Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.
Edgar Allan Poe

I awake right as there's a knock at my door. Verity's assistant is there and she gives me a thin gown to put on until I'm prepared for the Arena. We make our way down the ghostly hallways, and it's like I'm a ghost already. We don't encounter another soul. I can feel my heart beating wildly. I feel like a caged animal, I want to thrash at my bars—bite, rip, tear, shred, and even kill.

In no time, we're on the hovercraft and I'm served a huge feast of food. I don't have to keep up the charade anymore, so I dig in with gusto even though I'm nervous. I don't eat as much as usual, because I know that soon I'll be running and I don't want to make myself sick.

The assistant, I think her name is Amee, helps me into my uniform for the Arena. It's made up of a medium brown long sleeved shirt, and pair of tan fitted pants. The shoes are made of leather, but seem closer to moccasins than boots. They're very similar to the boots I have at home, for work in the woods except there we have to wear snake chaps.

I eat some more food, and drink after every bite until I feel satisfied I've eaten as much as I can without getting sick. Amee is very silent, and then we're in the launch room. I can feel the adrenaline pumping in my veins. I'm starting to feel a bit nervous as I start playing with the leather ring around my finger. Ivan. Grandma. Sven. Greta. Home.

And it's time. I'm standing there in the tube that will take me up to the Arena. The glass hasn't lowered yet, when I see Amee take out something. She opens it, it's a hologram—a recording of Blight. "Johanna, let's not lie to each other anymore."

I can't help but wonder what he's talking about, "You know your brother could have won his games." I can feel something rising in my chest. "I was the one who told him to play up his strengths, to rub it in their faces. I told him to go in strong against his better judgment. I got him killed. I thought you should know that before the end."

The something rising in my chest peaks as the tube slides down over me. I am lunging at it screaming, "I"LL KILL YOU! I"LL COME BACK JUST TO KILL YOU!" I had always felt deep in my heart that my brother wouldn't have been so obvious, that he wouldn't lie, but that he wouldn't be so aggressive and flaunting of his skills. "I'LL KILL YOU BLIGHT! WHEN I GET BACK, I"LL KILL YOU!"

And then there is darkness. It envelopes me as I'm going up to the arena. I stop screaming, my hands against the glass for a moment. I hate him, I'll kill him. I'll come back, if for no other reason now to kill him.

The darkness is all around me. I feel as if there's not any light left anywhere. It's only fifteen seconds till the surface.

But in fifteen seconds you can feel an eternity.

The darkness, the hate that I started to feel in my chest as Blight began to talk has overcome me completely. It's not just a spark or an ember, it's an overwhelming out of control fire surging within me. It's coursing through my veins and my whole body is screaming, waiting to release it. I can't hold it in.

Fourteen more seconds to go.

I feel surges of adrenaline, and I'm anxious to be out and running. I'm ready to kill, to show them who I really am. I want them to see that I am a monster, I am what they should fear not Aeon or Piper or Harris or Agnar or Onyx—or any of them. I'm itching to find a weapon, to bloody my hands with their blood. To destroy them.

Thirteen more seconds to go.

I hate you. I hate you Blight. I think of how I'll kill him when I'm back. He took from me one of the things I love most in the world, how best could I destroy him? Did he love anyone? No, I don't think I've ever seen him care for anyone. For that matter, he's not happy—not really, I don't think. Even if I kill him, I'll take much less from him than he has from me.

Twelve more seconds to go.

Will the darkness never end? Will there ever be light again? Will I ever even get a chance to come back to my family? Maybe I'm already in the Arena and it's pitch black. We'll just have to kill each other in the darkness and feel around, not knowing what's coming or what's happening.

Ten more seconds to go.

The anxiety is overwhelming. But I'm not me anymore. I'm Johanna. I'm part of the darkness. I've always been part of the darkness. The Johanna in the light never existed, she was never happy. She was never anything more than animal. Never anything more than a monster lurking in the dark, waiting to be feed by the blood of my victims.

Eight more seconds to go.

I'm not sure if I feel anything anymore. I feel dead already. Am I entombed in this tube? Surely, I'm not ever coming out of here. I'll never eat. never see light again, never get out of this place…

Five seconds to go.

It starts again, the burning surging anger. And it's more intense than before. The games had to happen, the people of the Capitol had to have a game. I'd be out of here, and I must be ready. I must be ready.

The fire burns fiercer and hotter. The rage. The anger, The urge for home, and I'm perfectly still. Any moment, I'll break out into the sunlight. I have to be ready—I have to be ready.

Three seconds to go.

I close my eyes so that that way I can adjust quicker to the light. I am ready. My fingers are tingling. I can hear the swish of air.

I know I'm there.

I am in the arena.

I open my eyes.