A/N Mild trigger warning for rape at the end of this chapter. Nothing too major or graphic. Just a heads up.

Chapter 10

Jane's POV

"Where's Sam?" he asks me, sitting opposite me across the table. He's looking pale and tired. Getting sober doesn't look good on him.

"She didn't want to come."

"Why not?"

"I think you can figure that out for yourself, Casey." I look at him with anger when I remember how Sam reacted to my question if she wanted to go visit Daddy. Her response was short and clear. No, she didn't want to see him. I didn't want her to, but I thought I needed to give her the option. I'm happy she's done with him as well.

I don't want to see him either, but in a strange way, I feel obliged to. I feel like I have to check up on him, even though he's not my responsibility anymore. He's been in rehab for two weeks and I'm still staying at Maura's. I don't exactly know what's happening between us, but I think it's safe to say we're in a relationship, even though we haven't said it out loud.

"Why'd you come here, Jane?" Casey asks, leaning back in his chair as he looks at the two guards that came with him.

"To make sure you know what's happening." My voice is determined and strong, even though I don't feel any of that inside. I lean forward and look into his eyes, feeling that there is nothing left of my love for this man. "You are arrested for domestic violence. The case about your parental rights to Sam is still in the works, but I'm pretty sure you'll lose them. There's a restraining order and we are getting divorced. I want you out of my life."

He looks at me and I see an apology in his eyes. It catches me off guard. "I'm getting better, Jane."

I sigh and lean back, not wanting to be so close to him. "It's too late for that," I whisper. "Sam doesn't want to see you 'cause she's afraid of you. You made your own daughter afraid of yourself, Casey. You can't fix that."

"You're not even giving me a chance to fix it."

"You blew your chances the minute you touched her." I feel anger burning in the pit of my stomach and I know he can see it in my eyes.

"I was drunk, Jane," Casey answers, his voice calm. "I didn't mean to hurt her."

"But you did."

He sighs deeply but he doesn't apologize. Sam is doing fine now, she's had a headache for quite a few days and the bruises on her head are still showing, but she healed well. The emotional scars however will take longer to fade. She's currently with my mother and I know she always has fun with her grandmother.

"Give me a chance, Jane."

Suddenly I feel a strange kind of sympathy for him. I see pain in his eyes and I see a glimpse of the man I fell in love with once. But then I remember who's waiting for me on the other side of the door. I remember how Maura kissed me before I walked in here, I remember how she took care of Sam this morning and how she looks at me. It can never compare to the way Casey ever looked at me.

"I'm done giving you chances," I say before standing up from my chair.

"What do you expect me to do, Jane?" He raises his voice and every inch of sympathy I ever felt for him is gone. I never want to get back to him. The way he talks to me makes me flinch and I almost expect him hitting me, but then I see one of the guards holding him down in his chair and I remember it's not like that any longer.

"You're planning on raising Sam alone?" He asks, his voice still loud in anger. "You can't do that, Jane. You know that!"

I don't answer him. He's not worth an answer.

"Fucking answer me, Jane!" He yells and a guard wants to lead him away, but I stop him.

"I don't have to answer anything," I say, my voice dangerously calm. "I don't ever want to see you again, and I don't ever want you to even do so much as look at Sam. I'm never, ever coming back to you and if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go back to the woman I love."

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot you suddenly turned into a dyke," he says more calmly now.

I nod at the guards and they take him away. As they open the door, I see Maura waiting for me, leaning with her back against the wall but getting up when she sees me.

It only takes one look at this beautiful woman to make up my mind. The sympathy for Casey is completely gone at the sight of the blonde who is now smiling sympathetically at me. She's wearing a skin-tight skirt with a white blouse tucked into it and she looks absolutely stunning. More stunning than anyone I've ever seen.

"Jane," she walks towards me and places her hands on my upper arms. I can see she's trying to analyze my expression.

"Would you like to be my girlfriend?" I blurt out, almost surprising myself.

"What?"

"Do you…" I suddenly hesitate, wondering where this is all coming from. It doesn't take me long to figure out. I want to be hers. I want to end the Casey-chapter of my life and I want to start a new one with Maura. I want to be hers and I want her to be mine.

"Yes," she says, smiling at me. "I would love to be your girlfriend."

I smile and kiss her lips, smiling into the kiss at the feeling of her perfect, soft lips. Yes, things are moving fast but it's been a long time since I've felt this happy. It's been a long time since I felt butterflies in my stomach and I can't even remember the last time I felt safe in my lover's arms.

The kiss deepens as I trace her bottom lip with my tongue and she moans softly, reminding me that we're in a very public place. I break the kiss and look into her eyes. "We should go home."

"Home," she whispers, stroking my cheek with her thumb. "I like that."

Technically, it's still Maura's house. I have only been home to grab some much-needed stuff from my own place before going back to Maura's house. It feels like home.

We walk towards Maura's car, our fingers laced together. I don't even care about people glancing at us, whispering behind our backs. I'm proud to have this woman beside me.

We drive in silence for a while until Maura's voice breaks it. "Jane," she says as she takes a turn towards home, "can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"I still… I still don't quite understand why you went to go see him," she says, her voice laced with insecurity.

I sigh deeply. I don't even know myself. "I'm not sure," I answer softly. "I just… I wanted to check on him? Talk to him? Show him I'm okay?"

"But why, Jane?" Maura drives the car into the garage and turns off the engine, a thick silence suddenly hanging between us.

I shrug. "Closure?"

"Is that a question?"

"I just wanted to see him so I can finish this part of my life." I turn towards Maura and place my hand on her arm, silently asking her to look at me. "I want to be done with him, I want to start a new chapter." I smile at her but I see the insecurity in her eyes. "I want to start a new chapter with you."

"You do?" She looks at me and I see a hopeful sparkle in those beautiful eyes.

"Yeah," I smile at her and cup her cheek, tracing her adorable freckles with my finger. "I'm done with him. I'm done being hurt, being humiliated. I'm done living in fear."

Maura leans forward and places a light kiss on my lips, smiling lovingly as tears shimmer in her eyes. "I'm so incredibly happy you're getting back to your old self," she whispers barely audible. "I missed you. I love you."

"I love you more," I whisper back, completely aware of how cheesy that sounds.

She blushes and I see that insecurity again. "Maur," I whisper, my hand still on her cheek, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing." She shakes her head and smiles at me.

"Hives, Maura." I point at her chest and see that it's flushed red.

She sighs and leans sideways in the driver's seat. "It just makes me insecure, that's all. When you told me you wanted to go see him… I just… I don't know, I just still can't believe you want to be with me."

"Why?" I can't help but chuckle. "How can you not believe that I want to be with the most gorgeous, brilliant and sweet woman on the planet?"

She shrugs. "I'm not perfect. I'm quirky, sometimes a little awkward in social situations and I often say the wrong things."

"You're beautiful, caring and you have an exceptional gifts of saying the right things." I smile and peck her lips. "Okay, maybe sometimes you blurt out medical terminology at awkward moments," I laugh when I see a shy smile on Maura's face, "but that's why I love you. It's adorable."

"Jane,"

"I love you," I interrupt her. "Only you."

"God, I love you too," she whispers back before capturing my lips in a heated kiss. She tangles her hands in my hair and pulls me into her, her other hand resting on my neck.

I wrap my arms around her waist but I don't like how far we are from each other so I pull her over the center of the car, helping her to climb into my lap. She straddles me and smiles. "You're so beautiful, Jane," she whispers.

I don't answer and just kiss her again, my tongue exploring the now familiar territory of her mouth. My hands pull her blouse from her skirt and roam over the soft skin on her sides. She shivers at my touch and I hear a soft moan.

We haven't done more than just making out and I feel slightly nervous. I think I'm ready and I want to make her feel good, but I've never been with a woman before. I'm not sure what to do and I'm afraid I'll disappoint her.

"Let's go inside, Jane," she whispers into my mouth.

I don't know how, but we manage to get out of the car and walk upstairs without breaking our kiss for more than a few seconds. Reaching the bedroom, I gently put her down on the bed and straddle her, leaning up on one arm to avoid crushing her as our lips glide together perfectly.

She pulls my T-shirt over my head and I unbutton her blouse, marveling at the sight of her perfect breasts dressed in a simple black bra. I slowly lean down and kiss each and every freckle on her chest. I feel her heartbeat speeding and her raged breaths. I kiss the swell of her breasts and can't believe this woman is beneath me, accepting my love and devotion.

Suddenly she tightens her grip around my waist and spins us around so that she's straddling me. She smiles down at me and kisses my lips again, her hand finding their way down my stomach, tracing the hem of my pants. She moves down and kisses my collarbone, kissing down to my chest and the top of my breasts.

I should feel aroused. I should be turned on beyond belief. I should be putty in her hands. But I'm not. Maura is the most beautiful creature to ever walk this earth, and she's the sexiest woman I've ever seen. She's writhing above me, slightly grinding her hips on me as her perfect lips keep kissing along my upper body. And yet, my panties are completely dry. What's wrong with me?

I shake my head. I think too much. I just have to allow her to love me. She guides me to sit up and she reaches behind my back to unclasp my bra. She smiles at me to make sure I'm okay and I smile back, giving her permission. She loosens my bra and stares down at my now exposed breasts. "Beautiful," she whispers barely audible. "Absolutely beautiful."

I blush and smile when she lowers me again, kissing my breasts while I undo her bra, hearing her moan when our naked breasts touch. "God, the things you do to me, Jane," she whispers seductively, unzipping her skirt with one hand as the other gently cups my left breast.

She kicks off her skirt and I feel the dampness in her panties against my thigh. It only makes me more aware of how dry mine are. I tense and Maura notices it immediately.

She stops her movements and looks at me. "You're not comfortable," she whispers at me. She doesn't sound disappointed or angry in the slightest.

"I just… I've never done this before," I whisper back, trying to manage a smile.

"Me neither, Jane." She moves off me and lies closely next to me, her hand tracing the skin on my stomach, her eyes still examining my face. "You don't have to be insecure, my love."

I shake my head and try to explain to her that that isn't the real problem, but she doesn't let me. "You have no idea what you do to me, Jane," she whispers, lightly kissing my cheek. "You arouse me with just a look. Just kissing you drives me crazy."

"That's not it," I answer in a soft whisper, averting my gaze towards the ceiling.

"Then what is it? Am I not doing it right? Did I go too fast? Do you need more time? Oh God, are you not attracted to me enough to arouse you?"

"No!" I cup her cheek and kiss her lips. "No, that's not it. Maura, you're the sexiest woman alive and you turn me on like no one else."

Maura sighs and I see love edged on her face. "You're not ready," she whispers.

I feel tears burning in my eyes and I despise myself. "I don't know what's wrong," I answer her, turning my head as I feel a tear trickling down into my hair. "It's stupid. Here I am with the hottest woman on the planet who loves me and wants to make love to me, and my panties have never been dryer."

"It's okay, Jane." Maura traces my stomach and kissed my temple. "We'll wait. It's okay."

"It's not that I'm not attracted to you, Maur," I whisper back, feeling vulnerable and hurt. "I'm wildly attracted to you. I love you."

"A lot has happened in a very short time. We can take it slow." She senses my discomfort and reaches to grab my shirt, offering it to me but I shake my head.

"Can we just… stay? Like this?"

She nods and I hear her swallowing hard. I wrap my arms around her and she rests her head on my chest, still lightly caressing my stomach. "Jane?"

"Hm?"

"Did…" she sighs and I feel her tensing in my arms. "Did Casey ever assault you? Like… sexually?"

"What do you mean?" I feel my heartbeat speeding and my throat closing up. I remember all those times he forced himself on me and pumped away before falling into a deep sleep. I remember him groping me to get himself off, I remember allowing him because he was my husband. I remember thinking it wasn't a bad thing because we were married and I was his, but the tone in Maura's voice is telling me something else.

"Did he ever touch you in a sexual way without your permission?"

"Maura,"

"I want to know, Jane," she says more sternly, leaning up to look at me.

"He had sex with me, yeah. But we were married."

"Did you give him permission?"

"I was married to him."

Maura sighs deeply and traces my jaw with her hand. "He still needs your permission."

I close my eyes and know my confession will hurt Maura. "No, I didn't give him permission. Most of the time he was too drunk to get it up, but once he finally did, he just pounded away and got himself off and fell asleep afterwards." I look back at Maura and I see tears trickling down her cheeks.

She sniffles and wipes a tear that falls from her eyes on my chest. "Jane," she whispers barely audible, "he raped you."