Author's Note;; subtly time-jumping from the last chapter! This one's mostly from Santana's point of view. A little scattered and long- I'm turning into a bit of an insomniac, I think. Starting to look around for a beta, if anyone's interested. Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing!
Also! Why do you guys think Puck's being so adamant about Brittany breaking Santana's heart?
To Santana's great frustration, Brittany refused to let their activities go beyond kissing and a bit of over-the-clothes petting. She wouldn't have minded if the blonde wasn't so fucking touchy-feely, always crushing their bodies together in full-length hugs and giving these tantalizing little pecks, and if she didn't kiss so damn well. To make it worse, Brittany was just so sweet all the time- Caring, attentive and cuddly. The little things she did, like opening doors and pulling out chairs and guiding Santana to lean against her front when they sprawled on the couch to watch television made Santana want to keep bestowing thanking kisses upon her lips to wipe off that slightly crooked smile and watch light blue eyes darken with arousal and hear her cry out when pushed over the edge. Santana Lopez could take the sweet- But Brittany's sweet overlapped with sensual, which changed things from innocent to teasing, whether it was unconscious on the other girl's part or not. If the sexual frustration wasn't damn near killing her by the fourth day of their relationship, it certainly was getting overwhelming by the end of the first week, especially since they spent every single day together.
She wasn't so delusional to think that it was love that was the cause of her wanting so badly to get Brittany to sleep with her - Hell no. Nor was she this sex maniac who prowled the streets and jumped the bones of just anyone. Indeed, some of her past relationships weren't consummated until weeks in, and others were sealed with sex right off the bat. She could admit that the real reason, most probably, was because Brittany was the one controlling the pace, not her, unlike in most of her other relationships. Brittany was hot and so very, very sensual and at times (like when the Latina had managed to wedge her knee between Brittany's thighs and sneak a hand up her shirt), Santana could tell that she wanted to let things progress and go all the way. But, invariably, she would pull away and shake her head apologetically.
Once, Santana had been so damn close to shucking off Brittany's pants after discarding hers and the blonde's shirt when she had been stopped and Brittany had just lain there propped up on the headboard, hair tousled and eyes dark. It was one thing for them to stop and Brittany to quickly rearrange her clothing to some semblance of neatness, but it was another for her to just lie there, showing off that mouth-watering abdomen. So, the tanned girl had snapped, "Why? Do you have something extra or do you just not like what you see?"
Brittany just stared back blankly, before realization hit her and she sat up, reaching out to snag a wrist and drag a sulking Santana closer.
"There's nothing wrong with what I see," She had told her softly, looping her arms around Santana's waist and rubbing her nose against the tanned girl's collarbone before placing a kiss on it. "I think you're beautiful, and I really want to." She had trailed off then, eyes seeming to unfocus slightly as she stared past Santana's head. Feeling a little uneasy, on the brink of hurt and not at all turned on any longer, Santana waited out the silence. Within a minute, Brittany had looked back into the girl's eyes and said, seriously, "But I don't want you to think that I'm still here just because I want to sleep with you. I'm here to stay, San, as long as you want me to." And she finished, really quietly, "I'm keeping our hearts safe, like I'm supposed to."
And Santana didn't really want to admit that she would love if Brittany stuck around forever. That was too much of a happy fairy-tale ending, and she flat out refused to believe in those. Not since the age of nine, when all her carefully constructed Disney naivety had been epically exploded when she picked up a book by the Brothers Grimm. Walt Disney and his minions were shitheads, and their version of happy endings could suck it.
There was no way she and Brittany were going to enthusiastically dance and sing their way into Ever Ever After. It was a view that the both of them shared in spades, though for different reasons. Santana because she was painfully jaded and cynical (though she would say that she was just realistic); whereas cheerful, optimistic Brittany's cheerful optimism only went so far. The difference was that the latter could be reasonably persuaded if say, Rachel Berry made a convincing PowerPoint presentation on the positive likeliness of happy ever after, and there was no way in hell that Santana would ever be swayed over. Not without a lot of work, at the very least.
Santana wasn't going to fool herself- This thing with Brittany, convincing talk of special someone or not, probably wasn't going to last throughout the summer. As much as she willed it to work, it probably wouldn't for a whole myriad of reasons. She and the blonde were just too different, never mind what was said about opposites attracting. Santana personally thought that the phrase was a load of bull, because 'birds of a feather flock together' totally voided it. Whoever sat on their ass and thought of morals or whatever the shit they were called obviously didn't put too much thought into what they were doing. And even if they lasted till the end of summer, what was going to happen after that? Brittany's aspirations were flighty, idealistic. She was that sort of person to want to volunteer to go to some misbegotten country to help build schools or something. Santana cringed at the thought of working for free- The only reason why she was studying to become a doctor, as she'd told Brittany, was because it had a high income rate and there never could be too many doctors around.
Brittany had been laughingly horrified by that which Santana spoke of so blithely.
"You mean you don't want to be a doctor because you can help people?" She had asked, tilting her head to the side inquiringly- Endearingly.
"No," Santana had replied dryly, "Since most of the patients are probably going to be people who didn't take care of themselves in the first place."
"But what about the rest?" The blonde had pressed, seemingly trying to find a trace of humanity in Santana's answers.
"It's really sad for them since they'd be victims of circumstance-" (Brittany had looked utterly confused here), "- but I don't really care. My job would be to physically fix them, and try my damnest to not let anyone die. And," She'd interjected, sensing that the other girl was about to speak again, "it's for the best if I don't get emotionally attached to patients. I'm not the sort of person who would be able to handle it if people I get to know and like keep disappearing from my life."
She'd wondered when she became so good at having double meanings to her words, but it managed to get Brittany to back off of the topic- Though it had seemed that the girl was going to call her out on a lie. Truth be told, Santana didn't know if she was that kind of person. She wasn't overflowing with empathy like Brittany, but she wasn't completely heartless. She just figured that it would be best if she didn't keep setting herself up to getting emotionally hurt should someone under her watch not make it.
Or, you know, that could just be a cop out.
But she had been thinking about the denied sexy-times she could be having with Brittany, how the blazes did it progress to her future career?
The two of them had gone running together that morning- Santana's idea. She thoroughly regretted suggesting it in the first place. Not only had Brittany been faster and able to last so much longer (she grinned at this because for some reason, she had the mentality of a teenage boy these days), the blonde had managed to keep up a steady stream of talk while they ran, whereas Santana had felt as though she was about to die. She had thought she was fit- Brittany was like a goddamn superhero with everlasting stamina or something. Idly, Santana reflected that Sue Sylvester would have loved having Brittany as one of her Cheerios. Wouldn't that have been something? Hard-core gymnast and dancer Britt was not, but she had the fluidity and grace as anyone who had been doing pirouettes since they were yay-high.
...Santana was suddenly wanting to put Brittany in her old Cheerios uniform.
The subject of her less-than-pure thoughts was currently sprawled out on her stomach on the bed, idly flipping through a magazine while Santana sat a safe distance away- At her table, with her laptop open. Sensing her gaze on her, Brittany looked up and grinned cheerfully at Santana, giving a cute little wave in greeting. The both of them were currently in Santana's bedroom, since the brunette had (regretfully) spoken of the need to work on her thesis, but had also wanted company. This had become a common occurrence, the two girls hanging out at Santana's place during the afternoons to let the Latina work, spending mornings at the park and evenings eating in Brittany's room. On days that Santana hadn't felt like staring on the computer, they took day-trips out of Lima.
Like two days ago, they had driven to Mason because Brittany had found out that there was a Waterpark there. Santana had been treated to a glimpse of a wet Brittany in a bikini top and short shorts, and had the pleasure of said wet Brittany hugging her from behind as they slid down a slide and flailed into the water.
Could anyone blame her, really, for feeling so sexually frustrated that she felt as though she was going to spontaneously combust?
Lost in her thoughts of that day, Santana jerked a little when warm hands came down gently on her shoulders, and the side of Brittany's face nestled at the back of her neck. "You should take a break," The blonde murmured into Santana's ear, "you look like you're thinking too hard. Tell me?"
Leaning back, Santana gave a sigh of contentment when Brittany's fingers massaged at the knots on her upper back. "Just thinking."
"Of?" Brittany gave a small smile and gingerly placed herself on Santana's lap when the dark-haired girl patted her thighs.
"The letters, mostly. I'm going by Puc- Um, Mrs. Puckerman's place tomorrow to give her hers." Her face flushed a little at the topic, but she kept her voice steady.
"Oh?" Turning her head, Brittany bumped noses with Santana as blue eyes looked unwaveringly into brown. "Should I come with?"
"Yeah," Santana breathed out, "I'd appreciate the company."
"Okay." Brittany pressed closer, laying her forehead against the other girl's. "What about the other one?"
Santana thought about it, before gently moving her shoulders in an up and down motion. "Most of us are back in Lima for the summer. I can call for a reunion- A gathering," She amended, "and pass it on then." She hesitated, before stating, "You should attend that one, too."
She could feel Brittany tense as she pressed her cheek to Santana's collarbone, but she still agreed with a soft "Okay.".
"Yeah?" She asked, blinking a little at how easily she had gotten the other girl to acquiesce.
"Yeah. Anything for you."
Definitely more alert now, Santana decided to push her luck, though she tried her best to keep her tone light and teasing. "Anything?" Brittany was silent, though she nodded her head once.
Clenching her jaw, Santana braced herself as she slid one arm under Brittany's legs and stood, causing the blonde to suck in a breath and cling a little tighter to Santana's neck, a soft giggle escaping her.
Santana mentally patted herself on the back because... Well, just because. She's fucking awesome to be able to pick the taller girl up and bring the both of them over to the bed without tripping, okay?
And so they ended up on the sheets, Santana landing a little heavily on Brittany when they got there. After taking a few breaths, Santana lifted herself up on her elbows to stare down at a smiling Brittany.
(She somehow got the idea that Brittany wasn't really aware of what she wanted to do and suddenly, she wasn't so sure about what she had initially set out to accomplish, which was to either fuck their brains out or ask questions to which the blonde wouldn't give her answers to.)
Without a word, she leaned down to press their lips together lightly, though she couldn't stop the smile that had her lips curing upwards when Brittany tangled her hands in dark locks and deepened the kiss. She was content enough (despite the somewhat risqué direction her mind had been hurtling towards all day) to just kiss languidly without the intent of seeing how far she could get today- Really, she grinned inwardly, Brittany sometimes reminded her of Quinn, with the whole no sex thing.
Breaking the kiss, Santana let out a little sigh and burrowed her face into Brittany's chest before closing her eyes and exhaling another serene sigh. Feeling utterly relaxed, Brittany gently stroked her hand along Santana's spine, choking back a giggle when Santana purred. Like, full on- She could even feel the shorter girl rumbling contentedly against her chest. She didn't bring it up though, instead just continuing what she was doing.
It didn't take long for Santana to doze off, still laying atop of Brittany.
}{}{}{
When Santana awoke, she was in a slightly different position than before- Instead of lying on top of Brittany's chest, she found herself half on, half off of Brittany's back, arms tucked under the blonde's stomach. It would seem that sometime during the nap, Brittany had flipped over to lie on her stomach, her face buried in pillows as one arm slung possessively over the other girl's back.
Santana liked that, a lot. It'd been a while since she had cuddled someone like this - She wasn't one to grab on to a warm body in her bed, preferring to be the little spoon and have the feeling of someone cuddling her. But this? This felt good. Right, even. She could totally get used to this, and for that sole reason, she hurriedly pulled away and threw herself to the end of the bed, as far away from the lumbering Brittany as she could get without actually falling off.
Brittany (adorably, Santana thinks), doesn't immediately wake from the clumsy movement, just groaned into the pillow and shifted a little, flinging one arm out to where Santana's body had been but minutes before. And Santana watched, slightly amused, as that arm felt around the empty space for a bit before Brittany lifted her head blearily.
"S?" She called out groggily, sleep causing her to draw out the letter slightly.
"Here, Britt." Cautious now, Santana crawled back up and cupped Brittany's cheek in her palm tenderly thinking, for the hundredth time at least, that the blonde was pretty fucking adorable.
"Where'd go? Wha' time iszit?"
"Um." Santana peered closer at the luminous numbers on Brittany's watch before replying, "Nearly midnight. We slept almost five hours."
"Oh." It took several seconds for Brittany to process the information; when she did, her forehead crinkled. "Oh." Stretching out the kinks in her back, she yawned and rolled over before sitting up. "I need to get going."
Rocking back on her knees, Santana eyed her with an unreadable expression.
"Yeah," She finally said, "I'll drive you."
}{}{}{
Something seemed off the following day. Santana was oddly quiet and withdrawn, Brittany was tense and silent. Apart from the customary 'hi's, they hadn't exchanged much in way of speech this morning. However, they kept shooting the other either contemplative or wary looks as they were walking to the Puckerman's, a space between their bodies instead of them linking arms and bumping into each other as they walked. Each were lost in their own thoughts.
Santana was nervous. Her grip on her own emotions was shaky at best, and she wouldn't be able to handle anyone else's crying. Oh god, what if Mrs. Puckerman started crying? The lady had known Santana since she was in her single digits with unruly black hair and a teacup set for her tea parties that she forced a then afro'd Noah to attend. This same woman had caught Puck and Santana about to go at it in his room when they were both fifteen, had sat them down and given them a talk about the importance of safe sex and then went on to buy the boy a box of condoms. Then proceeded to stare at Santana when the two broke up and Quinn's pregnancy became known.
Sometimes Santana wondered if Mrs Puckerman was disappointed that it had been Quinn who got knocked up, and not Santana. The 'lesser of two evils' phrase kept dancing around in her brain.
Thing was, she was a strong woman- she had to be, to put up with a son like Puck-, and Santana wouldn't be able to take it if she cried. She had already witnessed enough of that at the funeral, and it had come as a shock when the lady who had been one of her childhood role models sobbed unashamedly as her son was quietly (though just about everyone who had known him had shown up) laid to rest- The Puckermans had turned down Noah having a Military Funeral, as he'd once jokingly mentioned, during a term of leave, that it was all pompous horn-blowing and flag passing and damn it would bore the hell out of everyone and he couldn't have that happening at his funeral, could he? They, however, refused to have an open bar at his funeral, as he had waxed eloquent about with his eyes all shiny and bright. In fact, his mother had smacked him around the head when he spoke of it.
Brittany, on the other hand, wasn't thinking so much about the crying as she was about potential questions that could be asked. If she couldn't tell Santana everything, she sure as hell couldn't tell Noah's mother that she had seen the life bleed out of her son's eyes. She didn't even want to say that she had been in the same squad as the man- What if they hated her for surviving while he didn't? How would one cope, being the recipient of that hatred?
She wanted to suggest they ring the doorbell and leave the letter on the doorstep and run, Santana wanted to suggest that they just put it in the mailbox, but neither of them said a word- Not even as Santana lifted her hand and rapped her knuckles against the brown wooden door. Neither of them ran away or even took a step back when a haggard looking woman pulled the door open, a faint smile spreading across her tired face when she caught sight of Santana.
Neither protested when she ushered them in and insisted on getting at least a glass of water for them before they settled down to talk.
}{}{}{
They managed to slink out of the house relatively unscathed less than half an hour later. Mrs Puckerman (to Santana's great relief), had refused to read the letter till her daughter got home from school that evening. Small talk had trailed off and died a terrible end when Brittany kept staring at the Purple Heart next to a portrait of Noah on the wall, resolutely refusing to open her mouth to add to the already strained conversation.
After awkwardly (but politely) declining the older woman's offer to have lunch with her, the two were out the door, with Santana promising to visit before she left for San Francisco. That got Brittany's attention, blue eyes widening as she swung back around to stare at Santana. How had she not known that the girl was studying all the way over there?
Once they were back on the side walk, Brittany scruffed her shoe against the concrete as she tried to figure out what to say. Before she could, though, Santana broke the silence first.
"You didn't talk, like, at all." Brown eyes eyed the taller girl warily for several moments before she reached for Brittany's hand, intertwining their fingers together. "It was awkward, I'm sorry I made you come with. Are you okay?"
I'd go anywhere with you was on the tip of her tongue, but Brittany merely nodded. "Are you?" She hesitated, before muttering, "A purple heart never made sense to me. An ugly medal doesn't bring back what has been lost. The war is stupid. Shouldn't have joined, should've learned to glue shoes together or something."
Unable to think of anything to say, Santana just squeezed their joined hands and patted Brittany on the arm.
"I'm okay. C'mon, let's grab lunch."
Continued Author's Note;; I appreciate opinions and comments, and thank you everyone for reading/commenting/favouriting/alerting!
Killer cereal: I RECOGNIZE YOU. And am totally giving myself a mental high-five for managing to remember who you are, haha. Thank you for reviewing!
Nova Forever: I'm going to have to admit, I googled Ohio rather intensively trying to pick out destinations for them to go to. I've never ever been there, though I think a friend has once told me that Ohio is infamous for its...corn? Or was that Idaho? I've also honestly never been to a Chuck E Cheeses before. I had to google that too. Thank you for your lovely words!
Melux85: why do you think Puck's sure Brittany would break Santana's heart? (: I've got an idea and it'd definitely be covered in later chapters, but I'm curious as to what you're thinking. Thanks for reviewing!
Scloogue: BRITTANY IS TRYING NOT TO MESS UP! Haha, trying very hard. Your review is lovely and so are you! It's good to hear that your friend's place is alright, and I do hope things get better in her area.