A.N. I'm... sorry. This is angsty again, but I warned you guuuuysss! *pouts* So, I'm sorry tmmdeathwishraven , sweetie, but I'm getting there, opr at least I'm trying. Stay with me to the end and I promise Kakashi will deliver you pink cotton candy. Also, ActuallyNevis, I hope you still find that story interesting enought. You guys and your opinions, which I read in your reviews, mean a lot. Thanks and I hope you like it as well...
Chapter Seven - I'm here now
Iruka was almost forcefully dragged to Kotetsu and Izumo's home, his two friends too worried to let him go to his own apartment, like he wanted to. It took some time, some convincing, puppy eyes, and finally – an angry tirade, before Iruka all but flew back home.
Well… maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all…
He had gone to his bedroom first, sat on the bed. Memories, memories he didn't want flooded his mind. "Stop, STOP IT! …. Kakashi… I'm bleeding…" He stood up quickly and exited the room.
Tea. Yeah, he'll make some tea…
The kitchen. His coffee boiling, making a mess. The knife. Iruka lifted his hands – they were trembling again. He exited the kitchen, walking past the door. "Izumo….! Zumo, I… Help me?..."
Iruka cringed, closing his eyes to delete his memories. If only he could…
He dropped on the floor in the living room, crossing his legs. Maybe he was swaying back and forth. Maybe he was crying. Maybe… it just didn't matter anymore…
There was a knock on the door, sounding loudly in the quiet apartment. Iruka thought about ignoring it…. Why answer? Did it matter? Who mattered…?
Kakashi stepped back, his fist still held high as if he was going to knock again, when the door opened harshly. Iruka stood there, his eyes red and narrowed, tears drying on his cheeks, his look haunted. They looked at each other, Kakashi – cautiously, and Iruka – like he was calculating something. His face cringed in self-disgust for a second, then went completely blank again. He stepped back in the dark apartment, not saying anything, leaving the door open. Kakashi took that as an invitation. He followed Iruka.
There wasn't a single lamp lit in the apartment. Everything was eerily dark. Iruka walked back to his bedroom, his hands on his belt, eyes still blank. His pants fell to the floor. He heard the sharp intake of breath, then felt the warm hands, stopping his own, which were about to remove his boxers.
"Ruka, no….", Kakashi whispered. "What are you doing?"
"Whatever master wants me to", was the answer, given with the same unemotional voice.
He couldn't see Kakashi closing his eyes, clenching his jaw, a look of pure self-hatred on his face. How had he let that happen?
"Iruka, please… I've never wanted this! Never! I thought you needed it, that's why I kept going… Please, just… Give me a chance…"
"A chance for what?"
"… To fall in love with you."
Iruka froze. Almost literally. Kakashi needed a second or two to realize the man in his arms wasn't even breathing.
"Iruka…!", he shook him gently and they both took a deep breath, Kakashi's – from relief.
"Iruka… please… talk to me!", Kakashi whispered.
There was another moment before Kakashi realized Iruka was shaking with silent sobs.
"It's ok… let go…"
The most heartbreaking cry filled the apartment, filled Kakashi's ears, filled his eyes with tears for the pain the man in his arms was in, even now. Iruka was shaking so violently now, that they both fell to the floor and Iruka finally turned in Kakashi's embrace, only to clung to the Copy Nin's vest and uniform, trying to muffle his cries in the clothes.
"It's ok… It's gonna be ok now… We'll be fine, Ruka, I promise…", Kakashi kept saying, unconsciously kissing the top of Iruka's head. "I'm here now."
A.N. Now, you see I'm trying. Kakashi is trying too. There will be a lot of lunch dates from now on, and then someone will tell Kakashi something about how to please Iruka, which will lead to the reason this story is M-rated *grins evily* Made you interested again, right? Well, stay tuned and I'll see ya soon ;)))