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Two weeks after Lorena's final death, Fiona comes with the news which will shake Bill's existence again.
It was bound to have happened sooner or later. He knew it. And so it is happening now. Bill is not even slightly surprised- looking at the black and white photo of the dead woman and his own face next to it, drawn with a pencil. This magazine Fiona has brought him tonight when they met to discuss his performance agenda after Sookie had fallen asleep was published last week in New Zealand and has not taken up in America yet.
- "We can stop it, I think," says Fiona, "after all most of the media here does not want to ruin your image. And the crime is too old; human authorities cannot target you now for that."
- "Somebody will make sure that she gets to know it anyway". Bill says sad and slow, "When Sookie has seen these pictures I do not care who else will see them. And I am sure she will get them somehow. I have tried to hide things from her a few times and it has never gone well. This time I am not even about to try."
- "But she probably will understand. She knows that you are vampire. She knows that you have been killing before. Before the True Blood you had no choice. She is defending your feeding on her at every press conference. She watched other vampires feeding on humans. I got the impression that she is taking you for what you are. "
- "Yes she is. She allows me being a vampire, being myself. She enjoys my human features, but she never questions me on my blood lust. She accepts it. Once she even said that she sees me as her baby when I am drinking her blood from her breast. She knows what she shares with me is my life. She knows that I have been killing before to survive. But to know that in general and to see the example, to face the witness – these are different things."
- "Why, and for whose sake, did you leave that child alive, Bill Compton? What a stupid gesture of kindness from you!" Fiona explodes all off a sudden.
- "It was no kindness. I was sure the girl was dead. I did not hear her heart beat. And I was so full after draining her mother; I did not need blood from that tiny pale child. That is why I left her. How could I know that she had this rare heart disease they describe here now? If I knew I would have killed her." Bill says gloomily.
That is the truth. He left the girl alive by mistake and she was able to recall enough for the police to draw his portrait. That happened in Germany, 70 years ago. He had just left his maker. He had to have food and sex. After a while he learned other ways. He has been glamouring rather than killing. He even kept a few prostitutes, very well paid. He could feed on fresh corpses when he worked at the hospital laboratory in Michigan. But pictures of even that kind of life would most probably not be well taken by Sookie. She is human. She has her limits.
- "Now at least you see why I was so reluctant to start my music career." Bill says to Fiona. "Out of all the people I have met in my dead existence, Sookie is the one I treasure most. And now I do not believe she will stay by my side. Without me being famous, this girl, now a grandmother, who had fled to New Zealand to forget me, would never have seen my face again. My music has stolen my life."
- "So, you plan to show this to Sookie and you don't hope that she will understand you?"
- "Understand. Yes, I guess, there is a chance that she will understand how and why all that happened. And that I had no choice. But to love me, to trust me, to take me with an open heart – I do not think she will manage. Her willingness to share everything with me, this blissful joy of us being one together – I do not think I will see it again. But it is not your fault, Fiona. It was meant to be so. It is me; it is my past, my life. Yes, I will show her these pages as I would rather have it happen now than live in constant fear of her discovering this from other sources. I have got my time with the woman I love. I have nothing more to desire. I can all the same finish my worthless existence."
-"What are you talking about? You have to exist for your music. So many creatures around see you as an example of vampires able to live openly with the humans, to be appreciated and loved. You give hope to so many..."
- "I am deceiving them all. There is no hope for a vampire to live among humans. We are too old. Our past will catch up with us sooner or later. I do not want to continue spreading false hopes."
- "You so easily accept your defeat, Bill Compton! You've not even talked to your woman. She has surprised you before. Why not now?"
- "I will talk to my woman. And I do hope against hope, just as I did when she left with Eric. I do not even know if I have got over that but I need her too much. I have nothing except her."
- "I have a feeling that she also needs you, just you as you are. And if you could take her back after her open betrayal, why shouldn't she be capable of same level of love?"
Bill has nothing to answer to Fiona. He takes the magazine and he goes towards his bedroom. He stretches himself besides his woman. He is watching the fine lines, the beautiful curves of her body; he touches her soft skin, tracing her hand with his fingers from her shoulder to palm. It is as if he is trying to memorize her, not that there is any chance that he will forget her. Her scent and her warmth and her breathe are engraved in him deep and forever. Her heartbeat is all that he needs to feel being alive. And he is about to lose it. He knows. But just as always with Sookie he has no choice.
He puts the magazine with these horrible pages open on the pillow between them. His cold hand leaves her warm one. He waits for the sun to take him away. He will be defenceless all day. When Sookie reads it will she leave him, or kill him or send for the police? Anyway she will have time to decide what to do. He will face her decision when the sun sets. He will feel it.
When Bill wakes up he immediately pulls on the bond with his Sookie. First of all what he feels is immense sadness. Then he feels the rage. Sookie is angry and sad. But she is not gone; she is still in the house. Bill jumps from the bed and sees his woman standing by the bedroom door. He steps towards her.
- "Do not come closer, Bill. I do not want you touching me." Sookie says, looking straight in his eyes. It is exactly what he knew he was going to hear. But why does it hurt so much? He thought he was prepared, but clearly he was not. Sookie continues to speak:
- "I know it's stupid. I have known that you are a vampire from the moment I saw you. And I thought I accepted it. Yes, I believed that I loved you despite your vampire nature. But now... I see that I was deceiving myself. There is no way I am accepting this. This dead woman's face – it will stay in between us from now on. How many dead faces you see when you look in your past? How many people you've killed? Answer me, Compton?"
He is silent for a moment. She has never addressed him this way and it is not easy to count how many he killed, a few hundred at least.
- "Few hundred people, I guess." Bill says quietly.
- "You don't even remember how many? You with your perfect memory should be able to remember them all."
- "Yes, I remember them all. I just never counted them. I can do it if you want."
- "Yes, I want it. Count them all and tell me the names!" Sookie says with such a strange and sharp voice. She takes a chair to sit down in front of him.
Bill does not recognize his soft, joyful Sookie in the woman that is facing him now. And her demand is just weird. But she sits in the armchair and waits for him to start. She is not kidding.
- "As you wish, even if I do not understand your demand. And I do not know all names. But I will answer your wish. One – Clarissa, two – Elisabeth, three – I got her in the forest and do not know her name, four – Tom, five – Elsa, six – do not know the name, seven – Barnaby..."
Bill continues to count and he can see what she sees – one by one these dead people filling the room. Soon there is no place left on the floor; they are hanging from walls and the ceiling. Soon there is no air left for Sookie to breathe. Bill can see his love standing so tiny behind all these bloody bodies. This count is agonizing. He would rather forget. She wants him to remember. That is her point, he assumes. Bill continues to count: "...eighty-one – Rachel, eighty-two – Beatrice, eighty-three – Nikolas..."
"Stop! It's enough!" Sookie shouts all of a sudden.
Bill stops. Silence fills the room. Sookie is gathering her thoughts. She is not sad anymore, now she is really, really angry. Bill feels relieved when she's talking again:
"These are all too many. You are not getting away with all this. I don't know how you managed before, or how I managed. But now it is time to face the truth. It is time for you to be punished, Bill Compton. That is the only way for us to go forward together."
Bill cannot believe his ears. Go forward together? Did she say it? What does she mean - that She is not leaving him under these shadows from his bloody and terrible past? She wants them to go forward together?
- "Any punishment, Sookie. I am doing whatever you want me to do. If there is any hope for us to still go forward together. "
- "If I was able to leave you, I would have done it by now. I've been crying and thinking all day. I have left you before. I know how it feels. It feels empty. I've already been gone for far too long to discover that I love you, Bill Compton. I need you, only you. And if this innocent blood stains your hands – I have to take it. But these are my human sisters and brothers. This human blood cries for revenge. I have to do it. You cannot die for a hundred times for all the people you killed; you cannot even suffer enough for them all. But you have to suffer. I want to see you in pain. You are not touching me ever again with your hands so deep in their blood before you are bleeding yourself - deeply, painfully bleeding!"
At the end of her speech Sookie stands up and her face glows slightly, silver-white flames dance on her hair and shoulders. Is she human at all? How this waitress from Bon Temps could say such things, crave revenge for the hundreds of humans? What is it in her blood which is boiling and dictating her gestures and words? She is really special, his woman. And he will possess her again. Her powerful rage and her glory enflames him so much. And above all he does want to be punished by her, so that his own conscience stops hurting him. So that he can probably get both hers and his own forgiveness.
- "Follow me, Bill."
Bill follows. They go down to the basement. Sookie is silent and she looks so tiny, so small, but she is radiating immense energy. They arrive at the room she is leading him to and she stops and turns around to face him. Bill is stunned by the power in her glowing eyes. No, she is not human! They are standing in the empty square of the concrete basement. Sookie looks at him and her rage is almost palpable now.
- "You will never tell anybody what is happening here now. And I will do my best to not to let you meet your final death in this room. But you will suffer, I promise."
With Sookie's last words Bill finds himself covered with flames. He is in fire, he burns. He cannot see her anymore. He sees nothing. And here comes pain. He tries to escape it, he kneels, and he rolls on the floor. There is no way out of fire, which is eating his limbs; blood that fills him is burning inside him. He crawls, he growls, he cries. There is no end to this torture. He doesn't remember how it started. Is he getting insane from the pain? But he has to go on. He has to endure it. There is something behind the fire. There is something he could reach if only he is able to stay a little longer. He is losing it, losing himself to this unbearable pain... Bill feels somebody around. Human, vampire? It does not matter. All that matters is pain. _
Bill knows that he is back. He knows it mainly because his pain is back. He is not burning now, but the pain is there. Pain is all he can feel. He still cannot see. He probably has no eyes. Are they burned out? Will they grow again? And his limbs? He feels nothing but pain. No hands, no feet. Final death can't be worse. And then he hears her voice. It is Sookie.
- "Poor Bill, how could it happen this way? I was not in my right mind. I'm sorry, so sorry!"
Bill cannot answer her. All his words disappear in pain. But somewhere somehow he knows that when the pain is over he will be grateful to her. He will thank her for giving him mercy, to give him a chance to pay for the pain that he had caused in his dreadful vampire existence. But right now all that matters is pain. There is another voice Bill can hear, but he cannot recognise to whom it belongs:
- "He will make it and he is in good hands here. You are of no use for him now. He can hardly register your presence..."
- "Bill can feel me being here, I know it." Sookie answers firmly.
- "May be. But any way, it would be better for him too if we make our trip now so that you can come back with a better control over your magic." the voice answers, and Bill seems to know to whom it belongs.
- "You must be right, Mister Gerald. I would have killed him in my rage if you had not helped me to stop."
- "As I told you already, my dear, as your guardian angel I've been watching you and your little experiments with magic. I knew that one day it could go really wrong, and I did not want to wait for the day if it can get worse than this. That is why I'm taking you now, whether you feel ready or not. Say good bye to your vampire, I'll inform Fiona myself."
Mr. Gerald does not sound like someone to argue against. Magic? Guardian Angel? Bill wonders why he does not feel even slightly surprised. He always suspected Sookie having something like this in her blood. Fairy tricks, as Lorena had mentioned. But why should she go somewhere? Not now! She cannot leave him here alone! Bill feels Sookie nearby him, her voice soft and sad:
- "I know you hear me, Bill. I must go for a while. I must get to know how to deal with my special abilities, Bill. Mr. Gerald can teach me. You need time to recover. Doctor Ludwig is here and Fiona who cares for you very much, follow their advices. They know what happened, for others it was an accident with fire. Do not hesitate to take human blood in my absence; many people are willing to help you. When I'll come back there will be no such freedom for you. And I will be back soon."
Bill can now feel the growing distance between them. She is flying, he guesses, and rather fast and very soon she is too far for his feelings to reach her.
Bill growls in pain. He feels himself rolling in a bath tub filled with blood. That must be what he needs to recover. But what he really needs is her. And she will come back. She has promised.
