I knew that Aline was right. I knew that Jace was keeping an eye on me. I knew that Jace desperately wanted me for some reason. And that reason was rubbing me the wrong way. Fromm al the girls, he chose to mess me up. What did I ever do wrong? I knew that I wasn't really true to the boys I talked to, but I never gave them hope. I always announced that I don't date because I simply find it useless. I will find someone … one day .. and we will just click. I was starting to wonder if Jace was that person. But after that, I remembered that there was a Sebastian who I never answered. Sebastian was a good guy. He was not making any promises, he was kind and somehow dorky, just as I was. I decided to send him a message.
*Hey JWhat's up?
*Nothing much. Glad to hear from you. How have you been?
*I've been better?
*Jace?
*I was caught in in his relationship drama. Don't even ask about it.
*So what are you planning to do?
*Nothing. It is not my business. I was a collateral victim. Really.
*I believe you. What are you doing tomorrow?
*I don't know yet. Do you have something in mind?
*Yeah. Gonna pick you up at 12pm?
*Perfect
*Good night, Clary.
*Nigh night.
I plugged the charger into my phone and went to sleep to avoid any thought invading my mind. I was eager to get to know Sebastian better. Maybe I could start dating. Izzy will be more than happy to hear that I actually went out with a boy without putting him into friendzone instantly as I did with Simon two years ago. Poor guy. At least he understood. And I knew that Izzy has taken a toll in him. It was pretty unusual seeing their worlds collide, but it coul become something interesting. Opposite attract after all. That reminded me about the differences between me and Jace. I put the pillow on my face, trying to suffocate the thought about him. I was so done with all the drama he cause. I was better off. Sebastian. .
I woke up in the morning with a headache, which was not a good sign. I took a pill so it won't ruin my entire day. I didn't want to call off the date with Sebastian, if I could call that a date. It was only 10 am, so I had plenty of time ahead. I was lazy on Sundays. It was my sacred day, probably because of all the hangovers I got at the parties Izzy was dragging me to. My house was quiet. Jocelyn was busy with her new gallery. The business was hitting off and I couldn't be happier for her. It was her lifetime wish. Luke was gone to work too, but not for long. In weekend he had the shop open only until 1pm. I decided to take a cold shower to calm my headache which was bursting. I let the cold water embrace my body. I was already feeling better. I got out after about half an hour and chose to wear a pair of blue jeans with a hoodie. I looked in the mirror and I couldn't believe my eyes how inappropriate I looked for the occasion. I left a sigh and changed into a pair of highwaisted white jeans and a black shirt. I put my favorite highheeled black boots and put my hair up in a fancy ponytail, letting two string of my hair curl around my face. I even struggled to put on eyeliner and mascara. I felt uncomfortable being so showy but I had to get out of my comfort zone once in a while. I had half an hour to waste. I got my sketchbook and let my mind wonder again. My hand was drawing by itself. I took a look only to see Jace's face staring back at me from the paper. His eyes were wide and sad, his face full of emotion. Then I remembered how he changed when Aline caught us at the diner. I was so angry with myself. I ripped the drawing and put the crumpled pieces in my backpocket, intending to throw it. Suddenly, my phone buzzed.
*I'm here.
*Coming in a sec.
I took my bag and rushed downstairs. Sebastian was waiting for me outside his car, which was by the way amazing. It was a black Cadillac. So fancy. He looked stunned to see me so dressed up, thing that made me blush. I was surprised by my reaction. I never blushed before. What was wrong with me.
-You look stunning, Clary!
-Thank you. I like your car. I said, knowing that he'll get the joke. Instead, he looked confused. I was joking.
-Oh, ok.
He looked rather embarrassed with himself but I put it on the back of how mesmerized he was by my choice of clothes. I went in the front sit. There was an awkward silence between us. The date didn't start very well, me ending up embarrassing him with a joke. I made a mental note not to compliment his possession again, at least not for a while.
-So, I was thinking, how does Taki's sound?
-I'd rather not. I was thinking that Jade's and Pandemonium after?
-Oh, great. I love that club.
His eyes lit up, letting me know that I made the right move. We arrived quickly at our destination. We were seated in the open area which wasn't something I like but I just went with it. We ate a cheesecake together and talked a while about school. He told me some gossip I skipped while living in my own drama.
-Soo, you and Jace?
-What? Oh, hell no.
-Well, you've been pretty caught up with each other lately.
-Only because of the circumstances. He took advantage of them.
-So you aren't dating him or something?
-As far as I know, I hate his guts.
-Careful, hate is a very powerful feeling.
-As far as I know, hate is a mortal instrument. I couldn't say more about the topic. It is really nothing. I am not that stupid to get involved with someone like Jace.
-Why not?
-Because he is a player. What I want from some significant other is him to understand me, to care for me, to share everything with me. I want to feel that we are inseparable and that our lives depend on each other. I am not a fan of silly hook ups, even though I get drunk sometimes and share a kiss or something.
Sebastian was smiling widely at me. I knew that I just made his day. Shortly after, we took off to Pandemonium. The party was already booming and I was eager to show my moves. I was having a pretty good time. Sebastian ordered some drinks for us to warm up. I smelled the liquors and than drank it with a sip. I didn't want to get too dizzy though. A first date should go slow, right? Sebastian took to the dance floor, proving that he was an excellent dancer. I put my hand over my head and let my body control every fiber. I was drunk with the music, the colors, the people. Everything was perfect. Until Sebastian kissed me. It felt so wrong, so disgusting, just like I was betraying myself. His hands ran over my body, leaving cold shivers on my back and arms. He pulled me closer. I was looking straight at his face. He had his eyes close so he couldn't tell. I didn't know what to do so I panicked and pushed him away. At first, he looked confused, than hurt.
-I knew it, he yelled at me! You are into Jace! You are just like him, using people to get what you want than push them away. I don't ever want to see you again, Clary!
He left me in the middle of the dance floor. I couldn't believe my ears. He thought that I was like Jace only because kissing him felt wrong? I went outside, searching for him when I bumped into Aline.
-Can you just stop getting all the guys I like? Wasn't Jace enough so you needed a gangbang with his brother? You are such a slut, Clarissa Fairchild , and you know it! Saint Clarissa!
-What How was I supposed to know that you were into Sebastian? And I never said I was a saint! And I didn't kiss him, he kissed me. Everything was just fine until he decided to make put with my face without even giving me a warning!
-You are such a moron. I am wondering if this ignorance of your makes guys so attracted to you. Just stop. Figure yourself out before hurting anybody else, Clary. You know that you are doing him wrong and he doesn't deserve that.
With that, Aline left me standing alone in front of the club, wondering how was I wrong for. For having a night out? For hanging out with a guy? For going clubbing with Jace's brother? For my ignorance? That was it. I refused to see the problem, choosing to get along with the course of life without closing the circle. So I started running. And I ran until I got home, took my car and drove all the way to te big mansion. I knocked at the door frantically. Shortly after I was honored with Jace's presence. He was confused and I didn't blame him. So I just jumped on him and kissed him. Hard. Passionately. With desire. With lust. He didn't respond at first, thing that didn't stop me. But after he realized what was happening he closed his arms around me, lifted me up and took into his house. It looked like he was alone. Perfect. If to put my life in order meant to let Jace inside it, I was ready to do just that.