Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you enjoyed seeing jealous Emily, i personally like jealous Emily, in this chapter we really see more of Paige, and how she is, well you'll see what i mean :) R&R Please!

~Enjoy

Chapter 10

P Pov

(Few days later)

it was lunch time and Toby, Shana and I were all sitting outside in the grass eating our lunches. I was playing guitar and playing an acoustic version of 'Dammed if I do ya' by All Time Low. "It took a lot to take you home," I sang out, thinking of Emily. Most of the songs i sing fit into my life about her, "One stupid call and I end up alone, you're made up, dressed up, messed up plans I set in stone… But you made me do when I don't like dancing in the alley with a street ran nightlife. Can't keep living with a feeling that I'm giving up everything for you-"

"I didn't know you played guitar.. let alone sang so well." A voice cut me off. I hadn't realized anyone else but Toby and Shana were listening to me. Shana's head was on my backpack and Toby was laying on the ground with his eyes closed. But his eyes opened up at the sound of the voice. "Sorry if I'm interrupting," I looked up and saw Spencer Hastings next to me, her hands as usual full of heavy looking books. I smiled up to her and patted the grass next to me offering her a seat. she took it and i started a new song.

"I took a ride on a February morning, Just getting over it and dealing with the mourning. I started thinking out loud: Im so sick and tired of being sick and tired, My baby's flying off the edge of the road, She's saying, "Im so sorry about that note", But I'm so sick and tied of being sick and tired. Somebody turn the lights on, Somebody tell me whats wrong. I'd be lying if I told you, Losing you was something i could handle. Somebody turn the lights on, Somebody tell me how long, All this darkness will surround you, cause Im burning for you, Burning like a candle." I sang the song, i stopped short lost in thought of how true the words were. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of everything. I guess i stared off into space for too long because i felt a hand on mine.

"Paige? are you okay?" I heard Shana ask. I nodded at her not quite trusting my voice, for some reason today i was extra emotional. I looked over at Spencer who was smiling at me.

"So what can I do for you Hastings?" I asked. I heard Shana groan at my tone of voice. It was subtle but there was a little charm thrown in there.

"Well i just wanted to remind you that field hockey tryouts are after school today, and don't think i forgot that you'd promise you'd try out." She said lightly punching my arm. I fiend hurt by dramatically falling over, but they all rolled their eyes at me.

"I don't know Spencer, i think thats going to leave a bruise. Im fragile." i said with a smile.

"No your not McCullers, I've seen whats under that shirt of yours, and there is no way in hell I'm letting that talent go to waste! now come-on! lunch is almost over and we need to go that way!" she said dragging me up, i threw her a puzzled look and just handed my guitar to Toby who winked at me, then again at Spencer. Clearly i was missing something here, but i wasn't going to say anything in front of Shana, she didn't know that we spent the day at Spencers house after the whole thing. But without arguing i grabbed my backpack and threw a peace sign to Shana and Toby and walked with Spencer.

"So why exactly are we going this way?" i asked her. She was quiet and didn't look at me. instead she kept walking, she grabbed my hand and dragged me along faster. we went through the school until we came to the gym doors. she dragged me through them and into the locker room. The locker room was empty and no one was in here. "Why are we-"

"You've been avoiding me." She said turning around to face me. It wasn't entirely true… okay yes it was. I am not one to face my fears. i run from them. and this was one fear i wanted to run to Cuba to get away from.

"What? N-No. i haven't." i scoffed. i was also a terrible liar under pressure. She didn't answer that just threw me a very stern look that I'm going to assume she got from her father. or mother, seeing as they're both lawyers and scary. "Okay maybe a little…." i said quietly in defeat. "Jesus hastings, no wonder your captain of the debate team. who wants to go against that stare." i said in humor, that didn't earn me much except for a smack on the arm. "Ow, okay, not a good time for sarcasm.. i get it now…" i said awkwardly.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" She said.

"You know why…"

"No i really don't, i mean, what happened the other day? Toby really didn't tell me much, he said i had to find out from you. So tell me, why did you do it? how did you even get it?" I looked at her defeated. this was not a subject i wanted to talk about, ever. I sighed heavily and opened my mouth to explain, but nothing came out. "Paige?" She said much softer, "Please talk to me?" the look in her eye could have rivaled the look of a 5 year old who was just told santa wasn't real. i caved. I couldn't handle puppy dog faces, i always caved. Never not once in my life have i ever been strong enough to over come that look and tell a person 'No.' With another heavy sigh i sat down on one of the benches and motioned for her to sit next to me.

"Well, i've been doing it for awhile… i mean, really badly. like everyday kind of bad. I was hiding it from everyone, at first it was just a few times and a few of Noel's parties. Shana suggested i try it to take some of my anxiety away-"

"Is that what happened at my house? and anxiety attack?"

"Yeah…" i trailed off and hung my head in defeat. I knew i was weak, but talking about it and actually admitting it were very different from keeping it inside and denying it to the rest of the world.

"Where'd you get it from?" She asked. i hesitated. there was one boundary i wouldn't cross. and it had to do with a person with gorgeous raven black hair, who was dating the biggest bitch in my life. "Paige… please, let me help you." i started fidgeting with my hands. "Was it Noel? Shana?"

"No." i said immediately defending Shana. Besides Toby, Shana was the only other friend i had. Even if she was the one who got me hooked on coke and is the one who usually instigates our drug use, she's still better than nothing.

"Then who?" She pushed. i know she just wants to help, but i really wish she would drop it.

"It was…" i mumbled Maya's name.

"Who?" she asked. i mumbled it again, but i knew she couldn't understand who i was talking about. i sighed and said her name a little louder. i looked at Spencer as she looked at me, she unraveled the mumble and i saw the name pop in her eyes. "Maya? Maya St. Germain? as in Emily's girlfriend Maya?!" She stood up quickly. my eyes widened in fear, seeing Spencer Hastings mad was one thing, but she was livid and i was honestly scared right down to my bones. Her breathing got really heavy and her eyes, i kid you not, got red around the rims.

"Spencer?" i squeaked out.

"Maya gave it to you?! She does co- this shit?!" She yelled, in anger she hit the locker next to her causing me to jump slightly. "Wait, is that what you said to her in the brew? you knew she was high, you KNEW?! AND YOU DIDNT SAY ANYTHING?! SHE COULD HAVE SERIOUSLY HURT EM!" She shouted again. i slouched lower and lower in my seat, willing whatever god there was to make me disappear.

"I know," i said sadly. I felt like crying. I have never seen anyone so mad, and i felt like all of that anger was directed at me. a few tears leaked from my eyes and i felt my throat constrict. Oh shit no, please not now! i screamed in my head, but i couldn't breathe. i gasped for breath and fell to the floor. i clenched my eyes shut tight and tried to breathe.

"Paige?" i heard Spencer say, but it was muffled and i couldn't open my eyes. I struggled for another breath and i felt arms wrap around me picking me up to sit in an upright position and i started rocking back and fourth. i felt a hand stroke my hair and i continued to struggle for breath. "Im so sorry, i didn't mean to get so angry. Im not mad at you, please calm down." She coaxed. I wanted to tell her, that i was okay and that i needed my anxiety meds in my backpack. But every time i tried to open my mouth air rushed in automatically muffling and stopping any word that tried to escape my mouth. I finally opened my eyes and looked to my backpack. it was only sitting a few feet away, and i pulled my arm away from my body to try to grab for it. Spencer felt me try to move and tried to stop me, but i persisted. Finally she got the idea that i wanted my backpack.

"Do you have anxiety meds?" She asked i nodded my head and breathed deeply through my mouth. she tore through my back pack, opening each pocket and dumping things out until she found the bottle with my name written across it and pulled out two. She handed them to me and with a shaky hand i popped them in my mouth and swallowed them dry. she handed me a bottle of water and i downed half of it before she took it back and i went back to rocking back and fourth trying to breathe.

Finally after what seemed like forever i could finally breathe. i took a few deep breaths trying to replenish my lungs and i looked up to Spencer. She had such a worried expression on her face that i had to look away in shame.

"Are you okay?" She asked i nodded and she threw herself around me. "Oh thank god, please please PLEASE don't EVER scare me like that again okay? That was single handedly the scariest moment of my life. And I've accidentally walked in on my sister and her boyfriend before…" She said. i chuckled slightly at her comment and pulled myself up from the floor to sit back on the bench.

"Im sorry i didn't tell you. I didnt want anyone to know…. and you were right, thats how i knew about Maya. I could see it in her eyes." i hung my head in defeat.

"Its okay Paige, i already hate Maya, she doesn't treat Emily right. I've been looking for every reason to get them to break up. Seriously." She smiled at me. I could tell she was trying to change the conversation, but now i was interested.

"Why? i thought Emily was happy with Maya?"

"She acts like she is, and she was in the beginning, but lately all they do is fight and Ems is really stressed out over it." i nodded my head. Emily didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve someone who would argue with her. She deserved someone who would listen and fall to her feet and cling to her every word. Someone who would worship her body like a true goddess deserves. Someone who would love her forever, and fight until their last breath for her. She deserved everything, and that was why I knew i had to stay away. The last thought alone was enough to almost make me cry. But no one but Toby and Shana know about how in love i am with Emily, well besides Alison, but still. The more people that know the worse everything gets. Its bad enough Spencer knows about the drugs. But i can't let her know about Emily. Its something that I'll have to keep with me forever.

After school i went back into the locker room to change into my gym clothes for field hockey. Spencer was already there and changed, and so were most of the girls. So i wasted no time in stripping off my pants and throwing on shorts. I followed the rest of the girls out the double doors and to the outside. The sun was bright and warmed my skin. I looked out to the stands where some people had gathered and i immediately saw her sitting on the bleachers, her skin glowed in the sun, and her smile warmed me to the bones. She was sandwiched between Aria and Hannah, and even Toby was hanging back in the shadows of the bleachers. He gave me a small wave before climbing up and sitting int he top corner to watch.

"Alright ladies, were going to go through a series of drills, running sprints, and then at the end we will scrimmage. This is just the first day, As most of you know, as i have seen your faces before, there are three days of try-outs. So please, be careful, play safely, follow the rules, and most importantly, give it your all, but have fun!" With that the coach blew her whistle and yelled for us to give her 3 laps around the field for a warm up. I kept up with Spencer the whole time. Not once did i break stride, and i could tell Spencer was trying not to sprint ahead. But she kept her pace and lead the group of us all three laps.

"Alright ladies, grab your sticks! Passing drills! Partner up, pass to each other all the way down the line and the person on the left shoot into the goal." Coach blew her whistle and we all lined up in pairs. Spencer immediately nudged me with her shoulder and i smirked at her competitiveness. We collected out sticks and when it was our turn i started out with the ball and passed it a few feet ahead of Spencer who had already taken off running. she dribbled it a little before passing it back. i did the same and passes it back. she shot it back to me, and i dribbled it passing it back and she took it on the pass and swung. the little ball flew threw the air like a dart and into the net.

"Whoo!" "Yeah Spencer!" we could hear in the background. Spencer clapped me on the back and went to grab the puck. we ran back over where even the coach complimented her on her shot, and even told me i was a natural and asked why i hadn't tried out last year. i shrugged off her question with a smile and pretended to be really focused on the next round. Spencer and i had switched lines and so she started with the ball. I took off keeping my eye on the ball, passing it back. it came back at me and i returned it. she dribbled with it and passed it back. i lined up my shot and went for it. it flew threw the air and whooshed into the net. i jumped in excitement over my goal, but it was short lived glory from the various 'WATCH OUTS!" that distracted me. i turned around just in-time to get a hard ball right to the face. i fell down holding my nose. eyes closed in pain. i could feel the blood gushing from my nose.

"Paige!" i heard Spencer gasp, "Oh my god are you okay?!" She said. She helped me off the ground and tilted me forward so the blood wouldn't get on my clothes. "What the hell was that?!" she shouted at the rest of the people who had gathered around us.

"Paige are you okay?" Coach asked. crouching to my level to look at my nose. "Someone get a towel!" She yelled, soon one of the girls returned with a towel and an icepack and i held both to my face. "I want you to sit the rest of today out okay? you played great." i looked up at her in disbelief.

"Sit the rest out? are you nuts?! Im fine! just let this finish bleeding and let me scrimmage?" i asked. i wasn't about to go out by a ball. that was for fucking sure.

"Paige?" a male voice came from behind us. i watched as the girls split apart and Toby came through. "Jesus Paige, are you okay? let me see." He fussed over me. I could hear a few giggles from some of the other girls and a few 'awwws' and 'thats so cutes' came from them as well.

"Tooobyyy, I'm fine!" i said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah thats what you told me last time, and as it turns out your arm WAS broken! now let me see!" i huffed and removed my hand. He had a point though. Once when were were younger we were climbing trees and i got the brilliant idea to jump from one tree to another. I mean, in my defense the branch looked thick enough to hold me… turns out it didn't and i went crashing down. And i did break my arm, but thats besides the point. Toby grabbed my nose with his thumb and forefinger, i winced a little, but that as it. "Well, its not broken, but your gonna have one hell of a headache later." Toby held a hand out to me and i grabbed it. He helped me up and turned to the coach.

"Your call, coach." he said.

"Sit this one out Paige, illl come check on you later to see if your up to scrimmage how about that?" i nodded in defeat. there was no getting around it, plus my head was starting to pound a bit. Toby led me over to the stands and pulled a bottle of water from his bag.

"Drink." he commanded. i did as he said as i sat down, putting the ice pack back up to my face again once i drank a decent amount. i handed it back to him and he re-caped it.

"Paige are you okay?" i heard another voice says. i looked to my right and saw Hannah, Aria and Emily all taking seats next to me.

"hey… uh.. oh… yeah Im fine.." i stuttered out. there was a look of genuine worry etched across Emily's face and it startled me to see it there.

"Where the hell did that ball come from?" Ari asked.

"I have no idea, i think it came from the tree line over there." Hannah said pointing to the left. It makes sense seeing as thats where i faced when i got nailed in the face. I watch the rest of the girls running their drills back and fourth, and i envied them slightly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I froze at the sound of her voice, and i nearly died when i felt her hand on my back. a shiver ran though my body. She had whispered it in my ear and i could smell her delicate coconut shampoo. i turned slightly, thankful for the icepack to cool my rapidly heating face.

"yeah, minor injury, I'm good," i smiled at her, then realized that the towel was covering most of my face. She smiled at me and moved her hand to rest on my arm. her thumb ran in circles on my arm and i melted to her touch.

"Im glad you're okay" she whispered in my ear again. her hand never moved from my arm, for the rest of practice. Not even when coach came over and asked me if i wanted to scrimmage, but when i sat up, i saw double and we all agreed that me sitting this one out a while longer would be better. When i sat back down Emily moved to sit behind me and after a while absentmindedly played with my hair. I tried so hard not to move, and i closed my eyes smiling. If this was a dream, i don't want to ever wake up. Im almost sitting in Emily Fields lap and she is playing with my hair. I wanted to jump for joy, scream, and cry in happiness all at the same time. but i settled for keeping it bottled up inside of me and just smiling.

Practice didn't take too much longer to end and when it did all the girls went back inside to change and stuff. Soon Spencer came running out with her stuff and mine.

"Hey," She greeted us with a smile, "I grabbed your stuff as well, hows the nose?"

"Never better" i laughed i got up and puller her into a hug. "You did great today," i said to her.

"You too," she whispered back in my ear. i pulled away and took Toby's hand and went back to his car to go home.