Dear Diary,
I'm an idiot. I just think that I'm always right, I always want attention, and I make everything over dramatic, and for what? Self pleasure? While last time I checked I wasn't pleased with myself. I never can appreciate what I have; I should have never dumped everything away just so I could be with Mama.
Today all my friends came to visit, all except soul but I doubt he even thinks of me as his partner let alone his friend. I imagined it to be very fun and kind of like those cheesy unrealistic moments on TV where people run into each other's arms in slow motion, but it was nothing like that at all! It was…awkward. Everyone came in and said hello and asked how I was doing then they put down flowers, chocolates, etc. But after that, complete and utter silence. I didn't know what to say, we didn't have any classes to talk about, no teachers, no inside jokes, and no missions. It was silent for maybe 30 minutes. Then Patty yelled, "Awkward Silence! Patty out!" and she start walking out. Then Liz followed her, then kid, then black star and tsubaki, soon only Chrona remained. It was shaking a little bit. Then it screamed, "AHHHHHHH! MAKA I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS PRESSURE! AHHHHHH!" and it ran out of the door.
So there I sat, alone. Alone and friendless. I felt like an idiot. I felt like this piece of crap that people stop to look at and wonder what the hell it is but then they just leave it because they realize that it's worthless.
Family or friends? I can't decide. I love mama and I almost never get to see her, but I can't survive without my friends and I've managed to survive without mama for a while. But choosing friends over my mother? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I chose my friends over the woman who gave me life! But if I'm friendless, I might grow up and become a weirdo cat lady….oh god I'd be even more of a loser than I already am!
HELP ME!
Goodbye,
Maka A.