A/N: Hello again! I hope you are enjoying the story! I know I am hehe
I know you guys have been wanting to know Natsu's backstory, and this is going to be about a third of it in total. The other two parts will come up soon, and I hope you're prepared for the angst! Let me know what you guys have for your headcanons of what happened to Natsu!
Enjoy!
Annoyed by his own thoughts, Natsu scrubbed his hair extra hard in the shower to try to get the stray wonderings out of his head. It wasn't a date. He paid, sure, but he didn't ask her to go out on this date. He just asked if she wanted to go to the courtyard with him and sit. And he suggested the coffee shop they went to. But it wasn't a date.
Was it?
Growling, he scratched at his head, hoping that it wouldn't draw blood. He needed to go to sleep soon; it was three in the morning and he had just gotten off his shift at work. His roommates, including Lucy herself, were sound asleep by now. Natsu was the only one awake, and sometimes it annoyed him. He sometimes enjoyed having someone to talk to about the crazy and depressed thoughts inside his head.
He wrapped himself in a towel and walked to his room, dressing quickly when he got there. Happy came in with a soft meow and made himself comfortable on the bed, circling around a few times before resting in a place near the corner of the bed. The cat knew that his human liked to sleep in weird positions in the night, so the feline opted to stay as far away as possible from his kicking feet.
Natsu sighed as he got himself into bed and laid watching the small glow in the dark stars that were on the ceiling. They reminded him of Lucy for some reason, with their bright glow. They were yellow, not unlike her hair. And the woman seemed to be a star herself with how happy she was almost all the time. Her anxiety didn't hinder her as much anymore, and he was proud of her for that. If only he could do the same with his own anxieties and depression…
A question hung in his mind as he fell asleep: Why couldn't he get her out of his head?
Maybe, he thought as he fell into his slumber, maybe he liked her more than just being his roommate.
Natsu's dreams were full of her. Not of Lucy, where they would be happy, but of his fiancee.
His ex fiancee.
She had first caught his eye in college class where she was smarter in computers than most of the guys, including him. Many of the men tried to date her, but she only wanted Natsu. With her thick black hair and blue eyes, she was quite the beauty. And he was amazed that she wanted to date him.
They got engaged a year after dating, and a few weeks after popping the question, he realized a horrible reality: she was controlling him. Teaching him how to dress, how to act, how to be. He was never good enough for her, even at his best. Even in a suit and tie she would tsk and tell him that he needed to wear another color tie and buy a more expensive suit.
"Why don't you find another job, sweetie?" she would ask, and his shoulders would slump. He loved his job. But she hated it. So, to appease his fiancee, he quit and moved on to another job. Soon the stress from her and that job would be so heavy that he would have to quit and move on to another. And another. And it was never enough for her.
"Why are you eating that?" she would ask, her nose turned up in disgust. He would tell her he liked the food, but she would sigh and start to make him another dish. She didn't care about his likes or dislikes.
People were beginning to ask her questions if he was cheating on her, and Natsu said no. He would never do that. But they didn't believe him, and so they ravaged his name in front of multiple people he respected. People turned away from him slowly, and Natsu felt alone.
But that was what she wanted. She wanted Natsu alone so she could be the only one that had him. "It's for the best," she would always say, and he would turn away. She would slap him again and again until his face was raw.
She was the only person that he was around anymore. It tore him apart to not be around people he loved. He was failing his classes under stress, and his depression and anxiety were getting worse by the moment. knew he had to do something. So he did the only logical thing that he could do.
He broke off the engagement.
She screamed. She cried. He hated seeing her in that emotion, so he understood when she slapped him and called him names. He stood quietly as she mocked him in front of friends-friends that would leave later on and never see him again. He lost his job, his friends, and most of all his dignity because of her.
His dream was filled with her laughs, of the happy moments. But most of all they were filled with her screams, especially that specific one.
The one that would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Natsu woke up in a cold sweat as he heard someone screaming, and the only thing that his still confused brain could make him do was run towards the noise. Barreling out of his room, he found Lucy in front of the shoe closet with a spatula being carried in her hands like Rapunzel held the frying pan.
"What happened?" Natsu asked, immediately coming over her to assess the damage. Was she hurt?
"S-Spider!" she yelled, eyes wide. He stared at her for a moment, looking at her surprised expression.
Then his chest filled with laughter, and he held it until he couldn't hold it anymore. Laughter erupted from his mouth, and Lucy glared at him.
"What's so funny?" she asked, putting her hand that wasn't holding the spatula on a cocked hip.
"I thought you were hurt, but it's just a spider!" he laughed, but it dissolved when he saw Lucy's glare.
"Well if you think it's so funny, then you go kill it!" she said with a snarky grin, handing him the spatula.
He sighed. "Fine," he said with a groan, and he pulled up his sleeves of his sleep shirt. The seasons had been changing and everyone had been dressing warmer to sleep, and Lucy was wearing sleep pants with ducks on them and a shirt that read 'No Coffee, No Talkie'.
Natsu stepped into the shoe closet, holding the spatula like a baseball bat. He was ready to aim and rescue Lucy from the beast.
And then he caught sight of it. And it was huge.
Natsu yelped and swung, successfully killing the spider in one blow. But that didn't stop him from running to the couch and hiding behind it.
"My hero," Lucy deadpanned with a grin, and Natsu gave her a sheepish look. They chuckled together, and a moment later he came out from behind the couch and disposed of the arachnid.
"Well, I gotta get going to work. Juvia will be angry if I'm late," Lucy said, looking at the clock on the wall quickly before grabbing her lunch. She said goodbye to Natsu and headed out the door with a smile, and Natsu knew that smile would be in his head for the rest of the day.
He went back to bed with a grin on his face not unlike Lucy's, wondering if maybe it wouldn't be so hard to ask her out on a real date.
"What's wrong, Lucy?" Juvia asked with a smile while dusting off the shelves again. Ever since Gray had told her the place looked good Juvia had cleaned every single spot off of the countertops and shelves. The only thing left was to dust the books themselves, which got rather dusty.
Which, of course, was Lucy's job.
"Nothing really," Lucy said, sighing. But Juvia wasn't going to take no for an answer. Stepping down from her ladder with ease, she stepped up to Lucy and smiled like an older sister would.
"Is Lucy worried about Natsu?" Juvia looked at Lucy with a knowing look, and the woman flushed.
"W-Well, he took me on kind of a date the other day, but I'm not sure if it's a date or not," Lucy said, running a hand through her hair. It was loose and in curls today, and looked not unlike Juvia's usually did. Juvia's hair was always in different styles, but today it was up in a bun with tendrils framing her face and a pencil stuck through it.
"So was it a date or not?" Cana came around the corner and slung an arm around Lucy's shoulders, grinning slyly.
"That's just it. I don't know." Lucy threw off Cana's arm and looked pointedly at the older woman. She was somewhat like an older sister to Lucy too, but she was drunk most of the time and therefore wasn't credible with the advice she gave.
"What do you mean you don't know? Did he pay?" Cana asked, swinging slightly. Was that a flask in her pocket?
"Yeah, but-"
"And did you two go alone?"
"Yes, but Juvia practically-"
"If it walks like a date, talks like a date, and pays like a date, it's a date," Cana said with a chuckle. "You got yourself a date there, Luce."
Lucy opened and shut her mouth a few times before closing it and making a little squeal. Cana and Juvia gathered around her and hugged her, giving Lucy congratulations for what she'd accomplished. Though she hadn't really accomplished anything, she had actually gone on a date, and with the guy she liked no less!
The rest of the work day went along quite smoothly, and soon enough it was time to go home. Juvia and Cana wished her a good night's rest, and Lucy wished them the same as well. She knew that Cana would be asleep soon; alcohol was a depressant and at least made Lucy quite tired. Juvia would for sure be sleeping in her pile of Gray-sama dolls and pillows, which she had showed Lucy once when she had dared set foot in the woman's apartment.
The drive home was nice, and Lucy blasted some music and danced along to it while at stoplights. She was given quite a few looks, but she didn't care one bit. Natsu at least had some sort of affection for her if he went on a date with her, which meant that the relationship wasn't going nowhere.
She fell asleep quickly with a smile on her face, hoping that she'd see Natsu again.
Who knows? Maybe she'd run into another spider in the shoe closet.
Natsu woke up in a cold sweat again. Her screams had echoed through his ears again. They were shrill and loud, ringing in his ears and wouldn't let up.
That was it. He couldn't ask Lucy on a date knowing that he was this damaged. She would never love a man that was like him... a man that had done such wrong and was so broken.
Lucy was so beautiful and smart and witty and perfect and just right. He couldn't mess that up, and he knew he would. He would mess up everything that she had to offer. All of her love would go to waste on him.
He didn't deserve her.
And he never would.
In the morning, Lucy ran into Natsu a few times. The first time he was going to the bathroom, and she obviously didn't want to interrupt him then. The second, he was making himself some dinner at 7 in the morning, which she found quite strange. Maybe he hadn't slept well? He did work the night shift, after all, so his brain could be confused at times.
"Natsu," she said the third time she saw him while he was watching TV.
"Yeah, Luce?" his eyes stayed on the TV, which annoyed her. But she cleared her throat anyway and proceeded with the question she wanted to ask.
"Was-Was the courtyard outing a date?" she managed, the words stuck in her throat. Her anxiety almost started to act up, but she stimmed using the couch's cushions and felt better right away.
"Nope," he replied, the word popping out of his mouth. His eyes never strayed from the television. What was up with him?
"Oh," she said, looking down and smoothing her hair. If only he would look at her…
Natsu's thoughts were as unkempt as his hair this morning, and he hated it. He knew that she wanted him to ask her out, but he wasn't ready. Especially after that dream the night before last. His ex's scream came back to haunt him, and his own anxiety started to blossom.
"Natsu?" Lucy asked, looking up in concern. He fell on the floor, curling up in a ball. His breaths heaved, and he could only let out a few words.
"I never wanted to upset her," Natsu said, and Lucy was at his side in an instant.
"Stay with me," she said, rubbing circles into his back. But she didn't know the cost of such an action. Natsu blacked out within seconds, leaving Lucy to take him to the hospital.
If only those circles drawn in his back didn't remind him of her.