-Flashback-

I guess it was official. There was no more Beck and Jade. No more us. Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared blankly at the ceiling above my head, it had a long crack down it that I had never noticed before. Regret, pain, fear, sorrow, depression and just a dull ache where my heart used to be. I couldn't talk to Cat about this. She wouldn't understand. No one did.

Something seemed to pull me towards my side-draw, and I pulled it open. Usual stuff was in there, makeup, snow globe of the 'world's best haunted house' (it really wasn't), pictures of my childhood, friends, family and a large pocket knife. I picked each object up, a ghost of a smile on my face. Pulling out the pocket knife, I nicked my thumb. A single drop of blood rolled down the side of my thumb and gave me an idea. I had heard cutting could give you a release that nothing else could. Why not? I thought to myself. It wouldn't hurt to try

I stared at the knife for a long time. No one understands. I chanted that in my head. You're not worth anything the little voice in my head screamed at me and I believed it. Uncovering my left arm and removing all my bracelets I readied myself, You're worthless! The voice screamed Worthless! I brought the knife on it every time it screamed worthless. Red blood oozed everywhere, turning the bed sheets crimson. This is what you deserve! The voice screamed. I was chocking back sobs by the time I finished. My arm was a mess but I carefully cleaned the knife and set it back in the draw. I watched the blood run and froze as my mother yelled upstairs.

"Jade! Cat's here to see you! And she's coming up stairs now!"

Shit! I panicked. Trying to cover up everything, my arms, the blood, the sheets. I thought I had covered everything up when Cat bounced in.

"Hi Jadey! How are you? I'm having a really good day and Robbie said-"

I cut her off.

"Me and Beck broke up"

I said numbly. Cat gasped and flopped down on the next to me.

"Oh my god Jadey! I'm so sorry!"

She threw her arms around me, and I cried out.

"Jadey?"

Cat asked letting go of me.

"It was nothing, Cat just ignore it"

She didn't though, Cat made a quick grab at my sleeve and yanked it up. She gasped and looked up at me. I grimaced, hoping she would let it go. But instead in a hushed tone she asked me one question.

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter Cat, I just did it because I was feeling a little sad, and it made me feel better"

Cat didn't reply, just slowly helped me up taking me to my en-suite bathroom. She washed away the blood, not acting at all like her usual Cat self. All over my arms were angry pink wounds. She left me there and uncovered my bed. I gasped when the sheets got uncovered, not her. Cat wiped the blood off the floor and cleared everything away. Tears were streaming down my face at this point.

When Cat was finished, she wiped off my tears and guided me to my bed, helped me and tucked me in. She sat down on the edge of my bed, didn't say anything just started to sing, substituting some of the words.

"Jade, it's turned so cold,

Jade, it's past your bedtime,

You've played the day away and soon it will be night

Come to me, Jade, the light is fading"

I smiled and joined in.

"Don't you see the evening star appearing?
Come to me, and rest against my shoulder
How fast the minutes fly away and every minute colder.

Hurry near, another day is dying
Don't you hear, the winter wind is crying?
There's a darkness which comes without a warning
But I will sing you lullabies and wake you in the morning"

By the time we finished, tears were streaming down out faces.

"Jadey"

"Shh…Cat"

"Don't do it again"

"I promise….I'll try"