Heuristics
Chapter 10
In the precious hours that followed, Javik and Tali seemed to patch up their relationship, if not for Shepard's sake then because neither of them could afford another enemy when the Reapers still breathed heavy on their necks. Shepard had intentionally invited Javik and Tali along on their mission to rescue Admiral Koris and crew, hoping they would at least grow to grudgingly respect each other. Javik had complimented the quarian people's tenacity—"It appears much has changed since my cycle,"—and Tali had acknowledged this, showing that she accepted his unspoken apology by tossing him whatever extra gun upgrades she could salvage.
They rendezvoused with Cortez and the shuttle after scooping Koris from his position, pinned behind some small rocks by a nonstop volley of attacks, and not long after, the admiral was safely aboard the Normandy. He remained grateful but ultimately disappointed in himself and his inability to save both his squadron and his son, no matter how much Tali attempted to console him. She'd looked up from his seated form, his cracked and battered mask cradled in his hands, as if to tell Shepard, "This is the suffering of my people." Lids fluttered over her glowing eyes, thin fingers clutching into the fabric of the admiral's suit, before she'd turned away her gaze. Shepard had felt her gut clench until she'd glanced up and seen Javik watching the two with a curious expression. When he realized she'd caught him staring, he'd looked away, feigning interest in a thick rope of cable lining the shuttle's interior.
She had not spoken to Javik since the incident in her cabin, and she had almost been glad for this. She still felt the smallest ache in her chest, though, whenever she remembered his words, the way he had touched her, the look he wore when she told him of Alchera. She stood now at the galaxy map, watching it spin languidly, dimly aware of Traynor's presence beside her but not focusing on her. She watched the mark signifying their current location, a long, thin golden beam, as if the Normandy itself was a small light in the darkness that everyone crowded around, as it hovered in the empty space near Rannoch. She needed to speak with Legion about shutting down remaining geth squadrons, and from what he had told her, she didn't particularly like how it needed to be handled.
She bit the inside of her lip, considering what little he had told her—that she would need to enter the geth consensus and manually destroy code—and wondered only briefly what Javik would think of the idea. He said that he thought she was human, and she believed him, but just how convinced was he? If he saw her integrate herself into a mass network of AI, if he saw her interfacing with billions, trillions, maybe more of synthetic beings in a manner that was not translatable into spoken language, what would he think? Would he change his mind? Would he avoid her again, give her the cold shoulder when she went down to the engineering deck? She glanced down at the hologram of Tikkun, Rannoch's sun, squinting at its bright white light. It shouldn't matter to her either way if he believed she was an AI or not. As long as he had her back and was willing to serve under her, there was no reason to care whether he thought she was organic or synthetic—no reason at all. But she did care...and this fact unsettled her on a fundamental level she couldn't pinpoint.
"Something on your mind?"
Shepard swallowed around a lump in her throat as Garrus approached her from behind. She turned to face him, saw the confident expression on his very alien face and the way he stopped to stand with crossed arms and one hip cocked. "Just the upcoming mission," she answered, partially honestly. "It's going to be...strange."
He laughed under his breath, and Shepard descended the ramp in front of the galaxy map in order to stand on level ground with him. Next to him now, she reached his cheekbones, and he looked down at her, some fire in his eyes that she couldn't put a name to. "You've probably seen stranger," he said, and she nodded her agreement as they began to walk away from the CIC. She let him lead her, and even though she didn't know where he was going or why he had approached her in the first place, she didn't question their ultimate destination. It felt natural to be like this with Garrus, to be walking side-by-side, unsure of what was bound to happen next but convinced that he wouldn't lead her astray. It felt nice to occasionally relinquish leadership to another, even if it was just in this small way.
Garrus spoke in a relatively excited tone as they boarded the elevator, relaying his feelings regarding Tali's appearance on the Normandy and seeing Rannoch. "Drier than Palaven," he admitted, though in an appraising tone, as the elevator sank into the ship. "But ultimately not a bad place to be. Pretty oceans. Although we turians aren't exactly, ah, partial to the water."
Shepard nodded in agreement and then he launched into discussion about Tali's promotion to admiral. He spoke oddly animatedly, as if it were he and not their quarian friend who had recently been delegated to serve as a racial luminary. He spoke about how she had changed and how she hadn't, how she seemed more sure of herself now, how she seemed to have figured out her place in the world. And when Shepard looked up at him inquisitively, just as the elevator arrived at the crew deck, he was staring not at her but at the elevator's control panel, a slight smile gracing his turian features and making his mandibles stretch.
"Garrus," Shepard said, not trying to hide the amusement in her tone.
Garrus stopped speaking, seemed to realize perhaps he was rambling, and then looked mildly embarrassed.
A comforting smile spread across Shepard's face. "I'm happy to see her, too."
The elevator doors opened and rounding the corner led to a discomfiting scene of Javik and Tali sitting at the mess hall table. Seeing them as they were now, talking calmly yet comfortably, was so different from their first encounter—the insults thrown and the hard looks shared—that Shepard almost reeled. They both turned heads toward her and Garrus as they entered, and both Tali and Javik's spines went noticeably stiff.
"Shepard, Garrus," Tali said, motioning toward them with a gloved three-fingered hand. "I was just talking with Javik about my people in his cycle."
"Oh?" Shepard teased, though lightly, as all three aliens in the room took on suspiciously nervous auras. She stood at the head of the table while Garrus made to sit a seat away from Tali. "Do tell."
"Yes," Javik cut in, glancing only once to Garrus before turning his gaze to Shepard. His tense posture belied his blank expression. "Our people clashed many times. Not always violently."
Tali coughed, turning slightly away from Shepard. Garrus looked entertained beyond all reason. "Apparently protheans and quarians occasionally...coupled."
Shepard couldn't help the smile that spread across her lips any more than she could help the amusement that bubbled up in her chest. Years of fighting and death had done little to corrupt Tali's innocence.
"They were considered attractive in my time," Javik supplied helpfully, matter-of-factly, as if that shouldn't have been a surprise to any of them. "They somewhat resembled how humans now appear."
The weight—the meaning—behind Javik's words made anything Shepard was about to say die in her throat. Garrus and Tali too became silent, the outline of Tali's eyes behind her cloudy mask wide. Javik seemed to realize what he had said a little too late, because he glanced at Shepard and then at some point to the left and down the hall with the subtlest hint of panic. "Your people were...much hairier back then," he finished, obviously speaking to Shepard, and Shepard supposed she could mark Make a Prothean Commander Feel Awkward down on her list of achievements. Despite the fact that Garrus had not spoken a word, he had a lightness in his eyes that told her just how much fun he was having with all of this.
"Well," Shepard said after a deep intake of breath. "That was very enlightening." She looked over at Javik, who had apparently made it his number one mission to avoid eye contact at all costs, and then at Tali, who was tapping the jaw of her mask curiously, as if to say You and I will be talking about this later. "Unfortunately, I have some preparations to make before the next mission."
"You still need to speak with Legion?" Tali asked, effectively switching the conversation to the kind of neutral territory that Shepard felt at ease in.
Shepard answered with a short, "Yep," and at the word, Javik stood and left. He didn't storm off so much as sulk, but it didn't miss the attention of either Garrus or Tali, who watched his back and waited for the sound of the elevator descending to speak.
"I think someone's embarrassed," Garrus drawled, resting his arms on the table.
Tali hummed and glanced slyly at Shepard. "Or maybe he just doesn't want Shepard going off alone with Legion."
"I won't be alone," Shepard corrected, crossing her arms and giving Tali a confused look. "EDI will be there. Javik's just uncomfortable about the fact that I trust AIs."
"Possibly." Tali turned to look at Garrus now. "But it seems like he's mostly worried about her."
"Definitely not a normal reaction from him," Garrus agreed, with only the barest hint of tightness in his tone. "I don't think he'd care that much if it were me or you going off alone with two AI."
"He might be happy to hear that, in your case," Tali teased.
"I've been watching myself around the airlocks lately."
"Maybe he's just jealous of you."
Shepard chose this moment to cut their conversation short. "You two gossip like old women," she laughed, shaking her head.
Tali shrugged and Garrus mirrored her, though after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, he fidgeted and started with a quiet, "Shepard..."
Tali glanced at him surreptitiously.
"You should go talk to him," he continued, but he sounded cowed, defeated, subvocals flaring and making his voice tinnier than usual. "He's worried."
Shepard shifted her weight, feeling suddenly awkward. "Everyone's worried. We have a big fight ahead of us."
"But he is especially worried, Commander," Tali contributed, the emphasis on "especially" telling in ways that Shepard didn't want to focus on.
Shepard avoided Garrus's gaze entirely as he spoke.
"I have an idea of what he's going through," he said in a quiet tone. "The worry, feeling like there's nothing you can do about it. It's not a nice way to spend a day."
Before Shepard could speak again, either to offer a rebuttal to what Garrus was insinuating—that Javik cared for her beyond her being his superior or his teammate, that he was concerned for her safety far more than he was for the other members of the crew—Legion pinged her omni-tool and sent her a veritable novel of a mission overview. She glanced down at the text for only a moment before giving Tali and Garrus an apologetic look that was met with two unreadable stares. She turned on her heel and walked toward the elevator, feeling their eyes on her back, knowing as soon as she left the room they'd be discussing her and Javik and whatever intricate details of their relationship that they were privy to.
She had never been happier to start arranging a mission pre-briefing.
"Shepard-Commander," Legion greeted as Shepard entered the war room. He and EDI waited for her there, leaning against the railings near the circular console in the center of the room. On the outside of this console, Tali, Garrus, Kaidan, Liara, James, and Javik stood waiting, knowing they would not be accompanying her on this mission but not wanting to miss out on any important information. Javik stood a bit apart from the group, closer to EDI and Legion than the others. He stared at Shepard as walked toward the group, crest heavy over four bright eyes.
Shepard smiled at Legion and EDI and then brought up her omni-tool, accessing Legion's mission overview. The text floated above her arm and she glanced around to make sure that everyone was in attendance. "This mission is going to be a little bit unorthodox. I haven't really ever done anything like this before. But I believe it's necessary to deactivate the remaining attacking geth planetside."
"We have calculated the risks and have determined that there is a .0000000322 repeating percent chance that you will suffer any injuries from integrating into the geth consensus."
"Essentially, you will not run into any trouble unless you create it for yourself," EDI clarified, looking to Legion and then back to Shepard. "However, I will be monitoring your vital signs while you and Legion work to destroy the malicious code. Should I encounter any abnormalities, I will alert Legion, who will immediately escort you to the 'exit,' so to speak."
How can you be sure that you will be able to return in time?
At the sound of Prothean being spoken, the words rolling over deep vibrations, all heads turned to Javik—EDI's and Legion's included. Javik stood unaffected by this, staring past all of the eyes on him and at Shepard. His lips were thin, his jaw tight, his entire posture coiled, as if he were waiting for a chink in the armor of their plan to pounce upon and dissect. It was quite obvious who his question was aimed at, and as Shepard opened her mouth to speak, the eyes turned slowly back to her. In her peripheral vision she caught sight of Garrus, his expression blank but his mandibles stiff and still against his face.
"Legion will ensure that I do," she said simply, quietly.
At the mention of his name, Legion cocked his head and passed his optic quickly over her form. After perhaps a moment of contemplation, he turned to Javik, raising his headflaps in a movement that looked suspiciously defensive. "You are understandably concerned for Shepard-Commander's safety," he offered, and at the slight shifting of Javik's posture, he lowered the flaps again so that they were tight against the rest of his frame. "We will be sure not to route unnecessary detours. We will be as close to the pod as possible at all times should Shepard-Commander need to return."
"You can have faith in what Legion says," EDI contributed, though it didn't seem to do much to assuage Javik. He averted his eyes from both AI and Shepard. The fact that he didn't further question the current plan of action came as a surprise to Shepard, who had at least expected him to continue arguing with her in Prothean. She felt a pleasant warmth blossom in her chest and spread up to her ears. He didn't agree with her, but he did not—would not—disrespect her in front of her crew. Not many months ago, he would have thrown insults at Legion and EDI and then questioned Shepard's leadership skills.
Thank you, she said gently in Prothean, and the only acknowledgment he gave her was his eyes darting to her feet and then back to whatever he had been staring a hole through. Curious gazes bombarded her from all sides, so she quickly moved on, distracting everyone away from the exchange and from her quiet prothean words.
The pre-briefing dragged for twenty arduous minutes, her own information punctuated with Legion's many facts and explanations. She saw her crewmates growing weary and wrapped it up with a nod and a smile to all, dismissing them on few words. "Get some sleep," she said as they began to dissipate and flood out of the room. "After this, we set our sights on Rannoch."
She loitered in the war room for several minutes more, obsessively scanning through Legion's report and worrying herself sick over what she was about to do. She wasn't exactly excited about it, but she would never say no; she trusted EDI and Legion's assurances, and besides that, the geth troops needed to be deactivated. Even the usual crew members that manned the war room were absent, having exited the room to accommodate the large gathering that had amassed. They had yet to return and probably would not for a while longer.
The silence was calming; refreshing. Machines still hummed and consoles still beeped, but there was no sign of organic life that she could tell. For the first time since she had woken up, she was truly alone. Shepard elected to tuck herself against a wall, partially hidden between two large consoles, and continued scrolling through the text Legion had sent her, picking it apart and analyzing each step—especially the parts regarding her targeting and removing the "infected" code. The entire process shouldn't take more than an hour, he said, and she would more than likely gain much greater insight into geth culture and history. That was something to look forward to, at least.
Without warning and with no small amount of displeasure, Shepard heard two sets of approaching footsteps and the clanking of armor. She stayed mostly hidden away, not finding it necessary to reveal herself, and was surprised to recognize Javik's heavy footsteps. That she could pick the sound of his footsteps out came as something of a shock to her, but she attributed it to his shoes; the sound of his padded feet against the cold steel of the Normandy's walkways was distinct.
"We are not at liberty to discuss such things with you," Legion said, his metallic voice filtering to Shepard from across the room. "Shepard-Commander must first provide approval."
"She would approve," Javik growled. "All I ask is for additional information that hasn't been previously given."
"We have no data available on this topic."
Shepard braced herself for an angry outburst, for perhaps Javik to insult Legion, but nothing of the sort came. Instead, there was a lengthy pause, in which neither Javik nor Legion moved. Finally, Legion spoke, but it was subdued, his tone slow and careful.
"We understand your concern for Shepard-Commander. We have only recently posited her interfacing with the geth after several days of consensus-building." He stopped, seemed to wait for Javik to respond, and then continued. "EDI will also be watching over her."
"The commander is not a child," Javik snapped. "She can handle herself. It's not her or her abilities I distrust, it's you." Shepard heard the soft sound of him pacing, his footsteps quiet now. "If harm comes to her—"
"We will accept accountability."
"And I will introduce you to the nearest airlock. Shepard is integral to defeating the Reapers." He stopped, and Shepard held her breath for fear of discovery now. She wasn't so much afraid of being caught accidentally eavesdropping as she was afraid of the embarrassment that would ensue. "Your cycle's chances of victory are pathetic as is. Without Shepard, your fates are sealed, just as my people's were."
"Understood," Legion chirped, and then after several moments of silence—in which Shepard could only assume that Javik nodded dismissively at the AI—Legion's even footsteps signaled that he had taken his leave.
Shepard waited patiently for Javik to follow suit, cramped into a position that was quickly becoming uncomfortable. He didn't leave, though. Instead, he spoke, deep and vibrating sounds of Prothean echoing off of the war room's walls.
I expect you to survive, Commander.
Shepard stilled. He knew. What had—
Your pheromones give you away. You are fearful.
Speaking with him, hearing him, when she couldn't see him and when he was not over the comm and overlayed by occasional chatter was unsettling. She clutched the arm with her still-activated omni-tool to her chest, staring at her feet, listening for any further words from him. She wasn't sure what to say. Of course she was afraid; there was no use denying it. Even if he couldn't smell her pheromones and what primal signal they gave, it was still obvious that she was apprehensive about the upcoming mission. Despite Legion and EDI's near-promises of safety, the thought of entering the geth consensus was terrifying-perhaps more terrifying than infiltrating the geth dreadnought. She would almost rather face the Reaper on Tuchanka again.
"You shouldn't have been saying those things to Legion," was all she could manage. "You shouldn't undermine me."
Her response drew a brief but pregnant silence between them. "My threats are not idle." Though he was only just out of eyeshot, he did not approach her, did not make any movement to put her in his field of vision. He seemed perfectly content with talking to her like this—with interacting with just her voice. It almost seemed to create a buffer, allowing his thoughts and emotions easier passage from his mind to hastily formed sentences. "He accepted accountability should you become injured. Protheans do not take responsibility lightly."
"Legion is not my keeper, whether in this world or a virtual one. And I believe it was you who said I can handle myself."
Nothing. Not a word of disagreement. Not a sound of disapproval. Presently, when Shepard almost couldn't bear the silence anymore, Javik left, his padded feet making trailing echoes as he exited the quiet war room.