Here it is my friends! :D it took me a long time and I put off some other things in order to do this, but it is here. I'm really proud of this, mostly because it took me a long ass time to finish. I got stuck a lot and often got outside input :) I'd like to thank Mattikins52 from deviantart for helping me out so much. Go check out his work please~
"So being the first human specter that saved the galaxy gives you a handshake and a 'job well done?'" Jeff asked as Fiona came up to the cockpit. I looked at her from the corner of my eye. She looked no worse for wear; a few bandages on her arms and legs, a band aid across her nose hiding our similar freckles, and one hair that was cut far shorter than the rest simply because she didn't want to walk around with a fried piece of hair, but for the most part she kicked Saren and the Geth's asses without a scratch.
"Well it also gives the whole crew almost two months of shore leave," she smirked with light pink lips. She still wore her usual makeup even with that band aid on her nose, yet she still held the essence of authority that she needed as Commander. Would wonders never cease?
"So will I have a new brother-in-law by the end of those two months?" I grinned cockily at Fiona. She scowled and crossed her arms at me for knowing full well that they shouldn't be together in the first place. Finding out about them and flaunting their relationship was a bonus for me and an annoying reminder that even though she could boss me around, I was still her little sister. "Joking," I put my hands up in surrender, "but you're still coming to Uncle Tommy's house?" Fiona refused to call our Godfather "Uncle Tommy", but I always called him that. He was family and took care of me when Dad died. It was either stay on Earth with my dad's best friend, or travel around space port to space port with my sister and a Mom I barely knew.
"Count me in," she nodded, her scowl lessening and she un-crossed her arms. I think Uncle Tommy's was the only place Fiona felt comfortable with on Earth, not that she would admit it. She loved the Normandy too much for that, but then again, so did I.
"See you in a couple months Joker," Fiona waved over her shoulder as she walked away. She stopped waling for a moment and looked back at me. "Jace, Kaidan, and I are heading back to Earth in an hour. Don't try to argue with the pilot about how you should be flying the damn ship and don't be late," she sighed walking back out of the cockpit before the doors closed behind her, hiding where Fiona was going after that.
"Ooh! Two months shore leave," Jeff smiled, patting the arms of his seat like a little kid on Christmas. "Because that really makes up for everything!" he said sarcastically.
"Stop being such a party pooper," I hit him gently. "Besides, you got a family don't you? Little shore leave never hurt."
"Yeah, Dad and a Sister, guess they could use a visit," he looked off smiling, "but it'll take me a while to bet used to lying around instead of constantly rescuing the Commander from impending doom," he tutted sadly, shaking his head.
"But you always lie around," I smiled leaning on the back of his chair. He glared up at me and I couldn't help but laugh. "See you Moreau, if you end up in Wisconsin, hit me up and I'll show you the best damn barbeque you've ever had," I waved while walking out of the door. I knew I'd see him again in two months, but when I had just spent 6 months straight with the guy…I guess I'd miss the silly fool that called himself my superior, but I'd never tell him that.
"We've been out here for four days, I say we're wasting our time," Pressly grumbled, looking over a tablet that Fiona had given him when we first set out to find the reason ships started disappearing.
"Gotta be a reason why ships aren't turning up," Jeff shrugged off easily. The boys may have been joking, but I was scared. Jeff was right, there had to be a reason why the ships were disappearing and we were here to find it.
"So we're floating out here until we find something that swallows up ships, that's great," I sighed, shaking my head and swiping my hands across the console in front of me.
"Don't worry so much Ange," Jeff nudged me, but I had a sense of dread hanging over me, especially today. The past three days had been spent joking and flying through space with Jeff, but something was in the artificial air…something dangerous.
"Probably right," I forced a smile and turned my attention back to the monitor. The Normandy was acting up something strange, poor girl wasn't used to this after a couple months of shore leave. She was putting out a lot of radiation, it wasn't usual. "Jeff, look at this," I pointed out the radiation screening.
"What about it? It's just radiation," he shrugged, but I don't think he understood the weirdness of it all. We were on a "top secret mission" and the Normandy wasn't acting like her usual self.
"Yeah, but-"a gasp from behind us stopped me midsentence."Geth ship spotted!"
"What the hell is that?" Pressly gaped at the colossal ship that appeared out of nowhere.
"That's not Geth," Jeff said calmly and went into evasive maneuvers. I took defensive and tried to gently push the drive core to run and shield the Normandy at the same time. It was no easy feat, but it's what we needed to do. Plus I was being paid for it, so that never hurt.
"Drive core at maximum," I warned Jeff, but them the whole Normandy shook and I could feel the heat of the explosions behind us. I looked back and saw Pressly lying on the ground peacefully. I thought he was unconscious until I saw he was surrounded in a pool of blood. My chest seized up and I knew I was panicking, dead bodies made me do that. If I didn't get myself under control, I'd start having an asthma attack and Jeff would be alone to run the ship. I didn't know if we could save the Normandy, that blas was powerful…I turned around and took the biggest breaths that I allowed myself to so Jeff wouldn't notice and I wouldn't distract him.
That collosel, strange ship turned around for another attack. "Shit, someone put that fire out!" he yelled behind us to the girl that found that damned ship in the first place. She stumbled, trying to put out the fire as the ship was being torn apart. So much for state of the line ship, there wasn't going to be anything left of my girl if we couldn't get away from this ship.
"Get to the escape pods!" I yelled to the girl. We needed to get the crew off the Normandy, the only way to do that would require Jeff and me to get on last and evade this damn ship the best way we can. My poor baby didn't stand a chance against this monster; it was like a teenage boy trying to steal the innocence of my Normandy.
Once the girl was out of sight I put on my emergency helmet on and Jeff left the kinetic shields of the Normandy to that. Under normal circumstances, I would have told him how silly he looked. "Jeff, we need to put up the stealth systems up, that should give us enough time to get off a-"
"I can save her!" he yelled over the loud silence of space. His eyes were fully green and full of passion as well as fear. I swear my brain knew that he sounded foolish and I should have disobeyed him and dragged his cripple butt to the escape pods, but…my heart wanted to believe that the Normandy could be saved and I trusted him with my life and helped him try to evade this ship that destroyed without the slightest bit of mercy or warning. The ship was like a huge rock, not as beautiful as the Normandy by far.
I swore silently under my breath that I would find out who did this and kill them, even if dead bodies triggered my severe asthma. "Joker! Angelia!" Fiona came storming in. I was oh so happy I couldn't see her face, I know she'd be wearing her pissed the fuck off look. "The ship is going down! We need to get off now!"
As Fiona yelled at me, my heart sank. What would we do without the Normandy? How would we catch the Reapers? Would the council help us for once and give us another state of the art ship? The chances were slim. "I can still save her!" he yelled right back to the Commander. I was surprised, but she didn't even flinch. She got into his face and whispered something I couldn't hear. "Ur...right," Jeff mumbled, defeated. "Help me up." Fiona spared no time and pulled him up by his arm ruggedly and he whined about his bone; he was going to have a bruise for sure. "
"Come on!" Fiona yelled picking Jeff up and slinging him over her shoulder, running as the stranger ship came back for yet another hit and run. I ran right after my sister and ahead of her, I was quite the runner. I opened the escape pod and waited for a few short moments for Fiona and Jeff to catch up. Fiona put Jeff down and I helped him get inside. I looked up from helping him into the seat and saw Fiona staring right at the red beam of energy heading for the Normandy. I yelled out something, probably her name; I couldn't even hear my own voice over the sound of my heart hitting my rib cages.
She didn't answer as she was being pushed away by the lack of gravity. She pushed the eject button right as I slammed myself against the door, perfect timing. I pounded my hands against the glass while watching my sister float out towards a planet below us. My chest was tightened again and I was having an asthma attack before I could stop and think. I saw Jeff pull me down beside him and I tried taking slow deep breaths, but then I saw a few tears trickle down from my face and I started sobbing loudly. My sister was out there, alone, and I couldn't save her.
We all waited for the last escape pod to confirm what we all knew, Fiona got Joker and Angie off that damn ship that they love so much. The crew surrounded the landing zone, some injured, but nothing serious. I stood by Garrus who patted me on the back. "It'll be alright," he reassured me.
"Was I scowling?" I laughed nervously and raked a hand through my hair. I held those girls dear and Joker…well let's just say I didn't approve of Angelia's fondness for Joker, and she didn't even notice it. I knew better than she did though, our little Angie had a crush on Joker and no one knew it besides the dashing Jason. The way she talked about him though, somebody was bound to find out. Either way, I was nervous about leaving with Kaidan and Ash on that escape pod. I wanted to go and drag Angie off myself; she's usually the smart one.
Before Garrus replied the escape pod was coming in and everyone went rigid. It was painfully slow and I wished the glass wasn't tinted, at least then I could see how many figures were in the damn pod. The loud silence stretched through the rescue ship's deck. I wished someone would say what was on their mind, what they were thinking, but I couldn't do it. I was never good at talking, or thinking as Angie would say.
The airlock finally sealed and almost immediately I could see Joker walking out of it with a tear streaked Angie under his arm. My heart lurched and for a few short moments, the crew of the Normandy stood in horror as our Commander didn't exit the escape pod. Instead Angelia was staring at them with the same vibrant green eyes as Shepard, with the same horror that everyone around the room shared.
I was the first to move, I shoved past Ash and Tali to get to Angelia who was shaking badly. I began to suspect she wasn't the one keeping Joker up, but he was keeping her up and steady. "Angie," I shook my head, "She's on another escape pod, or something-"
"Jason," she stopped me and put a hand on my arm, stepping away from Joker, "she's not coming." The idea that Shepard wasn't coming back was unacceptable. Before I got a chance to ask Angie what really happened and if there was a chance Shepard was still alive Kaidan was grabbing Angie by the arm.
"She can't be! She has to be coming! The only reason she went back is because of you two," he said harshly and Angie was trying her hardest not to cry again. The look of pain and horror was as evident on her face as it was on his when Shepard didn't come out of that pod; now he looked enraged, his features disgusted by the two head pilots.
"Kaidan I didn't want her to pry us off-"
"But she did, and now…" he looked down at her with such hatred and his tight hold on her grew tighter and now she was trying her best to pry him off. Lieutenant or not, I was going to kick his ass if he hurt Angie. It wasn't her fault Shepard always had to be the hero.
"Lieutenant," I deadpanned enough for him to look at me. I grabbed an equally tight hold on his arm and dragged him off and away from Angelia. We locked eyes and he looked dangerously close to hitting me, about as close as I was to hitting him. "Stop. You don't know what happened yet," I said it so deeply I could barely hear my words over the rumbling of my chest. He seemed to come to his senses because a look of horror dawned upon him again and he looked at an extremely frightened Angelia with sad eyes and then he was gone.
"Doc," Ash called for Chakwas, "You might want to look at Joker's arm, doesn't look so good." Chakwas came out of the crying crowd that was now slowly dispersing except for Shepard's team. They stood together, sadly, looking from one another. They were leaderless and nobody but Shepard could do it. Angelia was a Shepard and she had the soul, but she wouldn't take on her sister's team. It'd be too painful and awkward for her.
"Angie," I put an arm around her and looked in her eyes. She wasn't really thinking, she was remembering her sister. "Come on Angie, what happened? Did you see her…?" I wouldn't say die, not about Shepard and not to Angie's face.
She shook her head rapidly, "She got spaced. Flew right past the ejection button and pressed it…" she looked back up at me with pouty lips. "Why?"
"She was wearing her armor. That shit can sustain just about anything, isn't it possible she survived?" I whispered it so no one else heard. The feeling that Shepard wasn't coming back was just dawning on the group and I wouldn't give them false hope without consulting the Queen of math nerds herself.
"I…Jace, you're a genius!" she looked up at me with wide, tear-filled eyes. I hated seeing her this way, but soon the little girl I knew well was gone and Shepard's hard, cold gaze was upon me and I couldn't believe this was Angie.
Angelia immediately started looking around the Alliance vessel's bay. She spotted Liara and Tali comforting each other and jogged over to them while she started messing around with her omni-tool. "Liara, Tali, look at this," she kept swiping away bits of data with her hand. Finally, a digital display of a body floating through space and heading towards a planet behind it appeared through Angelia's omni-tool. Shepard.
"What? Angelia..." Liara stared at the omni-tool. Her lips were parted slightly in amazement. No one really knew how smart Angie was, but she used to be a nerd with braces and glasses to match.
"Fiona's N7 armor can almost withstand a ton of pressure. I saw which angle she was pushed off the Normandy at. If I can find where she landed, then there's a possibility she could still be alive. It all really matters on the atmosphere, she could have been flayed alive, but her suit was damaged a bit too. She'll run out of oxygen either way if we don't hurry," Angelia took a deep breath. We all knew what that would mean.
I put a hand on her shoulder and looked at the girls. "You guys take care of this math equation, I'm gonna go talk to Anderson about clearance to get Shepard," I patted Angie on the back and jogged to the ships comm room. These Alliance ships were all the same, nothing wrong with that I suppose, but it's easy to infiltrate if you know these ships well enough.
Alenko and Ash were already in a conference with the Captain of this ship and Andersen. I wasn't really supposed to interrupt, seeing as I wasn't really in the Alliance, but my dad used to be an Alliance pilot and I didn't care anymore. "Anderson," I directed the men's attention to me.
"What're you doing in here-" Alenko tried to stand in front of me but I easily pushed past him and strode in front of the console Alenko had contacted Andersen on.
"Angelia needs clearance to take a Drop Shuttle to look for Shepard," I saluted the older man. Just because I was a freelance merc didn't mean that I didn't respect the Alliance; quite the opposite in fact. "They're working out the math right now," I folded my hands behind my back.
"Clear them. If Shepard's alive-"
"We'll get her sir, Angie's a nerd, one of the best," I bowed my head slightly and exited the room. Alenko stayed behind, he was Shepard's X.O after all, but Ash patted his shoulder reassuringly and followed after me. She'd investigate for her comrade and friend, but I had a feeling Angie wanted to go down there herself.
"Jace, what the hell's going on? I thought Joker said Shepard was spaced?" she followed easily into my quick pace. Ash was quite the woman, too bad she's a tuff tomboy that could kick my ass in a second.
I stopped suddenly and she took a step ahead of me before she crossed her arms like a disappointed mother. "Ash, Angelia is Shepard's sister. She's the only family Angie's got left and she's going to try her damndest to bring her back," I put both hands on Ashley's shoulders and she let both arms fall to her sides and looked me in the eye.
"If it'll get Shepard back, I'll help," Ashley nodded with cold resolve. "How's she doing?" she whispered softly and I smiled. Ash: always thinking of others.
"She'll be a lot worse if she doesn't find Shepard, let's go tell her we're ready to leave when she is," I gave Ash a smile and walked with her to find Angelia.
"No, Liara, I'm telling you it had to be at a 45 degree angle," Angelia was elbow to elbow to the Assari doctor as I sat in a chair in the corner of the room to stay out of the way. "My baby won't crash on top of Fiona," Angie showed Liara something on the console they were working on. I'd lost track of the time, or how long they'd been working on it, but it was too long for me.
"Yes, of course, but you must take for account the atmosphere, or weather of-"
"Yeah, I know," Angelia sighed heavily and kept working with Liara. I knew what that sigh meant though, she wanted to screw logic and run out on that planet to save Shepard. They couldn't do that without knowing where she was though. Every second that passes, the more likely it is that Fiona Shepard was dead. I may have been an idiot, but I wasn't deaf.
"Liara, can you go get another round of coffee? Jace is asleep and my eyelids want to follow," she laughed, but it was forced and not at all her laugh. She thought I was asleep but I was really eavesdropping.
"Of course, I could use some myself," Liara excused herself politely as always. When Liara wasn't being polite, she was a stuttering mess. She and Angie got along just fine though and Liara grew comfortable around Angie; another reason for me to pretend to sleep, they could work better with me asleep and I could still be involved in some way.
I heard Angie sigh again and sit down, I could see her pulling back her hair in frustration, and this time she tied it back for good, out the corner of my eye. I was about to "wake up" but I heard the door across the room open again, Liara must be fast.
"Hey." Liara didn't sound like a man…Who was it then? Kaidan? Or Joker?
"Hey yourself Moreau," Angie responded. So it was Joker! What's that rat doing? "How's your arm?"
"Fine…How's the Commander?" he asked just as briskly as she did. If I wasn't pretending to be asleep I'd break a few of that cripples bones myself, yet, Angie just snorted. I'd give a shiny penny to be able to open my eyes without the suspicion of being awake. Times like these, I wished I slept with my eyes open.
"I'll get 'er back Moreau," she sounded so shaken. I had no doubt it was Joker's idea to stay on the damn Normandy; Angelia wouldn't stay on there to die, not like her father.
"We gonna get those rock flying bastards next?" Joker said. I could respect the man more if he started with that, not that bullshit about Shepard, Jesus.
"You can bet your crippled ass we are," Angie pounded something on the table in anger and pride. If things weren't so tense, I'm sure Kaidan would have called Angie "Little Shepard." It would earn him a punch, probably to the groin, but it'd be worth it.
"But for now, get your ass to bed," she dismissed him and I could hear the console beeping and knew she was going straight back to work.
"Always trying to get me into bed Lieutenant!" Joker snorted and then left, the door hissing in confirmation to that. Now I just didn't want to hear that. Angie sighed and I severly hoped to all the gods, even alien, that she wasn't staring off after him. That was just too cheesy for me, but I wouldn't doubt it considering she loved to watch old romance movie back on Earth.
"Jason! Get up! C'mon, move ya little booger," Angie kicked me and I joldted up.
"What!" I pretended to be disoriented. She simply folded her arms and pointed to where Joker had previously came in and left. I nodded and patted her shoulder on the way out. Watch out for who you fall for, Angie, I shook my head leaving her to work.
"Alright ladies," Jason sat down next to Angelia and grasped her shoulder, "Let's get this show on the road!" We were prepared to leave the cargo bay of the SSV Colarado after a fortnight of no sleep and endless nights with Angelia by my side. She refused to let anyone else on the shuttle, even Kaidan, who wasn't talking to her. I silently thanked her for letting me come, I cared deeply for Shepard, but she didn't know that. I still did not understand how open Angelia was with me, the other crew members still looked at me with unease every now and again, excluding Shepard of course. Angelia was different from other humans, that much was obvious.
I could also tell that since Shepard was gone she has started acting more and more like her sister. Perhaps this is how Shepard used to be before the Blutz, or Eden Prime, or perhaps Angelia just takes stregth and comfort in the personality of her sister. Of course, I was no expert on humans and was still foreign to their behavior.
Yet, even I could see that Angelia shared more than eyes with her sister. She was cold, hard, and confident at this moment. She looked like Shepard, arriving at a mission site. Like Shepard she was strong, bold, and beautiful. The only real difference I saw between the two was my love for Shepard, but I was too late. Alenko got to her and I was too shy to admit my feelings.
"Liara," Angelia looked back at me suddenly. She gave the controls to Jason who was now flying the spacecraft.
"Yes?" I turned my head to look at Angelia's vibrant green eyes. She took a deep breath and grabbed my hand, sitting down beside me. I involentarily took in a sharp intake of air. It had been a very long time since I had any physical contact with people. It was nice.
"Thank you," her grip tightened on my hand reassuringly, "It means a lot for you to be here, Liara."
I smiled back at her and nodded. "There's no where else I'd rather be," I patted the hand on top of my own. It was a gesture I learned from Shepard when my mother killed herself.
"Well lucky for you T'soni, we're here," Jason announced. Looking out the front windows I could see that he was right. We were landing on the planet already, I didn't know if I was ready to find Shepard, dead or alive, but we couldn't afford to wait any longer.
Angelia was already standing up and was staring at Jason with the still passion that seemed to flow through the Shepard blood-line. Something seemed to pass between the two because Jason nodded and put on his helmet to step out of the vehical. That just left Angelia and me.
"Liara, I know you…care… for my sister, and I want to thank you. Even if she didn't-"
I could feel the already rapid beat of my heart growing faster in embarressment. Was it that obvious? I couldn't believe I could be so dense sometimes and always in front of a Shepard too! "Angelia! I-I…" What could I say that didn't push my foot further into my mouth?
"Oh come on Liara," Angelia finally met my eyes and I quieted. It was as if only those eyes could stop me from shoving my foot into my mouth all the time. "Jeff and me listened in on every debreifing after every mission. You've got the hots for my sister, and bad," Angelia finished the embarressing accusation with a smile.
"I appreciate you not telling anyone about this," I sighed painfully. Why try to hide what was true? Especially to Angelia.
"No problem Liara," Angelia smiled. "Besides, I think you'd be a great sister-in-law, if only my sister swung that way." Angleia was silent for a moment and I knew she was thinking, or remembering something. This had to be why she never questioned my help; she knew how deeply I cared for Shepard and I wasn't angry like Kaidan. I just hoped that Shepard is still alive.
"Come on, we've already delayed for too long," Angelia held out a petite hand. I grabbed it and she hauled me to my feet and then put on her helmet. I followed her example, which she made sure of, and we took our first stop on Shepard's grave together.
Giant rocks littered the brown terrain as if an almighty beast just threw them around lazily, like collosal play things. The Normandy stood out from the brown planet around it, even in its current state. The three figures stood amid its rubble, feeling like survivors that just climed out of the rotting warship that was once the beauty, Normandy.
No one spoke during this time. The trio was giving a moment of silence to those lost. Giving a moment of silence to their Commander. Their Commander that crash landed .56 kilometers away from the Normandy's graveyard. Only the quiet tinkling of metal could be heard as the wind brushed past the handful of dog-tags, belonging to the Normandy crew, that Angelia Shepard clutched tightly in one hand.
Then the moment of silence was over and they left the wreckage of the Normandy in quiet. The only thing they could hear were their confident footsteps being ecoed by their own shallow breathing.
As soon as they could see something other than brown rock, the three scrambled to the black spec of N7 armor. Commander Shepard's little sister dropped to her knees in front of a black helmet with a distinct red stripe in the middle of it. She may have looked around desperately clutching the helmet to her chest, but she already knew that her sister would not be found. Someone took Shepard.
Angelia didn't know who did it, but she stood, hands shaking, and decided that she was going to take it upon herself and kill whoever was responsible.
"Commander Shepard, savior of the Citadel, will have a memorial built in her honor after what happened at the Blitz," an older woman wearing far too much make-up in an attempt to make her look younger announced. I closed my eyes, blocking out the sound of this irrational woman. No one would listen to Liara and me. Fiona wasn't dead. She couldn't be….but she was. It took Liara and me two months, two months that my mother had used to set up Fiona's funeral, to track down where my sister's body was.
The Shadow Broker had not given her up easily, but that didn't matter to me and I helped Liara get her back. Only to find out, that my sister really was dead. The Shadow Broker hadn't just stolen her broken body, but her life. I didn't get a chance to look at the body, Fiona was wrapped securely in a metal body bag.
I didn't get a chance to look at her body because I was too busy selling it to the devil, Cerberus. Or more specifically, The Illusive Man. The organization responsible for our father's plane crash and I begrudgingly agreed. My parents, sister, and the Alliance drilled hating Cerberus into my bones, but how bad could they be if they wanted to help my sister? Help rebuild her…if I were my regular self I would have said something funny about The Six Million Dollar Man and how Cerberus "has the technology."
Liara felt the same way I did about handing my sister over to Cerberus, like a traitor. So she vowed to me that she would get back at the Shadow Broker. No matter how hard I tried to convince her, she never listened to me.
I kept in close contact with Liara, she was about the only person that would speak with me. Garrus almost immediately dropped out and under any radar known, except Liara's. She said he was on Omega. I put two and two together and figured that next time I spotted Garrus I'd call out Archangel and see if he'd turn.
Tali and Ash kept constant contact as well, always updating me on things. Tali was able to complete her Pilgrimage and was a very important member of her crew. Ash's little sister graduated recently and Ash was promoted. I told them both how proud I was, but was careful not to tell them too much of what I was up to. I focused on what they were doing and encouraged them to do more.
Wrex was back on Tuchaka, trying to make clan Urdnot as powerful as when he left. The only reason we didn't have constant contact was the sand storms raging above his home. I was touched by one of his late reply's; however, he had said "After Virmire I don't doubt your fighting, join the Alliance as a soldier, or join me for your own sake!" I simply replied that he must have beend drinking, but it put a smile on my face, for a while at least.
As for Jeff, I just couldn't send him a friendly message. Not a "hey" or a "how bout a game of poker." I considered a quick, "my sister's dead and I'm in depression, save me," but decided against it. Everytime I got in front of the keyboard I felt tears threatening to come up and pushed them back down. No way was I going to cry over sending a message to Jeff. Maybe it had something to do with Fiona's funeral…
Everyone was wearing black and looking morbid. None of the soldiers that attended cried, not even my mother. None of the alien crew was allowed to come because of mother. I begged her, but she wouldn't hear of it. She wouldn't even let Fiona's friends come to her funeral because the Alliance disapproved. Goddammit it all.
I looked across the room at Kaidan, who had been staring at me. I could see heart break in his eyes and I wished so badly that I could help him. That I could tell him that Fiona was coming back, but he would just have to wait and everything would be fine. I wanted to scream it at the top of my lungs in the room, but I didn't. Instead, I stayed silent and Kaidan looked back down.
I hated this. I had to lie to everyone to help Cerberus…and myself.
After the ceremony, there were drinks and food served, but no one wanted any. No one laughed about their time with Fiona, or old memories, but was silent, lost in their own personal memories of Fiona Shepard. I had already explained to everyony, after not finding Fiona's body, that she was taken, but no one would listen. That's when Cerberus came in the picture. Liara and I had found her body not but a week before the funeral and she was already in Cerberus's hands.
I tried talking to Mom, but she didn't want to hear it. "Mom," I pulled her into a side room. It was the first time we had been alone since I was a babe. "I…I'm sorry," I changed my mind the last second and hung my head in shame. "If I hadn't stayed, this wouldn't have happened," I murmured quietly. I often avoided the thought, but I suppose Mother deserved to know this if I couldn't tell her about Cerberus.
I looked up, hesitantly through the mascara Amy glomped on me, but I couldn't read my mother's face. I was already self concious about the too-tight black dress Amy sqeezed me into and my neatly curled hair, but my mother was able to scrutinize me even further. "I should have know," she spit out.
I withdralled from her in horror; how could my own mother blame it on me? But it was my own fault, wasn't it? "Fiona decided to go down with her ship! And she will come back-"
Before I could even finish the sentence, she hit me with a force the made me stumble backwards a few steps. I clutched my injured cheek and felt fresh steaming tears cloud my vision as my cheek tingled with the pain. It was like she hit my very pride.
She stormed out off the room when I didn't say anything, like I had been in the wrong. I clamped my hand tightly over my mouth in horror. My mother had just slapped me at my sister's funeral, blaming her death on me instead of comforting me and telling me it was alright. I gave myself enough guilt, so much so that I couldn't sleep at night, but no, that wasn't enough for Hannah Shepard.
I heard a familiar shuffle and snapped my head in the direction of the door. Jeff was standing there, staring at me with his head cocked to the side in question. Had he seen it? The tears were about to burst and I wasn't going to stay and let him see my like that. It was too embarressing.
I made a quick exit from the funeral with Kyle while Jason, Uncle Tommy, Amy, and Brandon stayed inside. Kyle brought out his cigarettes and I was just heart broken enough to take a long drag. I did that occasionally, when things were down and one of my closest friends didn't mind.
I hated to think about the funeral and that was a few months ago, I just couldn't stand what Hannah had done and how Jeff had looked at me. In the six months since the Normandy was attacked, I had become a new person, or so it seemed. I didn't laugh at Jace's jokes, I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to drink, I only wanted to work, train, and sleep (something that I couldn't do no matter how hard I tried).
Work for who, was the question; I wanted to go straight back to work, but like Jeff, the Alliance grounded me. I was furious and left the next day, but not without giving Anderson a piece of my mind. Like always, he said he understood, but he could do nothing. It was sickening how easy it was to go with Cerberus.
The Illusive Man, Timmy as I now called him, was more than happy to welcome me into Cerberus. Except for a thousand regulations and such that I would have to follow; with good reason of course, Timmy always reminded me. He finally gave me the upgraded implants I so desperately needed. An L5, state of the arc, and let more of my biotic energy flow. The doctors from Cerberus said that my L3 implant was trying to downgrade my biotic strength and therefor it often backfired itself on me, breaking my bones.
It felt good to use my biotics and Jace constantly trained with me. I was already stronger than him and we started boxing like we were kids again. It kept my mind off things I didn't want to talk about. Mainly: Fiona, Jeff, and the Normandy.
I had plenty of things to keep my mind off of that though; Timmy had set me up with many assignments, most of them having to do with resources that Fiona will have once she's back. I was not only doing muscle jobs with Jace at my back and Kyle flying the ship, I was also designing the new and improved ship that Fiona will name, but I didn't doubt that she would name her after my original baby. After all, that is what I was designing her after; she will be The Normandy SR2. Timmy invited me to fly the ship, like I longed too for so long. I denied.
I did suggest Jeff, however, as well as many other respectful people to work on the case. A few people who publically spoke out against the council for not helping me, like Kenneth Donelly and Gabriella Daniels for example. Others Timmy called upon himself, but I had Liara check up on them for me. I approved of everyone…well, almost everyone. Miranda Lawson, a loyal member of Cerberus and Timmy's right hand man was a bigger bitch than my sister. I could tell they were going to get along swimmingly.
So, for the past three months I've been working for Cerberus night and day. Jace was finally able to convince me that I needed some shore leave on Earth, but I only did it so I could see Earth again. I missed being home. Timmy had been extremely impressed with my work ethic as well as my biotic power and said I deserved time off. Miranda often tried to pry questions out of me about Fiona, but I always glared at her and replied, "If you did your job right, you'd be able to ask her yourself right now."
I tore my eyes open so I would stop remembering, this is why I didn't want shore leave. Sighing, I grabbed the remote and turned it off before throwing it across the room. Didn't want to know about the news anyway.
"That's it!" Jace yelled coming into the room, or rather stomped into the room. I stared blankly at him from Kyle's couch, I hadn't seen Jace this angry since that female Batarian turned him down on a dare. "You're going to get off that couch, Amy's going to get you ready, then we're going out!" Jace pointed to the door to emphasize out.
Looking over Jace's shoulder, I saw a petite and smiling Amy ready to go with an outfit in one hand and make-up essentials in the other. I looked towards the door and wondered if I could make it out of here before Jace could catch me. To stop that train of thought he took a slow step in front of me, making any escape route impossible.
"Why?" I groaned. "This is supposed to me my shore leave, not my friends taking me out to get drunk off my ass. I don't want to go ou-" I whinned and Jace's face got all the more serious before finally hearing enough.
"That's just it Angie!" He shouted. "You don't want to go out! You love going out! We will have a good time, alright?" he yanked me up and I unwillingly followed him to the bathroom. I dragged my feet with each step, but he was bigger than me and I didn't feel like fighting my best friend over this. He left and Amy quickly filled his place and she closed the door gently.
She was so tiny, everytime I hugged her I worried if I was going to break her in half. Now when you usually picture a petite girl, she's usually short and very skinny. Amy was extremely skinny, which is why I worried about her eating constantly, but she was taller than me. The boys always laughed at me for being the shortest while Amy's so tiny already, but Amy didn't have a nice ass like I did so I knew I was the true winner.
She just smiled sweetly, like always, I wondered why she wanted to join the Alliance in the first place. She loved arts and crafts (not to mention dressing me up) so much more than flying. I always try to pry it out of her but she simply looks at Brandon, her cousin, and shakes her head, dismissing me with nothing but a "nevermind." The way she said it always reminded me of my father or Fiona saying "I'll tell you when you're older," which just infuriated me because Amy and me were the same age.
Amy's appearance did go rather well with her "happy-go-lucky, little girl" attitude, however. Large brown eyes fit in well with her light brown hair, always cut short in a pixie style. To be truthful she sort of reminded me of my mother; if my mother smiled and acted fun and like a real person instead of a soldier 24/7.
"Sit down, girly," Amy said, smiling, she did so love dressing me up every chance she got. I obligued if only for Jace forcing me to do this. If he wasn't here, I'd bolt right out of the window.
"Yeah," I sighed, sitting on the toilet. I knew the routine. "What will I be looking like tonight?" I asked lousily. Amy usually dressed in bright colors, with losts of patters; not my kind of thing, if you couldn't tell.
"Well, Kyle suggested leather, or something equally 'badass'" she used her fingers as quotes around the word "badass." I never couuld get over how little she cussed compared to the rest of our group. When she did, she was usually quoting something had said previously. "Since we're going to a club and all," she prattled on. I was too busy biting my lip to keep myself from laughing at how awkwardly she said badass to pay attention to what she was saying as she started to make my hair managable. I don't know how I did it, but I kept the laughter in.
Walking into the club, I smelt sweat and boose, it felt all too familiar for a club I've never been to, not to mention even heard of before. Looking around, I was almost surprised to see human dancers instead of Asari. Alright, maybe Jace had a point afterall, it'd been a while since I was in a club back on Earth. Maybe I'd get a nice buzz, or hammered off my ass.
I looked over to the dance floor next; people were doing various dance moves to the deep booming of music. I felt no urge to join the well dressed humans though. Maybe I really did just need to get drunk off my ass? Amy would be disappointed if I threw up on my skin tight clothes, I bet. The only baggy things on me were my boots and leather jacket. Amy put me into a tight red shirt to "bring out my eyes."
The only part that I didn't particularly like was the ten pounds of cover up- Amy applied to over power my frekles so she could put that one piece of hair that always liked to fall up into place with the rest of my (now calm and soft) hair. I didn't feel like myself, but maybe that's just what Amy intended to make me feel better.
Jace, Amy, and Brandon fit in well together and quickly fled to the dance floor. It was Kyle who stayed by my side. He was never one for dancing though and he certainly didn't fit in anywhere. He was all about his black leather, fo-hawk, and painted nals. On top of all that, he loved pericings and had quite a few of them.
"Come on, Ladybug," he put an arm around my shoulders and led me to the bar. He always knew how to cheer me up, when Jace couldn't of course. "We'll drink until we can't hold anything in our stomachs then blame the mess on goody-two-shoes-Brandon, over there," he grinned and I chuckled, shaking my head.
We sat down at the bar together and the bartender gave us a couple of beers, I was never one for hard liquoir, reminded me of cough syrup. "Don't know why we came out to do this, we could party much better at my place," Kyle shrugged, looking at something over on the dance floor. I had a creeping suspicion that he was staring at Amy and certainly didn't want to be babysitting me. "Not to mention get drunker," he continied to prattle on.
I decided to take a peak at exaclty what, or whom he was staring at. Sure enough I saw many men dancing around Amy, all of which wasn't exactly appropriate. "Go," I turned back around to finish my beer.
"What?" Kyle looked back at me, blinking his eyes. God, he was stupid sometimes. Would he never get the courage to ask Amy out? I knew he had the hots for her. I think the only thing standing in his way was Brandon, and he could easily be taken care of.
"Go," I gestured to Amy. "I'll be fine, getting drunk over here." He took a good look at me before smiling and giving a small thanks. He rushed off and onto the dance floor, where I lost track of him. So much for standing by my side, I smiled bitterly at the thought. He deserved to have some fun, even if I didn't want to have any.
I don't know how long I sat there, getting hammered, but it took a while for the bottles to build up. Even then I was only tipsy; beer just couldn't get me as drunk as those fancy hard liqoirs could, as much as I hated to admit it.
"Don't you think you should slow down, chicka?" I deep voice found its way into my ear. I only had to turn ever so slightly to see tons of muscle that had slapped itself onto this mocha colored man. Damn! He was huge!
"And how is that your business?" I managed to sound some what sober as I turned back to my drink and he leaned closer to me, laying one giant arm on the bar table. His shirt was skin tight, but not on purpose; it'd be a crime to show off those muscles. I looked him up and down, there was something about how he was dressed that rang a bell, but my mind buzzed too loudly for me to figure out why.
"Just lookin' out for a senorita," he put up a hand in defense. I smiled and nodded, forgiving him for inturupting my slow way into drunken-ness. "Names James," he took one of my beers and took a long chug out of it.
"Well James, are you trying to take advantage of a young lady?" I put my head on my hand with some luck. He just gapped at me and I had to fight a bark of laugter that wanted to spill from my lips. Instead, I kept my cool smile, afraid to show my teeth in case my famous lop-sided grin wanted to make an appearance.
"You flirting with me, chikca?" he raised an eyebrow and nudged with his big, powerful arm. I laughed, because I did not giggle and had to grab a quick hold of his arm so I didn't fly off the barstool. "Cause I'm not so sure you wanna get caught up with an Alliance marine," he said matter-of-factly, as if it were a threat. I knew better though, it was a line to impress me. With all family members being marines I didn't particularly care for that however.
"You been in space?" I asked, keeping a smirk on my face. He could see it and looked confused to say the least. I'm sure that line get's all the ladies, I nearly laughed at myself, but he nodded all the same. "Well, well, I s'pose you do have a use for those bolders you call arms. You got any stories?" I leaned against the bar.
"Sure," he smiled smugly to which I raised a drunken eyebrow. "Maybe I can tell 'em to ya somewhere…private, if your game?"
"Oh, I'm game," I nodded and tried standing on my own. Everything was blurry and I think I stumbled, but before I fell, a delightfully warm arm snaked its way around my waist. I shivered despite it being so warm in here. "Lead the way," I purred to James. He obliged of course, but that didn't stop him from chuckling to himself.
;D You guys know who James is? huh?