Why does Bella feel so ashamed today. She was so happy last night…

Jasper's musings immediately caused my mood to plummet. I had been nearly bursting with happiness last night. I had been without Bella's touch for so long that even such a tiny gesture as holding her hand had been a complete turn around. I had never even fathomed that she would run back and kiss me of her own free will. I should have known. Normally, if it seems to good to be true, it is.

She regretted it.

I had foolishly allowed myself to get my hopes up. I had expected things to be completely better between Bella and myself. I had expected things to magically go back to the way they used to be.

I was a fool.

She avoided eye contact with me as she sat on the couch, Alice chatting animatedly to her as she painted her fingernails. She might not remember anything, but she was still the same Bella she had been. She was obviously not pleased with the current activity that Alice had chosen for them. Much to Alice's despair, Bella still didn't seem to want anything to do with glamour and dress up, but she was too kind of a person to deny Alice the joy.

Jasper caught the tension immediately and his eyes flickered curiously between Bella and I as he entertained different theories as to what could have caused it.

Maybe if I just give her some time, she will come around, I thought to myself. Maybe she just needs a little space. Try as I might, though, I knew that all the reassurance in the world couldn't have quelled the devastation I felt. With each obvious avoidance of my gaze, her actions broke me, ripping through the progress that had been made like it was a fragile piece of paper.

I gave her space. I gave her time.

I wanted to die.

An entire day passed and she had still not even so much as glanced at me. Through Jasper, it was clear that her emotions were conflicted… tormented, almost. Regret, confusion, longing, and self loathing radiated from her every pore. It was obvious as she stared at the pages of the book that she wasn't reading it. She hadn't turned a page in at least an hour and her brow was pulled down in a distressed frown. My fingers flowed over the smooth ivory keys, pounding out a furious rhythm, laced with hints of a sorrowful melody.

How could I have been so stupid?

Dude, please do something. This is making me so uncomfortable.

Jasper's thoughts were pleading as he glanced again between the two of us again.

I halted the song, my hands curling up into fists as I fought with what I should do, and what I wanted to do. In the end, desire trumped sensibility and I stood up decidedly, accidentally knocking the piano bench backwards with my sudden movement. I reacted quickly and righted the bench before it had clattered against the marble-like tiles.

"Bella, can I please have a word with you?" I asked, wincing internally as I recognized the potential mistake I was making.

Her eyes flicked up from the tattered pages of the book, wide and afraid.

"Ummm…" She started, obviously trying to think of an excuse. "I guess." She mumbled, defeated.

"Okay… uh, good." Okay, good? It was incredible how many hits my speech took around her. Especially now.

Her movement was barely audible as she followed me out to the porch. Once the door had clicked shut, I turned to face her. She took a step back, placing extra space between the two of us.

"Is everything alright?" I asked bluntly.

"Umm… yes. Fine, I guess." She shrugged. "Why?"

"You're avoiding me." I accused, my voice barely above a whisper.

"No, I'm…" She started, "I'm… It's not like that. I'm just…"

I raised my eyebrows, waiting for her to continue.

She squeezed her eyes shut in an action greatly resembling a wince before surrendering her façade to the truth. "I acted poorly the other night. I was acting off of impulse and it was wrong of me to… well… I barely even know you! I felt like a silly impulsive teenager and I didn't want anything to happen that fast. I just… I made a mistake and I didn't know how to deal with it. I'm sorry."

A mistake.

The words hit me like a ton of bricks.

She did regret it.

"Oh." I said, momentarily stunned.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't mean for you to be offended, Edward. You're a great guy, really… I just don't feel like I know you that well yet. I mean, the stories are nice, but I need more than that before I can feel comfortable being… with you."

"Too fast." I repeated dumbly, nodding my head.

Great guy.

What happened to… "I love you. I want to be with you forever. You're the most amazing…" I forced myself to push away the memories before they settled in.

"Friends first, then." I suggested.

She blinked a couple times, obviously expecting me to break down due to this new blow she had just dealt.

"Oh… yeah. Friends first." She extended her hand in a seal-the-deal gesture.

I grimaced internally as I shook it. So this was what it was like to get the "Just Friends" line. It stung.

I let go of her hand quickly, before the desire could take over again.

"Are you thirsty?"

I blinked at her, "Yeah, I guess so. A little."

"Do you want to go hunting with me… you know, as a friend."

Ugh. She just had to add the friend part in again.

"Sure." I agreed, not wanting to backtrack the progress any more.

"Great." She smiled, "I'll go get changed."

I nodded once before sitting down on the steps and releasing a great sigh as soon as she was back in the house.

Mistake. Just friends.

The words floated around in my mind like little razorblades, cutting me deeper every time I focused on them.

At any rate, kissing Bella had given me hope that one day, we could make it back to that point. One day, we could be Mr. and Mrs. Cullen again. I would endure as much pain as I had to in order to make it there. Being with Bella was the only thing worth living for… and the only thing worth dying for.