You've gotten into my bloodstream,

I think I might've inhaled you

Sleep was impossible that night. It seemed as though Elena felt every sound, every stir, and every whisper on the wind as acutely as the beating of her own shaky heart.

The moon that fought for purchase in the dark clouded sky shone brightly into her room every now and then illuminating the sleeping form that was mere inches from her. Somehow it seemed as if it were mocking her, showing her just how close he was, while her heart shrilly reminded that he couldn't have been further away.

As if it were even possible somehow Damon had managed to wedge an even greater distance between them. Earlier, he had been quiet and resigned as she had snuck him into her house. She had tried engaging him in conversation to keep things from being awkward but all she had managed to get out of him was a sarcastic "So this is how the other half lives". After that she had left well enough alone. It was obvious that he wasn't feeling very conversational and she herself was in no mood to break the tentative truce they had formed. Still, it hadn't kept her mind from seeking answers to the thousands of questions she had for him.

What had happened to his face? Why didn't he have a place to live? If Katherine was his girlfriend why didn't he live with her?

So many questions, and not nearly enough answers. Again, Elena found herself annoyed and frustrated with the hopelessness of her feelings and the ambiguity surrounding him. Sighing for the hundredth time that night she shifted on her side and snuggled further into the blanket.

"You keep that shit up and neither one of us is getting any sleep tonight" Damon grumbled sleepily.

Blushing, Elena mumbled a hasty apology and stilled herself for a few minutes. She was carefully quiet as she listened to his ragged breathing decay into soft snores. When she was certain he was asleep she allowed herself to drift back into her thoughts, until they became so demanding that she sought refuge.

"Damon?" She whispered tremulously, her heart roaring so loudly that she heard it in her ears.

When he didn't answer she found herself calling out to him again, this time more loudly "Damon… You up?"

"I am now," He groaned huffily.

"I can't sleep"

"So count sheep"

"I've tried everything"

"Well try harder" He retorted dryly.

Nervous, and scared all at the same time Elena found herself at a loss for words for a few moments. It dawned on her that she didn't really know how to talk to him. They'd had more arguments than conversations, and she hadn't necessarily been sober half the time.

"Did you mean it?" She felt the tremor in her own voice, and shook against it as she fearfully awaited his response.

"Whaaaaat?" He carped grouchily.

"What you said earlier, about me having sex with you to validate my own meaningless existence, did you mean it?... Is that what you think about me?"

" No" He replied gruffly before sighing and sitting up "Shit Elena, we both said things we didn't mean I – " He ran a hand sleepily down his face " I was being a dick"

So it wasn't an actual apology but it was enough to make her smile dumbly in the dark.

"I'm sorry too" She whispered softly, and felt her heart tighten and race.

They were finally getting along, and he had even apologized to her. And he was here in her room, the beautiful and mysterious boy who everyone wanted but who she'd actually had. The proud and aloof stranger who could bring her to tears quicker than she'd ever admit, but in the same breath make her feel happier than she'd ever thought possible. He was here, and he was sorry, and actually trying to be considerate of her feelings, and for a moment it was all too much and so overwhelming that Elena had to will away her feelings.

This was ridiculous, one hint of an apology and she was already prepared to fall back in bed with him despite everything he'd put her through, and her complete ignorance of him.

"Itss cool, go back to sleep princess" He murmured sleepily.

And despite the steely resolve she so badly wanted to maintain she felt her heart flutter, and smiled dumbly for the second time that night.

Fuck, she was such a goner.

When he was asleep again, Elena had lost all count of the hours as she lay listening to his quiet breathing and watching a sliver of moonlight that crept through the windows and across the pillow to touch his sleeping face. She stared down at him with an intentness she didn't quite understand.

He almost looked like a boy, but there was nothing adolescent in the sprawled beauty of his naked chest. Then, as she watched, a crease of tension marred his smooth brow. His head moved restlessly and he began to shift and murmur in the grip of some nightmare.

"No… not tonight" It was the scream of an animal, and the sheet ripped under his clawing fingers as he shuddered into wakefulness. His eyes gazed into the darkness, wide, blank, and clouded with terror as his hand groped across the pallet as if to assure himself that this and not his dream was the reality.

"Elena" He spoke without looking at her. And she could remember feeling astonished that he had even called out for her.

"I'm here" She inched closer towards the edge of the bed holding out her hand.

His hand caught hers convulsively dragging her off the bed and close to him, his body shivering slightly as he wrapped her in an embrace.

Awkwardly, her arms closed around him, as she recovered from the shock of his affection.

It was so foreign and unlike him that for a few moments she fought for words as she held him tightly to her. When at last she did speak her voice sounded strange even to her.

"Its okay, I'm here… I got you" And in a spasm of pity she cradled him closely and rocked him back and forth, soothing him with a soft string of inanities until the bated breath went out of him and his body relaxed in a curve of unfolding grace.

There was silence, and then she felt the wet brush of lashes against her skin as he opened his eyes. His head lifted in a little, and he said in a harsh whisper "I'm fine, just a bad dream"

"Seemed like a lot more than just a bad dream" Elena said unsteadily.

When she was answered with nothing but silence she stubbornly continued, "Did it have something to do with what happened to your eye?"

For a second the blue eyes that snapped up at her question were so wide and hollow and filled with a pain so chilling that it shook even her, but the naked vulnerability was gone almost as quickly as it had appeared.

"I said its fine" He replied shortly, untangling himself and lying back down on the makeshift pallet.

Silently, she mourned the loss of contact, and fought against the urge to pull him to her again as she stared down at the retreated form. All of his walls were back in place, and the intimacy she had just shared with him was nothing more than a ghost of their reality, a shadow on the wall.

Settling back underneath the covers she blinked rapidly against the tears that choked at her throat and gazed sightlessly at him in bitter wonder. Would he ever let her in?

Thoughts, memories, and questions rushed through her until finally the darkened room receded into a murky blur and exhaustion claimed her.

She felt like shit the next morning, and it took a few bumbling seconds to completely orient herself.

Somewhere off in the distance the storm swept sky emitted a driving rain that slapped angrily against the pavements and rattled at her windows and The muffled crash of thunder pealed through the air in short angry successions.

Using the ambient light that shimmered in from the horizon she quietly dressed for her morning workout. She moved slowly and subconsciously though, there seemed to be an incurable awareness of him that raked under her skin and made it impossible for her to behave naturally.

With a curiosity she didn't understand her eyes flitted to him instinctively.

He was sleep, his breathing deep and even, his arm flung across his eyes and his chest bared. Greedily, her eyes drank in the image, carving out every detail and storing it to memory. She relished the corded muscles that stretched tautly over his skin and sinfully enjoyed the thin strip of fuzzy hair that started at his navel and dipped lower into his loose fitting sweats. He was honey and sex, and her fingers itched to touch him.

He was sleeping right? What was the harm in it?

She leaned down and inched closer towards him, basking in the scent of him. He smelled of wood, chips, and spice.

Her mind yelled for her to stop, but her body moved of it's own volition and willed her closer to him so that she was sitting directly above him. Her fingertips ghosted over the exposed hollows of his cheeks, and danced across his lips, marveling at his flawed beauty.

Suddenly, his out flung hand caught her wrist defensively; flinging himself back in violent recoil that dragged her with him and brought her flush against his chest. Breathing hard and fast, his nostrils flared as his unfocused gaze pinned to hers. She stared back at him helplessly; then slowly as if sensing her fear, the strength ebbed from his grip and guilt pooled in his eyes.

"Sorry. Bad dream" He said in a queer gray voice that touched on an unreachable sadness.

"I know"

" I hurt you?" He released her small wrist to inspect for bruises. Rotating it slightly, he grimaced at the red fingerprints that marred her skin. Then, before she could stop him, he brushed his lips softly against the welts; placing soft butterfly kisses on each one.

"All better?" He murmured. Edgily, she tried shifting back, to get some momentum, to get a grip on the situation. He moved with her, not letting go. Dragging her closer to him, he quickly closed the space that separated them and pressed a soft kiss to the underside of her jaw. "I missed you." He whispered softly before cradling her face into his hands and moving to kiss her.

Twisting her face away, she gave a startled cry of despair and jumped to her feet, ensuring that ample space separated them. Placing her wobbly hands on her vanity she took a few moments to catch her breath before shakily whispering "I can't."

It was a weak protest and she knew it, it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself rather than him and she hated herself for it. She felt helpless against the current, drowning in her feelings for him while logic dictated otherwise.

He had used her, and given the opportunity he would just use her again. There was no love to be lost and none to be gained because they were nondescript, undefined. Giving in to him meant a willing consent to remain that way because he'd already stated that he wasn't capable of giving her any of the things that she wanted or needed.

And what kind of life was that really? It was a shout into the void, existing but not living, hungering but never satiating. Could she really reduce herself to that?

Steeling herself, she tensed visibly as she waited for him to reply. Mentally preparing herself to dismiss everything he said, she waited for his words. What she hadn't counted on though was touch.

Without saying anything, he slid his arms her and pulled her back against him intimately, molding her resisting body to his with an ease borne of sheer skill. Every muscle in her body stiffened at the contact and she instantly attempted to pull away. It was hard to maintain her cool composure with him touching her like this. Dejectedly, the feel of his warm body against her back chipped away at her icy demeanor.

He smelled so good and felt so right that she could feel her tightly thinned lips slackening and the anger that she tightly held in her grasp slowly unraveling as she struggled against his touch. In a last ditch effort to hold onto her control she struggled some more, trying to push him back and flee his embrace.

Damon simply tightened his hold on her until she stopping moving in defeat. Silently indicating that she wasn't going anywhere unless he wanted her to.

Always and infinitely completely at his mercy she felt the hot resentful tears scald her cheeks. A finger reached out to brush at the liquid, dabbing away the moisture gently.

"Sorry" He murmured quietly, squeezing her softly as if to reassure his apology.

And fuck she wanted to believe him so badly, to erase away the pain and start with a clean slate. But something inside of her was broken, and it prevented her from being able to trust him completely or put stock into his words.

Placing his lips against the column of her neck he gave her a light-nibbling kiss that made her knees instantly go weak and she had to fight against the traitorous moan that rose up in her throat. Her struggling started once more and she immediately tried to elude him, but once again he tightened his hold on her until she realized he wouldn't let go.

"Stop running" He whispered, and spun her around in his arms and before she had a chance to say or do anything his head was lowering to hers for a kiss. Her first reaction was to turn away, but he simply followed and when there was no else for her to go he pressed his lips against hers.

And suddenly her head was spinning, and the fight in her was draining, and she was so tired of running. The kiss was carnal and searing, and everything she had remembered but tried to forget. After a second of resistance, she gave in to the pull and kissed him back so hungrily that his back bumped loudly against the vanity. Pressing her body against him, her lips never left his as she climbed atop him, pouring all of her desire, hopes, and fears into that one kiss and hoping that he would feel it and understand it even while she didn't.

There was burning sensation in her chest from lack of oxygen but she found that she didn't even care. All she wanted was to taste him touch him be with him.

When she finally pulled away from the kiss she drew in a ragged breath to fill her deflated lungs and leaned her forehead against him weakly, needing him more than she'd ever care to admit. With heavy eyelids she peered up at him only to find him at her with a cocky smirk on his face.

"Damn princess didn't know you had it in you"

That smirk, those words, instantly snapped her back to reality and made her angry all over again. Apparently, he thought he'd won her over with one kiss and that he had the upper hand. Well she would definitely show him it was nothing like that at all.

Without thinking about the consequences, She lashed out with her hand and slapped him hard across the face. The blow rocked his face she watched with grim satisfaction as his face turned an angry red. Fire flashed his eyes when his gaze leveled with hers and his jaw clenched in anger. For a crippling split second she thought he would retaliate, but other than tightening his lips and shifting his jaw he did nothing.

"Bitch"

"Stay the hell away from me," She said in a shaky voice trying to regain her earlier bravado. He moved slightly towards her and she shrank back instantly in recoil.

He laughed softly "You sure about that?"

"Positive"

"Sure you are "He droned sarcastically, knowing that she still wanted him even if she refused to admit or acknowledge it, and she hated him all the more for it.

"I'm outta here," He said shortly, gathering up his clothes stiffly. And without even the slightest crumb of decency he stripped out of his jogging pants, standing in front of her in all his naked glory. Shocked beyond speech she quickly tried to avert her head away from the image, her eyes traitorously lingering on him for a second too long.

The moment cost her the credibility of her moral indignation and he laughed mockingly at her.

"Nothin you haven't seen before" He teased cruelly, and she felt her hate and embarrassment mount, tempted to slap him again.

When he was dressed she heard him crack open the window and then there was a few moments of silence before he climbed out into the grass and she heard the leaves bristle and crunch under his boots.

She listened until the sound of his footfalls faded and tapered off, taking with him more questions than answers, and yet another piece of her that she could never get back.

Disappointment had returned with a vengeance, and although she had morbidly anticipated it the weight of it still managed to catch her off guard. Torn between what she was feeling and what she was supposed to feel she spent the majority of her school day keeping busy.

Cheerleading, school yearbook, and Photoshop made it disturbingly easy to pass time and ignore the thinly veiled gossip about her. When she wasn't obsessing about the events of that morning it seemed as though she was trying to shrink into herself and avoid the constant scrutiny of her conspicuous peers. Everyone seemed to still be fascinated by the events that had taken place at Tyler's party and the poorly streamed video that had surfaced after it.

Was it really her the Mayor's daughter in that video?

Was she really pregnant? How many months? Were her and Damon like a thing now?

The rumor mill had spewed out so many different variations of the actual story and the truth had taken on so many different shapes that she herself was struggling to discern between fact and fiction.

One thing that had become increasingly clear though was that she apparently had no real friends other than Caroline and Bonnie, Girls that had once revered and idolized her now slut shamed and teased her behind her back. Old friends had become new enemies, and making it through the day without a dozen guys hitting on her because they thought she was easy had become a feat worthy of acknowledgement.

Things had definitely been intense at first, but in the wake of newly emerged scandals the gossip was starting to die down. She would always be the crazy girl who had lied about being pregnant. The moniker would always be her cross to bear and her stigma to keep. But at least for the moment, they had given her peace and silence to obsess about Damon.

And obsess she did! She spent the entire morning breaking down his apology and inspecting it for defects. It rang true, and she wanted it to be genuine, but she couldn't shake the image of him smiling smugly after she had given in to him. Finally when she was tired of thinking about it, and trying to keep busy to avoid thinking about it , she talked about it.

"So what do you think?" She chewed anxiously at her nails with a nervous energy that was impossible to suppress.

"I don't know what you do you think?" Bonnie mimed, trying to carefully navigate a potentially sticky situation.

Giving advice to friends was like a double-edged sword. On the one hand if she was honest and expressed her distaste for Elena's mystery guy then that made her judgmental and it could possibly come back to bite her in the ass if Elena made up with the guy because then Elena would know she didn't like him and things would be awkward. And on the other hand if she pacified and coddled the reality of things while bending the truth then Elena would ultimately end up heartbroken.

"I honestly don't know what to think at this point, He acts like he doesn't give a shit but it kinda seems like he does"

"Here's the thing though, if a guy likes you and I mean really likes you then he's usually not afraid to show it" Bonne retorted with a little more severity than desired.

"Yeah true, but if he didn't care at all then why apologize? "

"I don't know hell" Bonnie shrugged dispassionately "To get some, to ease his conscience, to lure you back in "

"So you really think it was just about the sex then because-"

"Well how well do you really know this guy? I mean what else could it be about at this point? You said it yourself; the minute he found out you weren't putting out he turned into an asshole. And what about the first time huh? When he called another girl in front of you! That's so fucking disrespectful Elena. And a guy that cares about you, likes you and respects you would never do some shit like that" She fumed.

For a brief second Elena felt her blood boil and a rejoinder rise up , but logic quickly seeped in and her haze of anger dissipated. Bonnie was absolutely right. Damon didn't respect her. It just wasn't something he was capable of doing and there was no need to be angry with him for it, just wary of him.

"Yeah you're right. " She found herself admitting out loud, and it hardly escaped her notice that her voice had cracked and that the familiar burn of tears pricked at the back of her eyelids.

"I just need to forget about him" And she would, eventually.

The rest of the day passed without fanfare. Cheerleading practice, homework, dinner, Damon, it all receded to a stressful murky blur that left her with a heaviness in her chest as she sank into her bed and drew the covers around her.

All around her, the night air sizzled with the aliveness of crickets, passing cars, distant noises, and the coming and goings of her own house, while inwardly she tried to feel anything but dead.

It was hard to summon forth any feeling. Even her usual companion anger had abandoned her. There was nothing but darkness, and numbness, and for the hundredth time she silently wondered if there was more to her feelings for Damon that she herself was letting on.

Tossing restlessly on her side , she kicked off her blankets and screamed her frustration into her pillow, gave it a good punch, checked her phone wistfully, and then cursed herself for her silliness.

What exactly was she looking for?

She didn't allow herself to answer that question as she tried to drift off into sleep again. A chiming text message from her Iphone sent her shooting straight up to a sitting position moments later.

With a trembling breath she unlocked her phone, and adjusted her eyes to the brightly lit screen to see that Kol had texted her. It was impossible to ignore the disappointment that immediately set in, and she couldn't help but feel ashamed of it as she read the sweet and thoughtful text.

"Thinking of you, night beautiful"

Instinctively, her fingers moved to text him back but something stronger than instinct, and a pull far greater than she could understand kept her from doing so. It was wrong, and she knew it, but she didn't text him back, and what was worst she didn't want to.

She felt her stomach violently recoil at the realization of things. She didn't like Kol. He was nice, sweet and available but he bored her to tears, was dry as paint, and paled in comparison to Damon. Literally.

There was something seriously wrong with her. She was fucked up, truly.

A soft knock at her window roused her from her self-deprecating thoughts, and for a moment she was too lazy and exhausted to move. When it came again, she drudgingly walked over to her window and drew back the curtains to see Damon.

She was full on shaking by the time the window and its screen was fully open and it wasn't from the biting wind that swirled into the room.

"Back so soon" She felt the bitterness creep into her throat as she glared at him, while her heart simultaneously soared.

"Couldn't stay away" He whispered enigmatically, a strange look on his face.

It wasn't an apology, and he seemed in no rush to offer up one but she still moved to let him into her room without a fight.

Angrily, she stalked away from him and went over to her drawer to yank out clothes for him to sleep in. She was so preoccupied with her fury, that she didn't notice the heat of a presence behind her.

Without words, he pulled her back against his chest and wrapped his arms around her waist tightly. She stiffened visibly at the contact, her body a trembling mass of betrayal.

"I'll be good…" He bit her neck softly "Promise." His hands slid lightly down her exposed thighs.

She fought to contain her moan and moved out of his embrace handing him clothes. There was no eye contact, no acknowledgement, just silence and distance, and she was more than determined to ensure it stayed that way as she crawled into bed.

She kept her gaze carefully averted as he stripped out of his clothes, and forced herself to be less aware of him. Finally, when she was so exhausted that could barely keep her eyes open she gave into the pull of sleep and tried not to think about just what the hell her and Damon were doing exactly.

In the middle of the night, on the edge of consciousness, she felt the bed shift and creak with duress as a weight settled on it. Sometime later when she woke again she was cocooned by cozy warmth, and for a split lucid moment she could've sworn she was being spooned. But when she woke the next morning, the room was cold and empty.

READ&REVIEW :)

ALSO explanations are coming up I've been potentially keeping things vague with Damon but I'll start to shed a little more light, especially on his living situation.