A/n: I apologize for the long, long wait. If any readers remain I will honestly be shocked. But thank you so much if you're reading this and extra thanks if you review :) it really does mean a lot. I've already started the next chapter so with luck that should be up a LOT sooner than this one was. Junior year is a bitch. Happy belated birthday to speedsONEandONLY! I'm one day late :( sorry!
"This goddess flies with a huge looking-glass in her hands, to dazzle the crowd, and make them see, according as she turns it, their ruin in their interest, and their interest in their ruin.." -- Jonathan Swift, "The Art of Political Lying"
"No love from my daddy 'cause the coward wasn't there. He passed away and I didn't cry, 'cause my anger wouldn't let me feel for a stranger. They say I'm wrong and I'm heartless, but all along I was lookin' for a father who was gone" -- Tupac, "Dear Mama".
The ocean was deserted except for me and her and three dogs. The waves rocked restlessly and the entire beach had deep puddles scattered all along the sand, making the shore resemble the Moon, and in each puddle was a piece of the sky. She sat in one of the puddles with her knees pulled to her chest. The sand was so golden around her and the water she was sitting in was sapphire with cotton puffs. The three dogs swam in the angry sea and I watched her.
I approached her. She turned to face me and her eyes were full of moisture. My eyes scanned all the familiar things (her nose, eyebrows, lips, and hands), looking for the pain. Her eyes stayed on my face, as if she were looking something I couldn't provide. The tears steadily fell and I was at a loss.
I finally pinpointed what was wrong when she drew more into herself. I had seen that behavior innumerable times while growing up.
I slowly sank down in the warm sand beside the crater she was sitting in. I sifted through the sand with my fingers and turned my head back in her direction. She was looking back at the waves.
"You don't have to be afraid." I whispered.
Her eyes stayed glued on the sea while she cried. I looked away and looked back and noticed this time she was wearing a white dress, and floating in the piece of watery sky beneath her were oil pastels and paintbrushes. I impulsively reached for the paintbrush, but when my fingers gripped around it, it turned into a white pill, and then Emily's hand grasped around my wrist and all things solid disappeared except for our surroundings and each other.
"I know I don't have to. But I still am. And you are too."
I was?
I was.
I realized my hands were shaking and suddenly the beach became extremely warm.
"I am." I agreed.
We both turned to watch the ocean. There were years of silence.
"Why are we scared?" I whispered. I turned back to her. She seemed even smaller than before and the puddle she was sitting in was growing grayer and grayer as the storm rolled in. Her tears were glass and as they landed in the sand they made gentle chink sounds.
"Because we're having sex." She answered.
A small pile of round balls of glass was forming.
"No we aren't." I argued. She stood up slowly and her white dress seemed to be plastered to her body. Her skin was tan and I could clearly see the curve of her breasts and the flat plane of her stomach and the sexy swell of her hips. She shrugged her shoulders and her wet dress slid neatly down the length of her body and liquefied at her feet. I scanned her naked body and she slowly moved toward me, her smile suggestive but her eyes haunted. She touched her hands to my chest and shoved me down on the sand. She spilled onto me. She joined hands with me and kissed me while she moved against me and suddenly the glass tears increased. Each tear was a heavy glass orb that landed on my chest as it fell from her eyes. Thirty seconds passed and I couldn't breathe. I was being pressed to death under the weight of her tears.
"Emily—" I struggled.
She rolled off of me.
I tried to lift the glass off me.
She watched me.
"Help me." I croaked.
She walked over and pulled at the globes. They wouldn't move. As I watched her, her body became smaller and smaller until she was so tiny and weak she couldn't even make the orbs budge. Only then did she smile.
The pressure was making it impossible to inhale.
Caitlyn appeared beside Emily. She took Emily's hand and lifted her up like she weighed nothing. She gently carried her in her arms across the beach and set her in one of those sky puddles. She walked back over to me and simply set a finger on the winterless snow globes. They disappeared.
"It's so easy." She whispered, a smile gracing her dark lips.
I examined her with my eyes and then glanced across the beach at Emily. I could barely see her as she became tinier and tinier. And the tinier she grew, the happier she seemed.
"No." I said. "No, it isn't."
She sat beside me.
"It could be." She whispered. I met her gaze and she kissed me. I kept one eye opened and Emily stared to fall apart.
I broke the kiss with Caitlyn.
"I don't know where I am. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm doing, what I'm supposed to be doing, or where I belong." I admitted.
She cocked her head to the side and her hair gleamed in the sun.
"Yes you do." She whispered. She moved onto me. "You know what you want." Her eyelids were heavy as she kissed me again. Then, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a handful of bright capsules.
"You know what you want." She whispered again. She offered them to me. I wanted them more than anything. I let her place an orange pill on my tongue, and immediately Emily was back in my arms and my paintbrushes were in my hands.
It was as if nothing had ever happened.
"Are you okay?" I asked Emily. She was her normal self. She grinned brightly.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
I awoke when the car stopped. The sun was high in the sky and a ray shined brightly in my eyes as it reflected off my dad's shiny new car. (His special form of a midlife crisis was getting back in touch with acting; his twenty-second movie was currently in the filming process.)
I worked my tired eyes open and pushed the door open. I stumbled out and the sun was so bright I had to close my eyes fully. The sun was so warm and I could feel the breeze from the ocean from here.
I felt Emily's hand grab mine. "Sleep well?" She asked.
I nodded even though it wasn't that pleasant. A dream was just a dream, right?
"Did your parents invite all of Malibu?" She asked. I reluctantly opened my eyes and followed Emily's line of vision. The driveway was full of cars and some lined the street. Most I recognized—Lilly's, my grandfather's, my grandma's, Oliver's, Lana's—but there were two I wasn't sure of.
My head started to hurt from squinting my eyes so much. I really wanted to sleep but I knew my mom would want to talk to me. But perhaps, since there are so many people, I could sneak off to my room and curl up and sleep.
Emily locked the car doors and we began the walk from the street to the front door. I felt groggy and found simply walking annoying.
We hesitated outside the front door.
"They're going to scream." I warned her. She was wearing a white tanktop that contrasted beautifully with her dark hair, eyes, and tan skin. She smiled and held out her left hand. Her ring shimmered brighter than the sun on my dad's Midlife-Crisis-Mobile.
"They are. There's no way they'll miss this ring with the way it's shining." She gazed at it affectionately and then smiled at me. She really came alive when back in Malibu. There's always one certain location that a person feels most at ease in, and I'm pretty sure for both of us it was right here.
"Ha, the first thing my mom will do is yank your hand up to eyelevel to inspect it. Well, she might hug us first, but that'll definitely be the second thing."
We were saved from having to open the door to our own torture. The door was sucked into the cool confines of the home, and my dad was standing there with Odette. He shook his head, his forehead wrinkled with concern and his mouth set in a straight line.
"Leave!" He whispered to me, glancing nervously at Emily.
"What the fuck?" I asked. Oh wait. Parent. Shit! Oh well.
His eyes narrowed a tiny amount and he hesitated, as if on the fence about scolding me for that or not, but he decided to let it go.
"Come back tomorrow. Take Emily home. There are two fantastic reasons why this is the worst place for you two to be right now, and I'd rather you not know them. Just take your talented father's word for it, okay?" He rushed the words out.
Odette walked up and wordlessly held out her arms. My heart warmed slightly and I picked her up and hugged her tightly.
"I love you, dumb head." She exclaimed. She pulled back and smiled at me. Her blonde hair was in pigtails with little pink bows. "Things are weird in here! There's two weird ladies."
I looked back at my dad.
"Just go." He pushed.
"Jake." Emily said. He looked at her, a concerned hint in his eyes.
"I don't care if my mom is here. I'll be okay. I want to see everyone. You don't have to protect me. Geez, you Ryan men…" She trailed off and started to walk in the door. Odette struggled frantically in my arms and I set her down. She ran in front of Emily and blocked off the doorway, her tiny arms thrown out.
"No!" She exclaimed dramatically. Jake patted the top of Odette's head.
"That's my girl." He grinned down at her.
"It's not just your mother, Emily. That…thing is here." My dad grimaced. Thing? Lila is a freak but she's not a thing…she's a woman. And I would know that for a fact. Besides, Emily was Lila's stepsister. She was used to being around her.
"Dad, I'm tired. I want to get this over with and go home and sleep. You know mom is going to freak out if we leave. Let's save the theatrics for the big screen, okay?" I patted his shoulder and picked Odette up and walked into the house. Emily followed me. It was so cold in the house I jumped slightly. I swear, rich people have way too much money if they can afford to keep it like 50 degrees all summer.
Oliver was awkwardly sitting alone in the lounge, a strange look on his face and a beer in his hand. The guy looked rough. He hadn't shaven in a few days and his clothes looked kind of baggy. I felt a little bad for him.
"Daddy?" Emily asked. Oliver jumped and looked up. When he saw Emily, his entire face lit up with a smile.
"Em!" He set the bottle down and jumped up, crossing the room to hug Emily.
"You're so tan! Did you have fun?" He asked, once they pulled out of the hug.
"It was beautiful." She grinned. Oliver's smile stayed in place, even when he shook my hand. Hell to the fucking yes. He probably actually preferred me over drug dealers now.
"Well, let me see it." His voice took on a joking apprehensive tone. Emily laughed.
"Try not to faint," she joked. She extended her left hand and Oliver peered closely at the ring. After a few seconds, he stood back up.
"A beautiful ring for my beautiful daughter." Emily hugged him again. He looked at me over her shoulder and nodded at me in approval. I was a little thrown back by his warm aura today, but I was totally glad I wasn't getting the third degree.
Sunshine entered the room in the form of my other sister. When Adeline spotted me, her eyes widened.
"C!!" She screamed. She ran and I kneeled down. She hugged me tightly. She pulled back and set her tiny hands on my face.
"C," She whispered seriously, her green eyes boring into mine, "the grown-ups were fighting!"
"They were?! That's not good. Luckily, me and you know better than to fight with other people, right?" I responded. She smiled and nodded. I stood up and she took my hand and started pulling me behind her toward the kitchen.
"WAIT! I WOULDN'T—"
My dad's warning faded behind me as we entered the kitchen. My stomach bottomed out and I suddenly felt nauseous.
Sitting at a table, were three of my least favorite people. And across from the table, my mom was leaning against the counter, staring defiantly at the dark headed girl who was also staring at her.
"What the fuck?" I exclaimed for the second time. Adeline slapped my leg.
"Not good!" She scolded.
All four women looked up at my outburst. My mom pushed herself up off the counter and hurried over to me. She hugged me tightly and the smell of the detergent on her clothes was so familiar it made the stupid people behind me disappear for a moment.
"Hi, honey, did you have fun?" She asked, a smile breaking apart the concrete tension that had caked on her face. I smiled back weakly, too distracted to focus fully on her question.
"Yeah, it was really great. Um…what are…—" I gestured at the table.
Caitlyn stood up and walked over to me. Her legs seemed to go on forever due to the stilettos she was wearing.
"I was driving through and I saw all the cars. I came to congratulate you and Emily! Engagement. That's wonderful." A smile slowly overtook her beautiful face. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around my waist, pressing her body against me. It wasn't a hug you give acquaintances or old friends. Those hugs are the one-armed awkward deals. This was a hug you would give to a lover, where your torso is pressed against theirs and your legs are pressed against theirs. I stiffened awkwardly, unsure what to do. My instinct told me to shove the bitch off me, but I didn't want to be rude. It was just really uncomfortable.
My mom noticed this too.
From the corner of my eye, I watched her purposely shove a pot off the counter. It landed on the ceramic floor and Caitlyn jumped, breaking apart from me.
"Oops. I guess I'm just really clumsy." My mom said, with a very monotone voice that was unlike her.
I focused my attention on the bigger threat. Emily's mom was seated at the table beside Lila. Lila smiled at me when she met my eyes. I smiled back, but not long enough for any memories to resurface. Lydia's eyes were bloodshot and she stared at the contents of a teal mug that was in front of her.
I turned back to my mother, who had returned to having a staring battle with Caitlyn. They both seemed unsure of how to treat each other. Obviously, they felt a strong urge to hate each other on principle. Caitlyn's father ruined my mother's life; my mother killed Caitlyn's father. But they both seemed unable to decide whether to give in to this urge or pretend to like each other.
"What is she doing here?" I asked, jerking my head at Lydia. I didn't even bother to lower my voice. I was still pissed off at this drug addicted, bulimic mess.
My mom glared at me, a real, honest-to-God, I'm-disappointed-in-you glare.
"I invited her. Emily is her daughter." She replied.
"No, Emily isn't. You knew Emily didn't want to see her. You know she doesn't ever want to!" I argued. If this was supposed to be a get together to greet me and Emily and celebrate our engagement, why would my mother invite someone Emily doesn't like? And why did she even let the whore Caitlyn into the house?
My mother looked pointedly at me. "Every mother makes mistakes, you should know that. Just because she made a mistake doesn't mean she shouldn't get another chance to be a part of her child's life. She's willing to change. And what kind of people would we be if we didn't support that?" She snapped. I glanced back over at Lydia. Adeline, ever the peacemaker, had approached her and asked her if she wanted to color. The two were now seated beside each other, coloring on white paper. I noticed the way Lydia's hands slightly shook and the light sheen of sweat on her forehead. She was withdrawing from whatever drugs she had been on.
Maybe my mom did have a point. But that didn't change the fact that Lydia made Emily uncomfortable.
"I understand, Mom. But this is supposed to be for me and Emily, and Emily doesn't feel comfortable around her. She says…" I trailed off, unsure if Emily wanted that repeated. My mom's eyebrows furrowed.
"What? What does she say?" She asked.
I avoided my mom's eyes. "She says it's like looking in a mirror."
Emily entered the kitchen at that moment, followed by my father and hers, and the rest of the family.
She stopped in her tracks when she spotted Caitlyn. She glanced at me, her eyes widened. And then she turned slightly and saw Lydia. Well damn. Her day is officially ruined.
Part of me was very interested to see how the new Emily would handle this. Old Emily would have probably told some people off or strutted in like she was invincible.
But this Emily just looked dejected. She attempted to ignore them, but her shoulders had hunched forward just a little, and she crossed her arms in front of her.
"Emily!" My mom greeted her. Emily shuffled over to where me and my mom were standing and ignored Caitlyn as best as she could. Emily and my mom hugged and I couldn't help it; I glanced at Lydia. She saw it and I knew it hurt her to realize that Emily didn't need her near as much as she needed Emily.
As I predicted, my mother grasped Emily's hand and looked at the ring.
"Awwwww!" She breathed. "It's so beautiful! I guess his artistic eye came in handy, huh?" She smiled at me.
"Yes. He is amazing. And mine." Emily pointed the last at Caitlyn. Caitlyn smirked.
"Still holding on to that tanktop, huh?" She muttered under her breath.
Emily glared at the floor. "Honey," She whispered sarcastically, "I'm wearing the damn thing." She turned toward Caitlyn and flashed her ring at her.
Caitlyn laughed. "Relax, Em. I'm not here to steal your man. I'm here to congratulate you. I'm really sorry our friendship faded away." She frowned and pulled Emily into her arms. Emily stood there for a moment before awkwardly hugging her ex-best-friend back. Caitlyn turned to me.
"Michael was here but your dad made him leave. He's so sweet. We should all double-date!"
Over my dead body. And I don't even want to know what that douche tool bag did to make my dad kick him out. He's so stupid.
"Cole!"
My grandmother's disapproving tone made me grimace. I turned around and she walked away from the conversation she was having with her husband. She set hands on my shoulders and examined my face.
"You didn't wear sunscreen, did you?"
Oh my God.
"Nice to see you too." I mumbled.
"It's very nice to see you. You look handsomer and handsomer each day. But I would like to continue to see you so you better get into the habit of wearing sunscreen when you go out in the sun. I don't know what your father told you growing up, but I taught him that sunscreen is the key to living long enough to look good as an older individual, and he's thanking me for that piece of advice now that he's getting all these leading roles in movies!" She smoothed her pants suit. My grandmother was the only stylish old lady I knew. She wore update fashion and heels every day.
"Sunscreen has nothing to do with my box office appeal!" My dad joined the conversation. "I'm just naturally gorgeous."
My grandmother stared at him with a sour expression.
"I'm still not sure where I went wrong with you." She finally said. My dad got a very offended look on his face.
"I beg your pardon, Mother?! You must not know how lucky you are to have me as a son!"
I decided to let them deal with that one alone. Emily, Lilly, my mom, and Claire were in a deep conversation in the corner of the kitchen and it looked like a girl thing, so I wandered around looking for a conversation to join.
I stumbled upon Lana, and she hugged me tightly.
"Well just look at you! Little runt! I always knew you'd turn out okay, even though for a while things were looking a little rough! Always knew you'd end up proposing to Emily too." She grinned. Jackson clapped my shoulder.
"Congrats!" He said.
"Thanks guys." I grinned. They started talking about taxes, and I grew extremely bored. I moved on to where my grandfathers were talking about something.
"—yeah, I was surprised too. I always thought she would do it for the rest of her life but—Cole! The man of the hour!" My mom's dad grinned at me. My dad's dad smiled too. Both their hair was graying more and more each day.
"Hi. What are you guys talking about?" I asked curiously.
"Boring, work stuff."
My family is extremely dull.
"Oh. Well, I won't interrupt. Have fun…"
I considered going to play dolls with Abby, Odette, and Adeline, but something much more interesting caught my attention. Oliver was sitting next to Lydia.
I edged closer so I could eavesdrop. Caitlyn walked up beside me.
"They aren't saying anything. I've been observing for a few minutes." She muttered. She inched closer to me.
I stepped away.
"I'm not playing games with you." I muttered.
"I'm not interested in games." She replied innocently.
"Then what are you doing here?" I asked. I turned to face her. She was so fucking gorgeous. It was extremely distracting.
"I miss you. I miss when we were friends and we talked on the phone all the time. And I miss Emily. So much. She was my best friend. I just want things to go back to the way they were." She replied.
I missed it a little too. Not enough to change things, though.
"I think it's a little too late for that, Caitlyn." I replied.
"Why? Because of what happened with my dad? He's dead. He's in the ground. I don't care. Whatever. People die all the time." She said it so casually. I knew she wasn't close to him, but he was still her father. Something was wrong with her.
"Too much has happened between our families. It would just be weird. I'm sorry." I replied.
"Romeo and Juliet's families hated each other." She argued.
"We are not Romeo and Juliet." I snapped. The farthest from it. Maybe Hitler and Napoleon.
Her cold eyes stayed on mine.
"Do you remember the painting I bought?" She asked. I nodded wearily. She moved closer to me.
"You are terrified of failure. You're terrified of losing your art because it's the only thing you feel makes you special. You are terrified of being ordinary. You want to do ecstasy again because when you were on it you felt you made better pictures. You felt you could relax better and really feel the art. Emily has changed and you don't really know her anymore and you know deep down because of this you won't be happy married to her. You long for so many things but you deprive yourself of them because society says you can't have them. But fuck society. It doesn't exist in the important realm of things and you know this, and you hide from it. You want to be like your father and sacrifice yourself to make someone else happy. But you aren't your father. You never will be. You want to run away from everything that matters because you know eventually everyone goes away."
She refused to break eye contact. I stared at her, feeling extremely freaked out suddenly. She knew things about me that I didn't even know until this moment.
"Why did you say all that?" I finally asked.
She shrugged. "I just told you everything I saw in the painting." She replied.
Lilly interrupted us.
"Dinner is ready." She smiled at me, but offered Caitlyn a weird look. Caitlyn followed the crowd but Lilly motioned for me to wait. Once the room was empty, she turned to me.
"What was that about?" She asked.
I shrugged. "She was just talking about work and stuff."
"It looked a lot more intense than that. This whole situation is strange. Why didn't your mom just kick her out?" Lilly pondered out loud.
"I think she's trying to prove to herself that she's over what happened." I responded.
"Well, she's not. She never will be. I don't think any of us will be."
I didn't know what to say to that. Lilly seemed to realize that. She hugged me.
"Congratulations, Cole. I'm really glad things between you and Emily have worked out. She looks happy. So do you."
She left the kitchen and I followed slowly after her.
I ended up having to sit beside Lila. But it was beside Emily, so it would be okay. I didn't have a problem with Lila, I just didn't like to think about all we'd been through and she was a physical reminder. I didn't mind remembering the sex because it was pretty great but I didn't want to remember what happened after that.
The table was quiet and awkward. Lydia and Caitlyn were wedging between all of us.
"This is awkward," Caitlyn suddenly said. We all looked at her but no one had the guts to voice what we were thinking: yeah, because of you.
She set her fork down and examined the table.
"You two have slept together." She pointed at Lydia and Oliver. "And so have you two." She gestured at me and Lila. Then she pointed at the couples at the table. "So basically, everyone in this room besides the children has slept with another person in the room before. No wonder it's awkward."
Um, what the fuck? Is she counting herself? Who the fuck has she slept with here?
"Hey, I do not feel awkward that I sleep with my wife. And I'm not ashamed to admit it!" My dad bragged.
"We know." Most the table chorused.
"Yeah, but it's awkward to think that your wife slept with my father, isn't it?" She asked. Her voice seemed completely innocent. It had a curious tone if anything. But the entire table fell completely silent.
My dad was about to scream. But my mom started talking before he could.
"Yeah, I guess that's pretty awkward. But you know what's even more awkward? The fact that the boy you're in love with is sitting in this room with the girl he's going to marry, and that girl is not you."
Hell yeah! Emily choked on her food and I glanced at her. She was fighting so hard to keep from grinning. Caitlyn flushed a little but made no other indication that my mother's words bothered her. They glared at each other.
"…I…really like this chicken!" Jackson exclaimed.
"Me too! It's so juicy!" Lilly hurriedly exclaimed.
"Best chicken I've ever tasted, for sure!" My grandfather agreed.
"Mommy! I need more ketchup!" Adeline complained. My mom seemed grateful for the excuse to leave. She stood up and went into the kitchen to get the ketchup.
Caitlyn had a small smile on her face as she ate her chicken.
"Why do you do that?" I asked. Everyone looked at me and then at her. She looked curiously at me.
"Do what? Say what no one else is brave enough to say?"
"No. Go out of your way to try and hurt people." I responded.
She blinked and then shrugged. She went back to her food. "I never realized I did that."
A silence fell over us.
"Emily?" Lydia hesitantly asked. Emily's hand gripped my knee under the table. I set my hand over hers. I looked at her and tried to tell her everything my mother had told me.
"Yes?" Emily asked. She looked at her mother. Her mother smiled like Emily looking at her was the best thing that ever happened to her. Maybe it was.
"Could you pass me the bread?" She asked.
"Sure."
It was simple. Emily picked the plate up and placed it in her mother's hand. But Emily's hands were shaking when she placed one back in mine and Lydia didn't stop smiling the rest of dinner. Sometimes the biggest things are said in the smallest gestures.
After dinner, most everyone left. Caitlyn stuck around though, waiting for me and Emily to leave. The sunshine had long been eclipsed by angry clouds and a storm was raging now. When the power went out, my mom refused to let me leave.
"I don't want you driving in this, Cole. I'm sure it'll be over in a few minutes. But I'd feel better if you stayed here. We can all pay a game to pass time!" She exclaimed. I knew she wanted Caitlyn to leave, but she was too prideful to tell her to get out. I knew she wanted to be able to prove to herself that she could handle it.
Emily lit the last candle and my dad brought in some lanterns. Once the room was lit as well as possible and the twins were in bed, we all sat in a circle on the living room floor.
"What game are we going to play?" I asked. I didn't want to play a game. I wanted to go to sleep. I wanted Caitlyn to leave. She wasn't a welcomed guest. This reminded me of that time in Virginia when the power went off and me and Emily played Life.
"We could play Never Have I Ever. It doesn't require anything." Caitlyn suggested. She was sitting between Emily and my dad and he kept shooting side glares at her. It was actually really funny.
"Okay, that's good I guess." My mom replied. "Who wants to start?"
"Wait! Let's do this with cards or bingo chips or something. I always mess up the finger thing." My dad complained. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He pulled out this insane wad of quarters and gave us all ten. What the hell.
"Dad…why are you carrying around all that money in quarters?" I asked.
"Adeline and Odette like to get candy out of those stupid machines. I like to have quarters to give them." He explained. Mom rolled her eyes.
"Who wants to start?" She asked again.
I shrugged. "I guess I will. Um…never have I ever…been a girl."
The girls glared.
"That was dirty." Emily said. I grinned in response. All the girls took a quarter out of their pile and handed it back to my dad who put them back in his wallet.
"Is it my turn?" Emily asked. We nodded.
"Okay. Um…never have I ever…been drunk." She settled with.
She got all of us with that one. We all removed a quarter and passed it to my dad.
Caitlyn was up. "Never have I ever had a pet."
What a sad, sad life she's lived. All of us gladly gave up that quarter.
It was my dad's turn.
"Never have I ever not been an actor." He exclaimed proudly.
"Liar! You were not an actor in the womb!" My mom argued. She was reluctant to give away another quarter.
"Says you! Ask my mom for the ultrasound videos! I was entertaining even back then!"
"Cheater."
"Just give me a quarter. Sore loser."
She stuck her tongue out at him and threw the quarter at him.
"Do I need to strip for you now?" He joked.
I cleared my throat. "Okay. Back to the game."
My mom looked around the circle at each of us as she thought.
"Hmm…never have I ever…damn. What haven't I done? Um…never have I ever…done illegal drugs."
Fuck.
Caitlyn handed a quarter to my dad. And then she turned to stare at me.
"Well?" She asked. I glared venomously at her.
I could either own up or lie. If I lied, she'd probably just make all this even worse. I grabbed a quarter and handed it to my dad, whose mouth was turned down in disappointment.
"Cole." My mom said. I turned to her. "You promised me you hadn't."
"I don't." I replied shortly. I quickly resumed the game, shooting another glare at Caitlyn. "Never have I ever—"
"What did you do?" She asked.
"Nothing anymore, Mom. It doesn't matter. Let it go." I snapped.
"Don't talk to me like that. You lied to me." She sounded hurt.
"This is why! Please, Mom. Don't define me by my past choices and I won't do it to you."
She fell silent and nodded.
"Never have I ever...been famous." I settled with.
"Sneaky kid." Dad glared. He put one of his quarters in his wallet and my mom did too. Then they stared at me.
"What?" I asked.
"You need to give one up too. While you were in New Zealand, Star decided to make you their front page story."
"What?!" I asked. What in the world could I have done to get in the news? I don't do anything interesting anymore.
"Yeah. We'll let you read it later. Let's hurry up the game." Mom said.
Emily, who was oddly quiet, spoke up at that.
"Never have I ever had surgery."
My parents were short a quarter. My mom was losing extensively, with only four quarters left. Me, my dad, and Caitlyn were tied with six left and Emily was winning with seven remaining.
"Never have I ever been pregnant or conceived a child." Caitlyn said.
All of us minus Emily gave up a quarter.
Jake glanced at my mom's pitiful pile of quarters.
"Don't worry baby, I've got your back. Never have I ever not had a birthday that was in the month of November."
My mom smiled and all of us surrendered a quarter.
They quickly formed an alliance.
"Never have I ever in the past ten years not been married to a Ryan."
I'm pretty sure this is cheating. I surrendered a quarter, making my remaining number three. Now Jake and Emily were tied for winning with five and Caitlyn, my mom, and I had three.
I pondered what to ask. I didn't know what to ask that would benefit me and get them.
"Skip me."
"Me too." Emily said.
"Guess it's my turn." Caitlyn said. She stared at our piles. "Hmm. Never have I ever…had a child die."
Emily instinctively lifted her hand as if to slap Caitlyn. She glared at her.
"You're such a bitch." She muttered.
My mom and dad gave up a quarter. I gave up one too.
"You haven't had a child die." Caitlyn reminded me.
"Maybe, maybe not. But I feel like it counts so I don't really care what you think." I snapped. I just didn't want my parents to be alone. My mom and I were down to two, Emily had five, Caitlyn had three, and my dad had four.
It was my dad's turn.
"Never have I ever had a murderer and rapist dick as a father." He said casually. Caitlyn smiled and offered him a quarter.
We all looked hesitantly at my mother. I expected her to have another badass comeback like she had at the table, but she surprised us.
"Never have I ever been to Greenland."
We all looked around in confusion, expecting someone to give up a quarter, but of course no one had been to Greenland.
My turn.
"Never have I ever gone out of my way to make an innocent person's day suck."
Caitlyn gave up another quarter which brought her down to one. But she didn't look concerned. She just smiled.
Emily gave up her turn again.
"Never have I ever been raped." Caitlyn pronounced. It was obvious who she was targeting. My mother never looked away from Caitlyn as she passed my father a quarter.
Caitlyn continued.
"Never have I ever killed someone." Her voice was hard and cold.
My mom gave up her last quarter. She stood up.
"I'm out." She announced.
"Get out of my house." My dad growled, glaring fiercely at Caitlyn.
"No, it's okay, Jake. Let them finish their game."
Emily pushed her quarters back in Jake's hands. She stood up.
"I don't want to play anymore." She mumbled. She looked sick.
I stood up too. Caitlyn followed and I grabbed her arm tightly.
"Cole." My mom warned.
I ignored my mother and pulled Caitlyn with me. She stumbled and tried to keep up with my pace. I led her into the lounge and shut the door after us.
"I should beat the shit out of you." I said. She smiled and lay down on the couch.
"You won't." She said.
"Why did you do that? You said you wanted things to go back, and then you do that. What the fuck are you aiming at?"
She kept her eyes closed. "I am aiming at what I've already achieved."
What the hell is she even talking about?
"What are you going on about?"
"You are curious about me. I am the forbidden fruit." She opened her strikingly blue eyes and smiled. "You are wondering why I did that. You brought me in here to find out. And I know you won't leave me because you need to know that answer."
"That's where you're wrong. I could care less about you. Stay out of my life. Stay out of my parents', stay out of Emily's. Now get the hell out." I turned around to storm out of the room. She stood up and walked over to me. She cocked her head and smiled at me. She reached out a hand and set it on my belt. I jerked away from her.
"You want me so much you don't even realize it."
The door opened and my dad pulled me out. Caitlyn followed. He grabbed her arm gently and steered her out of the house. He slammed the front door in her face.
I walked back into the living room with him. My mom and Emily were sitting on the couch, and of the two, Emily looked more upset. I sat beside her and she leaned against me.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
She shook her head. "Caitlyn is terrible. She's sick." Her voice shook and she grabbed my mother's hand.
"Don't worry about it, Emily. She's just confused." My mom said. She pushed Emily's hair back. "You two might want to get back home. You have dance tomorrow, don't you?"
Emily nodded. We all said goodbye and headed back out to the car.
I started to get back in the car but I noticed Emily wasn't. She was leaning against the car, her head bowed.
"Emily?" I asked.
"I hate her. I hate her." Her voice shook.
I walked around the car. The silver paint sparkled in the milky shine. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and once our bodies were pressed together, things felt better.
"Don't worry about my mom, Em. She's okay."
"No. It's not just that." She mumbled into my shoulder.
I pulled back and looked at her. "Then what is it?"
"She knows exactly what to say to make me feel guilty for not being her friend. She knows what to say to make me remember all the fun times we had. She knows what to say to make me wish we were still friends, no matter how bitchy she is. And I hate it. I hate how I can't be indifferent to her and my mother."
I ran my fingers through her curls.
"You're a nice person." I answered. She angrily pushed away from me.
"I'm sick of being fucking nice." She turned away and got in the car. I sighed and walked around and got in the car also.
"It's understandable. You've been nice your entire life. It's why you've always had so many friends in different social groups. But you used to be able to tell someone off if they hurt you or someone else. You used to have this spark. What happened?"
She shrugged.
"I guess I realized it doesn't matter what I do. People are going to be jerks. I can scream all I want. But in the end I'll always give in and take them back. Why not just skip the angry part?"
I wasn't sure what to say to that.
"That makes sense. Do you wanna go home and make out?"
Um…wow. I win at this.
She laughed and leaned over, kissing me deeply enough to make me crave more.
"That actually sounds really nice."
Score!