Here you go - chapter 10! This story is giving me a hard time, seriously... I love it, but it's difficult to write and it just won't go where I want it to go :/

Good thing it finally looks like I'm heading to wrapping it up! Anyway, as always, I hope you like it, let me know!

Kisses, L.

Chapter 10 - Walk of shame

"I can't believe you convinced me…" I mumble as we sit down with our beers at the table. We're in Beloit and the bar is called Hog's Tail. Absurd. "It's like the first time Brian took me out to Hunters'."

"Come on! It's ok here!"

"I don't know anybody here… It's just like then. I'm not used to not knowing anyone."

"Ok, but the difference is you don't have to get to know everyone." He smiles at me. "You're a drifter here."

I take a swig of my beer and think about that for a minute. It's strange how much I got used to knowing everyone and it's stranger still that I'm almost frightened being outside of the confines of my town. Dean nudges my knee with his.

"Relax Em. You know me."

I smile at him, nod and take another swig of my beer.

"So you like this kind of bars?" I ask.

"Yeah, I guess I do. I had this friend, Ellen… She was more of my father's friend so she felt she had to take care of Sammy and me, you know? Anyway, she had this bar, Roadhouse. The hunters from all over the place would go there… Kind of like a base or something. It was a bar just like this one, but it was nothing like it too."

"Was?"

"Yeah… It got burnt. Hunter's lifestyle doesn't really allow you to have something, you know? There is always something that wants to rip whatever you have from you. Ellen lost her husband, her bar, her daughter and finally her life. And it's just how the things go for the likes of me…"

I can feel his pain again and it hurts me too. I wish desperately there was something I could do for him, something I could say to make him feel better.

"You've got your brother though… It has to count for something." I try.

"Yeah, I've got Sammy and he's got me. And every fucking monster tried to use that against us. I've lost Sam countless times and now…" He stops abruptly and looks at me as if he had revealed too much. I frown and he composes himself visibly, as if a mask that just slid down was shoved back in place. "You know what? I think we've had enough of this emo chitchat! I'll get us more beer and let's try to actually have fun here."

I know I could push him, try to get it out of him, whatever it is that he's so frightened of, but I decide not to. It's his choice – when and if he's ready, he will tell me himself. So I nod and he waves at the waitress.

"Well hello here!" The waitress drawls, her eyes darting up and down Dean's body. "What can I get you two?"

"How 'bout you get us more beers, sweetheart?" Dean replies in his husky voice that makes the shiver go down my spine and then gives her his most charming smile. I tilt my head looking at him. This smile is completely different from the one he usually gives me – this one feels like a show and nothing more. The waitress doesn't see it that way, though. She blushes and mumbles, "Sure, give me a sec…" and stumbles away. I can't help but chuckle at that. Dean cocks his eyebrow at me.

"I can see how you get lucky on your first date. You pushed that poor girl into the overdrive!"

"What can I say? I'm adorable!" He grins and I laugh.

"You're not adorable, you're ridiculously hot!"

He chokes on his beer and coughs, but I can see the blush tinting his cheeks as he looks at me wide eyed.

"And now you're adorable." I laugh and he laughs with me.

"Em, do you play pool?" He asks me after a while and I shake my head.

"There's no pool table at Hunters' so I've never really tried. I might have played before and it might be like a bicycle thing, you know where they say if you know how to ride it, you always do no matter how long you didn't ride one, but I don't remember. By the way – either bicycle thing doesn't really work despite everyone saying it does or I never learnt to ride one."

"You don't know how to ride a bike?"

"I do now… After the "Em, let's go touring" fiasco, Emma and Tom actually taught me to ride it."

He grins.

"Tell me about 'Em, let's go touring' fiasco."

"It's stupid, really." I scowl. "Tom and Emma like bikes, they go touring every once in a while and generally, they move around town on bikes. It was one of those times they wanted to go touring and Emma insisted I went with them. I told them I had no bike and no idea of how to freakin' ride one, but of course they gave me the whole 'once a rider, always a rider' nonsense, leant me a bike and before I knew it, I was trying to ride it. After almost an hour of trying and failing and falling a lot, they finally gave up. The consensus was I never learnt, but I don't know… I mean I don't know anyone who doesn't know how to ride a bike. I should have known how to do it, but I just didn't. Maybe it's just the quirks of my amnesia… Anyway, after that they decided to teach me and couple of days later I was riding it with Emma."

Dean laughs.

"Your girlfriend sure is dedicated!"

"Emma's not my girlfriend."

"Come on Em! She's a girl, you date her, she's your friend and she wants to get into your bed. In my books that's girlfriend."

I do my doggy tilt of a head.

"Your logic is faulty." I tell him evenly.

"How'd you figure?"

"Because according to your logic, you're my boyfriend."

For the second time this evening he chokes on his beer and I laugh.

"Don't worry Dean. I don't think I'm clingy type, I won't hold you to it."

"You're a smartass, you know that?"

"Well, you kind of got into that yourself." I laugh again and this time he chuckles with me. "Don't worry, really. I'm not delusional and I won't have stupid ideas. You leave, it's over."

He looks at me for a long while then.

"Em, give me your number." He finally says and I stare at him. I hadn't expected that.

"Are you planning to come back?" I ask him just like the last time. And just like the last time he's silent for a long time. I smile at him. "I'd rather not."

"Em…"

"Dean, it's ok."

"No, it fucking isn't!" He hisses. "Em, look, I don't want to give you promises, because sometimes, and really almost all the times, I have no control over them. I can't promise you to come back…"

"Hey, I know that. It's fine, really. I don't expect you to promise me anything."

"Yes, but what I'm saying is that if I can, I will come back! The idea of not seeing you again drives me crazy. I want to come back…"

I can feel my face split into a huge grin and he gives me the smile I associate with him – real and honest.

"I'll give you my number." I finally tell him and he laughs.

"This was no doubts the hardest I had to work to get a number! And you were worried you were easy…"

"What can I say? I draw a line at numbers. Sex is fine, but giving out numbers is a no!" I laugh.

"Ok, smartass, let's go see if you know how to play pool."

/\/\/\

It takes us an hour to concede that yes, I do know how to play pool, but no, I really shouldn't. Not with him anyway. Dean went through the rules and general tips of how to play and it seemed pretty straight forward to me. You hit the white ball aiming it at colored balls that should go to the pockets. Physics and geometry, easy.

Except in an hour we also concede neither of us is too good at playing it together. I mean honestly, can there be anything as distracting as a guy you really, really want splayed on the table in front of you?

My hands itch the entire time I'm looking at him and I can barely keep my hands at my sides. Ten minutes in the game he notices the effect he has on me and I swear he's doing it on purpose, teasing me mercilessly while I try to pull myself together. Not only do I have to endure the sight of him leaning on the table, legs wide for better stance, tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration, but I also have to actually try making a shot as he leans over me showing me how to hold the stick, curling his fingers on mine and breathing into my ear. After couple of atrociously failed shots I decide to play by his rules. When he's getting ready to make a shot, I lean over him, my body pressed to his and mutter in my huskiest voice into his ear.

"I want to see how you do it… You're so good at it, aren't you?" I'm rewarded with the shot so bad it's amazing. And a couple of choice swear words. I chuckle and he fixes his eyes on mine. We're so on.

"I'm never ever taking you hustling." He mumbles an hour later, when we sit at the table again.

"You hustle?" I ask.

"Sometimes. You can shoot decently, could be actually good, but I'm never taking you."

"Distraction?" I grin.

"Damn torture!" He hisses. "Dammit Em, I'm this close to dragging you to the bathroom stall right now."

I laugh at that but at the same time I think I might not have minded that much to be dragged. And since apparently I'm doing this all 'live in a moment' thing with him, I mutter: "Don't see what's stopping you."

I swear he actually whimpers at that.

"For a guy who's uncomfortable in a strange bar, you sure are forward."

"You said to concentrate on you. I'm just doing that. Apparently concentrating on you is… arousing."

"Jesus freakin'…" He mutters. "Finish your beer and we're out of here or I swear I'll jump you right here."

In the end we don't even make it back to my home that night. We stop at his motel to leave the car, but before we know it we're both naked in his motel room, panting and moaning and thrusting against each other until finally we come shouting each other's names.

/\/\/\

Thursday

"So I suppose today I'll get to experience what 'walk of shame' is." I grin, staring at the ceiling. I woke up couple of minutes ago with Dean's arm resting across my chest, his face hidden in the pillow. He snaps his head up and looks at me curiously.

"How on earth do you not know what third date rule is, but know about the walk of shame?" He asks incredulously.

"Brian." I chuckle. "He told me that if I ever got a chance to get laid on my first date, I should bring the girl to my house or I'll get to do the whole 'walk of shame' thing."

Dean laughs at that.

"It's for one night stands, not for first dates."

"No, Brian said it's for first dates."

"Did Brian ever actually get laid on his first date? And did he even have one night stand?"

"It depends on whom you ask." I laugh. "Brian would have told you he had plenty of both, but I'm pretty sure Tom would give you a resounding 'no' on both accounts."

"Ok, then Brian doesn't get to have an opinion on this. Walk of shame – and seriously, it's absurd, there's no shame involved anyway – is for one night stands. You are not that." He kisses the corner of my mouth lightly.

"No?" I ask staring into his eyes. Dean rolls on top of me, pinning me to the bed without breaking the stare. I spread my legs a bit wider to accommodate him better.

"No, you are definitely not a one time thing, Em."

"Ok." I say and run my hands down his sides, resting them on his hips. "Because I seriously like waking up with you."

"Waking up? You go with waking up?" He laughs. "Dammit, I thought my technique might lack a little, I mean I'm not exactly used to being with a guy, but that's a blow!"

"Your technique is amazing." I counter with a grin. "There's still a lot I want to try, but the experience so far was nothing but pleasurable."

"Yeah? And what do you want to try?" He cocks his eyebrow.

"You're sidetracking me. I was talking about waking up. I like waking up with you, because I don't have nightmares when I'm with you. And that's something I really, really like."

"Hmm… I don't have nightmares when I'm with you too."

"Do you have nightmares often?" I ask.

"Too often for my liking. Not every night though."

"What are they about? Do you remember?"

"Yeah, I remember, but I don't want to talk about that. These are just the dreams, echoes, they can't reach me anymore."

"No, they can't." I agree and kiss him.

"So what about those things you want to try?" He asks smiling again.

"I don't remember being with anyone, you know? I'm sure there are many things I'd love to try. I know I'd like to see what it feels like to be in you." I grip his hips tighter and lick into his mouth. He moans and bucks his hips into mine. I draw back, my lips still grazing his as I speak. "Or to have you in me."

"Em…" He moans bucking into me again. "You do realize this is all I'll be thinking about while I'm away?"

"Good, we're on the same page then." I smile and he chuckles rolling off me. I groan at the loss of contact, but I know we don't have time. I have to be at work in an hour and I still have to get home. I sigh. "I've got to go."

"Yeah, I figured." He nods.

"Give me your phone." I ask and he hands me his phone. I punch in my number. "Look, if you don't call me, that's alright. I get that you might not come back so no pressure."

"I want to come back." He says firmly.

"I know. But as you said – it won't necessarily be up to you. So if you can't come back, I'll understand, no hard feelings." I brush a kiss at his lips. "But if you do come back, please try the weekend. I hate to have to go to work when you're here."

"Yeah, ok. I'll try to come. And I'll call you."

"Ok, I hope you will." I smile and he tugs me closer to him.

"Hey, I know it's all sorts of stupid and you don't even really know me, but… Fuck it. I just wish I could stay a bit longer."

"It's ok, Dean. I understand your real life is elsewhere."

"It's not ok!" He groans, tightening his arms around me. "It fucking sucks. I hate that I have to leave. I hate that I don't have a chance to stay with you for longer than few nights and I hate that… You'll go back to your life – dating and friends and eventually family and… Dammit, just forget about it."

"Dean." I mutter. Something flips over itself in my stomach and my heartbeat fastens. "You do realize it goes both ways? I hate that you have to leave and I can't go with you. You're risking your life everyday and there's nothing I can do to help you except pull away and let you go and I hate it. I hate it that I don't know you the way I want to know you. Do you think I haven't noticed how you pull away whenever I ask something personal? And I get it – you don't want to get deeper into whatever it is we're doing here, but I honestly hate that… And it's absurd to even speak about that, because I have to go and you have to leave again and we might not even see each other ever again… Just… You're right, let's just forget about that. We had a great time and that's good enough." I sit up. It's getting downright painful and I don't want it to be about pain. "Look, I really have to go now, Mark's not going to be impressed with me if I'm late again."

"Yeah, ok." He nods. "I have to go too, Sam's waiting for me and I really should be researching now rather than…"

What can I say to that? It's a goodbye again so as always, I just smile and we both get dressed.

"I'm glad you came to see me." I tell him at the door. He nods and then we're kissing again. It hurts to let him go, again, so I concentrate on the felling of his mouth on mine and on the feeling of fire in the pit of my stomach. Finally I pull away. "Be safe." I mutter and walk out closing the door behind me.