Breakeven
Disclaimer - Emmerdale & its characters do not belong to me, they belong to ITV
Whoo, I would rather, I would rather go blind, boy
Then to see you walk away from me, child, no
Whoo, so you see, I love you so much
That I don't wanna watch you leave me, baby
Most of all, I just don't, I just don't wanna be free, no
"Where you taking me?" Aaron moans as Victoria drags him along Hotten High Street
"Uh to a Jewellery shop obviously?" she replies sarcastically as she pulls him. The drive from Emmerdale to Hotten seems to have made Aaron nervous. Victoria's finding it amusing.
They stopped outside one of the many Jewellery stores in Hotten "Now what?"
Victoria rolls her eyes "Now we go in and you pick a ring or two, guys buy two don't they? I think they do"
"Let's just get this over with" Aaron says, shoving his hands into his jean pockets and barging inside the shop as if he really didn't want to be there when Victoria knew different.
Once inside Aaron browses the cabinets, looking un-interested while Victoria heads for the Sales Assistant "Hi" she assistant says in a cheery voice which has Aaron rolling his eyes. She probably works on commission, he thinks, will probably try and sell him the most expensive rings she can.
"Hi" Victoria smiles and pulls Jackson's ring from her back pocket "Can you size this for me?" she hands the ring to the girl and Victoria pulls on Aaron's jacket "and could you see what size he is please?"
"What can I do for you? Engagement rings? Wedding rings"
"Engagement rings" Victoria tells her and the assistant smiles "You make a great couple" she tells them.
Victoria laughs "Well, thanks but we're not a couple. He's gay" Aaron rolls his eyes and groans.
"Oh" the assistant's eyes widen slightly in embarrassment for just assuming they were a couple "I'm sorry"
"You're sorry I'm gay?" Aaron asks and the assistant is shaking her head "No, no, of course not"
"Ignore him!" Victoria states slapping Aaron on the arm "He thinks he's funny"
"Oh you know what?" Aaron says suddenly "this was a bad idea!" he heads for the door and he's managed to get it open before Victoria jumps in front of him "Stop being such a wimp" she tells him "he's nervous" she explains.
The assistant smiles "Well, I'll help you anyway I can" she assures him but Aaron shrugs "Show her, I have no idea what I'm doing here"
"You have to choose the rings"
"No I don't" Aaron argues
"Yes. You do" Victoria states again "I'll help but you make the decision"
Aaron wasn't sure how long they spent in that shop he did know however that by the time they left it, his bank balance had took a serious hit, the sky had darkened and it was raining.
"That was fun!" Victoria exclaimed happily "we should go shopping together more often"
Aaron barked out a sarcastic laugh and snatched the bag with the rings in it off of her "No, we shouldn't and don't you dare tell anyone"
Victoria was a little offended by that "Of course I won't!" she slaps him playfully on the shoulder "I won't say a word, ever" she promises "or least until you finally work up the courage to ask him"
Aaron nods and unlocks the car door "So…when are you going to ask him?" she asks as he starts the engine.
Aaron doesn't know. He was thinking about asking him when he got home but maybe he should think it through first, he's not sure so he shrugs
"God I'm gonna be a wreck until you finally do, wondering how he'll react"
"Thanks for that"
"He'll say yes obviously, he loves you. God knows why though"
The drive back to Emmerdale was a quiet one and when he dropped Victoria off outside the Woolpack on his way home he was impressed that she hadn't even moaned about the fact she didn't get her own shopping done.
Jackson's van was in their drive so Aaron knew he was home. Snatching the single ring box that held the two rings that cost him a fortune, he hopped out the car and pushed the ring box into his pocket.
When Aaron walked into his the house he was greeted by Chuck "Hey boy!" he petted him. The house was in darkness "Where's Jackson?" he asked the dog but all the dog wanted was Aaron to throw his toy so he could fetch it, Aaron knew that so he threw the toy into the kitchen for him before heading into the living room.
The living room was in darkness but the street light from outside was streaming through the window which was how he noticed Jackson. He was sitting alone, in the darkness. Something wasn't right.
"What you doing sitting in the dark?" Aaron asks as he hits the switch and lights up the living room.
"Just thinking" Jackson answers as his eyes adjust to the sudden light.
Aaron's eyebrows pull together as stares at his boyfriend. Something is wrong with him and Aaron is going to find out what.
"What's wrong with you Jackson?"
Jackson shakes his head "Nothing" it's a lie. Aaron knows it's a lie and he's not about to ignore it. He needs to know, the ring in his pocket tells him he needs to ask because before they can move on, they need to work through whatever is troubling Jackson.
"It's not nothing Jackson, tell me. I'm not letting it slide anymore"
Jackson sits forward and drops his head into his hands "Aaron"
"Don't Aaron me" Aaron states. He pulls a stool from the middle of the floor and puts it in front of Jackson before dropping himself down onto it and reaching for Jackson's hands, pulling them from his face and holding them in his own.
"I'm sorry" Jackson says to him and Aaron shakes his head "For what?"
"For the way I've been since we got back together, I've been pushing you away."
Aaron shakes his head and looks down as he speaks "I get it" he tells him honestly "I screwed up, I don't mind waiting until you trust me again"
Jackson's shaking his head when Aaron looks back up "That's not why I've been pushing you away, I trust you" he admits. He's always trusted him and he always would "and I miss having you in our bed, so bad it I can barely sleep most nights"
"Then what's…" Aaron trails off because he knows he'll understand what he's getting at it.
"The Monday after we got back together, you remember it?" Jackson asks, staring at their still joined hands.
Aaron shakes his head "No" Jackson says "of course you don't. I didn't tell you"
"Tell me what?"
"I had an appointment" Jackson starts, stealing a quick look away from there hands to Aaron's face. He's concerned; he can see the concern in Aaron's eyes. It almost kills him. "at the hospital"
Aaron's eyes widen "Why? What's wrong?" he asks, panicked.
Jackson licks his lips and bites his bottom lip nervously. He doesn't know how to tell Aaron. He knows when Aaron finds out he's going to go off on one.
"I think I should move out. Maybe we should just forget about this" he mumbles as he tries to stand up but Aaron isn't about to let him go anywhere. He pulls back down into the chair "What aren't you telling me?"
"You remember my accident, right?"
Aaron nods. He's never likely to forget that, it was after all his fault.
"You remember how they said I may never walk again and I did?" again Aaron nods "you remember how…you and my mum weren't always around when the Doctors were talking about my condition and what I shouldn't and couldn't do?"
Aaron's eyebrows pull together "One of us was always there" he says but Jackson shakes his head "not when I told them I didn't want you to know anything, they waited until neither of you were there"
Aaron's face hardens, he doesn't like the sound of this "and…?" he presses for more information when it seems like Jackson has just stopped.
"and they told me…"
"They told you what Jackson?" he's getting annoyed at the way Jackson keeps stopping. What isn't he telling him?
"They told me not to build again"
"You've been building again practically ever since you got better"
Jackson nods "yeah"
"They told you not to?" Aaron asks and again Jackson nods "What else did they say?"
"They said I shouldn't because my line of work depends a lot on strength, back strength especially and that my back wasn't that strong"
"So WHY!" Aaron demands, dropping Jackson's hands "Have you been building all this time?"
"Cause I told them to shove it" Jackson informs him "I'm a builder Aaron, I always will be. Nothing, not my back, nothing is going to change that"
Aaron's shaking his head "Did your Mother know about this?" but before Jackson can answer Aaron answers his own question "of course she doesn't! She wouldn't have let you do anything this stupid either"
Jackson rolls his eyes "can I finish my story?"
"There's more?" Aaron barks and Jackson nods "Go on then" Aaron says, shuffling the stool he's sitting on back a little, putting space between the two of them.
"My back's been giving me trouble recently"
"You never said…" Aaron interrupts earning himself a look from Jackson, he pulls a face and Jackson goes back to his story "I made an appointment, just to see. They weren't thrilled when I told them I'd been building for all these years"
"You're a Muppet" Aaron tells him but he's ignored "they told me, if I don't stop my back is going to give in again and this time it's not getting better"
"They told you that two weeks ago?" Jackson nods "and you're just telling me now?"
Jackson sighs "I wasn't ever going to tell you"
Aaron fixes him with a sharp glare "what the hell does that mean?"
"It means they told me to stop and I told them I wasn't going to. I told them I'm going to do my job until the very second I can no longer do it"
"No you're not"
"Yes I am" Jackson says "The check up I had before that last one, they told me to stop working as much and I did. I told you I didn't have much on, just so you wouldn't question it but I tried to stop. I couldn't"
"You lied to me?" Aaron asks
"I had to. You would have tried to stop me and we would have argued"
"What did you mean? You weren't ever going to tell me?"
"I was going to leave" he says, stealing a look at Aaron to see his eyes widen but he doesn't say anything, just waits on Jackson continuing with his story.
"While you were out I was just gonna get in the van and drive"
"You what?" Why?"
"They say if I don't stop what I'm doing, my back is going to give in on me, for good. I won't be able to walk and I don't want to put you through that, again"
Aaron's mouth keeps opening and closing, he can't find the words. He wants to tell Jackson that he's a stupid, selfish bastard but he can't find the words
"I was planning on going today, before Debbie reminded me that you would go mad and not stop until you found me"
"So you're only here because of Debbie?" Aaron scoffs. He's hurt, he's livid and he's angry. He can't believe Jackson was going to run out on him; usually he's the one that runs.
"No" Jackson says quickly "I'm here because I don't want to hurt you and I've been pushing you away ever since they told me. I don't want you to have to put up with me Aaron"
"Huh" Aaron says with a sarcastic laugh "what you mean is, you don't trust me? If you get bad again, you think I'm gonna bail? That I'll walk away when things get tough?" Aaron gets to his feet and starts to pace the living room floor "how can you think that? Did I run last time? Even when you tried to push me away I stayed!" Aaron exclaims "and now you don't trust me?"
One of Aaron's hands finds it's way into his jacket pocket, inside he feels the small ring box and it stops him mid rant.
"I could end up in a wheelchair Aaron"
"Stop working"
Jackson shakes his head, in his head that isn't even an option. He's a builder and he's not going to give up something he loves while he can do it "I can't"
"You can. It's pretty simple"
Jackson shakes his head "I can't and if you can't handle that then I'll leave and you won't have to worry about it or me again"
Jackson gets to his feet and comes to a stop in front of him "You won't be able to handle it and I can't give up my job"
"Not even for me?" Aaron asks, his voice almost breaking and Jackson shakes his head sadly "I didn't tell you or my Mum all those years ago for this reason, you trying to guilt trip me into not working"
"Guilt trip you?" Aaron says, his voice and his anger rising "Trying to make you see sense is guilt tripping you!" Aaron demands "Well, I'm sorry you feel like that" he grabs the box out of his pocket and holds in it his hand.
"Here" he says throwing the ring box at Jackson "why don't you give that to someone who won't guilt trip you, someone you can trust" with that said Aaron does what he does best. He runs. Well, he storms out of the house in an angry, hurt mood, heading straight for the Woolpack. He needed a drink or five.
Jackson isn't exactly sure what had just happened or how it happened but Aaron was running past their living room window and he was left alone, inside the house. He didn't want to hurt him but he needed him to understand that he couldn't change who he was because of something that might happen. OK so it wasn't a might, it really would happen but he couldn't change and he didn't want to.
Looking down at the floor for whatever it was Aaron had thrown at him Jackson can't see anything at first. They're carpet is dark blue as is the ring box, it was only when Jackson took a step and his foot landed on it that he found what Aaron had thrown at him.
At first, as he bends down he's not entirely sure what it is but once it's in his hand and he's staring at it, eyes wide. He knows.
Jackson stands in the middle of his living room staring at this tiny blue box, shocked. He's arguing with himself. Telling himself that it couldn't possibly be what he thinks it is, this is Aaron after all and Aaron wouldn't ever do that, would he?
Without knowing it Jackson's feet have walked him back to the sofa and he drops down onto it, still holding the tiny blue box as if it were made of glass.
He's nervous and his hands are shaking slightly. He doesn't want to open it for fear of what he may or may not find.
He flicks the lid of the box open and his eyes are drawn to the two identical rings sitting inside it, one slightly bigger than the other. Jackson licks his lips and swallows the lump in his throat. His mouth is dry and suddenly feels like sand paper.
Aaron had this in his pocket while Jackson was telling him he planned on leaving? Leaving because he didn't really, if he was honest to himself, not that he'd ever admit it to Aaron. He didn't think that Aaron would stick around and he wouldn't really blame him but he had obviously been wrong.
He sits staring at the two gold rings, holding them in his hands wondering how the hell he's going to fix this. Aaron had thrown them at him, obviously upset with him. He had to find him, he knew where he was, grabbing his Jacket off the rack by the door Jackson headed out into the cold Autumn night, it had started to rain, Jackson hated rain so he ran as quick as he could to the Woolpack.
He didn't want to cause a scene, he wanted to quietly talk to his boyfriend, maybe get him out of the Woolpack but if they caused a scene he was more than happy to cause it.
He spotted him as soon as he entered the Woolpack, he was sat at a table with an empty pint glass in front of him and another one well on it's way to joining it.
"You've been here for less than fifteen minutes, how many have you had?" Jackson asks, standing in front of the table.
"I can drink whatever I want" Aaron bites back but it lacks his usual attitude. Jackson slides into the empty chair opposite
"You'd think after all this time you would stop running and just talk to me like the adult you claim to be"
"Who was the one that said he was going to get in his van and just drive off?" Aaron barks at him "pretty sure that was you"
Jackson retrieves the box from his pocket and places it on the table "Is this what I think it its?"
Aaron doesn't look at him instead he stares at the box, before grunting and drinking his pint "like you care"
Jackson rolls his eyes "Aaron…" he trails off because he's not really sure what to say or do.
"Aaron what?" he demands "Aaron how could you have been so stupid when he clearly wants to leave you and doesn't trust you to stick around when and if things get tough? I know, I'm asking myself the exact same thing"
"Come back to the house, so we can talk?"
"No" Aaron says, in that stubborn way of his "you want to have this conversation here?"
Aaron looks around, the pub isn't that crowded but it's full of gossips and without a word to Jackson he stands up, grabs the ring box and heads for the door.
"You'll need to pay for my drinks" Aaron throws over his shoulder on his way out.
Stopping short of following him, Jackson stops at the bar and pulls out his wallet "what does he owe you?"
Mhoira smiles at him, it's a patronising smile that says how can you still put up with him but her mouth actually says "Seven ninety"
Jackson pulls out a ten pound note "Keep the change" he tells her before running after his boyfriend. He's half expecting him to have done a disappearing act, but he hasn't, he's leaning against one of the picnic tables, getting soaked.
"Surprised I'm still here?" Aaron asks but Jackson shakes his head "Liar" Aaron tells him, he knows him better than that "you thought I would have disappeared just so I don't have to talk to you"
"Well, you've done it before"
Aaron stands up straight and stares at Jackson before nodding his head ever so slightly "Yeah" he agrees "but I'm a big boy now"
"Let's go back to the house" Jackson says starting to head in that direction but Aaron grabs his Jacket, stopping him "Can we just go for a walk?" he asks. He didn't want to go back to the house. He didn't want to feel as if the walls were caving in on him. If he was going to do this he needed a lot of air and space incase he decided to run.
They head off down the road in awkward silence "You should do as much walking as possible" Aaron says "seen as how your going to do everything you can to make sure that sooner or later you can't walk"
Jackson rolls his eyes "Aaron…what's in the box?" Aaron stops walking "telling me you didn't look inside it?"
Jackson doesn't answer, just stares waiting on him answering "Does it mean what I think it means?"
Aaron shrugs "It means I was blaming myself for you pushing me away, I thought it was my fault and that you were scared to let me in incase I screwed up again. I wanted something to show you that I'm serious about you, about us and that i'm not about to screw it up again"
"Are you serious?" Jackson asks
Aaron takes the box out his pocket where he had put it after leaving the Woolpack for safe keeping and looks at it "Unless, you don't want to" Aaron says, suddenly unsure. Everyone, including him was so sure it would be something Jackson wanted but what if it isn't?
Jackson couldn't keep the smirk from his face, he was going to make him say it or at least try to make him say it "Unless I don't want to what?"
Aaron laughs "You know what"
"Maybe you should tell me"
"Maybe you shouldn't push your luck" Aaron tells him and Jackson just laughs "You sure it'll fit me?"
Aaron gives him a dirty look and scowls "What?" Jacksons says with a laugh "We got your ring size earlier"
"We?" Jackson asks "Oh!" he says as it suddenly dawns on him "You and Victoria, that's why you stopped by earlier"
Aaron nods
"You let her loose in our room?"
Aaron likes the way he says our room even although it had just been his for around a month now "She just took the ring your Mam gave you, calm down" Aaron's eyebrows pull together "not hiding something you shouldn't be are you?"
"What like pictures of you that I use to get me to sleep at night?" he suggests with a suggestive smirk on his face
"You could have had the real thing at any point, only had to say"
Their banter stops as Aaron flicks the lid open to reveal the two gold bands "Victoria picked them" he says nervously "you know how much I hate shopping"
Deciding to make it easier on him because that's what Jackson did, he made Aaron's life easier for him. He stepped closer to him and plucked the box from his hand "Are you sure about this Aaron, everyone's gonna know as soon as they notice your hand"
Aaron nods "Of course I am. I'm not ashamed of us"
"Anymore" Jackson adds with a small smile but Aaron shakes his head "I've never been ashamed of us. I was, at one point ashamed of myself but never you" Deciding to stop beating around the bush Aaron took the ring that was meant for him out of the box and slid it onto his finger on his left hand before taking out the ring for Jackson.
Jackson was amused. Aaron, even after all this time still isn't comfortable with his emotions and showing them "Do…would…" Aaron closes his eyes and curses under his breath.
"I want to Marry you Aaron" Jacksons says, making it easier for him like he always did. Aaron grins "I didn't ask you"
Jackson rolls his eyes "if you want me to wait on you, I'll be fifty by the time you say the words"
Aaron scowls "You're a dick"
"You're dick" Jackson promises "and apparently I'm yours for the rest of my life"
Aaron frowns, before grabbing Jackson's left hand and sliding the ring into place, it fits, perfectly "We aren't married yet and we'll have to get there, I might kill you first"
Jackson shakes his head "You like having me around far too much to kill me"
Aaron scoffs "keep talking, your voice drives me nuts"
Jackson shuts him up the only way he knows how, it's the quickest and most efficient way of shutting his boyfriend up and that is by kissing him. The kiss is sweet and tender, conveying emotions that neither one of them quite know how to explain and thankfully neither of them have to.
When they pull apart they're both a little breathless and both of them are extremely happy "how about we go home and work on getting you used to our room again?" Jackson asks with a coy smile on his face.
"Great idea!" Aaron says as he's slipping his hand into Jackson's and pulling him back towards their place.
It's not ideal. They still have things they need to sort out. Aaron still has things he wants to say about Jackson and his inability to stop building even although it could stop him from walking. Jackson still has to make it clear to Aaron that nothing and no one, not even him is going to make him stop building. He's a builder and he'll be a builder until the second he can no longer stand. It's not ideal and they should sort it out and they will but right now, right now the two of them want to celebrate in their own unique way the fact that they are now engaged, even although no question was ever asked but that's just them. They don't need words. They just need each other.
A/N - AS ALWAYS, REVIEWS ARE WANTED, WELCOME AND APPRECIATED! :D