I Hate This Part
Chapter 10
Trish POV
I was just a few kilometers from my house. Throughout the trip I kept silent, and thinking about John. Is he really serious about his words? Would I be able? It's really a matter of pride. I don't want to look as though I beg love with him. Although it really was like that. But I'm too low if he knew that I was begging for him.
"Tomorrow you want to go for a walk?" I heard Peter speak. But somehow my brain can't respond, my brain can only ignore him. "Trish you hear me?"
"Yeah" I turned to him and smiled a little.
"You look sad" said Peter, he slowed down. I just smiled and turned my face. This time I was sad, I even wanted to cry. "Are you okay?" He said with a worried tone.
"Yeah, I'm just sleepy" I say lies. It is impossible for me to tell him the truth. I took great confidence from him.
"What did you say that? 'I said, I don't want to make him feel disappointed because I ignore him.
"What about the walk tomorrow?" Said Peter. Actually, I'm really not in a good mood for a walk. "Tomorrow there carnival opened only for 1 month, it would have been nice"
"I wanted to go but I can't, I have an appointment with someone" This time I'm forced to lie again. Without me knowing it, we have been right in front of my house,
"Oh, okay" he said with a sad tone.
"What if the next time, I promise to go with you" I said trying to console him.
"Alright" he said with a smile. Then he got out of the car and opened the car door for me. "Thank you for going to a party with me" he said softly.
"You're welcome" I said, "And thank you for invited me to go to a party, it was fun"
"You're always welcome" he said.
"Well, goodnight" I said. I do not know what possessed me. As there is encouragement from my body to kiss him. I stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek softly, very softly. "Bye" I immediately went into the house. I don't want to see his reaction.
After I clean themselves and changed my dress into a tank top and panties. I immediately crawled into bed and lay on my back. Currently I am feeling really messy. On one side I feel sad for John, and on one side I feel happy because Peter. I'm really confused why I was feeling this way. It makes me want to stay away from them. But I could not, I would never be able to.
I sighed loudly. Honestly, I'm tired of all this. Then I heard the sound of thunder. Maybe if someone is struck by lightning, he's really going to overcooked. With a faint voice I heard the rain. And tonight will be heavy rain, again. The rain may actually describe my feelings.
15 days later ...
This cold night, making my body shiver. I was on the balcony of my house and cried. Since argument me and John, he never contacted me again. This time I really believed that he was serious, even very serious with his words. I didn't know if he's okay. And he also didn't know if I was okay. It's really painful. Every now and then I really wanted to contact John, but I know he's very busy. Maybe my hunch is correct, my relationship with John wasn't will be working. We just have to end it, maybe. So none of us hurt.
I sat in the chair and took my iPod. Sometimes when I am sad, just music that can make me feel better. I opened my playlist. Slowly a song starts playing. This song is very slow. I was concentrating on the music. This is a song from Taylor Swift, I Almost Do. Lyrics to this song make my feelings worse. I spend more tears than before.
I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window
Looking out at the city
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me
And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do
I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
Cuz each time you reach out there's no reply
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you
And risk another goodbye
And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do
Oh we made quite a mess babe
It's probably better off this way
And I confess babe
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I want to try again with you
And I almost do
And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do
I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me
Tears flowed more freely from my eyes. As if it was spring. I'm was really not could control the my feelings. I am too tired bear this all the, and made me explode in sadness. I need someone who understands me, and loves me sincerely. I turned off the track, and put my iPod on the table. I breathe slowly and leaned back in chair.
I've been crying for hours and makes my throat dry. I wiped my tears, and rose. I grabbed my robe and wearing it. Then I descended the stairs slowly. I picked up a mineral water and drink it immediately. I put the glasses slowly and leaned against the kitchen counter. Now I am fully aware that my life is sad.
When I go back, I saw my reflection in the mirror. I stopped and looked at me. Is this really me? I really look messy. Hair disheveled, eyes red and swollen. I don't believe that I could be such a monster. Then I heard the doorbell ring. I glanced at the clock, and it was at 1:21 am. Whoever this person, he/she really been disturbing my privacy.
I walked slowly towards the door, and ignore the bell rang. Does he/she not know that it is almost morning. I opened the door slowly. I was very surprised to see who's coming so early. I just shut up and don't move, John is here.
"Sorry to disturb you so early" says John. I was silent, and didn't look at him. I shifted my attention. Seeing him made me feel sick. My eyes started to burn.
I ignored him and walked back inside. I climbed the stairs quickly, and go into a different room. We had 4 rooms. So me and John will be in different rooms. I don't care if he would not like it. I let go off my robe and go to bed.
John POV
I stepped inside and locked the door. I knew that she going away when I get home. It was my fault, and I must bear it. I walked slowly into the room. When I was in the room, I didn't find Trish, even in the bathroom. I'm onto the balcony and saw wipes strewn everywhere. Maybe she's crying here all day. Seeing all this mess makes me feel really guilty.
I sat in a chair and holding my head. Why are we like this? She perceive me as a stranger. Right now I really want to hug and kiss her. But it can't, even to look at me she doesn't want to. My life is over.
I decided to look for Trish around and try to make her forgive me. I don't want to be like this, I missed her the first. I looking for her in every room. Then I found her at the end of the room and rarely for use. And she was fast asleep. I approached her and lifted her tiny body. Her place is not here, her place is in my arms.
I laid her body gently on the bed. Then I blanketed her body. I sat next to her and looked at her. I really miss her. I leaned over and kissed her on the lips. Although it was only a light kiss, but I like her soft lips.
And I realized that she changed her hair color. I never thought that the brunette is very suited to her. She increasingly look beautiful and charming. But the blonde made her look more sexy and hot. But for me, Trish always looks sexy and hot whatever she is wearing.
I reached into my pocket and take out a small jewelry box dark blue. Would I really be able to live with Trish, with our differences. The question that always haunt me. It's not about love or faithful, this is a difference between us. One day I will find the right answer.
I was awakened from my sleep and felt very comfortable. I had not even opened my eyes, not yet. Maybe this is a dream, so I feel very comfortable. If this is a dream I don't want this to end. I want to be like this for a while. I slowly opened my left eye, and was surprised that I was in my room. Was not last night I was in a different room, this is very strange. Then I opened my eyes completely and was surprised that I was in John's arms. I assume that he who brought me here. It was kind of a very sweet I thought.
Then John moved slowly and opened his eyes. He blinked several times, trying to adapt to the morning sun. He turned to me and smiled. I want to smile back, but I'm too hypocritical to do that.
"Good morning Barbie doll" Finally, I heard him calling me Barbie dolls again. I always miss it. Right now I'm doing my role as a girl hypocritical. I think I should stop being a hypocrite who continue to lie to myself.
This time try to give him a smile. But my lips feel numb, as if they don't work. I don't want to look stupid in front of him. Then I would get rid of the blanket and go to the bathroom. But he took my arm, so I was facing him.
"What exactly happened to you, why did you change your nature to me?" I like this because he is, he should have asked himself. "I was really trying to save our relationship, I don't want us to end up like most long-distance couples"
"You think I want to like it" I said coldly. My lips finally worked.
"Then why are you seemingly didn't care about our relationship" he grasp my hand tightly.
"You're too often wound in my heart, then you are treating the wound, and then you make a new wound" I said flatly. I really hate this situation. he was silent.
"I'm really sorry if I always do it," said John. Stagnant tears piling up in my eyes.
"I just know you, I'm feeling pretty sick this" A tear fell from my eyelid.
"You don't know how difficult it is undermining your heart, you don't know how tough it gets you, you don't know how I struggled to get the blessing of your mom, and now you just want to throw me" John said in a hoarse voice. Maybe I didn't know how hard he's doing it all for me. But I can understand his feelings.
"I try to hold out, but I could not, I really can't afford John" I said crying. My tears completely spent. "Leave me alone without your shadow, I can't do anymore, from now all up to"
Sorry for the bad grammar and spelling mistakes.