Hey guys, I know it has been ages. I'm sorry. That's all I can say... I'm going to try to finish this story because I would hate to not finish it! I'm working on it..

Frank.

"That was amazing." I moaned when we panted, exhausted from the sex.

"Yeah it pretty was good." Gerard smirked at me before lightning up a cigarette and covering up himself. I crawled closer to him, stole a smoke from his cigarette and smiled.

"So what's this?"

"What's what?" he looked at me, the smirk was gone as if I had caught him off guard for once.

"Are we a thing? Because I think I'm in love with you…"

"Dear god it wasn't your first time was it?"

"No!" I exclaimed irritated.

"Can't we just decide that we are dating and see where this is going, because you just think you are in love with me! It is silly, you don't know me at all… can't you see that everything is a lie?!"

"What messed you up so badly?" I glared at him, but he didn't seem to want to answer. "Gerard?" When he still didn't react I crawled even closer and I tried to give him a kiss, but he turned his head away. Irritated I got up and got dressed as I went out into the kitchen. I heard the door slam shut after some minutes and I smashed my hand against the wall over and over again until the blood started to steam out from the cuts. I stared at my blood until I felt arms wrapped around my shoulders.

"Frank why are you doing this to yourself?" he whispered in my ear before I once again pulled him close, his mouth found mine after just a second and he carried me to the bed. The kissing lead to another thing…

Gerard.

"For me it was Martin and Thor…"

"What are you talking about?" I looked at Frank lying in my arms.

"What fucked me up… I figured if you didn't want to start talking I have to…"

"It was my freshmen year in high school… me and my mum moved to a new town and well I met this guy and his friends. He was the most gorgeous kid I had ever seen back then and he and his friends wanted to hang out with me… I fell madly in love with Martin and I did everything he said…"

"So he used you?" I cut him off, jumping to assumptions.

"No just shut up and listen for once will you?"

"Yeah sorry…" I lit up another cigarette and looked at him until he continued talking-

"He was into drugs so when he got stoned so did I… it took some time before I confessed my feelings for him. Of course Martin didn't feel the same way, humiliated I moved to my dad's place, trying to forget. I got clean and sober for some time. But then I found a dealer, I got stoned and dad kicked me out, mum took me in again and my old gang greeted me with open arms… I spend the next school year getting high or drunk and my grades were crappy. And then I met Thor. He was gorgeous, one year older and a fencer. So he didn't approve of me smoking, drinking and getting stoned… actually it took him some time before he even wanted to hang out with me, but around Christmas that year I kissed him told him that I was in love. He didn't respond until some days later, when he told me to clean up my act and he would be mine. I did, I stopped smoking and reduced my drinking to almost zero and I quit the drugs too. Until…" his voice got stuck in throat and I gave him a kiss.

"Until what?"

"Martin overdosed on ecstasy, I knew he wanted to die and so he did… I was grief-stricken and started to do all those bad things again. But the worst part was that I dragged Thor down too… I made him try it and we were happy for some time, or at least I thought so. But he only did it so he wouldn't lose me… I didn't notice the cuts at first. Not until he called me from the hospital, he had almost died and I realized I was bad for him and I broke off things with him. I couldn't face him anymore so I dropped out; becoming the failure everyone knew I was. He was the only good thing that has happened to me and I let him get away…"

"You still blame yourself for what happened to him?" Frank looked at me and nodded. "Is he still alive?"

"He is really successful, in the top of his law school class…"

"Well… at least you didn't get fucked over like I did…"

"You wanna tell me?"

"I had a boyfriend, my first one. He was the sweetest guy, or at least I thought so… I had all of my firsts with him, kiss, sex… well not all of the firsts… We moved in together after high school and one night I was supposed to study late, but I wasn't feeling well so I came home early instead. And there he was, in bed with two guys one of which was my best friends. I knew my friend had been seeing some guy that was in a relationship… I never thought it was my boyfriend. I ran off, straight to a gay bar. I knew who could give me drugs if I had sex with them. I started with cocaine that night three years ago and I never really stopped living like that. I used them for drugs at first, but then I started to use them for everything…" my voice cracked.

"I am so fucked up… I don't see how anyone would want me anymore…" I whispered when I managed to speak again.

He didn't say anything at first, not a single word and I felt the steaming hot tears in my eyes for the first time in what felt like years. When he still didn't say a word I reached out for my clothes but Frank stopped me.

"If you only could see how beautiful you are to me… You know my feelings about you. Be mine?" I looked at him and felt myself nodding.

"I need something good in my life… maybe you are the good thing…" Frank smiled and reached out his hand to dry off my tears and I gave him a kiss.