When I wanted to call you
And ask you for help
I stopped myself

Gomen nasai for everything
Gomen nasai, I know I let you down
Gomen nasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now

Gomen Nasai – t.A.T.u

Chapter 10

Gomen Nasai

"Roxas, come on! You can't sit in here and mope forever!"

Roxas raised his eyes, meeting Sora's identical blue orbs with a blank expression on his pale face. He shook his head slightly, his eyes falling away from Sora's again. "Sorry Sora. I just don't… I don't want to go anywhere. I don't feel well."

Sora sighed, sitting down on the bed beside his brother. "Roxas…" He reached out and placed a hand on Roxas' shoulder, his face sad. "I know that you're sad, but you know that you can't do this until he comes back. You and I both know that's not what he would want."

"I know…" Roxas murmured. "But I just don't… feel like doing anything."

"Come on, just for a little while." Sora pleaded. "You haven't been out with the gang for a while, just come to the movies with us. That's all I'm asking. Besides, Riku's been wanting to see you again."

Roxas sighed faintly after a moment of silence. He had felt this way since he had been told by Cloud that Axel was gone. He had woken earlier than normal, expecting to see Axel sitting in his room watching him like he nearly always did, but there was no sign of the redhead.

He had gone out into the living room to find Cloud sitting out there, a serious expression in his blue eyes as he watched his little brother.

Axel had been taken to a rehab center somewhere in the depths of the city. Roxas barely knew the place, all he knew that it was a rather tough place. Then again, Axel had been through a lot of things.

After so long of having Axel in his life every day, of having the redhead there to talk to and help out, not having him there was… empty. Roxas felt a little lost without the eccentric redhead that he had come to care for.

Sora's hand on his shoulder squeezed slightly. "Roxas?"

The blond nodded. "Alright. I'll come to the movies."

A brilliant smile spread over the older's face, and he hopped to his feet. "Well come on then, they're waiting for us out in the living room!"

Roxas blinked. "They?"

Sora nodded. "Yea, Riku, Demyx, and Zexion. They were the only ones that could go; I called them earlier, so it was rather short notice."

The blond smiled faintly; that was just like his absent-minded brother. Sora meant well, but he tended to be spontaneous and forgetful, no matter how much he tried not to be. With a sigh Roxas pushed himself to his feet, following after Sora as the brunette bounced through the apartment. Roxas smiled at Riku as he saw the silver-headed man sitting on the couch.

On the chair across from Riku Demyx and Zexion sat together, Zexion settled on Demyx's lap while the mulleted boy rested his head against Zexion's throat. The two had been dating for nearly five years now, and Roxas was just waiting for Zexion to pop the question. He knew that the two were perfect for each other; Demyx's hyper and optimistic nature balancing out Zexion's quiet thoughtfulness and analytical mind. It was somewhat similar to the relationship that Sora and Riku had; Sora's constant bounciness to Riku's cool calmness.

Sora grabbed his boyfriend's hand, pulling him to his feet with a big grin on his face. "Come on guys, the movie's gonna start soon, and Roxas says he'll go with us!"

Zexion pushed himself up, followed a moment later by Demyx, who gently intertwined their fingers as the two made their way after Sora. As the group walked Zexion gently placed a hand on Roxas' shoulder, squeezing slightly to get the younger's attention.

Roxas' sapphire eyes met Zexion's violet ones, and a moment of understanding moved between the two. Zexion's eyes asked their question, and Roxas smiled slightly, nodding in response. Roxas was used to these silent exchanges; Zexion had never been much of a talker. The older boy smiled faintly as Roxas nodded at him. "Things will work out."

The blond smiled. "Thanks Zexion."

The group made their way to the movie theater, and the longer that he was with them, the more awkward Roxas felt. During the movie he was surrounded by couples, Demyx and Zexion on his right, Demyx leaning his head against his shorter boyfriend's shoulder; Riku and Sora on his left, Sora curled up against Riku's side with the silver-headed boy's arm around his shoulders.

Roxas looked down at his hands, losing interest in the movie rapidly. His heart beat a little faster, and despite his desperate attempts to remain calm, he felt his eyes begin to burn faintly. The others were enamored with the movie; they never noticed the silent tears streaming down Roxas' cheeks for most of the film.

Just before the end of the movie Roxas carefully wiped at his face, trying to compose himself. The tears paid him no mind; they continued to fall against his will. Roxas pushed himself to his feet, slipping past Zexion's knees to leave the theater. Sora blinked in concern, following his brother to catch him just before the exit to the dark theater.

"Roxas?"

"I'm going to go home, Sora." Roxas said, managing to keep the tears out of his voice.

Sora took another step forward, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Roxas, please, stay with us. You don't need to go back home."

Roxas stepped away from Sora, another tear slipping down his cheek. "Please, Sora. I'm going home."

With that the blond walked away, leaving Sora staring at him with concern written all over his features.

Cloud came home to see Roxas curled up in the overstuffed chair in the living room, his chin resting on his arms as he stared off into the space near the window. The tall blond blinked, and then moved forward, sitting on the ottoman in front of his brother.

"Hey, little one." Cloud murmured, reaching out to ruffle Roxas' hair gently. "How are you doing?"

Roxas didn't respond for a moment, and then he spoke softly. "I'm okay, I guess. I feel a little…" He fell quiet, staring again. He sighed faintly a moment later. "Sora's an idiot."

Cloud snorted in response. "And you just figured that out? What did he do this time?"

"He wanted to cheer me up, I know. But as you know, Sora's not the best at that. He tends to miss the obvious." Roxas said quietly. "He wanted me to go to the movies with him, Riku, Demyx, and Zexion."

Cloud instantly understood. "Surrounded by couples."

Roxas nodded. "Yea. I don't think I've ever felt so… alone."

The elder Strife sighed faintly, his hand resting on Roxas' head. "Well, Sora's got your best interests at heart, at least, even if he's not really sure what to do. Look, Roxas, he is right about one thing. You need to stop moping around."

"I know…" Roxas murmured. "I just can't seem to get up the want to do much of anything. I guess that Axel had really become my reason for getting up in the morning."

Cloud chuckled. "It's amazing that he managed to worm his way that far into your heart. He's certainly a… different sort of person. Even so, I am impressed by the fact that he came to me asking for help, just because of you." He was quiet for a moment. "I'm very proud of you, Roxas."

Roxas looked to his brother, his eyes a little confused. "I thought you weren't happy with me finding him?"

"Well, I wasn't at first… But you've done very well with him. You've certainly turned him around; Axel has made you his purpose. Everything that he's going through right now, he's doing it all for you." Cloud said firmly. "You are his drive and his spirit. All I can say is that he needs you right now more than ever."

"How bad is it?" Roxas asked after a moment.

Cloud sighed, running a hand through his bangs. "Even I wasn't sure how bad it was until after his evaluation. But it's pretty… extensive. He was abused both physically and mentally as a child, leaving emotional and physical scars there. He was abandoned at a young age, and out on his own at only 15. His body still shows some signs of starvation from that time, and he was on meth for nearly three years. He was raped for several years, and that's taken a toll on his already rather fragile emotional state. He's no longer suicidal, but he told us that he's tried more than four times. He also told the doctors that he gets migraines often, though that has gotten better since we administered a drug for him."

Roxas felt his heart sink a little. "Is he ever going to get out of there?"

The elder blond nodded, a smile on his face as he placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "He's responding extremely well to treatments, and he's improving rapidly. Like I said, he's made you his driving force behind everything, and it's really pushing him right along. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't spend much longer than a few months in rehab, if only to clear him completely of the meth."

"So he's… He's really doing okay?"

Cloud nodded with another smile. "He's doing just fine. He's having a bit of trouble detoxing, but that's to be expected. Don't worry though, that's exactly why he's in rehab in the first place; so we can help him with that."

For the first time in the week that Axel had been in rehab, Roxas felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He breathed, sinking further into the chair and closing his eyes. "Good…"

Cloud tilted his head slightly. "Was that all that was wrong, Rox? Were you just worried about him?"

Roxas nodded. "I guess so. He's very stubborn, and I was worried that he wouldn't take to the doctors and people trying to help him. I was worried that it wouldn't work, and that he was just there, stuck in a place that he didn't like and that wasn't helping him."

The elder blond chuckled. "I never said he liked it much, Roxas."

The younger smiled. "Yea, I guess."

Roxas shifted in the chair, moving to stare at the ceiling. "Cloud…"

"Hmm?"

"I think that I love him." Roxas whispered.

Cloud sighed after a moment. "Well, I'd have to agree with you, especially after the way you've been acting. I can't say that I'm thrilled with it, but at the moment I'm content; I'm rather impressed with his efforts to change for you."

"I still don't know when it happened." Roxas said softly. "I just know that at some point I started thinking that he was just this… wonderful person, someone who just needed a little guidance to become an amazing and confident man. And he's very beautiful, in his own way." He chuckled softly. "A part of me can't wait to see what he looks like once he's back to normal, you know, not so skinny and…"

"Like hell froze over?" Cloud provided drily.

Roxas shrugged. "That's the best way to put it I guess. But yea, I just know that he's going to be amazing inside and out, once he's back on track."

"I believe you're right." Cloud responded. "Axel is very confident in himself, and in what he has found in you. It's all he ever talks about."

After a few moments of comfortable silence Cloud spoke again. "He asks about you every day, you know. He always wants to know how you're doing and how things are going."

"That sounds just like him."

"Are you ever going to go see him, Roxas?" Cloud asked softly. "Normally I wouldn't encourage that, but… I really do think that Axel needs you right now. He needs your support, and, more than anything, he needs your love. It's the only sort of love that he has right now, and I believe that it's the only one he's put any faith into."

Roxas stared at the ceiling for a moment longer, and then nodded with a sigh. "Yea. I'll go see him. Tomorrow, I promise." He turned to meet Cloud's eyes. "I'm sorry, Cloud. I feel like I've been closing myself off from you too much. You only wanted to help, and I pushed you away."

Cloud shrugged. "You were confused and scared; you did the natural thing for a teenager to do. Besides, you did nothing wrong. And in the end, you still managed to include me and let me help you."

Roxas grinned faintly. "Now all I've got to do is get Sora to realize that what he did wasn't quite the right way to go."

The elder Strife snorted in response to that. "Good luck with that one. Explaining things to Sora is like talking to a brick wall."

They laughed together, and for the first time in a week, Roxas felt like himself again.

We don't own "Gomen Nasai" by t.A.T.u