DISCLAIMER: I do not own a thing. Ally Carter does. So, unfortunately, all credit for characters (except for David Joseph) goes to her…
Behind Glass Doors
Chapter 9:
Cammie's POV:
Zach and I have been sitting on his bed for what felt like hours, though, it actually could've been. There was not a sound in the dorm and we highly doubt that any interruptions would come until 6am, when the boys would sneak back into their dorm.
My body was numb. I was anchored on top of Zach's bed in a cross-legged sitting position. Zach was an orphan now, with his mother gone. Mrs Goode didn't want me dead, she just wanted to capture me so she could bring me to the person who did want me dead. I wondered if Zach knew any of this before. I turned to his to check his emotions. Unlike me, he was completely at ease. He was lazily lying on his bed, facing me, propped up by his elbow. He seemed so focused as he twirled a strand of my hair round and round his finger.
I turned around to face him. He didn't seem to notice. I pushed myself closer to him. He noticed that. For the first time, since the passageway, our eyes met. Only for him to look away 3 seconds later (which is quite a lengthy time for a spy).
"I'm sorry." I have no idea what brought me on to say it, but once I started I couldn't stop. "About your mom. I know she was the family you had left."
Zach looked back at me. He looked confused…and enraged? No, disgusted.
"Why are you apologising?" he whispered harshly. "My son-of-a-bitch mother is dead. You should be celebrating."
"I would be," I declared, "believe me, I would - except there's someone else, someone who really does want me dead, someone who was controlling your mother."
I half expected him to say something then. But I was only met by silence. So, I gathered up all my courage to say the things I only dared to think.
"Don't you see, Zach?" I pleaded urgently. "Without him - whoever 'he' is - and the Circle, your mom could've been a good person-"
"Good." Zach scoffed. "More like decent."
"Okay, decent," I admitted. "But-"
"Don't you get it, Cammie?" he blurted out. As soon as he said this, he was on his feet. He had jumped over me and onto the floor with a thud. "If the Circle goes down, I go down with them. They take me away from you!"
"I won't let that happen…" I whispered.
"Oh, grow up! You can't change who I am or who I was. My mom was a leader of an internationally renowned terrorist group. My dad was a double agent that was killed by my mom. And I, I was sent to a school for assassins. I think they've got enough on me." He stopped his rant to take a breath. "Don't you see, Cammie? I'm anything but good."
Hearing him say this made my heart break, it made my breath become trapped in my throat and brought tears to my eyes. I stood up off the bed and walked towards him.
"I don't expect you to be perfect or holy or saintly. That doesn't go with we are," I choked out, "but you are not bad. And you are not your parents."
I trudged my way to the door. I opened the door and was just about to walk out, when Zach's voice stopped me.
"Where are you going?"
"To my dorm." Lie. "I think it's time I left." Ding, ding, ding. Truth.
"Cam-"
I left it at that. I cut off his plea for me to come back by shutting the door lightly. So I wasn't going back to my dorm. I was hardly in the mood to be surrounded by lovey-dovey couples, especially since I think I may have just broken up with my boyfriend.
So, I walked to the only place I thought of, I walked to town. I did use my passageway, of course, well actually I ran through it. But as soon as I left grounds, I slowed my pace into a walk. At the caress of the morning breeze on my bare arms, I shivered slightly. I walked through the streets. I walked through the town square. I even walked past the barn where Josh had taken me for my fake birthday and the harvest moon dance. But the one place I didn't expect that I'd walk to was 'Abraam and Son's Family Pharmacy'.
"Cammie?"
I turned around to face the pharmacy's side alley, where Josh's head was peeping out.
"Hey," I whispered hoarsely.
"Hey," he flashed that dazzlingly white smile of his and made me go a little weak in the knees. "What are you doing here?"
"I just needed time to think," I shrugged.
"Don't you have school?" he asked cautiously.
"I took a day off."
He studied me for a moment. He took in my unruly ponytail, my spaghetti strap singlet and my cute blue and white checked pyjama bottoms. All before, he rested his gaze on my eyes. I don't know what he saw there.
"Do you want to go to the park on Bellis Street?" Josh asked abruptly. "You know, the one wear I got into a knife fight."
I laughed at his cockiness. He just brought back a memory from our first arranged meeting, arranged by me, that is.
"Sure," I nodded, "I'd love to."
We made our way to the park on the corner of Bellis Street silently. By that time, the sun was beginning to rise.
"Don't you have school?" I asked curiously.
"Nope," he replied simply before shrugging casually, "I'm running a few errands for my dad."
I nodded absently as we both sat down on a swing each. We gently swung forward and back silently as I tried to sort through my thoughts. Eventually, as I thought he would, he broke the silence. I think it got too intense for him.
"Is the something you wanna get off your chest, Cam?" he asked innocently.
In no doubt did I look torn. Torn between wanting to tell him and ask for help and torn between staying loyal to my sisterhood and all it's secrets. But then I realised, my sisterhood wasn't being loyal to me, why should I be loyal to them? They clearly did not deserve it.
"Have you ever known someone who you felt was a threat to you? And then, they're gone and just when you're about to celebrate, there's an even bigger threat that has the power to push you over the edge? What would you do?" I asked unsurely.
"Well…I'd probably celebrate the first threat's absence. And the second threat…I don't know," he replied cautiously. "What exactly do you mean by 'over the edge'. You can't mean…?"
"No!" I replied laughing gently. "Not suicide."
I laughed as Josh took in a sigh of relief.
"Good," he said, "because I'd miss you way too much."
I smiled at him and he smiled back. Before I realised we were both leaning in, our lips came in contact.
The bliss of this kiss was earth shattering. All I could think of was Josh and I, our ignorant moments back in sophomore year, where I was no one but an ordinary girl to him. Or maybe, perhaps, I still am that girl next door that he loved. But now, I already knew the dangers I was putting him in. Let alone the fact of my betrayal towards Zach. I was with Zach.
I was with Zach…The words echoed throughout my mind. As soon as I let the words' full impact hit me, I jerked away, causing me to fall off my swing. I hastily picked myself off the luscious green grass and walked away. Unfortunately, Josh took this as a signal for him to follow.
I didn't want to lead him on, but I did. Just like I was forced to live a lie. I whipped myself around to face Josh, only to be met by his spellbinding kiss once again. But this time, I knew what I was doing and what I had to do. This time, I knew what I would drag Josh into, and it was all the worse now than it had ever been.
"Josh stop," I pleaded. Even I could hear the desperation in my voice. Even though I had pushed him off of me, he was still holding onto my waist.
"Why?" he answered, "I don't care that you lied to me 2 years ago. I don't care that you're a Gallagher Girl. Heck! I don't even care that you know more than 100 ways to kill someone."
"Josh you don't under-" I stopped. What had he just said? I don't even care that you know more than 100 ways to kill someone…
"I know, Cammie. I remember everything," he confessed, "the night you told me truth, our so-called break-up, your fake kidnapping. I even remember driving an effing forklift through a wall just so I could talk to you. I know…"
I shook my head. I was so confused. Josh knew. He knew everything. But he didn't. He didn't know about my father. He didn't know about the COC. He didn't know any of the reasons that had brought me here today.
"Cams…" he began solemnly, "…I know. We can be together now-"
"No!" I exclaimed. "No, we can't be together. Just because you know, doesn't mean you belong in my life."
"It's Zach, isn't it?" he put out.
"No," I answered, too quickly for the lie to be any good, "yes, maybe."
"Well, you know what Cammie?" Josh cried out, irritated. "I don't give a damn! I loved you first."
At that moment, I realised how intense our conversation had become. Josh was inches away from me with his hands cupping my face. Somehow, Josh's booming tones had attracted the attention of many house owners as they were watching our soup-opera scene unfold from their windows.
By now, my vision had been hazed by my unshed tears. Staring into those gorgeous blue eyes that I first fell in love with, it didn't help. Before I could prevent it, the tears had started to fall. I hung my head in shame at my display of weakness.
"I'm no good for you," I murmured when I found the power of speech again. I looked back up at Josh's face. "I can't ever give you everything you need. By being around me, around what I do, you're only gonna get hurt…"
I had trailed off. But Josh got the message. I knew he did, because he had stepped away from my quivering figure.
"What else is there?" he asked quietly. "What else aren't you telling me?"
That was the question I've been dreading all my life. Someone I had, and do, care about, that wasn't part of my life as a legacy, was asking to hear my story. Not my mother's, not my aunt's; mine.
So, I told him. I told Josh everything. He didn't interrupt; he just sat there on the curb along Bellis Street, with me.
When I brought my story to an end, or at least, where I was up to, Josh just sat there, eyes glazed, deep in thought. Just when I thought he wasn't going to say anything more, he dropped another controversial question on me.
"So what do you wanna do?"
I looked at him. He was curious, I could tell. But most of all, he was concerned, concerned that I was going to do something stupid and get myself killed.
"I want to know."
I had no idea what made me say it, but it was the truth. And what was common knowledge in the world of espionage was that the Truth is Dangerous.
A/N-I know I haven't posted in a while. I've had all these school events coming up; carnivals, fetes, exams, assessments & EXCURSIONS (hooray for that one :)). But when I do actually get time, I've been concentrating on my HSM story, because it was shorter.
But now, I'll be taking it in turns to post chapters; one for HSM, then Gallagher, then HSM again and so forth.
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