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Chapter Ten: So it goes…

On the train, Peter felt like he was going to explode. He wasn't one to talk very often but that was only because James and Sirius had always been the voluble ones. Now though, in this cramped compartment there was only silence. He felt as though he should make some kind of noise and about twenty minutes into their journey made a squeaking sound instead of actually speaking and decided to give this up. Sitting across from Peter was the beautiful Lily. She had her legs crossed and her hands folded in her lap. Normally, Peter imagined she'd be reading a book or else nosing around and commenting on James' and Sirius' pranks. However, she stayed quiet and thoughtful.

Beside Lily was her boyfriend, also abnormally quiet. He had his Head Boy badge half pinned half hanging on his lapel and his hair, though usually messed, looked as though he hadn't truly attempted to push it down that morning at all. He looked tired too – he had dark circles under his eyes.

Sitting by the window on the same bench was Remus, farthest from Peter. He had a few scratches on his face and looked just as worn as usual. Nothing truly had changed but his inexplicable cautious demeanor towards the couple sitting beside him and his slight, every once and a while comment to the boy sitting across from him.

Regulus Black. The Slytherin had changed clothes almost immediately upon leaving the station and was dressed in muggle jeans and a dark red sweater that Peter recognized as belonging to Remus. It was easy to see their attempt to warm Sirius, who sat between Peter and his estranged brother, to Regulus by removing his Slytherin robes and replacing them with pro-muggle Gryffindor colored clothing. It didn't seem to be working however. Regulus was reading a book, keeping his nose out of Sirius' business as best he could and Sirius sat slouched with his arms crossed over his chest.

To relieve the pressure in the room Peter announced he was going to the bathroom and accordingly left the compartment and headed in that direction.

This is all Weasley's fault, he thought to himself. All this awkwardness and silence was too much for Peter to handle. At least she could've come back on the train to help them all deal with it. Selfish, he thought.

As soon as he thought of the girl, she was out of his head and he was imagining himself, naturally while sitting over the toilet (where he did his best imagining), as Head Boy and Quidditch Captain. He imagined himself an extrovert, wildly popular, and handsome. He was still reminiscing about his greatest imaginary achievements on his walk back to the compartment. And what he found was just what he had left, except that Sirius had taken Peter's seat, separating himself from his brother. Without making controversy, Peter sat in between them.

Moments later, James was clearly becoming agitated in the silence. He started tapping his foot, rummaging randomly through his stuff, and looking around the compartment, even though there was very little to be seen.

"I'm going to do my rounds," James finally declared with all of the authority of a Head Boy. He stood.

"But you don't have to do rounds until nightfall," Peter said and James glared t him for a moment or two and stalked out of the compartment.

Immediately, Lily turned to Remus. "Do you think he's upset? He's so quiet, it's unnatural."

"Not now," Remus whispered to her and she nodded shyly.

Regulus and Sirius looked up at this though. Was James upset because Regulus had asked him if he could stay at Potter Manor for the holidays? Remus shook his head as a message to Regulus and he resumed reading. Sirius however, sat up straighter.

"Is there something going on between you and James? Nothing's wrong right?" Sirius said earnestly. Peter hadn't even thought of the fact that there might be problems in their relationship. It gave him little hope though.

"Oh, we're fine, Sirius. It's just been a tough week," she justified in a tired voice.

"Tell me about it," Sirius muttered in reply.

"It's not because of Regulus, would you stop? You should be grateful."

"If it's not about him then what is it about?" Sirius asked reproachfully.

Here Remus intervened. "Sirius, let them keep some privacy in the workings of their relationship. We don't need to know all of the details they hold secret to the two of them. That's the point of a relationship."

Sirius frowned but didn't pursue the subject. Peter was glad he wasn't staying at Potter Manor over the break – he imagined it was going to be a very long and arduous two weeks.

Ginny was grateful that she was not on the train going home for Christmas. It gave her a lot more time to mull things over in her head, by herself, and lot more time for Lily and James to do the same. She hoped that they wouldn't mention anything to Regulus, Sirius, and especially Peter but she couldn't be sure and she was preparing herself for their return if they had told her secret. "Excuse me, but I care what happens to Sirius as much as you do!" she'd shouted at Harry before they'd left for the Department of Mysteries. What if Sirius had known beforehand that that was the way he was going to die? Would he have already warned Harry not to go? Or would he have accepted it? And Peter…what if he knew? Would it instill some sort of courage in him? To die rather than to betray his best friends. Or would he still be an utter coward? And Regulus, if he knew, he'd be miserable.

She was also in a lot of thought about her conversation with James. Something had stuck out to her, a comment he'd made somewhere in the beginning of it all but she couldn't remember what. Over and over did she rehash her conversation with James and come up with absolutely nothing. It bothered her endlessly, even while she sat at a remotely empty Gryffindor table at Christmas she thought about it. She wished Dumbledore would teach her to draw memories. She remembered that Dumbledore himself had been present for the conversation but didn't feel it right to ask him to see his memory.

She then realized, thinking of the time she'd arrived, that her birthday would no longer be her birthday. She had left the future on May second, nearly the change between spring and summer. She calculated how much time she had left until her birthday and added that to the day she arrived, October second. Her new birthday was to be January 11th. It was an odd thing, first thinking that her birthday was about half a year difference from her original one. But also that in a very short time she would be officially seventeen. She wouldn't get the rewards of a seventeen year old – she'd already gotten free of the Trace when she'd gotten here and she didn't have any family to celebrate with. She remembered the scuffed old pocket watch her parents had given Harry when he turned seventeen. The party they threw right before the wedding and then…

But she reminded herself that none of that had happened yet. She'd been sure to remind Lily of that too. It couldn't be ignored but for damn sure she knew it was not to be depended on.

Ginny spent much of her time with Alice Prewett, actually a distant cousin of hers somehow (though she did not mention it) during the break. The rest of their roommates had left for the holiday and Ginny had politely apologized for the Hogsmeade weekend and they became fast friends.

She found that Neville was not like his mother at all. She figured that from a lifetime of living with his paternal grandmother, he had adopted his shy personality. It was known that his grandmother was a bit overbearing on Neville when it came to the success of his parents and his own success in comparison. Towards the end though Ginny believed his true nature, the one that she and Luna had aided in blooming, was grounded in his mother. Alice was less outgoing but incredibly courageous. Alice spoke what she felt in nothing but a heart-warming demeanor and was clearly one to fight for what she believed in. Ginny admired her.

Ginny vowed that this change would not change her as a person. She was known to be vivacious, outspoken, witty, clever, and brave beyond measure. And she was determined to redeem it again.

Lily was folding her clothes and placing them in her drawers. The train had been the worst it'd ever been. Ironically enough, the last train ride had been the best it'd ever been. But she was finally glad to be alone. James had met her parents on the platform but was only attempting to be in good spirits. Clearly, he had not yet come to realize what Ginny had stressed: that the future she told them about was just her past, not necessarily their future. Of course her parents, acute as ever, recognized that he was not acting as Lily described in all of her letters home to them.

"Lily darling, he's a bit less extravagant than you made it seem like," her father said disappointedly on the car ride home. "I figured he would be much more eager to meet us."

"He was daddy, it's just been a very interesting week," was what she replied, just how she'd said it to Sirius hours earlier.

"I think he was wonderful," her mother mediated from the front passenger seat. "He was probably nervous, John. You can't blame him for that. It shows reverence."

Her father coughed. "Reverence. Of course, Daisy you must be correct."

Lily was embarrassed, little to her parents' knowledge. It was not the way she planned. James was too preoccupied in his thoughts and much more introverted than usual. She suggested that they meet at a different time but James had insisted and had perfectly ruined it. But her parents' positive outlook meant much more to them than it did to Lily. She didn't want a forced positive outlook. She wanted them to love him.

Her mother knocked on the door twice before letting herself in. "Are you almost done Lily? I've got dinner just about on the table."

"Of course mum, just give me a moment to finish folding."

Daisy sat beside her on her bed. "He really is a nice boy. I'm sure he was just nervous."

"No, it wasn't that. He wouldn't have been nervous. He was excited for it. But he just got some quite shocking news a few days ago and it's really gotten on his mind."

"It's on your mind as well isn't it? Do you want to talk about it?"

Lily shook her head. "I'm ok. I'm sure he will be too."

Daisy pulled Lily into a soft hug and rubbed her arms to warm them. "Boys aren't quite as mature as girls and it takes them more time to adjust to changes, whatever they may be. Just give him a little more time."

"Thanks mum."

Daisy stood and went to the door but before she left, Lily called her back. "Is Tuney coming around?"

Daisy shook her head sadly. She decided to stay at university for the holiday. I'll send your love in a letter though?" Daisy knew full well that Petunia didn't read her sister's letters. Mostly because they were sent by owl. Lily nodded.

Lily wondered what Ginny was doing right now. Perhaps she was laughing at Lily and James right now after this wonderfully well done prank. But Lily didn't believe it. She trusted Dumbledore and she trusted Ginny and that was the end of it. And with that, she headed down stairs; dinner for three.

Sirius had locked himself in his room when they'd arrived home from King's Cross Station. That's what Potter Manor had become to Sirius – home. The Potters were his parents and James was his brother and that was the end of it.

When Sirius had first arrived at the vast estate he had told them that he didn't want to be a bother and that he would be fine sharing a room with James, or even in a cupboard he suggested jokingly; it did not matter to him, he insisted. But of course they persisted in saying (as they personally unpacked his things into the room beside James') that they had just about plenty of room and empty rooms they were eager to fill and it was no bother at all and they were happy to have him.

He listened as they did the same for Regulus in the room across the hall.

"Hey, you want to let me in?" James was standing outside his door.

"No. This is your fault."

"How is this a fault?"

"It's your fault that you believe his crap."

"It's not crap."

"How do you know?"

"I just do. Why don't you trust me?"

"I trust you. I don't trust him."

"Well, start trusting him," James said angrily. "Because you're going to have to live with him." There was a slight pause. "And please don't continue to make my parents feel awkward or bad for letting him stay here. He's grateful. And alive."

Sirius crossed his arms of his chest and pouted for a good five minutes before he stood up and walked out into the hallway. He followed the narrow scarlet rug down to his brother's room and found him standing the corner awkwardly while Mrs. Potter remade his bed and Mr. Potter shoved his now empty trunk in the back of his closet.

"May I talk to my brother alone?"

Mr. and Mrs. Potter left them alone.

"What are you doing here?"

Regulus shrunk farther into the corner. "I don't have anywhere else to go. By now, mum and dad know I've left Hogwarts. Bellatrix, for some God-awful reason was on the platform. She's probably told them she saw me with you and I told them I was staying at Hogwarts. I'd bet a bunch of Galleons that mum's already blasted me off the tapestry now."

"Mum blasted me off the tapestry?"

"Uncle Alphard too."

It just disgusted him more and more. Uncle Alphard was his favorite family member and not just because last summer he'd sropped a hot wad of galleons in his pocket on the Potter's trip into London. Alphard was spritely old wizard who didn't really care what was in someone's blood. He cared more about and ugly face which wasn't saying much because he noted every moment that he wasn't all that good-looking, with of course a spirited chuckled and a slap on the back. At family gatherings, Sirius always found a place next to the old man.

Walburga Black, the bitch, blasted off her sons and her brother for being good people. For trying to achieve what they believed in. Merlin, if that's what that family came down to, blood purity and family pride, he was glad to have been blasted off the tapestry. It wasn't worth it one little bit. With all the love and care he got from the Potters he was perfectly happy to forget that his last name was Black altogether. If he could change it, he would.

"Sirius, I'm not here to take away anything you've got. I'm jealous, but not spiteful. I just sort of want to get in on all this…happiness you've been getting."

Sirius looked at his brother (not condescendingly) for the first time in many years. He realized how tall his brother was, even taller than him just about. His hair was long, to his shoulders and for the first time it was left unkempt and not pulled back like a proper Slytherin's would be. He was in a scarlet sweater and slouchy jeans. He looked like a Gryffindor.

"You want dinner? Mrs. Potter's cooking is outstanding. She's got a house-elf, but get this – she doesn't make her cook!"

Regulus looked shocked and appalled, the reaction deserved of one who lived the Black household for so long.

"So tell me, how is the new Mrs. Lestrange, my favorite cousin getting along? Pretty as ever I suppose?" He threw and arm over his brother's shoulders as they went down the hall to the kitchen.

Remus couldn't help but think, as he sat down to dinner in his quiet home…why was Bellatrix Lestrange at King's Cross Station?

Hey so, I have midterms coming up. Know what that means? Delayed entries, just like this one! :/ Sorry guys. But at least you'll expect it now. Anyways, I'll do my best to post asap. Reviews are as lovely as roses but much more satisfying.