Darkness was omnipresent.
No matter where you would go, you would be unable to escape it.
Even if you flew into the centre of the sun to escape it, the sun would eventually die out, leaving you with nothing but darkness.
Was this darkness a tragic prelude to the death of all living beings or was it something smaller than that?
Perhaps a sense of nostalgia and a nice cup of tea would banish the overhanging premise of death, but when darkness is inevitable, there is no point in brushing it out of your mind if you'll be greeting it at the end of your life.
This was the natural course of existing, after all, as your body stops functioning when you die. All you would see is darkness as you have no eyes to comprehend the light.
There would only be the deep, dark void to accompany you through your death until you cease to exist.
So why?
Why was I unable to see the darkness?
Why was my vision bathed in the nostalgic light of a holy presence?
Was I going to face the gods and my sins and be punished for what I have done?
But…I have done nothing to deserve such treatment. Despite my cowardice and despite the fog that was clouding my memories, I distinctly remember a crimson dyeing my field of view as green corpses littered the cave.
Yes, I had killed all the goblins and had given my life as a sacrifice to do so.
I was not strong, handsome or courageous.
Deep down, I was a weak coward that wanted nothing to do with violence, yet my own bravado was strong enough to blind even me of the painful truth.
How fucking pathetic is that?
Unable to see the truth, even in the direst scenario, I sacrificed my life for a bunch of people I didn't even know.
I was not a hero.
I was not their saviour.
I was a goblin who thought it would be a good idea to go against the norm because he was once human.
And look at where it led me.
After my death, being unable to embrace the darkness so I could let my ego slip away from me, I was being mocked by the gods that had put me in this position.
And you know what?
They can get fucked.
I don't even care anymore.
I haven't met them, I haven't even seen their faces, and I don't even know if they're real.
But I despise them with my entire being.
They, the immortal beings who have forced me to live a short life full of regret and rage, are not people I want to meet.
I do not want to feel them.
I do not want to hear their voices.
I do not want to see their light.
I do not want them to allow me to exist any longer.
"Human…"
A feminine voice had called out to me.
It was gentle and comforting and was peaceful to listen to.
It was a voice I wanted to hear once more because it was pleasurable, but at the same time, I knew it was a voice I needed to hate.
It was clear that the voice was the voice of a god, one of the beings that was responsible for the placement of my soul in a goblin's body. What did the voice want from me, though? Surely, they're not arrogant enough to offer me a half-hearted apology, simply because they've realised that what they've done is wrong.
If they really did apologise, I'd resurrect myself so I can have my revenge.
"Human who was unfortunate enough to be reborn as a goblin…hear my words and heed my call…"
And now they're treating me as if I was stupid enough to believe me becoming a goblin was something that happened naturally and without the will of the gods intervening. Who the hell does this person think they are?
"I am the merciful Earth Mother, the benevolent goddess that watches over the people."
Merciful? Are you kidding me? Knowing my situation, this woman still dares to call herself merciful?
"I know you are the owner of many frustrations and rage, but your utmost attention is important. I will have one chance to speak to you, and that is all."
Can she read my mind? Can this self-proclaimed goddess read my mind? If so, isn't she breaking several laws regarding the invasion of a person's privacy?
"You have a purpose in this world, human. You have taken such a twisted, ugly form for a reason. Do not let your rage blind you in your search of the truth."
What? So she isn't going to tell me the reason I'm a goblin? Are you serious? Is she not going to tell me why the gods put me here, what my purpose is, and why she's speaking to me? Is she not going to tell me why I'm not dead?
"In the close future, there will be rumours of a man who has raised his blade against evil. You must align your compass and share a common goal to discover the truth."
What truth? All this cryptic bullshit is starting to piss me off. Why can't this damn goddess be honest with me and tell me the truth? Why can't she tell me everything I need to know and leave me alone?
…I'm not dead, am I?
"You must be confused, human. You thought your body had died, but that is wrong. I used my divine power to heal your wounds, but the damage in your mind is not something I can heal."
What the… So she can read my mind!
"To wield the power of that goblin once more will mean the loss of your humanity, so do not rely upon it lest you unleash the future that was meant to be."
The future that was meant to be…?
"Do not borrow the power of that goblin once more unless you desire the end of the world as you know it."
The end of the world?
"Do not borrow the power of that goblin once more as you may unchain the Goblin Lord that is sleeping inside of you."
Goblin Lord?
I have too many questions that are going unanswered, but what this goddess has said has cleared up a few things, even if I begrudgingly must accept it. For instance, the fact that I was able to apparently kill all those goblins independently was because the goblin inside of me had taken control of me.
To make matters apparently worse, the goblin I'm inhabiting is destined to be a Goblin Lord, whatever that means. It sounds powerful and dangerous, so it probably is something that should be prevented, however, there are no promises that I'll be able to contain it.
I have one question though, one question that must be answered.
"Why am I the one that has been chosen for such an overwhelming task?"
Without noticing, the familiar voice of my human-self had echoed throughout the space, its dulcet tones seemingly surprising the goddess as she made a sound in her invisible throat that indicated her surprise.
It was almost as if she wanted to say 'huh' but was too prideful to do so.
"You are able to speak, human? Coherently, too? That is certainly a surprise. To answer your question… There is no specific purpose as to why you have been chosen. This has been done without the other gods knowing, after all, so I am unable to answer what you have asked."
"Does that mean you are the one to blame? You are suggesting that you are the one who had brought to me this world."
There was a moment of silence, a moment of hesitation.
"…It was not I who had brought you here, but I am cooperating with the being that had done so."
"So you are the person I must make an enemy of, then."
"Is that the path you are willing to take? Are you implying you will release the Goblin Lord you are restraining by existing?"
"If it's a fitting form of revenge against those that have wronged me, then so be it. I am willing to give up my humanity if it makes even a goddess feel regret."
"…So you are willing to abandon your sister? You'll let the people who are currently watching over you be slaughtered and raped by the being inside of you?"
"…I see. You're a desperate goddess who is powerless to do anything herself. Is that why you are threatening me? I know it is impossible to meet my sister for I have died in my world a long time ago."
"It is not impossible to reunite your souls. If you allow me to guide your heart, I promise I will let you meet your sister once more."
I paused for I did not know the right path. In front of me, I could see three distinct futures, each with their different endings.
On the first path, I become a puppet, someone who is controlled by the gods, and carry out their divine will without any say in what I do. In the end, after many tribulations, I reunite with my sister and be happy after death. That is only if this Earth Mother is not lying to me, though.
On the second path, I turn my back on my humanity and become a bloodthirsty monster that rapes and pillages until he is slaughtered. I destroy those I wish to protect, and for what? All because I was petty enough to try and spite the immortal gods?
On the third path, I turn my back on the gods, but I do not forsake my humanity. I act independently and of my free will and suffer, but I will die knowing that what I have done is the result of my own actions. I will be responsible for everything that happens, but I will be content with whatever end awaits me.
And, if I had to be honest, there wasn't really three paths laid out in front of me in the first place. I wanted to believe I had a choice, but, all along, there was only one path in front of me.
"I'm not going to apologize because I'm not sorry, but I have to decline. I died a long time ago and it would be unfair for me to meet my sister in the afterlife if no one else is given the chance."
There was another small pause, this time a sense of melancholy pervading the holy light.
"…I-I see. If I had to be honest, your response is…unexpected."
I snorted, muttering a quiet, "Do you seriously think anyone would like you after what they've been through?"
"Well, your experiences can't have been that bad, right!?"
She was frantic now, obviously desperate to bring me to her side.
But I was not a fool.
I could not be swayed by the flustered goddess as she was a heartless being that held no remorse for what I have been through. Could things be different? Certainly. If I was reborn as a human in a nice country village that was never attacked and was always peaceful, I would help the goddess.
However, because she is a fool that is blind to the innerworkings of the emotions us humans are capable of feeling, she only has herself to blame for her disappointment.
"You dare to undermine what I have been through?" I spoke, my voice low. "Are you aware of the pain I had experienced, being born into a tribe of feral animals that forced me to eat my own mother's flesh? Do you not know of how I had failed to save several people and had to watch them be raped and murdered? Do you not know of the evils these goblins commit or are you just too dumb to recognise them as bad?"
"…I have no words to describe how apologetic I am."
"That's what I thought. You nor this being you are associated with have thought things through. You are heartless gods that show no remorse for what you have done outside of a simple, 'I'm sorry, please forgive me. It's the right thing to do because I'm a goddess and all! Hey, while you're at it, you may as well become my puppet because that's also the right thing to do!'"
"…"
"You're not denying it because it's the truth, right? If you know that, why bother speaking to me in the first place? It's a waste of both of our times. Now leave me be."
"…I am sorry, and I intend to make it up to you somehow. I have left you with several gifts as compensation for what I have done. I realise the errors of the path I have taken; however, it is the only one. I hope to meet you again next time and it may be in person. I sincerely hope we have an amicable relationship by the time that happens. I bless you and your future endeavours and pray for your safety."
And, with that, the light slowly faded away, leaving me to dance with the darkness I was no longer able to reach.
And then the strong scent of cherry blossoms invaded my senses and the sights of the world returned to me.
I'm back. Also, our goblin friend didn't suddenly reincarnate for no reason. People die when they are killed, anyway, so divine intervention was inevitable, however, it is not a focus of this story. He has clearly turned his back on the gods, so don't be disappointed by this outcome.