I am so sorry! I haven't updated in forever. I suppose school kind of got to me or something :(
Anyways, I really will try to post more frequently, I promise!
Enjoy this chapter!
When the war was in its peak, I never really knew what it was like to feel anything other than cold, detached numbness. The only way to protect yourself was to detach yourself from everyone and everything.
When the war was still raging, I had witness young Luna Lovegood take a knife to her arm. We never were too close to each other until she joined Dumbledore's Army and we talked for hours about everything. I never actually realised just how good at glamour charms she was until she showed me her scars and offered no more of an explanation other than the visible proof.
I never understood why she did it until we were spending the night together. She told me and somehow, she convinced me to partake in what was more of a sick ritual than a release.
For some reason, though, it felt better knowing that what I was feeling was the truth, not some jumbled up mix between lies and truths we've been fed throughout the war.
Pain was inevitable, and sometimes, it was the best thing in the world.
Looking back now, I realise what I did was probably not one of my brightest moments, but at the time, it felt like the only solution.
I suppose now, I regret not ever trying to get Luna help, but I couldn't. I knew how she felt.
Numb.
The only way to get her to stay alive was to let her cut, but the thing keeping her alive was what killed her.
I opened the slightly ajar door to Luna's room, finding her closet door closed and an empty room. I called out for her, but I never got an answer. I felt a sense of foreboding creep into my veins, and I shivered unconsciously.
Creeping over to the closet, I reached out to open the door, afraid to do so.
I opened the door carefully and slowly, finding Luna's body lying on the floor, her veins finally empty and her life gone.
She got her wish.
She was dead.
I sat up in a panic, my entire body covered in sweat. I was breathing heavily, but forced myself to calm down so as to not wake Lily up. I felt a solitary tear run down my face and I cried.
It's moments like these that make me wish to be home again, but I also know that I'm going home soon, and that makes me even more upset. I laid back onto my pillow and stared into the blank area of the room.
My tears registered when I went to lick my lips.
I never knew just how long and how much I would miss her. Everyday, when I take the glamour off of my arms, I remember her. I remember everything she told me, and I want to cry again.
I know that I should be more grateful for what I have.
I mean, I have Severus and amazing best friends.
But, I also have a terrible predicament, though I did promise to make the best out of it.
I closed my eyes, trying to get the picture of Luna out of my head, but to no avail.
I sighed and got out of bed. It's not as though I'm going to be going back to sleep anytime soon, so I may as well see what time it is and start getting ready.
Casting a Tempus, I saw that it was only four o'clock in the morning. I would have a lot of time left over if I get ready for class and what not now. I rubbed my thumb over my eyelid and wished I could go back to sleep.
I sat on the bed and just thought.
I thought about what Harry and Ron would say if I ever told them about what happened with Luna and me.
I thought about what Severus would think if I ever got the courage to show him.
I thought about what I did and why, though I never did figure it out.
Lastly, I thought about what would happen when I get back to my time.
Would I go to Severus and kiss him?
Would he even want me?
No, of course not.
When I leave this time period, he's going to hate me forever. That's why he hated me so much in my time. I'll hurt him when I leave and he could never forgive me for what I did. How could he? What I will do to him is completely unforgivable.
I sighed again and mused about how my life was just like a soap opera.
Well, what's life without a bit of drama every once in a while?
I scoffed internally. What an understatement.
My life's a remake of those soaps my mother watched.
I sighed and went to get a shower, wanting to clear my mind of anymore depressing thoughts.
As the hot, steaming water ran down my back, I thought of how I would ever explain how good of friends Lily and I were. He would hate me.
I, his best friend got to know who his own mother was before she died, while he never even got to talk to her. I shook my head and pushed every thought in my mind out and stood under the water for an immeasurable amount of time.
Eventually, I could feel my fingers and toes pruning and I turned off the water, walking out of the shower and wrapping myself in a towel. Ignoring what Lily told me to do with my hair, I used my wand to dry it, paying no mind to the bushiness of my curls. I sighed and pulled on my clothes, not bothering to put on my tie yet, and flopped down on my bed, waiting for the sun to shine through.
"Hermione! You're up early. What woke you so early?" Lily asked me, while pulling on her clothes. I shrugged and tied my tennis shoes.
"Just couldn't get back to sleep, is all," I answered back. Lily didn't seem to believe me, but she decided to just drop it and go with me to the Great Hall to eat breakfast. I sat down with Lily and Remus and ordered breakfast, all the while looking at Severus and just thinking about what life would be like when I leave.
As much as I tried, I couldn't get the fact that I really did need to tell Severus about me leaving out of my head. I quickly made up my mind and decided that I would tell him today after dinner. I sighed and knew that it wouldn't go over well, though it was necessary.
Soon, Lily was finished with her breakfast and we headed off to Potions where she sat down with James and I took my place by Severus.
Instinctively, he seemed to pick up on the fact that something was wrong.
"You know that you can tell me anything, Hermione. I may not always have the answer, but I'll always try to give you one," he told me, placing his hand on top of mine. I gave him a smile in thanks and just told him to meet me in the library after dinner so that we could talk. He seemed a bit confused and worried about what I would have to say, but didn't make another remark about my seemingly odd change of emotions.
In class that day, we only had to make a more simple potion mainly for busy work, since Slughorn most likely had another one of his famous hangovers. Severus and I completed in and engaged in pointless conversation until it was time to leave, which didn't really offer us any time alone to talk to each other.
When dinner finally did come around, I was so wound up in nerves that I could barely eat. My stomach was in knots, and I felt sick, so I didn't eat much. I got up from the table early, but Lily understood and kept the guys distracted while I went to the library.
I went in and sat down at Severus' and my usual table, putting my head in my hands and sighed, wondering just how I would approach this in a logical manner. In between wondering what to say and rehearsing what I would say in my head, Severus came in and sat down in front of me.
"What's wrong, Hermione?" He asked me, his brows furrowed in confusion and worry. I looked into his eyes and felt another pang of guilt and sadness. I was going to really hurt him…
"Severus, I've been lying to you since from the moment you've first met me," I confessed, seeing the look of anger and bewilderment in his eyes. I sighed again and bit my lip. "I was really from Hogwarts, but not in this time period. I am from the future, and I had a mishap with my time turner in my time. I was told not to tell anyone, but Dumbledore told me two weeks and four days ago that I would have to leave this time period and go back to mine. I never wanted to leave, but I have to. Severus, I am so sorry that I haven't told you this until now," I apologised, lowering my head and letting a tear fall. Severus was silent for a moment before bursting.
"I can't believe you. You lied to me, made me believe that we were going to have a fucking future together! I trusted you! You were the only person I have ever trusted who I believed wouldn't turn his or her back on me, but you're just like everyone else. Just here for a joy ride, then leave once you get bored," he spat out angrily. I stared at him in disbelief. He truly thought that I was leaving because I wanted to? How could he? How could he?!
"I never wanted to leave you, Severus! It's Dumbledore's decision, and I can't do anything about it!" I answered him bitterly. He narrowed his eyes and looked away from me, refusing to meet my eyes. I walked over to him and was surprised to see tears glazed in his eyes, though his facial expression was deadly. I flinched, but stood my ground. "I would never leave if I knew there was any other choice, Severus Snape. Don't you dare think that I would leave you just for shits and giggles, understand me? I fucking love you, and that's never going to change," I declared, my eyes narrowed in anger. Severus' eyes seemed to lose a bit of the fury once in it. His shoulders slumped in defeat and he nodded once.
"I'm sorry, Hermione," he said resignedly. I nibbled on my lower lip again and lowered myself down to sit on his lap. His arms reluctantly came up to hold me, afraid that I would push his hands away, but I didn't. I curled closer to him, nuzzling my face against his neck.
"I don't want to leave," I whispered into his ear. He held me tighter.
"I don't want you to go," he answered, pressing a kiss to my temple. I sighed and kissed his mouth softly, wanting everything to go slow tonight. We don't have much time left with each other and I am going to make every second count.
"We should probably stop," I finally said, slowing down our kisses further. He did so reluctantly and lifted me off of his lap, placing me on the ground and getting up, wrapping me in his arms and keeping me close, as if I would just fly away one day. I nestled closer to him and we eventually got out of the library and into my room. We both sat down on my bed, Severus tracing his fingers over the little patterns on the comforter. I kissed him and he reacted immediately, pushing me back to where I was laying down on the bed, he hovering over me. I placed my hands on his shoulders and brought him down to me, enjoying the way his body felt against mine.
"Severus," I whispered. "Touch me, please."
He reacted to what I said immediately, trailing his hands down to the bottom of my shirt and lifting it up and over my head. I gasped softly when I felt his warm mouth on the swell of my breasts, moving down to my bra-encased nipples, gently biting down on them, making me whimper. Carefully, he undid my bra and took one of my nipples into his mouth, sucking and flicking it with his tongue and sending shockwaves throughout my body. I felt my hips buck in the air from the feeling. I could feel his erection growing against my stomach, making me anxious for him.
"Please, Severus, please! I need you now," I cried, nearly ripping off his shirt and jerking off his trousers to get to what I desired the most from him. He stopped me as I was about to reach for his cock, not letting me touch him quite yet. He unbuttoned my jeans and slipped his hand inside, rubbing his finger against my labia, feeling the slippery wetness of my arousal on his fingers. He made a low, guttural sound and pulled down my jeans and underwear, plunging one finger inside of me and going down to lick and suck on my clit, bringing me closer and closer to my release, the inner coil tightening further and further until…
With a startled shriek, I came, my pussy tightening around his finger, and my juices spraying over his face, causing him to growl.
All I could hear was the sounds of my panting and Severus slurping at my come. I bit my lip and urged him to come up and he did, sliding up my body and kissing my neck, gently nipping and sucking at that one spot. I moaned and wrapped my legs around his waist, grinding against him when the need for friction became too great. He grunted softly and carefully positioned his cock at my entrance.
"This will hurt, Hermione," he warned me, unsure if we should do this. I merely urged his to continue. He slowly began pushing the head in, allowing my to adjust to the stretching that I was unaccustomed to. When I pulled him closer, he began pushing in more until I suddenly felt the skin break, making me instinctively close my legs, but I couldn't. I took a couple of deep breaths, and while it still wasn't comfortable, I allowed Severus to continue pushing forward. He was completely inside of me when he stopped and I made him stay that way until I would accommodate his size.
Soon, he felt lovely inside of me, making me feel full and complete. I gave him the okay to move his hips and nearly gasped at how good it felt. He continued to carefully thrust in and out, but I didn't want careful. I wanted him to go faster and harder, as I so cajoled him to do.
"C'mon, Severus! Harder, faster, please!"
He complied and thrust into me, still being careful not to hurt me, but I'd be damned if I said that it didn't feel like my world was crashing around me. I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head and I met each and every one of his thrusts, crying out when he hit a sensitive spot in me and urging him to go faster. I could feel my walls fluttering around him, squeezing and contracting until I fell over the edge, screaming and thrusting wildly. Severus released inside of me, and I sighed contently, wondering if anything else could ever feel this good.
Then, with Severus still inside of me, I fell asleep, completely exhausted.
When I woke up, the covers were over me and Severus was dressed and beside me. I gave him a questioning look.
"I didn't want Lily to come in and see this, so I dressed and covered you up a bit," he explained. I blushed. I had completely forgotten about Lily!
"Oh, thank you Severus," I said, smiling softly. He grinned and crawled beside me, sleeping on top of the covers so as to be a 'gentleman' and not intrude. Again, I fell asleep, wondering if life would ever be this perfect ever again.
I know that was a terrible lemon scene. I'm still really bad at those :(
I'll try to work on them more, though!
Until next time,
I am Katniss Everdeen