Chapter Nine

She first met Jared when he arrived at her house for a guitar lesson. He appeared, looking incredibly professional in slacks and a button-down shirt. After stating that he came directly from work, he sat on her couch and walked her through the first lesson. She listened closely, having been inspired by Anna's guitar skills. She wanted to play just as well one day. Of course, her version of "one day" had altered slightly in the last few weeks. Just the knowledge that she'd outlive almost every person on Earth took a lot of stress off her shoulders.

Jared continued to come to her home once a week. He often spoke of his medical practice and the stresses he faced as a surgeon. He needed music, and he also played in a band when he was available. About two months after they met, he took her to band practice with him. His attitude was sweet, and he often winked at her as he played.

He proposed four months after they met. She said yes, and they married six months later. Life was good for them. She learned guitar, eventually joining the band for a period of time. She also returned to school, getting her doctorate in psychology during their marriage. With Jared's reputation and income, they set up her practice in the same building as his suite.

The week before they were to leave to celebrate their anniversary, a trip long overdue, her receptionist interrupted a session with a patient. She wanted to berate the woman for breaking one of her cardinal rules. But the police in the waiting room stopped the words. They looked at her sympathetically, and she knew. She didn't need their soft words to tell her that Jared was dead. He died in an accident while buying her a new wedding set for the vows they planned to renew on their twenty-first anniversary.

Rachel drew in a deep breath, unable to stop the tears that ran down her cheeks. She'd dreamed of that day. When she awoke, she ignored her standing appointment with Ronon and escaped to her office. Work always helped when the memories became too much. The music, the notes, and the framed photo she kept on her desk, however, only pushed her over the edge. She rose and walked out to the balcony, unable to stop the memories from overwhelming her. Ronon had warned her about this very thing.

A hand touched her shoulder, and she turned without looking to see who it was. The warmth of the touch spread through her, and she buried her face in the man's shoulder. The musky aftershave didn't strike her as Ronon's preference, but she didn't care. She needed someone to hold her right now, and the arms around her shoulders gave her the sense of safety that she needed.

SGA SGA SGA SGA

Sheppard awkwardly wrapped his arms around Rachel as she dissolved into tears on his shoulder. He looked around, not really expecting to see anyone. It was early, and he had not planned on coming here. But Ronon had just radioed him, saying that Rachel had skipped her morning sparring session. That wasn't like the responsible psychologist. Sheppard merely acknowledged Ronon and came to the office. The loud rock music escaped through the closed door and told him that something was wrong. When he came inside, he didn't see Rachel for a few moments. Then, he spotted her on the balcony.

At first, Sheppard merely intended to let her know that he was there. But she seemed lost in thought as tears slipped down her face. Watching her cry stirred something in him that he thought long dead. Even Nadia's tears didn't affect him like watching Rachel cry. Maybe it was because he'd never seen this vulnerable, hurting side of her. It didn't matter. When she folded into his arms, he decided that he wanted to be right here. He settled his arms around her and waited while she cried.

Sheppard truly understood her emotions. He had wanted to cry like this when he first saw Earth. Had someone touched his arm in that moment, he would have fallen apart on the bridge of the Daedalus.

Rachel finally calmed and laid her head on his shoulder for a moment. He felt her stiffen and let his hands travel to her shoulders when she stepped back. "Better?"

She flushed. "Yeah." Her hands fluttered nervously as she pointed to the saturated shoulder of his uniform. "Sorry about that."

"It'll wash." Sheppard dropped his hands as she moved back to the railing of the balcony. He suddenly missed her nearness and frowned. Something had shifted in the last few minutes. He pointed back toward the open door. "Hey, I wasn't trying to intrude, but the music. . . ."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Rachel rushed inside and turned off the loud rock music. The sudden absence of sound was nearly as deafening as the loud music. "I sometimes don't notice it."

"Yeah." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Ronon warned me about the memories. I just didn't listen as closely as I should have." She stood in the door of the balcony, appearing hesitant to get close to him. "I don't normally break down so spectacularly."

Sheppard grinned and pushed past her to enter the office, secretly enjoying the way her face flushed at his nearness. "Hey, we all need that sometimes."

"I know. And remembering the day my husband died is not exactly the first memory I wanted to experience."

Sheppard stopped. Did she just say. . .? "Husband?"

Rachel nodded. "We were married for almost twenty-one years. After he died, I sort of drifted away from everyone who knew us. It was another ten years before I started my own practice under a new name. By then, I had joined a band and recorded a couple albums. But, Jared was the one who taught me to play guitar. He got me hooked on music."

Sheppard looked around. "You know, you're not the only one to go through that."

She studied him. "Divorce is different, Colonel. Yes, it's a loss. But it's not quite the same as kissing your spouse goodbye that morning and not realizing that it's the last time you'll ever do that."

"No, I don't suppose it is." He stared at her, not surprised that she'd read his record. "Doesn't make it easy, though."

"I never said it did," she said quietly. Her eyes seemed to dare him, but he couldn't figure out the object of that dare. He couldn't think about much with her around. Her nearness a few minutes ago caused his brain to short-circuit, creating an interesting lull in the conversation as he tried to flip the fuses to get his brain working again.

"Well, I'll let you get to work."

"Trying to get rid of me?" Her smile appeared, and the tears seemed to have been pushed to the back burner for the moment. "Only a day after accusing me of avoiding you?"

Sheppard couldn't answer. He had accused her of avoiding him, but he now wanted to avoid her. He needed time to think, to reason out why he suddenly wanted to keep her at his side no matter what anyone said. This electricity that sparked between them surprised him and made him think of Nadia. While they had an intimate relationship, he'd never felt this unavoidable attraction to her like he felt toward Rachel. Rather than answering, he gave Rachel an awkward half-grin and left her alone.

As he changed his uniform jacket in his quarters, Sheppard glared at the floor. He'd known that he needed to do something about Nadia, but he couldn't break her heart. Of course, there wasn't much between them besides physical intimacy, but that didn't matter. Now that his relationship with Rachel had turned toward something he wasn't sure he wanted to stop, he needed to talk to Nadia and explain that their time together had come to an end. After all the worry he'd put her through in the last year of off world missions, he owed her an honest explanation.

SGA SGA SGA SGA

As soon as Sheppard left her office, Rachel cancelled her appointments for the day, citing personal reasons. She didn't want to try to listen to others cry when she felt like falling apart at a moment's notice. Instead, she left her office and walked directly to a set of quarters she never dreamed she'd visit.

Lorne answered her entry request with a surprised look on his face. "Doc. Everything okay?"

"I was wondering if Anna's available." Rachel decided to let him see a bit of the turmoil under the surface of her calm face. "I just needed. . . ."

Lorne gave her a sympathetic smile. "Come in. I'll let her know you're here."

Rachel stood in the living room of their joint quarters, enjoying the way the morning sun turned gold and red through the stained glass of the high windows. Lorne disappeared into another room, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She no longer felt anything for him, and that surprised her. Perhaps his wife had a lot to do with that.

Various paintings lined the walls, and Rachel moved to study the sunset over the piano. It was breathtaking in its portrayal of the contrast between night and day. Her eyes dropped to the signature, and she grinned. Lorne was quite the artist.

Anna's voice came from behind her. "That's my favorite out of all his work."

Rachel whirled and tried to settle her heart into a normal rhythm. "I'm sorry to interrupt your morning."

"Don't be." Anna motioned for her to follow and stepped out the stained glass doors onto another balcony. While Rachel's office faced the west, Anna's balcony faced east. The sunrise was over, but the warmth that drenched the balcony seemed to renew both women. "Evan said you wanted to talk."

Rachel smiled sadly. "I'm just a little confused. A little emotional. And I don't think Ronon is going to handle the emotions well."

Anna laughed at that. "No, I don't think he will." She sobered a moment later. "What's on your mind?"

"Well, you know how I had a thing for your husband back in the day." Rachel shrugged awkwardly, not really believing that she'd found a confidante in the woman she once hated. "When I came back to Atlantis, I told myself I wouldn't do that again. After all, I had been married for over two decades, and I dated another guy for nearly ten years. Both those relationships were enough, I thought. Then, I met someone here. Well, not so much met as became reacquainted with someone here."

Anna joined her at the railing. "And you're scared?"

"A little." Rachel buried her face in her hands for a moment. "I mean, I've never felt anything like I feel for this guy. When I met my husband, I was attracted to him, but I never felt this. . .electric, inescapable pull toward him. It's like this other guy is my match in every way. We've argued, flirted, talked, all the things that you're supposed to do within the short time that we've known each other. I know he feels it, too. He accused me of avoiding him, yesterday. Today, he came to my office and found me crying. Before I could stop myself, I was crying on his shoulder and thinking that I belonged right there. In his arms! That's not like me. I mean, I'm not the type to just fall in love with someone because of chemistry or electricity or whatever you want to call it.

"But this is so far beyond my experience that I don't know what to do about it." Once she allowed the words to escape, she couldn't seem to stop. "When Jared and I dated and then married, we had a sweet, gentle relationship. Very vanilla, if you know what I mean. This is anything but vanilla, and we're not even dating. I mean, this is. . .triple chocolate brownie with a topping of dark chocolate hot fudge intense."

Anna laughed again. "Craving ice cream?"

"A little." Rachel grinned at her. "You get the idea."

"I know what you mean. It's as if you don't have to say anything to him. He just understands you."

"Exactly!" Rachel paused. "Wait. That's the voice of experience." When Anna smiled, she groaned. "Not exactly what I wanted to know about your relationship with Colonel Lorne."

"Sorry." Anna eyed her. "Does he know this?"

"He's dating someone else."

"Ouch."

"Yeah." Rachel drew in a deep breath. "Now you get the picture. I don't want to ruin his relationship with the other woman, but I can't ignore this. And he's proven to me that I can't avoid him even if I wanted to. I'm just not sure what to do about it."

"Give yourself time." Anna's voice took on the tone of a mentor. "Rachel, you're in new waters here on Atlantis. Not only are you back from Earth, but you're the head of psychology. And this guy, whoever he is, needs to understand that there's a lot of responsibility on your plate right now. If he's dating someone else and still pushing you, you need to put a stop to it until such time as he resolves his issues."

"I know." Rachel sighed. "See, this is what I would tell someone in my office. I think I just needed someone to tell me."

"Happy to be of service." Anna turned her attention to the horizon, but Rachel excused herself. She'd intruded on Anna's day enough, and she wanted some time. Just putting her relationship with Sheppard into words had helped her see things a clearly. For the moment, she wanted privacy to consider her next step.

SGA SGA SGA SGA

Daniels entered the mess hall, eyes peeled for the archaeologist. She sat by herself in a corner, not looking at anyone. He thought she appeared lonely and invited himself to join her. Besides, her table gave him a nice view of the door.

He'd seen something that morning that gave him a large advantage. He had decided that it was time Brady saw the psychologist for his grief issues over losing his wife and son in Earth's destruction. Of course, that was just a cover story to get close to the chief psychologist on Atlantis. Who else would have up-to-date information on the leadership of this base? When he walked into her office that morning, he'd been bombarded by loud rock music. Rather than making his presence known, he watched as Sheppard held her on the balcony. She'd been crying, but the scene was so intimate. So sweet. Sheppard never noticed him, and he'd liked it that way. The chemistry crackled between them, giving Daniels even more dirt on the unidentified woman he'd seen Sheppard sparring with days ago. Apparently, this particular psychologist had a spunky side.

"Mind if I join you?" His friendly question brought the archaeologist's head up. She straightened and motioned to the chair. He sat down with a grin. "Thanks. Daniel Brady."

"Nadia Reynolds." She shook his hand, her intense eyes studying every aspect of his appearance. "You're new around here."

"Yeah, got in on the Daedalus just before. . . ."

"I know what you mean." She shook her head. "I mean, I can't believe Earth is gone."

While her voice held a bit of sadness, Daniels didn't buy her act. She wasn't as broken up about Earth's destruction as she liked others to think. Before he could say anything about it, he spotted the psychologist entering the mess hall. His opportunity presented itself. "Hey, isn't that the head of psychology?"

Nadia turned. "Yeah. Dr. Harrison. From what I hear, she's a little on the unconventional side."

"Yeah, I've heard that, too." He took a few bites of food before dropping the bomb into the conversation. "I've heard that she's seeing Colonel Sheppard."

"What!" Nadia's voice rose and drew the attention of several people around them. She glanced around and then leaned toward him. "Colonel Sheppard is not seeing that. . . . He's with me!"

Daniels blinked at her refusal to speak badly of the city's leadership. That was a trait he'd not expected. "Hey, I'm new. Sorry I didn't know you and the colonel were an item. I just know people who've seen those two together. From what I hear, it's pretty intense when they're in the same room."

The anger in Nadia's eyes reached a boiling point. "I'm sorry to be rude. But, if you'll excuse me, I have someone-Hey! Let me go!"

"No." Daniels kept his voice low. "Just listen. You don't want to confront her right now."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't. You want to wait and get irrefutable proof. Then, after you have it, you can ruin both Dr. Harrison and Sheppard, if you so choose."

His words found their mark. She slowly settled back into her chair. "What do you have in mind?"

Daniels buried the triumphant grin. He'd just recruited his first victim. Before she knew it, Nadia would feed him all the information he needed to ruin Sheppard and take over the city.

~TBC