Another chapter. More reviews please. I promise this one's good. Love to the loyals! -Alicia
"Scars"- Papa Roach
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
Life is so unpredictable. In one blink every thing as you know it is still there and in a flash it can be gone. Unfortunately, I know all too well. My father died right in front of my fucking eyes. We were only at the store to pick up bread and milk. We never came home with the bread and milk, instead we came home to plan a funeral.
Life can be cruel and unusual and sometimes we just have to accept that fact. My father died way to young and I was too young to be without a father. Meredith's childhood was unfair. Her mother neglected her and her father abandoned her when she was five. Seriously if this was your last day on earth, how would you live it?
I stirred in bed after a couple moments of tossing and turning. I went to put my arm around Meredith, but instead I hit the mattress. I opened my eyes and she wasn't there. I sat up in bed and realized the bathroom light was on. I walked in to hear silent sobbing. I looked around only to find Meredith curled up in the bathtub with a bottle of tequila.
"Mer.." I said heart brokenly.
"She died alone" she silently cried.
"What?" I gently said.
"Pulmonary Embolism. She didn't have a chance" she said looking at me.
"Oh, Mer.." I said kneeling in the bathtub rubbing slow circles on her back.
"I was the only one she had. She completely shut everyone out of her life when she was diagnosed. What the fuck was she thinking! I'm the one with daddy issues and the dark and twisty personality. All because of every decision she made in her life! How could she do this to me! " she furiously said, slamming her fists on the porcelain tub.
"This is why I am so fucking unfocused and ordinary!" she screamed.
I climbed in the tub immediately after those words. Meredith didn't understand that she was more than ordinary and that she was even better than extraordinary. I crouched down in front of her and grabbed both of her shoulders. Her blood shot read eyes met mine. I firmly grasped her and stared directly at her.
"Don't ever let anything that woman has done or told you keep you from believing in yourself! Your mother was a horrible person. She has caused you so much pain and suffering. She may be a blood relative of yours, but you don't need her. You have your friends and myself. You, Meredith, are beyond extraordinary, and I love you for that" I said bracing her tightly.
She grabbed a fist full of my cotton pajama shirt and began to sob. All I could do is hold her tightly and hope she could stop on her own. I lifted her out of the bathtub and we leaned against the outside of it. After about ten minutes she loosened her grasp on me.
"My mother had an affair, that's why she left" she said while wiping her eyes.
I wasn't expecting that. THE Ellis Grey had an affair. My eyes gave her a sympathetic look. I grabbed her hand.
"She had an affair with Richard Webber" she breathed.
"What?" I said in complete shock.
"I remember the day as if it was yesterday. I was riding the caracole and my mom met up with 'Uncle Richard'. Each time I passed by, I could see my mom getting angrier. On my last twirl around the caracole I saw my mom sitting on a park bench weeping into her hands. Richard was gone. Two prior my dad said he was going on a business trip, he never came back" she said beginning to tear up.
I put my arm around her shoulder and squeezed her tight. I kissed her temple.
"I never pieced together the information until a couple of months ago. I saw my father for the first time in almost twenty-two years. He lives here in Seattle. He has a new wife and apparently I have half sisters. He didn't fight for me. He just moved on. Richard on the other hand. I can't believe he tore my parents apart. I will never be able to look at that bastard the same way again" she sighed.
"I'm so sorry" I said to her.
She looked up at me.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. You're here for me. That's all that matters" she weakly smiled.
I gave her a weak smile back and kissed her softly on the lips.
"Go under the sink" she demanded.
"Why?" I questioned.
"Grab two paper Dixie cups" she asked.
I did as she said. I grabbed a few rinsing cups and handed them to Meredith. She reached into the bathtub and grabbed her bottle of tequila. She poured two large shots and handed one to me.
"What are we drinking to?" I asked puzzled. It surely wasn't her mother's death.
"For these scars to heal" she said slugging the amber liquid back.
I repeated her motion. The liquid burned the back of my throat, in a good way. Here's the death of parents, affairs, crappy childhoods, and estranged fathers. But here's to the healing of scars and the start of new beginnings.