Love from jealousy – part 10

By Fishiexy

Kyle's thoughts in italics

Lori hurried down the stairs and slipped into her seat just as Nicole was serving.

'Scully! You're late! Where's Mulder? Mom wouldn't let us start without everyone at the table.' Josh grumbled.

Lori rolled her eyes at him. Her brother was totally pathetic! If she wasn't so flustered she would have made some scathing retort, but at the moment she didn't trust herself to speak.

'Lori! Where's Kyle? He went up to get you ages ago!' Nicole asked irritated as the meal was getting cold.

'I don't know. He was right behind me…'

She shrugged carelessly and poured herself a glass of water trying to calm down.

'Here comes Mulder now!' Josh said flippantly.

Four pairs of eyes stared at Kyle hesitantly entering the dining room. He paused momentarily just under the archway looking anxiously at Lori before moving once more towards his place and sitting down.

'Oh! I know that look! Man! What have you done?' Josh asked him in mock horror as though he was going to be in big trouble.

Nicole didn't think it was possible for Kyle to look any more upset until she heard Josh speak.

'Josh, he didn't do anything.' Lori said.

'How do you know what he did or didn't do unless you were with him?'

'I was with him you idiot! We were talking upstairs in my room!'

'Well if it wasn't something he did, maybe it was something he said?'

Josh smirked, knowing that he was winding Lori up.

'For God's sake, Josh, he didn't say anything!'

'He must have said something, because you guys were 'talking'!'

'Josh!' Lori shouted and slammed her glass down on the table.

Kyle jumped at her angry outburst and glanced at her fearfully.

'Lori!' Nicole warned her.

'Well just tell him to shut up!' Lori said annoyed.

'Cool it, Josh!' Stephen told him seeing how riled Lori was getting.

'Look! All I'm saying is that Kyle was fine ten minutes ago when he went to get you for dinner…' Josh reasoned helping himself to some food.

'And now he looks like someone just killed his pet hamster!'

Nicole looked over at Kyle and waited for the customary wrinkling of his brow as he tried to make sense of Josh's statement. But it never materialized. She frowned herself. It was testament to just how upset Kyle must be that he hadn't even bothered to question something that he didn't understand. And he hadn't touched his food either…

'Kyle? Are you ok?' Nicole asked him, concerned.

He dragged his gaze away from Lori to look at Nicole.

'Yes…' He whispered miserably, his Adam's apple bobbing noticeably as he swallowed, his eyes overly shiny and bright.

Nicole frowned again. Who was he trying to kid? He didn't even come close to being ok. In fact it looked as though he was going to lose it any minute now.

'Look nothing happened upstairs, ok?' Lori turned to her brother angrily.

'Which means that something must have happened since you brought the subject up and then denied that it ever occurred!' Josh shouted triumphantly.

'No, I didn't! What are you talking about?'

'Come on, 'fess up! What happened between you two upstairs?' Josh said grinning.

Nicole looked first at Kyle's troubled and worried face and then at Lori, whose skin had flushed a delicate shade of pink. Had something happened upstairs between them as Josh was suggesting? Because yesterday she couldn't keep her hands off Kyle whereas now she seemed so uncomfortable and embarrassed that she could hardly look at him at all…

'God! How many times do I have to say it? Nothing. Happened!'

'Hmm…' Josh steepled his fingers together and looked upwards as if concentrating on something deep and meaningful but then raised his eyebrows at Lori.

'I don't believe you!'

'And I don't give a shit!'

'Me thinks that the lady doth protest too much!' He said mischievously.

'Well the lady thinks that you're an asshole!'

'Guys! Give it a rest! Your mother's gone to a lot of trouble so let's just have a nice dinner together ok?' Stephen said giving warning glares to both his kids.

But Josh was on a roll and wasn't going to give up his advantage in the 'baiting Lori stakes'.

'Come on, what was it? Did Kyle move your soft toys or rearrange all your CD's or rifle through your underwear drawer? Or did he tell you the truth about how you really look? You know how he hates to lie! Or maybe now that Declan's not around, you needed to get rid of some sexual tension and so used Kyle for…'

Lori snapped.

'Just shut the fuck up!' She shouted furiously.

'Lori!' Nicole said shocked at her daughter's outburst.

'Lori, that's enough!' Stephen told her.

'I don't like you swearing at the best of times but I won't have it at the dinner table!' Nicole said.

'What's the matter with you? You've been in a mood ever since you came downstairs?' Stephen asked her.

'For Christ's sake! Nothing's the matter and nothing happened!' Lori replied angrily.

'Lori!' Nicole and Stephen said almost simultaneously.

'Lori?' Kyle interrupted in a small voice.

It was all getting too much for her. Why couldn't everyone just leave her alone? She turned on him.

'What?' She shouted maliciously.

Kyle recoiled as though he had been slapped. There was silence around the table as everyone looked on horrified at his shocked expression, caused by her harsh and unforgiving tone.

Lori was breathing heavily, trying to get her emotions under control. She looked at Kyle's distraught face and knew she had gone too far. But by now she also knew how Kyle's mind worked and that he was going to need an explanation because otherwise he would think that her behaviour was all down to something that he had done, when really it had nothing to do with him at all. Which meant that he was going to take the blame and apologize, therefore giving credibility to Josh's argument about something happening upstairs.

He opened his mouth to speak. 'Don't say it!' She willed him, but for once Kyle's supposed mind reading skills failed him.

'I'm…'

'Kyle!' She said sharply, a warning in her eyes for him not to say any more.

Lori had been getting more and more worked up as Josh's teasing, however unintentional, grew closer to the truth about what had taken place upstairs. She didn't normally let it bother her but today she just felt so embarrassed about everything that had happened. It was one thing to fantasize about being with someone, to think about him almost non-stop, but it was another thing altogether just to give in to her body's desires and actually touch him with no thought whatsoever about whether or not he wanted it and the consequences of her actions.

And then she had lost her cool when Josh suggested that she had done something inappropriate to Kyle, which she most definitely had, because she had kissed him. But it was more like she was angry and shouting at herself than Josh. Well of course she was shouting at Josh too, because he deserved to be shouted at every day whether he'd said something annoying or not! But Kyle was different. You didn't shout at Kyle because he didn't deserve it. It was like kicking a puppy. And the hurt and disbelief in his eyes! Despite his phenomenal IQ, he just didn't understand these things.

And not content with nearly molesting him and then pushing him away so brutally when he had no idea what was happening to him, she went and yelled at him as though he really had done something wrong, like all this was his fault. Oh, God!

She watched his eyes well up with tears as he sat there frozen to the spot just looking at her, pain and confusion etched once more on his beautiful face. How could she be so thoughtless and insensitive and mean to him? Kyle, who was the sweetest, most caring, considerate and loving person she had ever known and here she was treating him like shit, not once, but twice in quick succession. She felt dreadful!

I watched Lori get more and more upset as she repeatedly told her family that nothing had happened upstairs. I couldn't understand why she was lying. She had kissed me and it was wonderful and she had seemed to like it as well, so why had she run away from me? What had I done to make her so distressed?

Then Josh started being Josh and normally Lori just ignores him but today because she was already upset with me she didn't and then she swore at him and that made both Stephen and Nicole very angry. I didn't know what it was I had done to upset Lori but now, because of me her whole family was cross with her. I just wanted to tell her that I was sorry. But when I tried she was so angry and she shouted at me and I could see the warning in her face along with worry and anxiety. She was scared about what I was going to say so I just stopped. I didn't know what else to do.

Lori looked at Kyle in fascinated horror as his beautiful expressive eyes already shimmering in tears overflowed, while all the time he just stared at her, his face full of anguish and misery. She couldn't bear it. She couldn't bear to see him suffer like this all because of her.

She suddenly didn't care what her family thought about her and any relationship she may or may not have with Kyle, she just had to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he hadn't done anything wrong and that she was sorry…

'Kyle…' She started, but Nicole beat her to it.

'Kyle, it's ok, Lori's just a bit upset…' She said rubbing his shoulder soothingly and giving Lori that look. The one which said 'you're so insensitive and you've really hurt Kyle's feelings'.

He sniffed and batted away the tears with the backs of his hands. And suddenly Lori's anger returned with a vengeance. She was trying to apologize and make things right between them yet her mother was the one comforting Kyle when it should have been her. She should be the one stroking his hair and rubbing his arm and telling him it wasn't his fault. She should be on her knees at his feet looking up into those glimmering eyes, wiping away his tears with her thumbs, begging him for forgiveness, and telling him that the reason she had left him was because she was scared. Scared at what might have happened between them. Scared that once she had started, she wouldn't have been able to stop…

'God! You're such a bitch these days! You made Kyle cry…' Josh said and for the first time in his life, really meaning it.

And for once Lori agreed with him, but she certainly wasn't going to say so, not when she was angry and Kyle was hurting and she couldn't do anything about it here. She turned to Josh.

'Well you've always been an asshole…' She fired back angrily.

'It's no wonder that Declan dumped you, I'm just surprised that he didn't do it sooner!'

'Josh!' Nicole said shocked at his insensitivity.

And it was starting all over again. There was a dull ache behind my eyes that seemed to be getting stronger the more they argued. Soon it became a sharp and stabbing pain and I began to feel dizzy. I could sense the tension and worry and anger emanating from everyone in the room all because of me. I knew I had to end this soon before I passed out from the pain.

'Stop!' Kyle said softly.

'His loss, because he's an asshole too: An uncommunicative, moody, arrogant, lying asshole.'

Lori's voice rose in volume until she was shouting angrily at Josh. Or was she really shouting at Declan, a little voice inside her head piped up, or even at herself?

'Lori! What on Earth has got in to you tonight?' Stephen asked both puzzled and worried.

'Not Declan that's for sure!' Josh said snidely.

And that was it!

'Fuck you!'

'Please stop!' Kyle whispered, hands pressed to his head, eyes screwed up in pain.

'Bitch!'

'Bastard!'

A blinding flash of pain seared into my consciousness, my vision blurred and became dark around the edges. I tried to stand up but my limbs were so heavy and then I felt myself falling…

Nicole watched in horror as Kyle toppled sideways off his chair and landed in an ungainly heap on the floor. She was by his side in an instant followed a few seconds later by the rest of the family.

'Kyle! Are you ok?' She asked, gently shaking his shoulder.

There was no response. She bent down and placed her head next to his and made sure that he was still breathing then checked his pulse and pupils.

'He's not dead is he?' Josh asked fearfully.

'No!' Nicole replied sharply, as if anyone could even think such a thing! 'But he is unconscious.'

'Why? What happened?' Stephen asked her.

'I don't know. He just seemed to collapse.'

'He looks so pale. Is he going to be alright?' Lori asked tearfully. She couldn't bear it if something happened to him.

And then he groaned, brought his hands up to his head and curled up into a ball, whimpering softly.

'Kyle can you hear me?' Nicole said stroking the side of his face.

I awoke to find four pairs of eyes staring at me. They all looked very worried. Then Nicole suddenly smiled.

'He's awake!' She said sounding relieved.

'What happened to you dude?' Josh asked.

'Are you alright?' Stephen asked.

'Kyle?' Lori said in a small voice.

I looked slowly around the room. Everything seemed to have been rotated by 90 degrees.

'Why am I lying on the floor?' I asked.

'You passed out.' Nicole told me.

I remembered feeling dizzy and my vision becoming dark and blurred.

'How long was I unconscious for?'

'Only a couple of minutes.' Stephen informed me.

'You gave us quite a scare. Do you think you can get up now?' Nicole asked.

I thought back to sitting at the dinner table where the whole family had been arguing. Lori had been so angry. I had tried to make them stop but the pain in my head had become too great. I looked up at Lori's face. She didn't look angry now. She looked like she had been crying. I didn't want her to be sad and upset because of me. Yet I couldn't say anything to her here in front of her family as during dinner she had made it perfectly clear that she didn't want me to speak.

'I'm sorry!' I told her, my voice breaking.

It was what I had wanted to say earlier and I hoped that she would understand. I still wanted to say so much more but I didn't want to make things any worse between us.

'That's ok, Kyle, we're just glad that you're alright.' Nicole said and helped him to sit up.

But he clearly wasn't alright. In fact he looked so upset she thought for a moment that he might start to cry again. And apparently Lori must have thought the same thing because she sighed, walked over to where he was sitting, legs splayed out in front of him, bent down and touched him on the shoulder. He looked up at her hesitantly, almost fearfully, Nicole thought.

'You haven't done anything wrong, Kyle.' She said gently, staring at him.

And whatever veiled message she was giving him, he understood because the corners of his mouth slowly turned up in a tentative and hesitant smile.

'I didn't do anything wrong.' He repeated, with relief.

Warning bells the size of 'Big Ben' were going off in Nicole's head. She glanced up anxiously to see Stephen looking tight-lipped at her, a worried frown across his face. Evidently she wasn't the only one who thought something was going on between Lori and Kyle.

The pain in my head had disappeared and I felt normal again. I tried to get up off the floor but Nicole insisted on taking me to my room to lie down. She said that healthy 17 year old boys didn't just pass out for no reason and that I should 'take it easy and get an early night'. She was clearly very upset and was hovering and fussing over me and I think she would have undressed me and put me into bed if I hadn't insisted that I was alright now. She did however pull the covers up over me and kiss me goodnight before leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Since Lori had told me that I had done nothing wrong it seemed that she had somehow given my mind permission to finally start to process the events of this evening and try and understand all the feelings and emotions that I had been experiencing.

From the safety and security of my bathtub, I could now begin to analyze Lori's reasons for behaving as she did. When I first entered her room and before she kissed me she had been brooding and appeared contemplative as if she was trying to work something out or understand something herself. But then I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was thinking about how much I had changed, but somehow I didn't think she was telling me the whole truth.

Her mood then changed again as she recalled the strange and naïve things I had done when I had first come to live with her family. She smiled and seemed to remember my odd antics with fondness. But then she just stared at me as if seeing me almost for the first time, as if she finally understood something and I saw the longing and desire in her eyes.

My mind suddenly jumped forward to the awful situation at the dinner table and how angry and almost uncontrollable Lori had become especially when Josh had mentioned Declan. She had said that it was over between them but that had been Declan's wish and not Lori's and I often caught her staring at him when we were in class as though she still had feelings for him. Could it be possible that I was just a substitute for him? That she had thought that she was kissing Declan? It would certainly explain why she looked at me in such horror when Nicole interrupted us and she realized that she was kissing the wrong boy.

And then there was the kiss itself: the look of desperate longing and need on Lori's face, that made me feel that at that moment in time I was the most important person in her life, the slow, inexorable movement of her head towards me, I couldn't have stopped it if I had wanted to because in fact I could hardly breathe, let alone speak, the soft, gentle touch of her lips across mine, and the way it made my body feel.

And even the memory of that amazing event made my body respond again just as it had less than an hour ago. I felt that familiar deep pressure in my pelvis, felt the blood surging into my groin, felt that tingle that signified that I was becoming aroused. I shifted in my tub trying to get into a more comfortable position, trying to relieve the insistent pressure of my penis against my pants that suddenly felt far too tight.

But the feeling of that pressure combined with image of Lori's face and the memory of the sensation of her lips on mine was remarkable. Having an erection before, even when it happened when I was alone made me feel faintly embarrassed and my body always seemed overly sensitive so much so that it was almost painful to touch. But now, being touched was the thing foremost on my mind.