CHAPTER-10

I sit on the couch of our apartment with Ethan and he has his arms around me and I am leaning against his chest.

Thankfully he doesn't talk. I don't want to talk. Even though I am teary-eyed, the tears don't roll down my cheeks. Even my tears know not to fall for him.

It's like my mind has turned off something that doesn't let anything affect me deeply anymore. I feel like a shallow person these days. But I just can't do it anymore. The way my heart has been twisted and ripped apart, I don't think I could ever be the same or feel the same.

I thought seeing Christian would tear me apart, but here I am not even crying. Just overwhelmed I think. It's not that I don't miss him or I have forgotten about him. He's always there at the back of my mind but it's just that I can't seem to care anymore and I don't want to.

The first month after the break-up was horrible. The never-ending sobs and loss of appetite. I lost the will to live. Christian ran in my veins and crawled on my skin. Twice Kate walked on me when I tried to slit my wrist just to numb the pain of my broken heart with an overpowering physical pain.

I can never ever, for my own sanity, let anyone do that to me again. Slowly I made my way back to life and locked my heart and threw the key somewhere where no one can find it.

Past few weeks have been great. I mended slowly but effectively. Now I don't have a heart to worry about to be broken or stepped on.

Now it was only about living in the moment.

Kate is spending the night with Elliot because the whole family planned something for Christian's birthday. Kate didn't want to go but I made her go since Christian and her are going to be family soon. I can't let her jeopardize her relationship with her in-laws because of me and the Greys have always been so welcoming to me.

They adored me, to the point where they all blocked Christian out only so that he would realize what he did and would take me back. But they didn't really know Christian much. Plus they were so sad for cutting out Christian like that but Christian Grey was Christian Grey. So, why not just give up and reconcile because nothing's going to change anyway.

I don't even know how long we have been sitting like this but I feel so in peace. There have been days when Ethan sat with me like this throughout the night while I sobbed in his arms and later fell asleep in his arms just sitting like this and he would never wake me up. He would just hold me so that I don't wake up again and start crying all over again.

Ethan radiates positivity. I feel safe in his arms knowing he would never let any harm come to me. In these past three months he has become a better friend to me than Kate.

Both Ethan and Kate is my lifeline. I don't know what I ever did to deserve such friends in my life. But they are here and I am glad. He slowly rocks me back and forth in his arms like all the other times and I soon slip into deep slumber knowing Ethan is watching over me.

Suddenly I wake up to some movement in the apartment. I was still in Ethan's arms and he has his arms wrapped around me like a shield protecting me from everything. Very slowly I disentangle myself from him and stand up to go to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Before going, I put a blanket over him on the couch and kiss on his forehead, mentally thanking him for being my best friend and praying to God to always bless him and keep him happy.

And I feel someone grab my left arm and turn me around and clasp my mouth so that I don't scream.

I see furious gray eyes boring into me.

Christian? How on Earth did he get inside my apartment? Ofcourse he has keys to this apartment. How stupid of me to even question his stalking abilities.

Once he knows I won't scream he removes his palm from my mouth and just holds me by the arms. After sometime he drags me to my room and locks the door.

"What the hell are you doing here Christian?" I hiss at him whispering.

"Are you in love with the Kavanaugh boy, Anastasia?" He asks me his voice hoarse.

"Shhh.. You'll wake Ethan up and I don't want a brawl here so late at night."

"Answer me Goddammit." He demands in return.

"Well no." I reply.

"No you don't love him or no you won't answer me?"

I just shrug in return.

"What are you doing here Christian?" I ask again trying to sound as normal as I can.

"My parents and siblings were in Escala when I returned to wish me on my birthday and Miss Kavanaugh was there as well." He simply says.

That is when it dawns me that he is here because he knows Ethan and I are alone in this apartment.

I just keep quiet because I really have nothing to say to this and mostly because I am so tired and I don't have the energy to fight at this moment. So I just look at him uninterested.

"Are you just going to stare at me?" He asks now amusement in his eyes.

I shrug again. I am sleepy and my bed looks so welcoming right now.

"Too much drama for one day. Please Christian let me sleep. I am so tired and I don't have time for your shit anymore so just leave the way you came in and let me be like the past three months." I yawn when I finish and go to the closet to change.

Once I return I am shocked to still find him in my room.

Even my inner goddess and subconscious are snoozing. I roll my eyes at him and get inside my bed. I am so exhausted by all the emotional turmoil tonight that I really have no strength to fight him at this moment.

"Lock the apartment door from inside while you step out of the door." I say and close my eyes.

"Anastasia may I just sit here on this chair and watch you while you sleep? We can talk when you wake up and you'll find me here."

I just mumble an okay and slip off into abyss.