It didn't surprise her to find Buffy sitting in her room talking quietly with Angel when she finally made her way up there. She said nothing, giving Angel a nod hello as she handed Buffy her mug and went to sit by the window. Neither of them asked her to leave and Angel continued talking quietly to Buffy about the changes she had gone through and the changes that would come over time.
She lit a cigarette and sat on the windowsill, her eyes glued to Buffy as she sat on the bed next to Angel and listened to him as he spoke. There was just enough light in the day that it wasn't too intense for her to have the drapes and the window open. Then she felt it, those ghostlike hands running over her body, lingering and teasing. Buffy looked over at her, a sly smile crawling across her lips as she saw the effect it was having on Faith mere seconds into it.
"Bitch," she whispered so faintly, the words barely making it past her lips.
She leaned against the frame of the window, her breath hitching in her chest as she felt those ghostlike fingers brush over her already throbbing, wet clit. She took a long drag of her cigarette, closing her eyes and trying to control the erratic breathing as those ghostlike fingers danced and teased her relentlessly. Her breaths came out in short gasps as the teasing became a little too much, as it became impossible to hold off the soft whimpering moans that now escaped in between the gasps and sharp inhales of breaths she continued to struggle to take.
A small yet powerful orgasm washed over her, filling her and making it all that much more uncomfortable with Angel's eyes now upon her as she struggled to keep her composure. She nearly lost it completely when she watched Buffy lick her lips and at that moment almost felt those lips upon her own. Her body was flushed with a raging inferno from the small, powerful orgasm Buffy had inflicted on her with the power of her mind. She wanted nothing more than to kick Angel out of the room, rip her and Buffy's clothes off and fuck her like there was no tomorrow. She needed to feel, she needed to taste, to hold.
"Are you alright, Faith?" Angel asked, his eyebrows rising slightly as he took in a deep breath.
"Fine," she replied through gritted teeth and took one last drag of her cigarette, her hands shaking as she tossed it out the window hastily. "Just fucking peachy."
Buffy didn't stop then. She only smirked and licked her lips, those very ghostlike hands feeling too real as they roamed over her body, finding her sweet spots, those ticklish spots, the spots that pushed all her buttons and made her crave even more. Her heart was thudding so very loudly in her chest by now and she was sure that both Angel and Buffy could hear it just as clearly as she could. Her skin felt so hot, so flushed under the restrictive layers of clothing she wore, and she was fast growing uncomfortable sitting there on the windowsill and feeling her panties slick with arousal.
Ghostlike lips brushed against her neck and trailed down to lick over her already hard nipples that were straining against the now rough material of her bra. She shut her eyes tightly, willing Buffy to stop, to show her some mercy, especially with Angel sitting there in the room just a few feet away from her. She opened her eyes as she felt those ghostlike fingers plunge deep inside her cunt and she begged Buffy silently to stop. It was too much and not enough and she wasn't so sure how much more of this mindfuck she could take before she completely lost it.
Covering a moan with a slight cough, she leaned against the frame and clenched her legs together, hoping to ease the relentless torture Buffy was inflicting on her without mercy. One hand became two, two became four and she was surprised that she hadn't becoming a quivering mess, begging Buffy to stop the teasing and to fuck her, hard and fast, regardless of Angel being there in the room with them. Angel, who was continuing to talk to Buffy and completely oblivious to what was really going on behind those quiet, intense exchanges between her and Buffy.
She felt completely surrounded now, completely at the mercy of Buffy's mind. She stood up abruptly and without a word she made her way to the bathroom, closing the door quickly behind her and breathing out heavily as she felt a second, quick orgasm flood through her body. She tore at the buttons on her shirt, feeling as if she was suffocating within the confines of her clothes, and she gasped as her flushed skin was exposed to the cool air.
"She's fucking killing me," she sighed under her breath, her eyes closing as she unzipped her jeans and slid a hand down her panties, needing relief, needing to ward off those ghostlike hands from edging her on further.
She kept as quiet as she could, knowing the two vampires in the room so close to her would be able to hear every shuddering, suppressed moan as her fingers deftly slid over slick folds coated with vast amounts of arousal, of need. Only faintly could she hear the two of them talking and she let out a small whimpering sigh as those intense electric shocks drove through her body, giving her the release she so desperately needed to have under her own control. She eased her fingers out of her panties and slid down the door to the floor, her breathing slowing and becoming steady with every deep breath she took.
Feeling almost spent from the relentless torture Buffy had unleashed on her body and from the release she'd given herself, she leaned her head against the door and closed her eyes, waiting and knowing that Buffy was far from done with her. She couldn't handle anymore, not when all she could think about was finding a way to get Buffy alone and just ravish her for hours, to give her the same pleasure Buffy had given her the night before and just minutes before.
"Faith?" Buffy said softly as she tapped on the door. "You alright in there?"
"Fine, B."
"Are you coming out?"
"No."
"Angel just left," she said quietly and that made Faith leap to her feet and open the door. "He won't be back for awhile."
"Buffy, I swear to god if you..."
"Too much for you to handle, baby?" Buffy purred as she grabbed onto Faith's unbuttoned shirt and pulled her out of the bathroom. "I had no idea you had that level of control, even if it was just for a little while." Buffy tsked before continuing, "I see you've finished the job."
Faith inwardly groaned as Buffy pushed her down on the bed and moved to straddle her hips, wasting no time in capturing Faith's lips with her own. Faith ran her hands over Buffy's thighs, sighing at the touch, then pulling back from the kiss a little as Buffy grabbed her wrists and moved her hands above her head, pinning them hard against the mattress. It still floored her how Buffy always managed to get in control, to dominate her, to lull her into what had only ever been a fantasy deep within the far dark corners of her mind.
For Buffy to have her restrained, although it had happened many times during their first, and only full night together, it never failed to bring back some buried memories for Faith, memories she wanted to just forget completely. Memories that had jarred them apart and put her in a coma for eight months. Memories that were stronger than those fantasies that had gotten her through many cold, lonely nights. She groaned softly as Buffy loosened her grip, staring down at her in confusion at the sudden fear that shone in her eyes.
"Faith, are you..."
"Don't," she whispered harshly, feeling the tears stinging at her eyes. "Old memories."
"Here's the part where I tell you I think we really should talk about the past. Our past," Buffy said quietly as she made no move to get off of her. "Memories of what, Faith?"
"That night you came to kill me after I poisoned Angel."
"Oh."
Buffy sighed as she got off of her and sat next to her on the bed as Faith slowly sat up and began buttoning up her shirt. Buffy stopped her, gripping her wrists lightly, then moving her hand over the faded jagged scar near her bellybutton. As cold as her fingers were, the touch burned as the memories lingered on the surface. Memories that felt like it had just happened yesterday. It left a bitter taste in her mouth as her eyes reluctantly met Buffy's and her hand joined Buffy's as it lay over the scar she had given her.
"Forgave you a long time ago, B."
"I know."
"Sorry I kind of, you know, ruined the mood here."
"It happens. You can't help those memories that decide to surface from one little thing," Buffy said with a shrug, the tone in her voice cold and unemotional. "What was it that did it?"
"You restraining me the way you did."
"But how did that..."
"The handcuff thing, B," Faith muttered as she pulled Buffy's hand away from her stomach and proceeded to button up her shirt. "Don't know what it is, but it just made me feel the way it did when you slapped those handcuffs on me before you gutted me."
She didn't know how to explain it when there were no words to explain how she truly felt at that time in the past and in that moment just minutes before. It made her feel that pain all over again even though in those recent moments Buffy wasn't about to take her down, gut her and bring her to Angel. She laughed a little at herself, shaking her head and trying to stop the flood of memories from rushing forward. She had to remind herself that is all it was now, memories. Memories that would always linger there no matter how hard she tried to forget.
Buffy reached out for her hand with a look of understanding for what she was feeling right then. She leaned over and laid a gentle kiss upon her cheek, forcing out a soft smile as she quickly reached up and wiped away the few tears that had fallen from Faith's eyes.
"Its okay, Faith. You can't control things like this. They just sneak up on you. Those little things even if it isn't quite the same, they tend to trigger those memories and there's not a damn thing we can do about it."
"It isn't okay, B! We were...and then..."
She couldn't hold back the tears. Too many emotions driven from that one memory just flooded her, filled her and consumed her all at once.
"You aren't her anymore, Faith, and I'm not who I used to be either. We can move beyond our past and we can move past those memories that haunt us. Everything is different now and I don't mean in the obvious ways. The more I get to see you for who you really are, the deeper I fall in love with you. I don't even know how it's possible, but it is how it is."
"Love is a fickle bitch," Faith muttered under her breath, stifling a laugh as she wiped away her own tears. "This is fucking crazy, B. We're constantly bouncing back and forth or we're stuck in between. I hate going backward when I know we should only be going forward."
"Maybe we should go backward, talk about the past so we can leave it behind once and for all and move forward?"
Faith shrugged, dropping both her hands heavily into her lap. "I told you I wasn't good at this relationship crap, B. I can't talk about my feelings. I can't talk about the past. For fucks sake, I can't even just be with you without those memories coming back at the worst times."
"You aren't the only one whose memories are haunting them," Buffy whispered as she reached for her hand yet again and this time refused to let go. "They always come back at the worst of times, Faith. I never thought I was strong enough to just let those memories come and then let them go back to whatever dark corner of the mind I'd buried them in, but I am strong enough. I realize that now and I know you are too."
Strong. Something she knew she was, but still not quite strong enough to battle those inner demons of the past just gnawing at the surface of her soul.
Faith pulled Buffy onto her lap, wanting to just get past those memories that derailed both of them. She just wanted to touch, to feel, to taste. Buffy was an addiction. She was her own personal drug that gave her a high like nothing else. She brought their lips together, the kiss starting out slow and light, lips barely touching as wandering hands sought out gentle dips and curves. Faith needed to touch her. She needed to make her feel the way Buffy had been making her feel. She needed to tease, to bring her to the edge and she needed to feel her let go and come tumbling down, collapsing in her arms while crying out her name.
They would always go back and forth this way. She had that deep feeling that it would be one thing that would never change between them. They just had to find ways to keep going forward, and the only way her mind and body and soul wanted to go was the obvious way, the naked way. Some things really didn't change.
Faith kissed her deeply, their tongues dancing together as hands continued to wander. Faith reached the top of Buffy's jeans and she ran her fingers over the button, waiting to see if Buffy would hesitate and stop her, but it never came. Buffy had been the one that had initiated the intimacy between them those times before. She always took that control, made that first move. Faith wanted to gain back some sense of control, some sense of confidence she knew was just lingering under the surface and ready to come out. She took in a sharp breath, breaking the kiss for only half a second as she popped open the button on Buffy's jeans and swiftly slid her hand down inside.
"Oh god," Buffy groaned into her mouth as Faith's fingers eased under her soft cotton panties and found a flood of wetness there waiting for her. "You see what you do to me? Do you feel what you do to me?"
Faith didn't respond. Instead she slipped her fingers easily over Buffy's clit as her other hand gripped the back of her shirt. Buffy kissed her briefly on the lips before staring into her eyes. Green eyes swam with brown, the intensity so thick it almost created a bubble of confidence and pure sexual need.
"Do you trust me?" Buffy asked softly, holding back a whimpering moan.
"I do."
Buffy said nothing more as she moved to place light, wet kisses over her neck and over the faint scar from where she'd marked her before. Faith's fingers stilled as Buffy sucked over the scar, relaxing when she didn't feel Buffy change and sink her sharp fangs into her tender, eager flesh. Buffy's hands went to her hair, holding her head and gently stroking the nape of her neck with her thumbs as she continued to suck, to kiss, to nip over her pulse point, giving her a mark Faith would be proud to bear. Faith groaned as she closed her eyes and began a steady pace with her fingers, teasing over Buffy's clit in ways she knew would slowly bring her to the edge.
The trust that flowed between them was immense. It was new. It was also exciting, and the way Buffy licked and sucked on her neck drove her absolutely insane with pleasure. Every lick, every bite, every time she sucked a little too hard on her tender flesh sent a bolt of electric arousal straight to her groin. She heard the footsteps out in the corridor and she tugged on Buffy's shirt, trying to pull her back, but was soon lost to the new sensations her body was feeling as Buffy moved a hand to cup her breast over her shirt.
Faith slid a solitary finger deep inside her, causing Buffy to moan softly against her neck and arch into her hand, craving more, needing more. She opened her eyes as the door clicked open and her eyes went wide in shock when she saw Angel standing there staring at the two of them. She tried to pull Buffy away and only managed to slip of her hand out from inside of her before Angel was ripping Buffy away from her.
"What the hell, Angel?" Buffy snapped as she tried to pick herself up from the floor where Angel had tossed her.
"What the hell is right," he growled as he looked down at her and then quickly over at Faith. "What were you doing?"
Buffy sighed as she stood up and slowly buttoned up her jeans. In that moment Angel's eyes went from rage and fear to rage and jealousy. "I was making out with my girlfriend, do you mind?"
Said so casually, so easily that Faith had to blink several times at the blunt honesty Buffy had given to Angel without hesitation. The silence that hung in the air between them spoke volumes and she could see the pain, the hurt and the betrayal in Angel as his eyes darted back and forth between them, trying to figure out on his own just what was really going on.
Faith hadn't seen him since shortly after the fall of Sunnydale. He'd changed a lot from the time she'd first known him and from the time when he'd helped her find the path to her much needed redemption. She had a soft spot in her heart for him, she knew she always would, and seeing the pain in his eyes right now hurt her too. She knew he loved Buffy, that would never change, and she had a feeling he probably thought he had another shot with Buffy now that she was what she was: A vampire with a soul, just like him.
She ran her fingers over her pulse point, feeling the tenderness of the love bite Buffy had given her. She could also feel the faint scars from where she'd actually bitten her before. She stared over at Buffy, waiting for her to say something, but nothing was said as the three of them stayed where they were, staring each other down as if they were about to step into a three way battle that wouldn't end well.
"You...girlfriend? You two are together?" Angel asked, finally breaking the silence. "Together as in together?"
"Yes," Buffy nodded. "We're together, Angel. Do you have a problem with that?"
"I had no idea you were...and that Faith was..."
Faith tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help it. Although the situation was still tense, there was lightness to it now as Angel looked rather uncomfortable standing there and coming up with his own conclusions of how and why.
"I thought you were feeding off of her," Angel said softly to Buffy as he shook his head. "From uh, where I stood when I walked in that's exactly what it looked like. I know you have trouble controlling your bloodlust. I didn't realize there was another element to it as well. I should have known."
"I'm sorry," Buffy offered a half-hearted apology. "I should have told you about Faith and I when we were talking earlier. I wasn't sure how."
"I understand," Angel replied as he stared down at Faith, who had said nothing. "I apologize, Faith. I had no idea."
"It's all right," she shrugged, trying to play it cool. "Could see how you would have thought she was feeding off of me. You caught us in a pretty compromising position and considering you didn't know about us I don't blame you for freaking out like that."
"How did this happen between you two? The last I heard you two couldn't stand each other."
"Complete misunderstanding," Buffy said with a stifled chuckle as she moved to sit next to Faith on the bed. "We bonded after the attack. We got over a lot of things we should have gotten over a long time ago and you know how it is. Feelings just develop or, in our case, feelings just resurface."
"I see," Angel replied nervously as he watched Buffy easily slip her hand into Faith's and intertwine their fingers.
Faith shivered slightly, not liking this situation she found herself in. She jerked her hand away from Buffy's and walked over to the window. Grabbing the pack of cigarettes she'd left sitting on the windowsill, she lit one up with shaky hands and inhaled deeply. She kept her eyes on Buffy and Angel as they talked quietly, almost too quietly for her to pick up on what was being said. But she wasn't stupid; she knew they were talking about her and Buffy's relationship. The tenseness in Angel could not only be seen, it could be felt with every slight look he managed to sneak over at her.
She waited for those ghostlike hands, to be mindfucked by Buffy once again. It didn't come and a part of her was relieved while a smaller part of her was slightly disappointed. As awkward as it had been before, it was downright hot and risky. Her whole body was betraying her with its need to be with Buffy. It had never been so intense before with anyone else, the need and the want and the lust never so strong, so intoxicating. She knew that Angel doubted their relationship and her loyalty to Buffy. He knew how she was, how she used to be.
"You love her?" Angel asked quietly, and the look in Buffy's eyes made her heart pound heavily in her chest. "Are you in love with her, Buffy?"
"I am."
"I want to say I'm happy for you, for both of you, but you have to understand how hard it is for me to believe that what you two feel is genuine."
"This is why I didn't know how to tell you," Buffy said softly as her eyes met Faith's for a brief moment. "A lot has changed, Angel."
"I can see that."
"I don't owe you an explanation when it comes to my relationship with Faith!"
"I know you don't," he said angrily. "I would like one, though. If I am going to help you I need to understand every element that is in your life. You are dangerous to yourself, to Faith and to the others even if you truly believe you are not."
For once Faith was in complete agreement with Angel. Buffy was a danger to herself, to her and to everyone else. The bloodlust was unpredictable and even though Faith did trust her, she knew she could never let her guard down when Buffy was feeling that bloodlust coursing through her body.
"I would never hurt her or anyone else," Buffy said quietly, uncertainly, as if she knew that wasn't entirely true. "Not intentionally."
"I know you would never do it intentionally, but you do understand what you are now, don't you?" Angel asked, and Faith only watched Buffy as she sighed and slowly nodded her head. "Until Willow can find a way to reverse this, if she can find a way, you'll need to learn to cope and learn to live being what you are now. That is what I am here for. To help you past those hurdles and to help you understand and accept everything that comes with being a vampire with a soul."
Faith took a long drag of her cigarette, watching as Buffy's eyes darted back and forth between her and Angel. She could feel the anger, the lust, the confusion in Buffy and it was tearing her apart. She wanted Angel to know his place, to leave the two of them alone and not interrupt them again. She needed to comfort Buffy, to make her feel alive in the only way she knew how, with her touch.
The last hour had been a complete mess. Toying with the emotional stability she barely had a hold on. Forget the last hour; the last month, even, was a complete, utterly epic mess. A mess that was pushing at the buttons that tested her sanity, pushing her to places she didn't want to be again. She tossed her cigarette out the window and walked to the door, looking back at Buffy just for a split second before she yanked the door open and walked out into the corridor.
"Faith, where are you going?" Buffy asked as she ran out and stopped her from heading for the stairs. "Don't you think we should..."
"Should what? Talk about our relationship with Angel? For fucks sake, B, he's jealous! He's...brooding!"
"That's just how he is, Faith. You and I both know that and we both know it's something that will never change about him. But talking is a good thing, we need to talk about this and he needs to understand how much you mean to me and how much I love you."
"Why?"
Icy cold tones. The walls being built back up.
One by one, brick by brick.
"Why?" Buffy sighed out incredulously as she shook her head and backed Faith up against the wall. "He's here to help me, and he won't help me unless he understands, and he won't understand if we don't tell him about our relationship, Faith!"
"What kind of relationship do we even have?"
"Are you kidding me?" Buffy groaned as she shook her head, pushing her own anger down as best as she could. "I am in love with you, Faith, and I know you are in love with me too. That makes for a relationship, does it not? What the hell else have we been doing these last couple of days if this isn't a relationship?"
"Fucking," Faith responded. She cringed at how cold her tone was, yet it didn't stop her from letting the old Faith out, successfully managing to slam down the gates and bring them right back to square one. "Fucking like a pair of animals in heat."
"I can't believe you! I completely believed you had changed and that what we had was real. I can't believe how much of a fucking gullible fool you've made me into!"
"I didn't make you into a gullible fool, B. You've always been one, which probably explains why it was so fucking easy for me to get you to open your legs for me."
She ignored the excruciating pain that came with the breaking of her heart as she watched Buffy stumble back several steps in pure shock and surprise at her hurtful words. Then came the hard, stinging slap across the face and by the time her vision cleared she found herself standing alone in the corridor. She was dazed from the sheer force of Buffy's hand across her cheek and from the idiotic, bitchy words that'd slipped out of her mouth without her even thinking of the consequences.
Loser. Bitch. Psycho.
Three words she'd heard all her life. Three words that were now coming back to haunt her, repeating themselves over and over in her head as she stood there in the corridor and tried to piece together what the hell just happened between her and Buffy. Her emotions were too overloaded. Everything was going too fast, much too fast. She was scared, even though she was so sure of what she wanted and needed. But those three words continued to pound away in her mind, reminding her of who she really was, of who she'd always been, calling her a fool for ever believing she'd changed.
Pushing herself off the wall, she wiped at her tears angrily as she nearly ran to the stairs. She had to get away. She needed to lose herself for awhile in order to find herself again. She was treading on dangerous ground yet again. Old feelings resurfacing because of old memories, because of Angel.
The pain she was feeling was all because of her own words, words she should have never said, words that were provoked by the underlying jealousy she had when it came to seeing Angel and Buffy together again. It brought back those memories of how betrayed she'd felt in the beginning. Teenage love marred by jealousy over an undead boyfriend that she adored and saw nothing more of. An undead boyfriend that had caused a major rift in their friendship, an undead boyfriend that caused Buffy to slide that knife, her knife, into her gut without a second thought, without guilt, without remorse.
Slamming her fists against the door, breaking it off its hinges, she tried to get past those thoughts, those memories, as she walked over to her Harley and climbed on top of it. What the hell had gotten into her? She never could catch a break, could she?
"Faith!" Kennedy called out as Faith brought the bike to life, the roar of the engine drowning out Kennedy's voice as she sped off.
She rode with tears in her eyes as darkness surrounded her. She rode until the bike sputtered to a stop, running out of gas in the middle of nowhere with nothing or nobody around for miles, she assumed. Angrily climbing off the bike and shoving it with all her strength, she began walking in the direction she'd been heading. She walked for what felt like hours until a small inn came into view just a few hundred yards ahead of her after a sharp bend in the road. She felt in her jacket for her wallet, smiling when her fingers brushed against the smooth leather.
She'd stay there for the night. She'd lose herself to the parts of her she'd been fighting for years and then she'd find herself again, hopefully before she fell apart completely.
The inn was nearly deserted when she opened the front doors and walked in. An elderly lady with white hair and tired blue eyes sat behind a small desk off to the right in the front foyer. She smiled warmly at Faith as she strolled up to the desk and pulled out her wallet. Forcing a smile down at the old woman, Faith cleared her throat, trying to find her voice she'd lost when Buffy slapped her in the corridor.
"How much for a room for the night?"
Faith didn't hear her as she spoke, the voices in her head overtaking her, telling her to take what she wanted, to go back to being that psycho slayer everyone probably still looked at her as. Mustering up the last of her courage, the last of the sweetness inside of her, she slipped the woman a few bills. She sighed in relief when the woman handed one of the bills back to her along with a key to one of the rooms.
"Know of a place to get a drink?"
"The pub just up the road should be open," the woman replied, and for the first time Faith heard her voice loud and clear. It was thick, your typical Scottish accent laid thick with the gentleness that came with age. "Is there anything I can do for you, dear?"
"No. Thanks anyway," Faith said as she slipped the key into her pocket and headed for the door. She took a few steps outside and looked around, her eyes finally finding their way to the small building just up the road.
She walked slowly, her hands jammed into the front pockets of her jeans as she tried to clear her head of all the thoughts that swarmed her mind, invaded her emotions and drove her completely insane. She was running, throwing up her walls and pushing everyone out including herself. She fought off the tears of guilt, of pain, knowing how much her words had hurt not only herself but Buffy as well.
She'd fix it. She knew she had to fix it. Buffy didn't deserve to hear the things she'd said so easily, things she didn't even mean. The sour taste in her mouth turned into a craving for a drink. A craving she couldn't ignore. She needed to forget. She needed to just for one night. She was right about herself, she knew, she truly hadn't changed at all. She was still a mess and the darkness inside of her was still there, eating away at her and forcing her to bring it up to the surface again.
More memories flooded back as she remembered what it was like to kill, to hold another's life in her hands. The thrill she'd felt then was stronger than the drugs, stronger than love. It was pure evil and she'd once been in love with the rush that came with being that way. She stopped just outside the door to the pub and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, fumbling around in her pockets for her lighter.
Giving up on a lighter she suddenly realized she'd left in her room back in the castle, she slipped the unlit cigarette back in the pack and went inside the pub. It was quiet; a few patrons sat at the long bar and quiet folk music played from a jukebox in the corner. She sat at the far end of the bar, away from the others, and motioned to the young woman behind the bar who was laughing with one of the men she'd been shamelessly flirting with.
"What can I get you?" The woman asked Faith as she walked over to her.
"Something strong," she replied emotionally. "Really strong."
"Well," she chuckled as she pulled out a bottle of Absinthe, "this strong enough for you?"
"Perfect," Faith said as a small smile crept over her lips. "Pour me a shot and keep them coming."
She slid a few bills across the bar, winking at the beautiful young dark-haired woman who couldn't have been a day over twenty. With an uneasy but friendly smile the woman poured her a shot and placed the bottle in front of her. With that first shot she felt the darkness threatening to take her over slip away and the familiar numbness of alcohol take over her body.
It was a welcome feeling, probably not the best thing at the moment for her to be doing, but she needed to lose herself for a couple hours, a couple of days. However long it took to push that part of her away and to find herself again. It didn't help the pain in her heart, in her soul as the words she'd said to Buffy began to repeat themselves over and over in her mind.
She felt trapped in a dream, in a nightmare, but she didn't let it stop her from drinking more. The only thing that stopped her was the owner of the pub who dragged her out of there at sunrise while she clutched the nearly empty bottle of Absinthe to her chest. Mumbling to herself and trying to walk to the inn, she staggered and fell at the side of the road, unconsciousness threatening to take over as soon as she dared close her eyes.
It was how they found her. Kennedy and Xander. She was wasted, more so than she'd been in years, even when she'd been hooked on drugs and would spend days completely strung out. She let Xander carry her to the waiting car, mumbling under her breath how she'd fucked everything up once again just like the fuckup everyone knew her as. The last thing she remembered was Xander telling her to sleep it off and then she was gone. Lost to the world of her own pain, her own dreams and nightmares, afraid of what she'd have to face once she slept it off and woke up to face the world sober and alone.