Chp. IX: Hello, good doctor—still serving the evil Grimm Queen, I see!
Disclaimer: RWBY, as you might guess, is not mine.
"Falala~ The Holidays are here~ And now I'm broke…" ~ ARC
"Hound wanted to take over the criminal underground?" Ryoko asked over her scroll. "What an idiot."
"Yeah...about that…" Iris said. "I kind of did. On accident. And I have no idea what to do. And I don't think Hound is the best person to ask for advice—"
"I heard that!" Hound said indignantly.
"—Heck, maybe I should just ask Toothpaste or Neo."
"O...kay. Are you asking me for advice? No offense (to me) but that's like...a horrible idea," Ryoko said. She raised an eyebrow at Moon. The Schnee was hijacking one of her own family airships.
"I'm almost done," Moon said dully. She took Myrtenaster and zapped the airship.
Ryoko paused and move her scroll away from her ear. "Don't you have a key for that thing? Moon, this is your airship."
"...I am using a faster alternative." Moon zapped the aircraft again.
"Uhuh. Right." Ryoko focuses back on her scroll. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"
"Advice?" Ilia replied.
"Yeah," Ryoko frowned. "Why me?"
"Hm… Besides being the sanest person I can go to for advice…?"
"That's...actually a pretty compelling reason," Ryoko conceded.
"But also because I...um...I joined a cult—"
"Wow. Iris, I did not—wait, again?—"
"Ryoko, you never told me your mom was a cult leader!"
"...Wait, what?" All things concerning Ryoko's mom were put in the 'need to know' and 'dammit, she was kind of right' piles. Ryoko didn't really bother remembering anything else—and actually, why did Raven get a 'dammit, she was kind of right' pile? That was just depressing, especially when most of Raven's ideas were horrible and angsty.
So Ryoko just pinched her nose and said, "Okay...She's a cult leader. She's been worse."
"Hrm...Um...Actually, I'm the cult leader now. She's uh...she's not happy about it."
"You don't say. What, are you on talking terms with my mother now?"
"..."
"Oh for the love of—"
iris (9:02 a.m): definitely a cult
Overlord Branwen (9:03 a.m): *organization
iris (9:04 a.m): buddy, you literally call yourself overlord
…
Overlord Branwen (9:06 a.m): It is an ORGANIZATION
iris (9:06 a.m): then explain the pitchforks and torches
…
iris (9:08 a.m): hellooooo
iris (9:08 a.m): hey did you just leave the chat?
"Do we have a plan?" Ryoko suddenly thought to ask Moon. Moon had managed to get the Schnee airship moving and they were flying towards a bigger, looming airship in the distance.
"...I thought you had a plan," Moon said, glancing at her.
"What? I thought you had a plan."
"..."
"..."
"Great," Ryoko said. "Just great."
Okay. Who needed a plan, anyway? Plans were for whusseys and Blake(s). Ryoko rubbed her hands together. "Find Watts, kill Watts, leave Watts...hm, Moon?"
"It is a workable plan," Moon said. She lead Ryoko onto the Salvation—sketchiest airship on Remnant and the Atlesian underground...or above ground.
"Moon. It's not a plan. It's a checklist," Ryoko corrected.
"Hm...Must we kill Watts?" Moon asked.
"No. But it might make me feel better."
"Unnecessary deaths are...unnecessary," Moon said lamely. "I propose we use Watts. Not only is it more humane, but it's also more useful."
"The living usually come back to bite you in the ass, Moon," Ryoko told Moon. Ryoko glared at a cabbage dealer in their way. The cabbage dealer let out a yelp and scurried off.
"I am well-aware of your...homicidal tendencies," Moon said. "You and Hound certainly make quite a pair. Off-the-record, of course."
"Look, don't you have a thing against Watts too?" Ryoko asked.
"I have a 'thing' against many people, Ryoko," said Moon. "In fact, I've lost count, though I believe it was somewhere around 172…"
"Fine, fine," Ryoko waved her hand. "Do whatever you want—but lemme bash his head in, first."
"I have need of his head."
"...It was metaphorical."
iris (12:01 p.m): sometimes i wonder why i have such bad luck
Overlord Branwen (12:03 p.m): This is NOT a therapy groupchat
iris (12:04 p.m): sometimes i just feel like the world wants me in bad situations uknow?
iris (12:04 p.m): like this isnt even the first time i joined a cult though was the white fang a cult? i don't even know
Overlord Branwen (12:05 p.m): Please stop
iris (12:06 p.m): we did have the pitchforks and torches though...and creepy masks THat was a weird fashion sense i think assdam started it
Overlord Branwen (12:06 p.m): Look at the time-I have to stalk my daughter Bye
iris (12:06 p.m): fine ill bother neo instead
iris (12:07 p.m): wait hey! im ur daughters history teacher! (not that i...teach history)
Overlord Branwen (12:09 p.m): What
Finding Watts was the hard part, Ryoko thought. Where would a twitchy mustache twirling mad scientist be? Certainly not the...science lab.
…
…
Wait.
"He isn't in the bathroom," Moon said blankly, walking away from a small corridor.
Ryoko stared. "...Moon—do you want to discuss privacy and social norms?"
"No."
"Okay. Better question: have you checked the science lab?"
"Yes."
"Well, that's a relief." Ryoko sighed. It was a-okay, Team Moon and Ryoko were not idiots—
"Only the first one," Moon added helpfully.
"Gahhhhhh!" Ryoko grabbed Moon and made a run for it.
Overlord Branwen (12:47 p.m): No
iris (12:47 p.m): it's required parent-teacher conference ;)
Overload Branwen (12:48 p.m): She. HAS. a. FATHER.
iris (12:48 p.m): i sense some pent up anger
Overlord Branwen (12:48 p.m): NONSENSE
iris (12:49 p.m): uhuh anyways starting now all parents are required to attend teachers conferences
Overlord Branwen (12:49 p.m): You cannot do that. It's insensitive to single parents. Especially widows and widowers.
iris (12:50 p.m): damn ur right—correction all parents with children the last name XIAO LONG must attend parent-teacher conferences
Overlord Branwen (12:51 p.m): No
iris (12:51 p.m): hm...are you dead?
Overlord Branwen (12:51 p.m): No
iris (12:52 p.m): divorced?
…
…
Overlord Branwen (12:54 p.m): I knew I forgot something
"WATTS!" Ryoko busted down the lab door in an impressive flaming flying kick. "YOU BETTER BE—what are you doing?"
"Wha…." Dr. Watts froze. He stared. His bushy grey mustache twitched.
"Put down the turtles. Slowly…" Ryoko said. She dropped Moon and aimed Ember Celica at the good doctor.
Moon got off the floor. She cracked her back. "I'm too old for this…" She took in Dr. Watts—all of his tanned non-Atlesian features and hazmat suit—and said, "Well, I'm certainly glad you're not missing your mustache."
Dr. Watts ignored Moon and looked down at his hands. "They're tortoises, actually—"
"Look, man," Ryoko said, waving Ember Celica, "Do I look like I care?"
"Uh…No." Dr. Watts put down the tortoises. "But you shouldn't be here. These are experimental tortoises and I don't know what effects they have on—Please close the door."
Moon closed the door. She locked it, too...for good measure.
"Wise suggestion, doctor," Moon drawled. She glanced at the tortoises. The animals were crawling all over Dr. Watt's desk. Their unnatural red eyes caught Moon's interest. "Hm...If only you put half as much effort you do working for Salem defeating her instead, no?"
Dr. Watts stumbled backward. He glanced at the door—and looked up at Moon. He slammed his hand on a red button on his desk.
Ryoko sagged. "Oh, come o—"
Ryoko liked explosions. She was all for explosions. In fact, she was the cause of them 99% of the time.
That was why she didn't appreciate anyone else blowing things up.
Boom!
"I'm not fucking paying property damage this time!" Ryoko yelled. She was falling. Really fast.
Hm…
She should do something about it.
Ryoko willed herself into floating—one of the many perks of being a Maiden. She found Moon on a griffin—Moon circles Watts, the scientist clung onto a giant flying turtle (tortoise, or whatever) Grimm for dear life.
"I was hoping for a more...civil approach," Moon said thoughtfully. "Especially from a scientist."
"Salem doesn't do things civilly." There was venom in Watts' voice.
"...I know." Moon's eyes narrowed. "Do not speak of Salem to me."
Ryoko clenched and unclenched her hand. She tilted her head.
"Hey, Moon?" Ryoko said.
"Yes?"
"Look out."
A tortoise Grimm thing barreled into Moon. It threw her off her ride!
Dr. Watts took the opportunity to fly away as far as possible.
Ryoko grinned. Hey, things just got a lot more exciting. She sent a burst of flames after Dr. Watts and gave chase. Moon could handle herself.
Moon jumped off a series of glyphs and sliced the tortoise Grimm in half. She summoned another Griffon. In Atlas, Mustard would send off too many airspace alarms. Grimm flew out of the wreckage of the Salvation.
Moon slid dust bullets into Myrtenaster's cylinder. Hrm. I do hope Ryoko keeps the good doctor alive.
What was the fun in knocking Dr. Watts out of the air and calling it a day?
"Hellooooo," Ryoko said cheerfully, flying next to Dr. Watt's mutated turtle-Grimm thing. "Y'know I think I might become an animal rights activist after seeing you mutilate turtles—"
"Tortoises." Dr. Watt's eye twitched.
"—Whatever. I mean, how many animals have you turned, dude?"
"..."
"I'm gonna take that as 'a lot'." Ryoko suddenly lost her cheery side. "Hm...and how many faunus?"
"..."
"That's what I thought."
Ryoko summoned a fiery whip and beheaded the mutant tortoise-Grimm. She watched the doctor free-fall. Dr. Watts' guttural shriek was honestly nothing like Ryoko had ever heard.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~"
"Amazing," Ryoko said flatly. She turned and burned a mutant Grimm. It was in ashes before it could turn into the customary smoke that all Grimm became when they were killed.
Ryoko thought about Dr. Watts for a hot second. She sighed. "Ryoko Xiao-Long, here to save the day…as usual."
She dived for Dr. Watts.
That wasn't saying Ryoko stopped the doctor from becoming traumatized for life. She waited for the perfect moment—the moment when Dr. Watt's face was mere inches away from colliding into a building—before catching him by the leg.
"Yeeeeeeeaaaaaa—MY GODS!"
Ryoko raised an eyebrow. "Should a follower of Salem say those words?"
"...A-Absolutely not. I-It was a mere s-slip of the tongue."
"Mhm." Ryoko gave the residents of Mantle City a jaunty wave and flew off.
"Did you kill him?" Moon asked. She paused, taking a break from polishing Myrtenaster.
Ryoko flew into the Schnee aircraft and threw Dr. Watts at Moon's feet. "Unfortunately, nope."
"Good work." Moon nudged the good doctor with a foot. Dr. Watts groaned. Moon put Myrtenaster to the side and kneeled to Dr. Watt's level. She grabbed him by his collar. "I do not kill—but I do happen to make special exceptions for the followers of Salem. Therefore, I suggest you listen very carefully now, good doctor."
iris (1:34 p.m): hey raven have u ever thot of therapy?
Overlord Branwen (1:36 p.m): I do not trust shrinks.
iris (1:36 p.m): me neither! that has to explain something, huh?
…
iris (1:37 p.m): soooooo how are those divorce documents going~
…
...
Overlord Branwen (1:38 p.m): unfortunately, all parties must fill out forms.
iris (1:38 p.m): oooooh how inconvenient!
iris (1:38 p.m): convenient for me tho
iris (1:38 p.m): of course
iris (1:39 p.m): hehe
*Neo added Neo to the chat.*
Neo (1:40 p.m): ?
Neo (1:40 p.m): O_o O_o O_o
Neo (1:40 p.m): :-) ;-) :-)
*Overlord Branwen has left the chat.*
iris (1:41 p.m): wow ive never seen anyone add themself to a chat—how was ur day Neo?
Neo (1:41 p.m): You kidnapped me ten hours ago, asshole.
iris (1:42 p.m): ouch
iris (1:42 p.m): still holding onto that grudge huh
A/N:
Heyyyyy! How is everyone's holiday going? I, for one, probably gained ten pounds.
It was totally worth it though. At the time. Now I have a stomachache. :(
Beta'd by AFatFlyingWhale
See ya ~
Reviewer Responses
merendinoemilliano: *thumbs up*
Dev the snake faunus: question—do you have to spend your holidays with those idiots of yours?
D1NGORED: *whistles* who knows?
Mew Shadowfang: hehe, yup!
Fall2Glory: a lot of accidental underworld political bullshit courtesy of Iris (not all has been revealed!)
DschingisKhan: ouch. but also very true.
Darkness-Above: man, it feels like you might be GRABBING for some puns there (oh gods, what am I doing?!). And heheh...I think Ryoko might beg to differ in this chapter… Also, read your PM. Meh, I'm sure Ozpin will become a good guy soon enough.
korban600: hehe, I think I can work in a special psychological warfare class sometime… and while we didn't get everything about this cult yet, we did get the former leader, no?
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