A/N: We are back in present day with Minako's point of view. I hope you enjoy, please read and review. We will return back into the past after this short break. This takes places during the series of Sailor Moon as a whole.

Minako struggles with thoughts and feelings and we take a glimpse into her warring emotions dealing with her memories and coming to terms with things. You may feel many things, especially confused. That is because I WANT you to feel what Minako may have felt like during a few particular moments in her life.

Again, this is to help with her character analysis so that we may view Minako in lights that although we may have seen, we haven't muddled into a thought process she may be prone too.

I do not own Sailor Moon.

Chapter 9: Minako's Memories.

Minako POV

The moon was at one point a wondrous place. Peace and prosperity came before greed and malice. Because we were in such times, we forgot a lot of the values our ancestors were raised to fear. I think that perhaps Queen Pluto, Trista, knew that fact better than anyone else. She had said many times our selfishness would be the womb for a great battle. None of us really knew how right she was.

Most of us were too young to care. We were stubborn and wanted things that weren't ours to have. Even Setsuna, who should have known better, fought against fate. We broke many laws, favoring our own hearts over our destiny. No one could really say how it started, but, I tend to believe that it had begun after my proposal to send all of the princesses to visit other planets. We were friends, not rivals. I think we forgot where our true loyalties should have been.

No matter what anyone says, we were just kids. Teenage girls, lost and feeling alone in many ways. They expected of us too much, and we gave ourselves too much credit in knowing what was for the best. We should have listened. At least, that's what I think. Reflecting back on our past is confusing. For me, it's hard to say what happened and when.

The fall of a kingdom wasn't caused by us, but, I can't help but feel like we made it worse.

We had a hand in stopping any preventive measures from happening. Our constant fighting amongst our families was the blame. We wanted too much for ourselves, and others suffered. After the fall, we, the Sailor Senshi in charge of caring for Usagi, were granted a second chance. This allowed us a rebirth many years in the future. That's what my life is now, but, even so, I know who I am, and, what I was.

My memories are clear. As a result, I've come to a few personal conclusions about myself and those I care about.

Firstly, I am not the Senshi of Love. People say Venus means love, but, I know better than that. Usagi, she is the real embodiment of love. I am merely a Senshi of Emotion. I have done things Usagi would never do. I even faked my own death. All because I couldn't take the real heat of the term I am supposed to resemble. I get lost, I feel anger, and hate.

I may say that I'm a love goddess, but we all know the truth. I have passed judgment where Usagi never has, and, she never would. The more she matures, the more she loves; I am not such a person. That's Usagi, she's pure. Well, as pure as any mortal could be. Therefore, I am not merely a Senshi of Love. This brings me to my first conclusion.

I am a Senshi who wants love, I fight for such a feeling, but I am not love in the purest of forms.

Subsequently, I may have the title of love due to the fact that I understand it better than most. That is also my flaw. I understand it so much that I hold back on the pain and great joy it can give. I know of it so well that I'm afraid of it. I allow my emotions to get the best of me. When they do, I find that others are drawn in negatively. I act before I think, or, I try and pretend. Playing with hearts…trying to understand myself.

That brought me to the second, rather painful conclusion: It is my job. Before my heart is fulfilled, before it becomes whole, I have other duties. One of them just happens to be that I must be hurt emotionally to learn properly. So that I, and the ones I love and protect, never repeat those same mistakes.

Finally, I am not only Sailor Venus, nor am I Sailor V, or Aino Minako. Titles and rank doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Yes, I lead combat. Big frickin' deal. Anyone else around me could do the same. It's not hard to do when you realize that everyone must work as a team. Leading isn't the real problem. It's finding your way in this type of life.

I am what I am, nothing will change that. What, or rather, who I am? Well, I can honestly say, I've come to a point in my life that it is easier not to care. That's why the most important conclusion is that my job isn't actually to lead combat. That is only part of being a decent general. Rei could do that easily. Ami can be a better tactician hands down, and the list goes on and on. We all have that strength to lead and be led by each other. So what is my task then?

Simple, my task is to keep everyone together at times when our emotions are the easiest to be broken.

With all of that complexity in mind, I can see why being a Senshi would be too hard for most people. Still, I can't help but think that it's what I know now, that allows me to be a good leader. A better one than I had been than in the past.

It is because I had been hurt, that I know how to get back up again.
It's because I've cried, that I can reassure those when in need.
It is because of my suffering, I have the power within my easily ruined soul to actually care about others.

When I look to the past, the one I can clearly see and remember…well, let's just say the facts are clear as could possibly be. I've commit to memory my previous life, and, my love for Rei. It was a love that was so deep it actually hurt. It was biter, it was sweet, and in some ways it was tainted. I am not sure how to even place the pieces back into my heart, yet that is what I want to do most.

However, I am not Sailor Pluto. I can't read the timeline as it had happened down to the exact second. All I can do is remember what my eyes saw back doomed ourselves because of our emotions and logic. Still, I recall the old Sailor Mars better than Rei does right now. I know that I messed up. We all did. All in the name of a word I should embody.

Isn't that the best farce? The best slap to the face? Perhaps, it was one that we all needed.

I thought I knew what love was. Perhaps, in a small way, I did. We all knew emotions, but, as a princess of Venus I had to understand them better than anyone else. Not only in myself…I was expected to know about others around me too. I failed in doing that. We had other worries besides our relationships. We should have taken our roles far more seriously.

I should have known the meaning of the word. Sadly the realism didn't come until it was too late. Let's not romanticize the word.

Love was what made us deify our own parents.
Love was what made us hurt.
Love made us fight, and we destroyed everything we knew emotionally when we defied our destiny.

Finally when the Dark Moon attacked, there was nothing left to do but watch as our broken hearts became infected with the anger and hate that started to consume us. Lastly, love was what made a wonderful woman give her life to save us all.

It's such a demented thing, that word…love…that's the one thing that had power no matter what. Despite all of the hate I have for the word, no matter how conflicted I feel about it...the fact remains simple. Love is what's given us a second chance…a new life.

If we princesses had been born normal girls…well, no sense in wishing for the impossible. Even now, we live as normal teens with abnormal circumstances. It's sickening to tempt fate. We recognize this now. We have be acquainted with that truth almost a little too well. Only two of us remember, and one won't ever speak of it if she's not forced.

Anyway, fate is a sick thing. Irony has a way of making me want to go back to the old days and shake an angry fist at the younger, more disobedient, irresponsible me. Back then, I was more of a goof. Princess Venus wasn't as serious as I am now, but, I'm starting to lighten up. Being a class clown is a part of who I was, and, I think deep down the real princess needs that part of me back.

My reasons for acting like a total airhead can be pointed directly at Usagi and our past dreams.

We were given normality that we wanted long ago, yet, we are still the odd ones out. Planets where powers were common are nothing but wastelands. Earth, while I find it a decent place and all I've ever known, isn't the place of my dreams. It's not Venus. We won't ever be normal girls. Fate is murky and twisted like that. Never make a wish you cannot attain yourself, if you or another mortal can't grant it, fate won't either. Fate, in all of its sinister glory will only defile the wish.

That's why I act like I do.

It's all for our own little lie, our own little world. If anything, it's the occasional insanity that keeps us breathing at the very least. For example, laughter is said to be some of the best medicine. Having had to grow up learning how to kill, be it criminals or youma alike, I'd have to agree…

It's our little moments of idiocy that keep us from being as ill-tempered and cynical as the enemies we battle. They want revenge; they hate people and things for their very existence. It would be all too easy for all of us to be the same way. That's why acting like a little kid helps…sometimes. One would be amazed how much healing power it grants when you just do nothing but slack off and get into normal trouble.

On the outside most people wouldn't see why. Inside, we can see it. We are all hurting, but it kills me the most to look at Rei and see what I do.

Rei isn't the Mars I used to remember…not yet. It will take some time before she becomes the woman I fought so hard for. She's lonely, angry, and so many other things. I saw her like that in the past too. Outside of her place of safety she feels ache and suffering. She hasn't gotten her memories back fully. I fear, when she does see them, she'll revert even more.

It seems like the Shrine is to her now, what her planet used to be for her so very long ago.

I know our story isn't the best. It hurts; it always has and in a way, always will. I don't know what I can say to calm her. Sorry wouldn't be enough, and 'I love you' would be a vocal expression that back then we didn't know the true meaning of. I see Rei; I see the pain of what she feels and want nothing more than to take it all away. I wish I could, but that too is an empty desire that'll never be fulfilled. She hides within herself.

She will be this way for a long while. I see she is getting better, if only slowly.

She fights with Usagi like before, but it's forced and hesitant. In the past they had a deep love, but, it was more sisterly in many regards. Now Rei is more...jealous…and that emotion isn't aimed at Usagi, it's aimed at the fact she can't have Usagi. Rei has always had a slight aggressive streak, but, I've never seen her become so wanting for an unreachable person.

Well, I take that back. I was unreachable too because of our families…I guess Rei was like that, but, back then, so was I.

I might have missed her deeper feelings…even so, we have to move on. The lies and deception are long gone now. I know all too well there will be a day when she will need me. She will break when she sees what happens. I know that for a fact, because…that's exactly what I did.

That was why Sailor V helped the cops.

Sailor V could shoot a gun, she could get angry enough to pummel anything in her path.
She would cry for the ones she lost.
She laughed with the ones she saved.
She was the embodiment of everything bittersweet such as losing the boy she loved.
She faked her own death.
She found herself running away from everything she thought she knew.

Sailor V was an empty shell of me…both Aino Minako and Sailor Venus.

That's why I feel as if I shouldn't define myself any more. I have other things I need to be doing other than burying away all of my sorrow. I am stronger than that. I'm not a weak little girl. I'm not a stupid blond, and, although I act idiotic, I'm far from it. I know the other Sailor Senshi know too. However, even if I know I'm stronger than that, sometimes it's hard to fully let go of things. There are nights when I do allow myself to feel the weight of my past.

Some scars are more recent, so, they take more time to heal.

As for the days on the now forgotten Moon? Well, we were just stupid kids. Nothing more than that, I remember a fire in her eyes. A fire I could feel rage through my own blood. It was one wishing for hope and solace. One that would never be fully granted. The hope for a bright future always mocked us. It was just within reach, but, it wasn't solid, so, we could never grasp onto it. We gave up in the end of it all.

We lost our fight because we didn't know how to win.

Now…yeah, we are still idiot teenagers trying to find our way in life. Normality isn't really helping, but, now we can at least play pretend. Instead of pretending we are dashing knights and princesses who actually have a choice, we pretend we are normal. Shopping and eating our way through the day, playing videogames, and going to schools with other teens our age. That is the lie we live. Our little game of pretend.

It is a part of us, but should something happen, that normality shatters quickly.

My mind will slowly recollect itself. It will bring up more things into my mind. More thoughts…more worry. I won't let it get the best of me. I can't and I won't. I have been given a second chance, and, I will accept it willingly. I've had to fall hard a few times to understand who I really am. Even if I remember, I must also accept the fact that I only remember what I saw personally.

Emotions are a conflict, I don't care about titles, and I love a girl named Hino Rei. Life can and will go on despite everything I feel confused about. It doesn't matter what fate decides. I'm a victim, I'm also a cause, and I'm so many other things. I care about too many people to count, and in all honesty I'm just one big mess aren't I? When I think about it too much my head starts to hurt and I wonder why the hell I think so much. Other times I think about things too little.

That brings me to this last conclusion. It is the one my mind always comes back too. It's the one positive. The one breath of fresh air among all of the hurt I can feel, it's the thing that reminds me to keep going, the one that tells me it's ok to remember, and it's ok to let go.

We were given a second chance…what more of an answer do I really need than that?

TBC~~~~

Please leave a review. I know the chapter was short, but it was also complex, that's why I kept it short. Simplicity will be back for the next chapter.

Man, working on this thing at 3:30 in the morning can really give one a migraine...