continued along to his bedroom and he guided me inside. Once the door was closed and bolted shut, he turned to me.
"I have apologised to Rowena."
"Good." I nodded, "What did she say?"
"Nothing, she's sulking."
I sighed; it was the best I could hope for when the two of them had argued.

"I did not wish to part on bad terms." Salazar muttered, his eyes shifting to look into mine, then away again.
"I think Rowena is right." I said, Salazar raised one eyebrow, "I find forgiving you too easy."
He smirked, "You find forgiving everyone too easy."
I bit my lip and shuffled my feet, was that how everyone saw me, eager to please, unable to stand up for myself, in some ways foolish? A cool, long fingered hand cupped my chin and forced me to look up. My cheeks heated on seeing his look and the way his hand held me so firmly, yet gently. I wetted my lips and cleared my throat; Salazar gave another slow smile, then brought his head down and kissed me. I wrapped my arms tightly around his shoulders and he pushed me against the wall, cold stone making me gasp with surprise.

I saw his eyes flick towards the bed, I pulled my mouth away and he instantly began to kiss my neck. I dropped my head back, revelling in the sweet, sensitive skin and his burning mouth.
"We can't…there's not enough time." I managed to gasp.
He stopped his kissing, though I could not help a little mewl of disappointment and even then his hands traced over my waist, down my thighs and cupping my backside.
"Then I will see you in a week's time." His hands returned to my face and he kissed me again, but he was far tenderer this time, his mouth barely touching mine before sinking a little deeper. He broke away, still inches from my face, his warm breath on my skin.
"I will miss you." I said, and he raised my hand to his lips.
"I look forward to your return." he dropped my hand and walked toward the window. I followed him, then reached up on my tiptoes again and kissed his cheek, though he made no response. I walked towards the door, lifted the bar, then stepped out into the cooler corridor and walked back to the Great Hall.

"Mistress Helga," Alys cried in greeting to me, though she came out of the garden at once and embraced me. "I'm so glad to see you."
"As am I with you Alys."
She smiled and laughed, "You are fortunate to be in time for dinner. Come, come inside. Let me take your satchel and cloak."
The garden was blooming nicely, the sweet summer flowers and herbs were already filling the rich, warm earth; around the silver birch was a small carpet of daises, thick white petals knitted around the grass, the beds were filled with poppies and marigolds. The air smelled cool and fresh after my journey, and I never liked travelling by disapparating, though I was used to it. It was not warm or bright enough to eat in the garden, but the welcome sight of my cottage and garden cheered me immensely. As we passed into the house I brushed my fingers on the lavender bush, breathing in the calming scent. I smiled, feeling a little foolish, Godric, Rowena and Salazar could keep their grand estates and homes, this was my kingdom and castle.

"Mistress Helga!" three of the adopted children, Gwenith, Cerdic and Hector ran towards me and hugged me, then gave me little curtseys or bows; I surreptitiously smiled at Alys who grinned at their behaviour.
"You have been gone for ages." Cerdic, the younger of the three, said to me, "Where have you been?"
"At Hogwarts, fy annwyl. I'm sorry I cannot write more often, we're all very busy. But you'll all be able to go there soon and learn magic."
Gwenith rested her head by my hip, "That'll be good, but Cerdic can't go there yet."
"No he can't." I agreed and Cerdic looked so distraught I picked him up and gave him a cuddle, "But in three years' time you'll be able to go."
"You promise?" he said.
"I promise." I turned to Alys, "How are our new arrivals?"
"They are well enough, as well as they can be. But let's have dinner first, you can judge them from a distance and then we'll talk once everyone's in bed. And no matter what they say about disapparating being easier than muggle means, it doesn't mean you're any less tired or hungry from the journey. Sit Helga and let me bring you some mead."

"Helga, Helga, look." Hector ran round the table and sat opposite me, while Alys brought me a cup of mead. "Alys has been teaching us and watch this."
He drew out his wand and pointed it to a small book at the end of the table, "Wingardium Leviosa."
The book wobbled into the air and then thumped back onto the table. I smiled proudly at Hector, but he was frowning.
"It worked better earlier on, honest Helga, it did."
"I believe you, it's probably just because you are excited or your concentration isn't so good as it was earlier, you're probably hungry."
Hector scowled at the book and miserably slumped on the table, "I'll never be a good wizard."
I hid my smile on hearing Hector's proclamation that he would never amount to anything, "Yes you will, it'll be better when you're at Hogwarts, there'll be lots of opportunity to learn new spells and lots of other children like yourself. Why not try the spell on something lighter for now?"
Hector shook his head, "No, I lifted the book earlier on and I'll do it later too."
"All right then." I smiled, thinking that perhaps Hector would end up in Ravenclaw house. Steely determination filling his eyes. Perhaps Slytherin, I smirked and hid my smile.

"We went to London too and I got my wand as well," Gwenith said, pulling out her wand. I carefully took the wand from her and examined it.
"It's very nice, an Ollivander make?" I asked.
"Yes," she grinned. "It's English Oak, Unicorn hair, eleven and three quarter inches, supple."
"Mm a very nice wand indeed, we shall have to get Cerdic's soon."
Alys then brought in some plates and cutlery, telling Gwenith to lay the table and for Hector to come with her to get a jug of small ale. Cerdic is sent upstairs to bring down the other two children. My mouth dries considerably and I swallow, the two newest additions to my brood, orphans. I begin to pour everyone a drink from the jug and then pick up the cup to sip at the sweet, malty liquid. Cerdic walks in and sits next to me, he is followed by a young boy and girl, the girl is taller with fair hair and brown eyes, the boy younger with black hair and brilliant green eyes.
"This is Elric and Luisa. Elric and Luisa, this is Mistress Helga."
Elric hung back a little at the door, Luisa gave a neat curtsey, but kept her eyes lowered and sat at the table. Elric followed her closely and sat at her side, he nervously glanced up at me. I gave them both small smiles, now was not the time to address their parents death, but I would do so later. They needed to know they could trust me and pushing them for answers would not be it.

"Good evening, this is my house and I own the tavern in the village. Alys is a friend of mine though and I hope she is caring for you well."
They both silently nodded.
"Mistress Helga teaches us magic and looks after us. Some of us will be going to Hogwarts later to learn with her and Masters Gryffindor and Slytherin and Madame Ravenclaw. They're all very famous witches and wizards." Cerdic said, he had always been a talkative boy.
"We are hardly famous, Cerdic. Though I suppose Godric is…and Rowena…and Salazar."
"And you!" Cerdic insisted, "You are Mistress Helga, all the village talks about you."
I laughed at that, the village talking about someone hardly made the infamous, the village talked about anyone and everyone if they could.
"Cerdic, I don't think that makes me famous…"
"It does. Bronwyn said her mother was saying how good you were at magic, one of the best in the whole of Wales!"
"Well that's very kind of her mother, but I don't think that quite covers it."

Alys walked in with a roast chicken, followed by Hector and Gwenith with bowls of carrots and cabbage with leeks. Gwenith ran round the table to sit by me.
"Gwen, I wanted to sit there." Hector glowered at her.
"Hector you can sit by me tomorrow, but why don't you sit opposite me next to Elric." Hector grudgingly agreed and Alys shot me a smile, relieved the situation had been defused before becoming a full out argument.
"This looks very good Alys." I said.
"Not as good as yours." She grinned, I rolled my eyes.
"Nonsense."
"Cerdic is right though." she said as she dished out the vegetables onto people's plates and I put chicken on them.
"Right about what?"
"Well you're well known all over the place, I've heard strangers at the market place asking for you and they've come from all over."

I busied myself by pouring gravy onto the children's plates, "Strangers?"
"Aye, from England and further afield. France and Italy."
"People have heard of me in France and Italy?" I exclaimed.
"See I told you so." Cerdic said, spearing a carrot and biting into it.
"I suppose it's because they've heard of Rowena and Salazar and…"
"No, they ask especially for you, they don't mention the others. Well apart from you working with them, but they're not here because you know Rowena, Godric or Salazar."
"Oh…" I managed to say and Gwenith nodded excitedly.
"Yes and some of them are Lords and Knights and advisors to kings and all sorts."
"And some of them are very handsome." Alys chuckled and Gwenith gave a giggle. Hector didn't say anything though and Cerdic looked very cross. He lifted his knife and pointed it at me.

"Cerdic don't do that, it's rude." Alys said, Cerdic lowered his knife and instead pointed his finger. His little angry expression was so serious on such a young face that I had to bite back my laughter.
"Don't get married to any of them, Mistress Helga. Swear that you won't."
I laughed at that then, "Why am I not allowed to marry any of them?"
"Because they'll take you away from here and we won't get to see you ever again." he wailed forlornly. I gave him a kiss on his sandy brown head.
"Now I'm sure if I get married to a nice man he'll let me come and visit you, whenever I wish."
Cerdic seemed a little relieved, but he still muttered into his plate that if I never married we wouldn't have to worry about such things.

Alys smiled at him, "Mistress Helga will probably want to marry at some point, Cerdic."
"But why?" he said.
"Because she'll want children of her own and a husband of her own."
"Are we not good enough?" Cerdic said and I couldn't help my giggle then, he looked dolefully at me. I gave him a quick cuddle.
"Of course you are, fy hwyaden fach. Any children here will be under my protection and I will give you as much love as I can, but I hope to marry someday, Cerdic. But not just yet."
"Good." he muttered.
"Stop being such a baby, Cerdic." Hector said.
"It's fine Hector, there's no need for that and when I do get married I hope all of you can come to my wedding." I said.
Gwenith looked excited then, "Can I be a flower girl?"
I smiled, "Yes, of course. Perhaps Luisa would like too as well?"
Luisa continued eating for a while, then glanced up and quickly nodded, a fleeting smile on her lips.

fy annwyl - my dear

fy hwyaden fach - my duckling (apologies if I got the grammar or word phrasing wrong, I just wanted Helga to speak Welsh).