Deaths of Flowers

Chapter 10 – Passions

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat.
I tried to find the sound,
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness.
So darkness I became…

Lilly showed her pass nervously to the muscular guard who stood watch beside the stage and just in front of the door that led to the maze of back passages.

"Go ahead." The man nodded his head to Lilly, but she didn't reply because she was already tripping forward, into the labyrinth that would lead her to Miley.

Some compulsion drove her onward at a needy pace. She paid no heed to the people around her, only ensuring that her pass was thrust forward whenever anyone looked as if they were about to address her. Fortunately, everyone left her alone and she was able to carry on without being disturbed.

Finally Lilly arrived outside a door that was clearly marked with the sign Hannah Montana's Dressing Room in small letters on a brass plaque. This door was also guarded by a female aid, clutching a cup of coffee, a little way down the corridor.

"Woah there honey, where do you think you're going?"

Lilly blinked up at the woman who was scrutinising her closely over the top of her glasses, "I'm here to see Hannah. I'm a friend." Lilly managed to say, forcing her words through her throat, which had temporarily closed up.

"Hmm. I'll have to check that out first." Lilly turned her attention to her feet as the woman tapped on the door, "Miss Montana?" She called out apprehensively, "You have a visitor."

The door opened an inch and a husky voice from behind the door itself murmured, "Who is it?"

Before the aid had a chance to answer, Lilly stepped up to the mark, "It's me."

Lilly glared at the woman, who had opened her mouth as if to say something, but ignored her intentions and marched into the dressing room, clicking the door shut behind her in defiance of the rules which had never mattered before. She walked several steps into the room before stopping and crossing her arms in front of her, adopting a protective stance, and then turned in the direction of her best friend.

"Hello Lilly." Miley greeted her from somewhere near the door, and Lilly swung her head up to look at her at last.

Miley was still dressed in the stunning white dress that had adorned Hannah's body during her performance, yet now she had released her wild brown curls from the synthetic wig and at last let them have reign over her shoulders once more. Lilly clenched her jaw tightly in order to prevent a gasp of wonder at the sight of her best friend. This would only have served to betray her feelings further than they had already been revealed. The fact that her body was trembling though could not be avoided, and Lilly only hoped that Miley hadn't already noticed this.

"How are you?" Miley asked tentatively, since she was evidently aware of Lilly's bearing and made uncomfortable by the fact that she had clearly hurt her best friend. Her sapphire eyes were brooding and her face was pale; she was so desirable that Lilly's anger rose even higher.

Lilly shook her head, "I don't know how I am." She replied coldly and when Miley flinched Lilly lowered her voice to an even icier quiet, "How could you?"

"Lilly…"

"No, Miley I don't want to hear it. You lied to me." Lilly gritted her teeth as her body began to shake even more.

"Lilly, I never lied to you." Miley began, "This wasn't meant to upset you…"

"Well, that's exactly what you've done, you've upset me." Lilly argued and felt her breath coming in short gasps as her emotions heightened.

"I'm sorry, look can I just explain?" Miley spoke calmly, yet there was a pleading in her voice and Lilly was determined not to give in.

"Explain what? That you've humiliated me? That you read my most secret words, the ones which no one was ever intended to see, only to play them out in front of me for the benefit of a song, for your own fame and glory?" Lilly was feeling venomous and her words came out harshly, since she was unable to hold onto her reason.

"Lilly." Miley's voice was harder now and Lilly knew she had struck a nerve, "You know that's not how I am."

Lilly laughed, and the sound was cruel, "No, of course not. Not lovely Miley, she would never do such a thing to her best friend. She would never take the pathetic words that spilled out of Lilly Truscott's heart and turn them into Hannah's musical achievement of the month."

"It's not like that!" Miley barked and blood flared into her cheeks, "This was nothing to do with Hannah Montana, it was everything to do with Miley."

"What could any of this have to do with Miley?" Lilly had lowered her voice again, and she looked away. A sensation of great shame and regret was welling up inside of her, but she had to say her piece, to release everything so that Miley would know how deeply she had wounded her, "Miley," Lilly sighed and her tone was softer, "Miley is just a girl who has taken something which doesn't belong to her. And Lilly," Lilly swallowed a sob, "Lilly is broken hearted, because she has been broken by her best friend's song."

"Lilly," Miley's voice called out to her softly, her own emotions keeping pace with Lilly's in their flux, "I never meant to hurt you. This song wasn't meant to do that… I-I wanted to show you something…" Miley appealed to Lilly, holding a hand out toward her.

"Show me what? I just don't understand." Lilly shrugged helplessly, and kept her distance.

"It's hard to explain. But, ever since I read your words…"

Lilly winced, looking away, and it was this action that made Miley stop and retract her hand, to rock backwards onto her heels instead of reaching forward, "You were never meant to read those words." Lilly said coldly, "And I don't think I can ever forgive you for having done so."

"It was a mistake I know, but they were so special, I couldn't help it, I had to turn them into song…"

"There you go!" Lilly's voice shot up and Miley's body recoiled, "You just couldn't help yourself from barging in there, like some conceited diva, stealing other people's feelings straight off a page without thinking of the consequences."

"Consequentially, it's a good song." Miley argued back, once more giving in to her share of the rage, triggered by Lilly's apparent irrationality.

"Of course it's a good song! It's a good song because it actually meant something for once. Because it was a song that was built on words that came from the heart."

"As opposed to all the menial crap that I normally sing about?" Miley looked hurt as well as angry, and Lilly felt the sting herself; she couldn't help it when she was so tied to Miley.

Lilly shook her head, "You just don't get it."

"Try me!" Miley implored and Lilly started pacing.

"You shouldn't have read my notebook, and you really shouldn't have used those words. You know from reading them that they were all about you." Miley looked down, and for this Lilly was grateful because she really didn't want to see the look on Miley's face as she continued, "I wrote them in a moment when I felt so attached to you that I couldn't imagine life without you. They went down onto the paper because I was suddenly filled with feelings for you so strong that I didn't even know what they were." Lilly drew in a shaky breath, "That evening when I found out my Granny had passed away I thought a big part of me had died in that moment too. But, when you took me into your arms, I knew then that I was truly alive. And, I am only really alive when I am with you."

Miley looked up, and behind the storm of tears that were about to spill, her eyes were burning. "Lilly, I…"

"Save it. I don't want to hear anymore." Lilly said, and her tone was final. "Look, Miley, I'm going home. I know there will be some reporters outside who really want to talk to you right now." Lilly's eyes blazed with renewed fury, "They'll want to know the reasons for writing that song. You should tell them all about it."

Miley reached out to rest her hand on the back of the chair beside her dresser, and Lilly noticed that the movement was to support her whole body, since it was shaking violently. Lilly couldn't help herself and she looked directly into Miley's face where she saw the tears fall silently from her eyes, down her cheeks. The longing rose up in her again, stronger than ever to be at Miley's side, yet Lilly denied herself, and it was for the last time that she did this.

"Miley… I'll see you later." Lilly met her friend's eyes regretfully again, before turning aside and, with the greatest feeling of guilt that she had ever borne, left Miley crying in the dark.