10

I reasoned all that stuff about despair and love before I even left, so I had no regrets about separating myself from the others. I got on the first train there, and Suzaku told me goodbye. I met my new caretaker, some woman with a forgettable face and a forgettable name. No personality of her own. She barely treats me like a person. Too nice and phony, and she thinks she is doing a good job.

Miss caretaker settled me down in my room, told me the bathroom was to the left and we would be having dinner at six. Then she left me to myself. That was at least two days ago, and I've been repeating the same process over and over since then. I feel I'm even starting to lose my sense of time, but who can blame you when life is on infinite repeat.

I've been finding solace in taking strolls. I can only stay on the paved path, but the surroundings are beautiful nonetheless. We haven't had a rainy day since we got here, which it nice. I have found that no one was keeping up the place, so all the hedges that were once cut to look like majestic animals, now only resemble tumbleweeds. People may think that the tumbleweeds would be enough to ruin the awe of this place, but in honesty in builds up it's sense of openness. When I see them it makes me think I'm in a baron desert. A place life has forsaken and forgotten, yet things still manage to bring those who traverse there enjoyment. It's a dead land where everything is at peace. And it's inhabitants (Whether temporary or not), can still find something to marvel at, and a reason to live. I wonder if all the tiny reptilian creatures who live there think that they're living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland? I suppose not. They never knew anything different, so to them this is the normal standard of living.

If they learned of places such as this one, with water and grass, I suppose they would consider it heaven. There are still problems obviously, but it beats living in a desert. So a desert inhabitant thinks of a place with water heaven, but what if we're just like the lizards? If the earth is actually just a desert, and when the inhabitants of a higher place see us they think "They are living in a dead wasteland.". I wonder what it would take for humans to consider something a heaven? Lack of suffering I suppose, that's what they all want. They don't realize that no matter where you are, there is no such thing.

But if those who dwell in a heaven to humans, consider earth a hell, then what to they consider heaven? In most likelihood they don't think where they are living now is a heaven, because no one will ever be satisfied with what they have. And if people live in their heaven, what do those people consider heaven? And if there's always another heaven to go to, then does it really matter? Greater existence extends infinitely in one direction, as does lesser existence. So truly the way to go to heaven, is by not knowing that any higher or lesser form of living exists. If all you know is what you have, you'll never pointlessly chase after what you don't. And even if you did, once you got there it would be no different from where you left. All you'd have to do next is chase after the heaven to the heaven, and the heaven to that heaven, until one day you die or stop moving all together.

Then I realize I'm living in a wasteland. A world filled with death, and hate. But I also realize I'm living in a paradise. Without the ability to hate, there would be no sense of meaning when one could love. Strangely, I start to appreciate my situation. I may not have them now, but at one time I had Lelouch, and Suzaku, and my friends. But now I have solitude and peace, time to think. Even without them, I feel just as close to their memories as I was to them. And now, even without companions I can contemplate the nature of a tumbleweed. I think I'm going to keep strolling.

Lush leaves, flowing water, wind, sand, grass, anthills, sunbeams, bird calls, silence. All in one place. I like being alone with these things.